Chapter 2
It was 9.30 a.m. and Jolene was alone in a small room, wearing headphones and staring at a screen on the first day of her new job as a graduate trainee working for Bermondsey Council. This did not bode well. She’d been so excited before she left home. She’d changed her outfit several times whilst trying to get advice via a Zoom call from her uni friends scattered all over the country. Not that they were much help. Dress-code conformity was not their strong point, particularly in the workplace. A group of outliers, they had bonded over their shared loathing of school, where, without exception, they had been bullied and harassed for not conforming to the views of the dominant tribe of skinny, blonde, short-skirted, spray-tanned, contoured-up-to-their-eyeballs girls that seemed to rule every school in the country. Jolene, with her lumpy figure, her pink plaited hair and her colour-clashing, Disney-sprinkled wardrobe, had never been more delighted to find an abundance of men and women like her, when she’d got to uni. She had found her tribe … finally, and it had been heartbreaking to leave them when she graduated. But there they all were, at the other end of the Zoom call that morning, and had approved her choice of a ‘discreet’ red and green shirt with the tiniest of Mickey Mouse silhouettes wearing a Christmas hat. It was 1 December, after all, and Disney and Christmas were Jolene’s two favourite things.
Her mum had shown some slight concern over her chosen outfit as she waved goodbye from their South Croydon home in the depths of outer London. She’d looked her up and down as she often did at the sight of Jolene leaving the house.
‘Just try and remember to not be too much,’ her mother said.
‘Too much of what?’ replied Jolene.
‘Just too much. You know what I mean. Be yourself, but maybe operate at fifty per cent for the first few days – just whilst they get used to you.’
‘Sure,’ nodded Jolene. She wasn’t really sure what her mum meant. All she knew was she was so excited to meet who she was going to be working with and get to know them and be part of a team. So very, very excited!
And yet here she was in the office, on day one, commencing learning about the health and safety practices of Bermondsey Council in a tiny office on her own, not a soul to be seen.
Kevin had whisked her through the HR Department where a smattering of pallid-looking employees raised their heads and scanned her up and down, much as her mother had done on the doorstep. He’d said they’d use his boss’s office to get some peace and quiet, but the main office was as quiet as a graveyard so she really didn’t think it was necessary.
‘Where is everybody?’ she’d asked, when Kevin arrived back with a coffee in a plastic cup, having left her alone for at least ten minutes staring at the walls.
‘Oh, a lot of people work from home on a Friday. You know, since Covid.’
She didn’t know. Why would anyone in their right mind choose to work from home? Alone.
‘I just bumped into your new boss, actually,’ he continued. ‘They’re not quite ready for you yet so I’ll take you through the welcome pack, then you can sit and do the health and safety video.’
Not quite ready, thought Jolene. That sounded hopeful. Maybe they were organising a welcome committee. She glanced out at the dormant HR office. Accounts was bound to be livelier than this. More up for it. She bet any money they were just putting the finishing touches to the Christmas decorations in the office. Unlike HR, who didn’t seem to have started yet.
By 10.15 a.m. Jolene was sitting in the corner of the Accounts Department, wearing headphones and staring at a screen, having been told to study the council website. As if she hadn’t fully researched that in preparation for her extensive interview some weeks ago. Kevin had delivered her to the department where she was supposed to meet her new boss, Diane, except she wasn’t there, and apparently someone called Jerry was supposed to look after her, but he wasn’t there either, so she had been left with someone called Yang, who looked like he was in his early thirties and had a lovely bright yellow checked shirt on.
‘I’m Yang,’ he said. ‘Sorry, everyone else is out at the moment. Jerry said to tell you to familiarise yourself with the council website if he wasn’t back, but he won’t be long. He just got called in to see the mayor about Christmas or something. Anyway, take a seat. Can I get you a drink?’
Jolene shook her head. The coffee from the machine had been really bad. She couldn’t face that again. She slowly put on the headphones that Yang had indicated, which could have been handcuffs as she was again confined to a world where only she existed in front of a screen. She’d sat there for five minutes, which gave her time to take in the dismally dull surroundings: again, no Christmas decorations to be seen, not even an Advent calendar. Jerry had eventually arrived back full of apologies, saying he’d been summoned to the mayor’s office. Jolene said that sounded exciting and Jerry said it was about as exciting as the fifth movie in any film franchise. That cheered Jolene up. She thought that was really funny, although perhaps she’d laughed too hard. Yang took off his headphones and asked what was the joke and she told him, and he’d raised his eyebrows as if to say it was a typical Jerry joke. He then said, ‘I like your shirt,’ nodding at Mickey Mouse in his Santa hat in repeat on her green shirt. She was glad to have his approval as it seemed no one else was making any kind of festive efforts. Jerry then explained that they weren’t aware that she was joining the department until that morning, which was why she was sitting at Barney’s desk and researching the council website until they got organised. Barney’s chair was very low and Jolene deduced he must be a short older man, given the height of the chair and framed photograph of an old woman eating an ice cream taking pride of place on his desk.
After Jolene’s twenty minutes of further study of the pest-control section of the website, which she thought might come in handy at some point, a woman came bustling through the door, red in the face, unfolding a scarf from around her neck.
‘Sorry I’m late,’ she gasped.
Jolene took her headphones off, hopeful that the woman might talk to her. She was youngish, maybe late twenties. She was pretty, with dark straight hair, but she didn’t make the most of it. She wore a short skirt and opaque tights with knee-high boots and a pink cardigan over a white T-shirt. She looked extremely harassed and stressed. Yang took off his headphones and looked at her, concerned.
‘Everything all right?’ he asked.
‘Where do I start?’ said the woman. ‘Apparently Grace needed to take her Nativity costume in today, only she didn’t tell me, did she? What does she think I am? A mind reader? She’s not even told me what she is, so I had to wing it and take in a pillowcase and a tea towel and pray she was a shepherd.’
‘Poor shepherds,’ said Jerry, shaking his head. ‘By far the worst costume of all the Nativity characters. Imagine a sack, and a tea towel over your head? My worst nightmare.’
‘She isn’t a shepherd, she’s a donkey,’ said the woman.
‘I take it back,’ replied Jerry. ‘Grey fur – too hot and would wash any complexion out.’
‘Oh, hello,’ said the woman, suddenly noticing Jolene.
‘I’m Jolene,’ said Jolene, getting up and offering her hand.
‘Hello, Jolene. I’m Stacey,’ replied the woman.
‘It’s an HR screw-up,’ explained Jerry. ‘Jolene is our new graduate trainee. We only found out this morning.’
‘What!’ said Stacey, spinning round to face Jerry. ‘Are you serious? Really? Graduate trainee? They’re going to get me to train her up and then sack me, aren’t they? I can see it happening now. Just because I don’t have a degree. I’ll be first out. I just know it. This is all I need. I’ll be gone by Christmas!’
Jolene watched as Stacey sat down at her desk and put her head in her hands.
‘Don’t be silly,’ Yang said to Stacey gently. ‘They won’t get rid of you. It’ll be fine.’ He put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
‘It’s all right for you to say,’ she said, turning to him. ‘You’ve got a degree, and you’ve passed all those accounting exams. I’m always going to be first one out when push comes to shove.’
‘I haven’t passed any accounting exams,’ said Jolene. ‘I’m sure I’m not here to push you out of a job. That’s not how it works, is it?’
Stacey looked at her as her shoulders drooped. ‘Is this your first job?’ she asked.
Jolene nodded.
‘It’s exactly how it works. You’ll see. Is that Mickey Mouse in a Santa hat on your top?’ Stacey asked.
‘Er, yes,’ Jolene replied. ‘I thought, seeing as Christmas is coming, it would be all right to wear it.’
‘Christmas is coming!’ said Stacey, wide eyed.
‘Yes,’ said Jolene. ‘It’s 1 December.’ She looked around, feeling slightly bewildered. ‘Did you open your Advent calendar this morning?’
‘Er, no. I don’t have an Advent calendar,’ said Stacey. ‘I don’t want to be reminded with a sickly sweet, low-quality chocolate-shaped bauble every single morning that it’s Christmas.’
‘But,’ said Jolene, confused, ‘Christmas is great. I love Christmas.’
Stacey stared at her as though she had landed from the North Pole. ‘Lucky you,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I’m very happy that it brings you such joy.’
‘Doesn’t it bring you joy?’
‘No.’
‘How come?’ Jolene had never met anyone before who didn’t like Christmas.
‘Where do I start with how bad Christmas is for my life?’ said Stacey, with a sigh, leaning back in her chair. ‘Sorry, what was your name again?’
‘Jolene.’
‘Jolene?’
‘Jolene.’
‘Joleeeeeeeene,’ sang out Jerry, unable to help himself.
Jolene grinned at Jerry. She liked it when people did that. It was like having a personal jingle.
‘Jolene,’ said Stacey, ‘I’m a single mum to a seven-year-old daughter, so really Christmas just equals disappointment. My daughter will be disappointed because I can’t afford the presents she really wants. Then she’ll be disappointed that yet again I can’t afford a real tree, because she longs to smell a Christmas tree in our house. Then there’s a whole world of disappointment to come from her shitbag father. She will sit by the window of our flat on Christmas Eve hoping to see her father arrive, even though he never has before. Then there will be the absolutely hideous Christmas lunch at my mum’s, when I’ll take all the food round because she’ll be too drunk to cook, she’ll ask me for money the moment I get through the door, whilst my two waster brothers sit on the sofa doing sod all except smoke dope. Now tell me why I should look forward to Christmas,’ Stacey asked Jolene. ‘Christmas, the most stressful, most depressing time of year that ever existed.’
Jolene stared at Stacey. She didn’t know what to say. How awful that Christmas could bring despair like this.
‘I’m so sorry for your loss of Christmas,’ said Jolene, startled.
Stacey stared back at her again as though she had grown reindeer antlers. Her phone suddenly started to buzz in her hand. ‘Bloody hell, it’s the school. What’s she done now? I only left her half an hour ago.’ She pressed a button on her phone and held it to her ear.
‘Hello, Stacey Bentley speaking.’
She went quiet and listened. First nodding and then shaking her head. Then she sighed.
‘I can’t leave work now. I’ve only just got in. And I don’t have a donkey tail to hand, despite what she might have told you, so just tell her she needs to improvise … Did she now?’ Stacey reached down, picked a large tote bag up off the floor and looked inside. She pulled out a lunch box with Barbie on it. ‘I’ll pop it over now,’ she sighed. She ended the call.
‘The little minx put her lunch in my bag so I’d have to go back.’ Stacey shook her head, looking defeated. ‘I’ll be half an hour,’ she said to Jerry. ‘I’ll work later one day next week and put Grace into After School Club.’
Jerry nodded. ‘Just so you know, the team meeting has been shifted to Monday, and don’t forget that Christmas is on the agenda.’
‘Brilliant!’ said Stacey. ‘Just to add insult to injury. Cannot wait!’ She grabbed her coat and scarf.
Jolene watched her leave. All she could think about was how someone could possibly hate Christmas that much.
‘You’ll be attending the team meeting too,’ Jerry told Jolene.
‘Oh, great. What happens in those?’ she asked.
‘We talk about department budgets, mainly. It’ll go over your head for a bit, but you’ll get into it.’
‘And Christmas?’ asked Jolene. ‘You mentioned Christmas?’
‘Well, it is that time of year,’ he replied.
‘I could have a think about Christmas, if that would be helpful?’ she offered.
Jerry looked at her puzzled, as though he couldn’t understand why she was showing any enthusiasm.
‘If you like,’ said Jerry. ‘Sure. Look, I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to go to another meeting. Ask Yang about Christmas. He’ll fill you in.’
Yang had put his headphones back on the minute Stacey had left the room. She wondered what he was listening to. Maybe it was Christmas music.
She gave him a half-wave, hoping to get his attention. She didn’t. She got up and waved her hand in front of his screen. He jumped and then removed his headphones.
‘Can I help you?’ he asked politely.
‘Jerry said I could ask you about Christmas.’
‘What about Christmas? I mean, I don’t actually celebrate Christmas. You know, being Chinese and all that.’
‘Oh, right, yes of course. Of course. Sorry. Must be so weird having it all around you and not taking part. Do you feel left out?’
‘No, not really,’ said Yang. ‘We do our own thing on Christmas Day.’
‘Oh, what’s that then? If you don’t mind me asking.’
‘Well, typically we eat Chinese food. My mum and dad have a restaurant in China Town so we tend to go there.’
‘How cool. Do you have crackers?’
‘Er, no. Just fortune cookies.’
Jolene nodded. ‘Bit like crackers, I guess.’
‘I suppose.’
‘Well, you pull them apart and they have something written inside. No toy, though.’
‘Or paper hat. Or snapper,’ said Yang. ‘Look, I’ve got to get this spreadsheet checked by lunchtime, sorry.’
‘Oh God, yes, sorry. So you can’t tell me about Christmas then?’
‘No, sorry. Sorry.’ He put his headphones back on.
Never mind, thought Jolene. She could think about Christmas all by herself, no problem. She went back to her seat. Maybe she could even change Stacey’s low opinion of it. Had to be worth a shot. She scrolled her mouse across the screen, clicked off the council website, found PowerPoint and opened up a blank sheet. Things were looking up. Her first day and she was being paid to think about Christmas.