Chapter 20 Shane
SHANE
When Ava and Dawn showed up to my house and caught Justin over here, I could’ve died right there on the spot.
Not only was I embarrassed, but I felt terrible.
I knew I shouldn’t have been fucking around with Justin, but I wasn’t thinking with the right head when we first started.
To be honest, I was so caught up in the physical moment and taken aback that Justin was even interested in me that it just happened.
Just like Ava would come to me and vent about the things that would go on in their relationship, Justin had started doing the same thing.
One of things that I was most surprised by was the fact that when he and Ava would have sex, he wouldn’t be completely satisfied.
His whole undercover, down low sex life really was a shock to me because I always looked at him as a full heterosexual man.
Even when Ava would boast about their sexual escapades, she never once told me that he complained about not being satisfied.
This had all become too much for me, and before I knew it, I was so caught up in such a tangled web that I had no clue how to get out of it.
Actually, I wasn’t even looking to get out of it any time soon, and that was the sad part about it all.
Justin tried to put all the blame on me when we got caught, but the truth of the matter was we were both wrong.
We had no business sneaking around like we were, but when I thought about it, I really felt that I was a much better match for Justin than Ava was anyway.
I also believed that Justin felt the same way, but he was too busy trying to be on the DL to see that.
It was just an overall messed up situation for us all, and I truly regretted my actions.
Ever since the day we got caught, Justin and I hadn’t seen each other in a minute.
I had started to not feel good and it came on all of a sudden.
I went from feeling bad to horrible. At first, I thought I was just overly stressed out and coming down with a cold.
Then I thought that maybe my allergies were getting the best of me.
But then my body started to ache. I was feeling tired as hell all the time too, and it seemed like every time I would eat, I was racing to the bathroom to take a shit.
As I started to feel worse, it began to interfere with me being able to be as productive as I would usually be at work.
I was always feeling nauseous and different smells would make me feel sick to the stomach.
I remember when my mom and uncle had cancer and how they would have similar symptoms that I was feeling.
My mom died from brain cancer and my uncle died from stomach cancer.
His stomach cancer symptoms really had me feeling spooked, which was why I buckled down and made an appointment with my doctor.
I was petrified wondering, why me, Lord, but at the same time thinking this was my karma coming to bite me in the ass for fucking around with not just Ava’s husband, but all of those other married men.
It seemed like every man I was with was either already in a relationship, on the DL, or married on the DL.
When they said that karma was a bitch, they ain’t never lied.
I knew Ava was feeling like I was being very selfish by calling her and asking her to come along with me to the doctor, and I guess in a way and considering the circumstances, I was.
But I didn’t have anyone else in my life that was close to me like she was that I trusted to come with me.
I felt that if my test results showed that I had cancer, I was going to lose my shit, and because of that, I didn’t want to go alone.
Also, I was in so much pain and the pain medication and antibiotics that my doctor prescribed to me weren’t working.
He couldn’t really give me anything more than what he gave me because I didn’t have a full diagnosis just yet.
For Ava to agree to go with me if she finished with her appointment on time was a true blessing and testament to the fact that she had a heart of gold. Which in turn really had me feeling very fucked up for sleeping around with Justin, but I couldn’t change or undo what was already done.
As I waited with baited bells on for Ava to pick me up, I prayed that once we talked, we would be able to salvage some of the friendship that we once had.
I just hoped she didn’t bring her sister along for the ride ‘cause me and that wench were on the outs. She didn’t know it yet, but as soon as I figured out what was going on with me and got to feeling better, Dawn had an ass whoopin’ coming to her, on life.
In my opinion, she had no business getting all up in the mix that day.
I got that she was Ava’s sister and all, but still Justin wasn’t her man, so it wasn’t her battle to fight.
But it was cool though because like I said, Dawn done wrote a check that her ass wasn’t going to be able to cash ‘cause I planned on beating that ass on sight.
Checking the time, I saw that it was a quarter to five. Just as I was about to call for an Uber, Ava called me.
“I’m outside.”
“Thank you so much! I’m on my way out now. Are you alone?” I asked, checking to see if she brought her guard dog along for the ride.
“Ah yeah, who else would I be with?” Ave snapped back.
“I just wanted to make sure, honey. I’m really not well enough to be having to fight anybody off of me today.”
“If you’re asking about Dawn, she is not with me. But she should be the least of your worries. You betta come on out before I change my mind.”
“Okay, I’m coming now.”
Hanging up with Ava, I suddenly became super nervous.
She and I had disagreements in the past, but we had never fallen out like this before.
I’d seen and heard her upset many of times with Justin, but it was never directed toward me, so I really didn’t know what to expect.
Plus, the fruit didn’t fall too far from the tree, and knowing how reckless and crazy her sister was, I figured Ava had that same potential.
I was in no condition to be physically fighting with anyone.
Making it out to her car, I took a deep breath then got in.
“Hey, I really appreciate you doing this for me.”
“You should because I started not to come,” Ava stated as she quickly glanced over to me. “You really look like shit. I hope your ass ain’t got the flu ‘cause the last thing I need is to be getting sick.”
“It’s not the flu. Plus, I have been on a round of antibiotics for the past week. If I was contagious, I’m not anymore.”
“I hope not. Where is your doctor’s office located?”
After rattling off my doctor’s address, we just sat in silence. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife. Thinking I needed to be the bigger person in this case, I figured I should at least explain myself.
“Look, I know that things are off with us right now—”
“Ya think?” Ava interrupted.
“You have every right to hate me right now. Hell, I hate myself for what I did. I shouldn’t have ever gone there with Justin like that. I am truly sorry for betraying you, I don’t even know how to put into words how sorry I am.”
“My whole thing is, how did it all start? Like, who made the move on who? Then for you to pretend to be my friend not once telling me what was going on has me feeling really fucked up right now. It’s totally got you looking like a snake in my eyes.
I could never ever trust you after this. I hope you know and understand that.”
“I totally get it. I will tell you everything. Whatever you want to know just ask.”
“You can start by answering the questions I just asked you.”
“Well, one night, Justin came to the shop for a haircut, and he got to rambling about you and him getting into it. When he got to talking about y’all’s sex life, I was shocked as hell because I honestly always thought that he didn’t like me.
He was my last appointment that day, and I was closing the shop, so we were alone, and the next thing I knew he made a move on me. ”
“Wow! You expect me to believe that Justin made the first move when I know how much of a hoe you are!”
“Ouch! That was harsh.”
“Harsh how? Let’s not act like you’re not a hoe. You’re the one always telling me about this and that guy that you be hookin’ up with. Unless you been lyin’. My thing is, if my husband made a move on you, why would you one, not stop him, and two, not tell me?”
“Like I said, Ava, and I’m being brutally honest with you.
One thing led to another, and it just happened.
I wasn’t thinking straight at all. I had a little brown liquor in me, too.
You know how we be drinkin’ and shit at the shop.
I wasn’t thinking clearly, and before I knew it, we both crossed the line.
It was too late for me to take it back.”
“So, you just kept hooking up with him knowing that he and I were together though?”
“I mean yes. According to him, he wasn’t sexually satisfied with you. I hate to say that out loud because I feel that it’s his place to tell you that, but your husband is on the DL, Ava.”
“All those times I would call you crying a river about him being out and suspecting that he was cheating on me, you knew! You knew enough information to free my concerns about what he had going on, and not one time did you ever say anything.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“SORRY IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH!” Ava shouted, causing me to jump in my seat. “This shit y’all pulled is unforgivable.”
“I know it’s going to take you some time to get past all of this.”
“Some time! Nigga, I ain’t ever gonna get past that shit. Two people that I thought I loved and loved me back betrayed me in the worst way. Don’t you get that?”
“I totally get it. You have every reason to feel the way that you feel. If I could turn back the hands of time, I would. I hate myself for making you feel that way.”
“Hmph.”
As we pulled into a parking spot at my doctor’s office, I got ready to get out of the car, but Ava was sitting there like she wasn’t going to come in.
“You’re coming in, right?”
“I hadn’t planned to. You need me to come in, too?”
“Yeah, that’s why I wanted you to come. I just have a bad feeling about this. I feel like I’m going to be told I have cancer, and I really want you there.”
“Ugh!” Ava blew out a long, frustrated breath then got out of the car.
After checking in and paying my copay, Ava and I sat and waited for me to be called to the back.
“Shane Brown!” a nurse called out.
“Here goes nothing. Come on,” I urged Ava. “Here!” I responded to the nurse.
“Follow me to the back. First, we’re gonna get your weight. Then you’re gonna go into exam room two,” the nurse said, looking at me then over to Ava.
“This is my friend, Ava,” I said as Ava sarcastically chuckled. Thank God she didn’t say anything slick. “She’s here for moral support.”
“Oh, okay. Hi, Ava,” the nurse said as I stood on the scale.
“Oh, wow! You’ve lost eight pounds since last week,” the nurse said.
“I’m surprised it’s not more than that the way I’ve been running to the bathroom lately. I can’t seem to keep anything on my stomach.”
“Well, hopefully, Dr. Lee will be able to help fix that.”
Once we were done getting my weight, all three of us headed into the exam room and the nurse took my vitals.
“The doctor will be in to see you shortly.”
Ava and I sat in silence while we waited for the doctor to come into the room.
“Shit, I hope he hurries up. My nerves bout to get the best of me. If he don’t bring his ass in here soon, I’ma have to run to the bathroom.”
As soon as I said that there was a knock on the door, then Dr. Lee walked in.
“Hello, Mr. Brown, and who is this lovely lady you have with you today?”
“She’s my friend, Ava. I brought her for moral support. I just felt like since I needed to come in to get my results, it must be bad, and for that reason, I didn’t want to come alone.”
“Hmm, I see. Well—” the doctor began, but I cut him off. Just from the tone of his “Well…” I knew it was bad.
“Oh, Jesus! I have cancer, don’t I?” I all but cried.
“You don’t have cancer, Mr. Washington, but your HIV test came back positive.”
“Say that again?” I asked as Ava looked up with her mouth hanging damn near on the floor. “What did you just say?”
“We did extensive blood work to determine what was going on with you. Your blood work came back positive for HIV.”
“There must be some kind of mistake! Are you sure you didn’t get my records confused with someone else’s?” I asked nervously. HIV? Was he serious right now?
“I’m positive that didn’t happen. The lab was very careful.”
“Oh, God! I’m gonna die!” I wailed.
“It’s not as bad as you think, Mr. Washington.”
“Like hell it ain’t! HIV is a death wish. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” I broke down.
“It’s actually not the end of the world. Back when HIV first became known it was, but now there’s medication that not only helps with the effects from having it, but there is even a medication on the market that hides the symptoms.”
“Now why on earth would anyone want to hide the fact that they have HIV?” Ava interjected, and I’m glad she asked. I was totally rendered speechless and was glad she was able to speak in my defense.
“Various reasons I suppose,” Dr. Lee replied.
As Dr. Lee sat there rambling off a bunch of medical shit having to do with HIV, then handing me a pamphlet on how to live with it, I zoned completely out. I couldn’t believe that my reckless actions got me in a bind like this. The bigger question was where did I get it from?
“Do you have any questions for me?” Dr. Lee asked at the conclusion of my appointment.
“Nope, I think I’ve heard just about enough.” I replied then took the pieces of paper, which were prescriptions that I needed to take to the pharmacy to have filled.
As if being told that I had HIV wasn’t enough, as soon as the doctor left and shut the door, Ava slapped me so hard I fell off the exam table.
“You motherfucker you! You betta hope and pray I don’t have that shit! Find your own damn way home!”
Ava walked out, leaving me alone in the exam room, and all I could do was break down and cry. My life as I once knew it was now officially over, and I couldn’t blame not a soul but myself.