Chapter 36 Don’t Leave Me
Don't leave me
Paddy
“She can’t be too far away,” I protest to Fi on the other end of the phone.
“How long ago did she leave?”
“I don’t know. Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes.”
Fi sighs. “We’ve searched our road. About to get in Dad’s car now.”
“I’m coming,” Evie cries out in the background.
“Please, Fi, leave her out of this.” I don’t know what we’re going to find, but I sure as shit don’t want the kid witnessing anything.
“We can’t leave her at home, and we’re not leaving you to do this on your own, Paddy.”
“Come on,” my old man tells them.
Fighting my rising unease, I look straight ahead as Jerry drives fast. “Thank you.”
Not saying another word, the line goes dead.
“Which direction?” Jerry fires at me, coming to a T junction.
“I don’t fucking know.” I look left and right, heart pounding. “Left,” I then call out, knowing Fi and my folks might come from the opposite way. “We can circle round the top edge of the woods.”
“Will she leave Stoney Grange?” Jerry asks worryingly, punching the car forwards, a light spattering of rain beginning to hit the windshield.
The thought hadn’t crossed my mind. “Honestly, I don’t know.”
His phone rings, connecting to the Bluetooth in the car. “Dad?” Jerry answers.
“Police are on their way. Where are you both now?”
Jerry flicks on the wipers. “By the old pub heading out to the woods.”
“Call me if you find anything. We’ll go to her place of work and further out. Paddy, message everyone you can think of.”
“Already done,” I confirm, quickly looking to where his name is on the screen. He’ll be going out of his mind.
Jerry presses the end call button on his steering wheel, and I just know he heard his mother sobbing in the background. You couldn’t miss it if you tried. His fingers turn white on the wheel, confirming it.
“We’ll find her,” I tell him, not fully believing my own words. “She won’t go far.”
“How do you know?”
My hand slams against the dashboard when Jerry takes a hidden dip too fast. “I just do,” I say rushed, not telling him to slow down, though, as my eyes frantically search outside, looking for any signs of Morgan driving this way.
Where are you, curly fries?
“Paddy.” His ominous tone makes my head snap forwards.
Driving round the sharp bend, my car comes into view, facing the corner shop. The lights are on full beam and the wipers on fast speed.
“Morgan.” Jerry brings his car to an immediate stop, throwing us both forward. We undo our seatbelts in unison, rushing from the car and heading towards mine. It doesn’t appear to have been hit. There’s no visible damage.
“She must have lost control,” I say, a slither of relief skating through me as the rain begins coming down in pelts.
It’s short lived.
“She’s not here.” Jerry opens the doors frantically.
No.
“Where is she?” he demands to know, but I can’t think.
Unable to make any sense of why Morgan ran, terror makes light work of stabbing my heart, causing pain to sear across my chest.
“I don’t know.”
Another car makes its way down the hill, coming towards us.
Jerry waves his arms, warning them of my car in the middle of the road.
Headlights flash, and a horn blares agonisingly loud, forcing me to look away from the empty driver’s seat of my car.
We both stare, blinded by the lights and the pain.
The car stops with a screech. “Paddy?” I hear Pops’ voice before I see him, and my feet move on instinct.
“Pops?”
He opens his car door, pulling me into his arms when I reach him.
“Did you find her?” he asks, the worry in his low voice palpable.
I step back, my clothes sticking to me now. “No,” I answer hoarsely, looking back to my car, one hand rubbing at my chest where, if I didn’t know any better, I might be convinced I was going to die from a broken heart.
“Don’t worry, son, we’re here to help.”
“Kevin, no,” Evie screeches, making me spin back to look at her.
The rear end of Kevin hurtles off into the dead of night.
“You brought Kevin?”
Evie pushes her way out of Pops’ car. “I thought he could help!”
Pops reaches for her, but he misses as she runs off too. “Evie, get back here.”
I start running after her. My girlfriend isn’t here, so the least I can do is not let a child get lost because of me. “I’ll get them. Help Jerry.” I point back at him. “Fi, I need you.”
I don’t have time to wait for her, knowing how quick the dog is and how determined Evie will be to catch him.
Sprinting as fast as my legs will move, I’m hot on Evie’s tail within seconds. “Wait,” I cry, pulling her back, the rain hitting my face. “You can’t go running off like that. It’s cold and late.”
Ignoring me, Evie looks in the direction Kevin kept going. “We have to get him, Paddy,” she pleads, breathlessly, looking all around.
“I know that,” I holler back, squeezing her shoulders. “And we have to find Morgan. So don’t be stupid by making this night any harder. We don’t want to lose you too, you hear me?” I bark, voice lost. Angry. Scared. Fucking all of it.
Overriding everything, guilt strikes me when I see the look of sorrow etched on Evie’s young face. Her bottom lip juts out with a wobble, and when a roll of thunder rumbles above us, she shivers wildly, her body trembling uncontrollably. “I’m sorry. I thought I could help… I didn’t mean…”
Rain streaks down face, and I bend, dragging her into my arms.
“I’m sorry, Uncle Paddy.” Evie sobs into my neck, body freezing from the cold.
“No, I’m sorry, kid,” I say back, my legs wanting to buckle as Fi makes her way to my side. I give her a knowing look, and she squeezes my arm before I place Evie back on her feet. I wipe under both of her eyes, hating that I’m the cause of her tears. “I shouldn’t have shouted.”
She sobs, drying her eyes on the back of her sleeve. Her face is instantly wet again, thanks to the rain.
“Let’s find them.”
Nodding vehemently, Evie turns and runs.
We race at different paces up the hill, all calling Morgan and Kevin’s names in desperation.
A distant noise has us stopping. A snappy, constant bark that drills into my head, pulling my scattered attention.
One hand cupping her mouth, Evie frantically calls out, “Kevin,” the noise drowning out under the sound of the thunder and the rain slapping against the tarmac.
Trailing behind her, Fi and I move until the three of us make it to the top of the hill, drenched, my body cold to the bone with panicked sweats.
As sure as the impending storm about to hit, we find Kevin. But he’s alone in the bus shelter we take cover in, nose down, sniffing the ground.
My throat swells as my heart lurches. Of course. This is where Morgan came. He can smell her.
But she’s not here now.
When a crack of lightning illuminates the night sky, Kevin jumps with a fright and cowers in the corner, under the bench.
“Fi, get Evie and Kevin to Mum and Pops.”
She reaches down and grabs Kevin before he can run again.
“Paddy.” Evie tugs at the sleeve of my jacket. “Where is she?”
Repressing the urge to scream, I need Fi to get Evie out of here before I face what I can see. Confirmation that Morgan was here.
There’s a photograph on the concrete floor, surrounded by boot prints. Pink welly boot prints, no doubt.
Kevin wails in Fi’s arms, and I stroke him quickly, trying to settle him, swallowing the bile as I reach down and pick up the photo. The picture I had shown Morgan. The one from Holly’s memorial.
You can just make out the banner. In loving memory of Holly. Standing at the end of the long row of people is Morgan. Alone. Smiling. But so, so alone.
I begged Morgan to see it. I pleaded with her to see what I could see. “She was here.”
Fi gasps. “Jesus, Paddy.”
A profound emptiness opens up inside me. “What do I do?” My eyes sting like hot coals as I hold back my tears in front of Evie.
“We’ll go and get everyone.” Holding out her palm to Evie, Fi waits until she takes her hand. “Wait right here. I’m coming back for you,” she says to me.
The pair leave me on my own, stepping back out into the rain.
I take a seat on the worn-out bench in the bus stop, closing my eyes and wishing I could go back in time. Replaying every moment we’ve shared, I’m struck without warning, an avalanche of sorrow tumbling over me, squeezing whatever hope I had left that I’d find her and wringing it dry.
I pushed her too hard. I forced her to face this.
It was the right thing to do. She had to know.
But to what end? None of this feels right.
Looking down at the soaking wet image, I stand, sucking in a breath of strength. Mentally, I’m drained. Emotionally, I’m exhausted. I drop the picture on the floor as I step out of the bus shelter, a silent scream lodging in my throat when I look up through the rain, towards the graveyard opposite.
Taking a few moments to register what I’m seeing, the rain smacks my face violently, making it hard to see clearly.
“No,” I rush out, blood turning to ice, tears stinging like shards of glass. “God, no.”
I run to the gate, flinging it open, feeling more scared with every step. My heart shatters, my worst nightmare unfolding before my eyes.
Rotten flowers and a river of water drift along the path towards my feet, the sudden downpour causing a flood. The trees shake in the wind, which is picking up, and the howl as it whips around the graves leaves an unsettling, terrifying shudder to race down my spine.
Curled in the foetal position, lying next to the grave that I know belongs to Holly, lies my girlfriend, drenched and visibly shaking in the rain.
My heart all but stops, crumbling into a million pieces.
“Morgan.” I race to her, battling with my inner turmoil, falling to my knees at her side. “Morgan, baby.” Pulling her into my arms, wet strands of her hair cling to her cheeks. I brush them off, feeling her skin frozen. “Can you hear me, curly fries?”
She attempts to open her eyes.
I tear my jacket off, wrapping it around her and rubbing her arms to get some warmth into her.
Her voice is strangled. “Paddy?”
Thick tears streak down my face, mixing with the rain. “I’m here, Morgan.”
“Paddy?” she cries, more aware of her surroundings.
I wipe the water from my eyes. “It’s me. I’ve got you. I’m right here.” My arms curl around her, pulling her body closer to mine.
Her body jerks in my hold. Her voice weak and desolate when she speaks. “She’s gone. She’s really gone, Paddy.”
Despair for the girl I love crushes me like a vice. “I know, baby. I’m so sorry.”
Morgan lets out an agonised, painful wail. Her scream rattles me to my core. But I don’t let her go. I won’t let her go.
“I’m going to make sure you’re okay, Morgan. I promise you.”
“Paddy,” she chokes, her fingers digging into my skin, her face pressing into my chest. “She’s dead.”
I rock her in my arms, pressing my lips to her head. “I know,” I answer painfully.
“And her grave. I knew it was here,” she continues, desperately catching her breath. “I don’t know how, but I started walking and… and I found her. I knew where she was, Paddy.”
Walking through the graveyard every day started out as an accident. But she never saw the grave. Never looked at the same gravestone I read over and over, again and again, day in and day out. I willed Holly’s spirit to help Morgan see. I prayed she release her friend from the clutches of her loss.
“She didn’t text me back. I read the messages again, and,” her breath gets caught, “and she never messaged me back.”
Unable to stop my own voice breaking, I kiss her repeatedly. “It’s okay, baby. You’re going to be okay.” Fuck. My fucking heart strains, unable to put an end to the pain Morgan’s going through.
“Don’t leave me, Paddy.” Her hold on me turns panicked. “Please, don’t leave me.”
Hearing my dad’s car on the other side of the road, and the subsequent calling of my name, I know I have to get her out of here. Managing to stand to my feet, I cradle her in my arms all the way to the gate.
“Paddy,” Pops calls out, opening the gate which has swung shut. “Get her in the car, we’ll take her to the hospital.”
I nod, my hold on Morgan just as strong as hers is on me. Sliding into the back seat with her safe in my arms, Pops closes the door behind me.
We rock together, her cries blood curdling, until her body eventually goes limp in my arms.