Chapter 12 #2
It was clear that Dawn wanted me to leave Justin, and in a way that was probably not a bad idea and for the best, but I loved my husband.
I wanted to hear him out at the very least. I needed to know why he felt the need to be with another woman and why he felt that I wasn’t enough for him.
I wanted to know where I was lacking in our relationship because I truly thought that things were going good with us.
As long as we’d been together and as much as we had gone through, I felt that I wasn’t wrong for feeling that way.
I got what Dawn was saying and obviously it wouldn’t change what happened, but she didn’t understand what it was like to be in love and married, giving your all to a man and damn near loving him more than I loved myself.
I needed an explanation or to see if he would be honest with me, so that I could have peace of mind with moving on.
Making it to my office, I settled in ready for the day ahead.
“Knock, knock…” Kevin said as he entered my office. “I just came by to check on you before you left for the day. I wanted to see if you needed to talk before you went home and faced the devil.”
“Oh, wow! Not the devil, huh?” I cracked up laughing. “I’m good though. Thanks for checking in with me. I think I’m ready to hear what he has to say.”
“I’m glad you took my advice and gave yourself some time to think things through. You’re a very intelligent woman, Ava. I admire your strength and how you’re handling this whole situation.”
“Aww…thanks that’s really sweet of you to say. I wish my sister would understand as much as you do.”
“Cut her some slack. I’m sure your sister loves you and just wants the best for you just as I do.
Seriously, I mean that. I ain’t gon’ lie though.
I was pretty concerned about you on Monday.
You were pretty hurt and upset, but seeing you hold your head up high and do what you needed to do for YOU over the past couple of days was pretty sexy to watch. ”
“It wasn’t easy, and my feelings are still pretty hurt, but I’m much better than I was.”
“Take my number and if things don’t go as planned tonight, or if you need anything give me a call. I’ll make sure to be on stand-by.”
“Oh, Ion know, Kevin… I’m still married and—”
“And what? You’re acting like I just asked you to be my lady or some shit.
It’s strictly platonic. I know you’re still married, and I’m not trying to interfere with your marriage.
I’m just trying to be your friend and be there for you is all,” Kevin responded as he wrote his number down on a sticky note that was on my desk.
“I’ll leave the ball in your court. If you want to use my number, feel free. If not, no hard feelings.”
“I hear you. Thanks again for everything, Kevin.”
After Kevin left my office, I saved his number in my phone, then gathered my things so that I could head home.
Now that I was going home, I couldn’t lie, my nerves were getting the best of me.
I didn’t know why I was so nervous to talk to Justin, but I knew that I needed to get it over with.
Plus, I was anxious to see what he had to say for himself.
Making it to my car, I headed to the house. On my way there, I figured I’d try to call Shane just to take my mind off of things for bit, so that I could calm my nerves and keep a leveled head.
“Well, well, well! Chhhhhhiiiillllleeee! Where in the hell have you been! I was about to put a damn BOLO out on ya ass, girl!” Shane said, answering the phone in true Shane fashion.
“Bestie, you know your ass is crazy!”
“No, seriously, sweetie, where the hell you been, girl? I’ve been calling and calling you, and your phone was going straight to voicemail. Shit, you had me over here worried shitless about yo ass. What’s been going on with you, chile?”
“It’s a long ass story.”
“Well hell, I ain’t got nothin’ but time. What’s going on?”
“I found out Justin been cheating on me.”
“Girl WHAT!? Say it ain’t so! What done happened, nah?” Shane interrupted, sounding shocked as hell.
“He stayed out all night, and when he got in Monday morning, we got into it. When he left, I found a used condom wrapper in his clothes while doing laundry.”
“Well, at least his ass had enough sense to wear a condom.”
“Really, Shane!”
“I’m just sayin’, chile.”
“That still doesn’t take away from the fact that he cheated on me.”
“Girl, I know and that is some fucked up shit. Wow! I’m so sorry, bestie.”
“Thanks, bestie.”
“So, what he have to say for himself?” Shane asked.
“We haven’t talked.”
“So, you just been walkin’ around his ass not talking about the shit, chile? Giiiiirrrrrlll, you betta than me ‘cause I would’ve been snapped out on that ass.”
“That’s the thing, I haven’t been home. I ended up getting a room at the Hilton for a few nights. I just checked out this morning. I needed to get my mind right and knew that had I gone home, all we would’ve done was argue and fight,” I explained.
“Why didn’t you call me, girl? You know you could’ve come over here. You didn’t need to spend any money on no room when I have a spare room here.”
“I know, and thanks for that, but I needed to be alone to think things through. Now I need to figure out what to do.”
“So, you thinkin’ about leavin’ him for good or do you think y’all can work things out?” Shane questioned.
“To be honest, Ion even know, friend. I guess that just depends on how things go tonight. If I leave it up to Dawn, I’d be filing for divorce.”
“Girl, bye, that’s why her ass ain’t got no man. I get that’s your sister and all, but her ass can be negative as hell sometimes. Like, you need to do what you feel is best for you. Just know I have your back no matter what you decide, booski. I hope you know that.”
“I know, and that’s why I love you. Welp, I’m pulling into the garage now. I’ll keep you posted on how things go,” I said.
“Okay, girl! Take you a few moments before you go inside then let his ass have it, chile!” Shane laughed.
“Okay, bestie, love you.”
“Love you, too, boo.”
Listening to Shane’s advice, I sat in the car for a couple of minutes.
What I loved about Shane was the fact that he wasn’t super critical about anything I shared with him.
I was able to talk to him without having to feel judged or made to feel bad about what I was going through.
I appreciated that the most about him. He was a really good friend.
As I sat in my car, I knew that Justin was at home because his car was parked in the garage.
Taking a deep breath then exhaling, I got out of my car and headed inside the house.
I could’ve sworn that I heard a dog barking.
Opening the door to the garage and walking into the kitchen, my suspicions were correct when I saw the cutest little English bulldog puppy run up to me barking and wagging its tail.
“Oh, my goodness! Hey, little puppy!” I cooed, bending down to pick the puppy up. “Aren’t you just the cutest little thing ever!” I gushed.
“So, look who decided to finally come home. Where you been, Ava?” Justin asked, stepping into the kitchen.
“We need to talk.” I replied as I put the puppy down then patted and rubbed on his stomach.
“Oh, ya think? I agree. Let’s start with where you been for the last four days!” Justin replied as he stood there watching me play with the puppy.
“I needed some time to sort things out.”
“We’re married. You can’t just pick up and leave whenever you want to and not say shit to me about where you are! That shit wasn’t cool at all.”
“Oh, really!” I jeered. “You got a lot of nerve. It’s funny that you say that, but you think you can leave whenever the hell you want and go fuck on some trick and think the shit is okay!
What the fuck!” I sneered. “I wanna know why? What have I done to you that was so bad for you to do me like that?”
“First off, let me explain. It’s not what you think.”
“Oh, save it. I found a condom wrapper in your pocket, J, really! Try again ‘cause you can’t lie and get yourself out of this shit. And please don’t say that you were with Tate and the condom wrapper was his ‘cause that would be some dumb shit you’d say.
At the end of the day, you cheated. So, if you’re not going to come clean and dumb the shit down, then I don’t want to hear shit. ”
“Speaking of that, you were wrong for searching through my stuff! I’ve never gone searching through your shit! What possessed you to do that?!”
“I know you fucking lying to me! What possessed me? For the record, I wasn’t searching through your shit.
I was putting a load in the washer and came across it when I checked your pockets as I always do before putting clothes in the machine, crazy ass man.
And you never search through my shit because I’ve never given you a reason to do no shit like that.
Hell, the way I see it is we married now, and if I wanna search through your shit, I fuckin’ can, especially since you don’t seem to have any respect for me or our marriage!
Staying out all night like your ass is single. ”
“Yeah, okay, that’s your story. Like you should talk! Yo ass was just gone for four fucking days and ain’t said a motherfucking thing to me about it. You just up and left like THAT shit was cool!”
“Boy, bye! ‘Cause me leaving to get peace of mind because my husband chose to step out on our marriage is no comparison to what you did and have been doing!”
“Like I said, that’s your story!” Justin sneered, not understanding where I was coming from.
“Really, so what’s your story then? Who’s this bitch you been out fucking around on me with?”
“Look, I fucked up, okay?”
“Who was it, Justin?” I asked. I didn’t want to hear shit about how he fucked up. I already knew that. I just wanted to know who the hell he was fucking around with.
“It don’t matter who it is, ‘cause the shit didn’t mean nothin’. I’m sorry. I made a mistake and it will never happen again. Can we just get past this and start over please?”
“I know you fuckin’ lyin’! We can’t just get past shit! I wanna know what made you do what you did.”
“I said I was sorry. I promise you don’t have to worry bout me ever doing nothing like that again.”
“So, is that what the puppy is for? A sympathy gift, huh! You’re really a piece of work, dude.”
“Now come on, Ava. You said you wanted a dog, so I got you one. I just admitted to you I was wrong, and I apologized. What’s the problem now? Like what the fuck, I can’t catch a break to save my soul with yo ass!”
“What you want me to say, J? Really, how you expect for me to feel? I’ve done everything in my power to show you I love you and would do anything for you, and you repay me by cheating on me!
I fuck you when you want. I cook, keep a clean house, and wash your damn dirty ass draws!
Hell, I’m EVERY WOMAN to you and you still managed to go astray.
Did you ever stop to think how I would feel?
Do you feel any guilt for what you’ve done to our marriage… to me?”
“Look, I get it.”
“I don’t think you do. You think getting me a puppy is going to make what you did just disappear!
Fuck you, J! I can’t do this anymore with you.
You don’t love or respect me. It’s a shame it took for me to catch your ass to finally get it.
I just wanna know why you married me in the first damn place!
Huh, why did you fucking marry me, just to turn around and hurt me like this?
” I cried. Now I was crying tears because he was talking nonsense trying to make me feel wrong for taking time for myself when he was the one in the wrong. The fucking nerve of him!
“First off, I married you because I love you, Ava. Like I said, I fucked up and if you give me another chance, you’ll never have to worry about me ever hurting you again.
Just give me one more chance to prove to you that I want you and only you.
I want our marriage, and I love you… only you.
I didn’t mean it… I promise you I didn’t.
I was just pissed off when I left the other night, and I did something that I shouldn’t have done.
I promise you that I will never do it again.
Just please forgive me this one time. Please, babe.
” Justin said as he walked up to me and wiped the tears that had fallen from the side of my face with the back side of his hand.
“I don’t know. I think we need a little time apart from each other.”
“Time apart! What you mean we need a lil’ time apart? Those four days you were away wasn’t enough?”
“Not by a longshot ‘cause you don’t get that what you did was wrong. All you focused on is the fact that I left to clear my mind.”
“I miss you, baby. PLEASE,” he pleaded. “Please baby, please just give me one more chance for me to prove you’re the only WOMAN, that I want and need. Baby, don’t throw away all we have worked so hard for over one lil’ mistake. I hate sleeping in an empty bed. I need you, Ava.”
“I don’t know, Justin. To me, that was a bit more than just some lil’ mistake. How would you feel if I would have gone out and cheated on you?”
“Babe, come on now! That isn’t fair.”
“How would you feel, Justin?” I asked, needing to know the answer.
“Babe, I’d be pissed off. But—”
“Aht, there’s not but,” I started but he interrupted me.
“There is a, but, damn it, let me talk!” Justin shouted.
“I apologized and admitted that I was wrong. Doesn’t that mean anything?
How many times do I have to say that I’m sorry for you to get that I know what I did was wrong?
Look, if it makes you feel any better, I’ll even go to counseling.
Shit, we can go together. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’ll never hurt you like that ever again.
Babe, please, I’m literally beggin’ you here! ”
Before I could say anything else, the puppy squatted and took a long piss right where Justin and I were standing.
“Look, I’ll even clean the dog piss up even though that’s your dog and your job to do.”
“I’ll clean the piss up myself if you think you deserve forgiveness that easily! You really just tried me.”
“So, what you sayin’? You don’t wanna work things out with me?” he asked as he started cleaning up after the dog.
“Ion know what I want to do honestly. I just need some more time.”
“What you mean more time? Ion think it’s healthy for our marriage to not stay in the same house and at least try.”
“I never said I was leaving. We just gon’ have to take things day by day and see what happens. I swear to you, if you pull any more bullshit, it’s a wrap.”
With that, I grabbed my overnight bag then headed upstairs to our bedroom.