Chapter 4
Ever the hero
Paddy
She looks at me like a deer caught in headlights.
“Morgan,” I say her name again, my heart skipping a beat.
Her head swings to the dark lane behind her, then back to me. I’m guessing I’m the lesser of the two evils.
“Hey, it’s okay. What are you doing out here?”
Danny mutters something behind me, which I don’t quite catch.
“Morgan?” I take a step closer to her when her big, ice-blue eyes widen. She looks frightened. “Are you okay?” I look down spotting the puppy in her arms. “Kevin?” I’m hotfooting it towards her without another thought. “You found him?”
Morgan’s breath catches like it always used to whenever we were standing this close. It wasn’t often, but I never missed the way she looked at me. Like breathing was impossible. It was always a rush of validation for me. Deep. Electric.
I’d allow more of a moment to take her in if it wasn’t for the fact she’s holding the runaway.
“Kevin?” Her voice is quiet. Rigid but gentle.
Taking my family’s new addition into my arms, both of us freeze when our fingers brush together in a slightly awkward passing over of the puppy. “Mum’s new pet,” I tell her quickly, feeling every unspoken emotion still drifting on my skin. “She just called to say he got out.”
Morgan tucks her hands into the sleeves of her jacket. “He was cold.” She looks away from me, her eyes soft when she looks down at Kevin. Clearly she’s concerned for him.
I swallow the lump in my throat and ruffle behind his ears, hooking him under my arm. “He feels toasty now. Where’d you find him?”
“All the way out by Rogan’s.” Her head dips. “I carried him.” I watch as she looks towards my parents’ place before looking over my shoulder. “Anyway, I’m glad he’s okay. We should get going.”
It takes me a beat before I’m registering Danny and our other buddy, Jake, snickering to themselves like a bunch of girls. I look their way, and Danny gazes at me, eyes wide like he wants to get going.
“Hi, Morgan,” he says, raising a hand.
Morgan smiles but doesn’t say anything.
I take a step towards him before I look back at Morgan, my heart slamming behind my ribs. “Wait here.” I give her a warm smile before I take a few strides to my old friends. Mum’s urgent call to go looking for Kevin cut our night down the pub short.
“Problem?” I ask them. They look at me like I’ve got a screw loose.
“What are you doing?” Danny asks me quite seriously.
I look at Kevin, lifting his head towards Danny. “Taking this nuisance home. What does it look like?”
He and Jake exchange a look. “Is she alright?” He tips his chin towards Morgan.
I don’t bother looking at her. “Why wouldn’t she be?
” My hackles unexpectedly rise faster than a bat out of hell.
But I shouldn’t be surprised. I was always the one who used to come to her or Fi’s defence if ever the girls needed me.
My arsehole mate doesn’t have a younger sister, so he wouldn’t understand.
Danny grins. “Calm down, lad. I never see her out. That’s all.”
I look at her then. “She found Kevin.”
Morgan tucks her hands into her sleeves.
“I’m going to put the little shit inside, then I’ll make sure she gets home. I’ll catch up with you idiots tomorrow.”
Again, another look between them, and I feel like we’re back to being fifteen. “Unless you want me to walk both of you home first?”
Danny sighs, resigned. “Ever the hero.”
I’d laugh if I thought it was funny. “It’s late.” I suck in a breath, wanting to get back to Morgan.
Jake steps closer, holding out his hand for me to take. “I’m heading back to the city tomorrow afternoon, but I’ll message you later.”
I clasp his hand tightly. “Alright.”
“And have a think about joining us for a kickabout,” Danny says. “Going to need every player we can get, seeing as this prick won’t play.” He hoicks a thumb at Jake.
My lips curl up. “I will.”
Jake nods, and they both turn.
Armed with the missing puppy, I make my way back to Morgan. “Come on.” I smile and urge her to follow. “Mum will want to thank you in person.”
Her mouth pops open, but no words come out. It makes my cheeks pull higher on my face.
Once at the door, I find it ajar, a sight that immediately makes me weary. Pops must still be out looking for Kevin. I walk in cautiously, wondering what state I’m going to find Mum in. She was distraught thinking Kevin might not be found.
Morgan is close behind, unaware of my suddenly tight muscles and pricked up ears.
I find Mum on the phone, twirling the cord around her fingers as she listens.
She sees me, then looks to Morgan. “He’s here,” she whispers, nodding her head before she hangs up.
“Oh, Patrick, you found him.” She quickly makes her way over, snatching the wriggling shit from my arms. Her manicured fingers cradle Kevin, her perfectly coloured lips showering him with kisses as he squirms to get free.
“Not me.”
She pauses her worshiping to look at Morgan, before she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Oh, my girl.” Mum’s arm swings open for her. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Morgan has no choice but to embrace my mother, which she takes well, considering how uncomfortable she looks.
Mum is none the wiser as she rubs a hand on Morgan’s back before letting her breathe. “You are such a naughty boy.” She chastises the dog like he’s her child.
I roll my eyes and when I catch Morgan’s gaze, her lips twitch, her expression softening from what it was moments ago.
“Morgan said he made it all the way to the Rogan’s.”
Mum’s sharp intake of air is dramatic.
Fi walks into the room at that exact moment, making my head turn. “Hey, you found him.” She strokes the top of Kevin’s head. “Everyone’s been looking for you.” She then looks Morgan’s way. “Missed you earlier.” Closing the distance between the two of them, Fi gives Morgan a hug.
“Yeah, sorry.” Morgan steps back once Fi lets her go. “Ended up having a quiet one. Which reminds me, I really should be getting back. I only popped out for dessert; my parents will be wondering where we are.”
Fi gives her a friendly smile.
Mum coughs like she always does when she has something to say. “Patrick, make sure Morgan gets home safely.” Her eyes fix on me.
I had every intention of making sure Morgan got home before Mum started throwing daggers. Seriously, I wonder why I missed this.
“I was going to.”
Fi walks past with a teasing grin, so I stick out my foot, making her trip and miss a step.
My mum shakes her head at us.
Hearing my phone ring, I pull it out of my pocket, seeing Tom’s name flash across the screen, a knot instantly forming in my stomach. “Give me a minute,” I say to no one in particular, making my escape. “T,” I answer, as I close the door to the kitchen behind me.
“Jesus, I thought you were never going to call me back.”
“Trust me, I thought about it.”
There’s a pause. “You good?” He sounds concerned.
I can’t tell if my work colleague turned boss has been asked to call me, or if he genuinely cares. “What do you think?”
“I think you haven’t been yourself since the accident. I’m just calling to make sure you’re okay. We’re all worried about you.”
The sound of crunching metal torments my thoughts. “Nobody needs to worry.” Guilt and shame swirl inside of me.
“You saying that makes me worry more.”
“Why?”
“Because what happened wasn’t your fault.”
My free hand balls into a fist, pressing against my forehead. All my muscles tense, feeling the jolt the car took when it went into the tree.
I’ve heard that line a thousand times now. Still, it doesn’t change anything. Two little girls don’t have their daddy coming home at night. I’ll always be responsible for that.
Eyes closed tight, my mouth turns dry, and I try my hardest to swallow back my tears.
“Paddy?”
Hanging up on him is easier than forming words, so that’s what I do.
Slipping my phone into my pocket, I turn, hearing my mum and Fi talking on the other side of the door. I press my forehead to the wood, wondering why my life got so fucking complicated.
I’m swimming with the sharks, desperately treading water. My body aches from the guilt, and my bones are hollow from the aftermath.
Grief. It’s the real silent killer.
Managing to compose myself seconds before I hear the handle on the door twisting, I plaster my face with a smile.
Mum looks me up and down, and I can tell she knows I’m not okay. I haven’t told her what went down because I’m worried if I express my pain, she’ll carry that weight like it’s her burden to bear. It’s not. “Morgan’s ready to go home,” she announces, still cradling Kevin in her arms.
“Okay.” I place a gentle kiss on the side of her head, then step past. When I look around the hallway, Morgan isn’t there. “Where is she?”
“She said she’d wait outside.”
Grabbing my keys, my steps are hurried as I leave the house and walk the short path out onto the track.
Morgan’s waiting for me. “Nice car,” she muses, looking down.
I look at the cow shit painted across the side of my BMW before swivelling my head at her. “That you trying to be funny?”
She grins, and I shove my hands in my pockets, admiring the way her face lights up all innocently. There’s a light-hearted chuckle and a little snort at the end, the sound alone like a kind of music I didn’t know I needed. “Seriously? A white car? You thought that was a good idea?”
I huff out my laugh. “It doesn’t get covered in cow shit driving around London.”
“That must be nice.” She means well, but my face falls flat when I think of how I left things.
“Yeah. Real nice.”
Her head tilts to one side. “Everything alright, Paddy?”
Only Morgan could be the first person to ask me that question and not make my initial reaction be to run away. Her eyes dance with mine, her face soft, her expression one of genuine concern rather than upset or hatred like I’m used to facing of late.
“Fine, curly fries.”
I don’t expect her to laugh, but I know the snort is coming.
Nobody has made me smile more in such a short space of time.
“Sorry,” she apologises. She wipes underneath her nose, which has turned slightly red at the end.
“For what?”
She shakes her head. “You looked like you were sad for a second there, but all I could hear was Paddy O’Keefe calling me curly fries.”
My lips part with my laugh. “It’s still fitting.”
“Just like He-man.”
Another laugh, but in surprise this time. “Is that what you used to call me?” I ask feeling quite pleased.
Morgan’s eyes assess the entire length of my body.
“Not me. Holly.” I’m still smiling like a chump when she looks away.
“I really can make my own way home. Your mum was quite insistent you drive me, but I’ll be okay.
” I step closer, but it makes Morgan step back.
“Holly took off,” she blurts like she’s panicking, her eyes narrowing in time with the corner of her lip pulling.
“Reckons she’d end up being a third wheel while we talk. ”
“Third wheel?”
Morgan’s cheeks flame brightly. I practically see my reflection in her ocean blues before she slams them shut. “I know! God, I’m sorry. I…” Her palms slap her face. “I need to get back. It was nice seeing you, Paddy.”
She darts past me, and I watch her go, a swell of regret that I may have embarrassed her reaching fever pitch.
“Morgan, wait.”
She keeps her pace fast, her silhouette fading into the dark.
Catching up with her, the distance between the warm glow of the house and the only streetlamp at the top of the lane is too far apart for me to see her properly.
“Wait.” I reach for her elbow, forcing her to turn and look at me. There are a lot of questions I want to ask right now, none of which make sense to me.
I have to strain my eyes to see her expression, my fingers tingling from the contact with her. “I can walk you.”
Morgan pulls away from my hold, looking down at the lost connection.
She feels it too?
Her arms then curl around her middle. “I’m fine.”
“Not even for old time’s sake?” I’m clutching at straws, but there’s a familiarity to my words. A comfort, even.
You don’t grow up in such a tight-knit community and simply forget everything. You don’t just not remember the other kids you grew up around and spent every hour with. They become a part of you, and by some weird extension, they always feel like more than friends.
I change tact. “Tell me about what you’re up to now. I heard your dad was telling my mum about a holiday. Did you all go?”
One eyebrow raises, and her lips purse. “Do you really want to hear about my holiday with my parents, Paddy?”
The corners of my eyes crinkle with my grin. “No, I don’t really care about your parents, but I do want to hear what you got up to. Come on. Spill.” I step around her.
“I didn’t get up to anything.” She lifts her shoulders quickly.
“Nothing? Mum said you went to Spain. Plenty to do while you’re there.” My feet begin small steps backwards, and Morgan follows.
“And I suppose you’re also going to scold me for not shagging hot Spanish guys?”
I freeze. “No. I’m glad you didn’t,” I throw at her before I can register what I’m saying.
Why? Why am I glad?
Morgan’s face twists into a look of confusion as I cringe internally. “If you must know, I read my book and sunbathed.”
“Could have fooled me.” Because Morgan does not look like she recently spent time in the sun.
“At least whatever tan I have is real,” she answers quickly, speaking louder than usual.
I balk, pointing to my face. “You think this is fake?”
She may sound angry, but Morgan’s trying hard not to smile as her cheeks redden, and her lips curve in a playful pout.
“I wasn’t implying that you don’t look glowing.” No. Her skin is smooth and ivory, highlighting the round windows to her soul which are now fixed on mine.
I wouldn’t say it’s awkward, but a silence lands between us. The only way I know how to move past it is to start moving again.
I make it a few paces before Morgan speaks. “I know what you’re doing,” she says incredulously.
“What?”
Looking over her shoulder, she tips her chin at my car. “Wouldn’t that be quicker?”
My feet stop. “Definitely. But I’m in the mood for a walk.” I start moving again, ignoring the irregular thudding in my chest.
Morgan takes a breath before she begins following me. And for that, I’m grateful. Because all I want to do now is spend more time with her.