Chapter 42
S O R E N
M ovement is never-ending as we prepare ourselves, a sense of finality overhanging us all. Some will not return alive, and these are the last days those hearts will beat. The unwritten nature of murderous conflict always brings a deep element of unfairness. There are those that will suffer simply as calamity on that peninsula, and they, too, unknowingly live their last days.
Only the other side of this will reveal who will make it.
I’m standing on the beach, the longboats nearing us that will take us to Storm’s Fury, the sun having crossed the sky and is nearing the horizon line. The sirens are ready, and so is Liam. I sense out all the moving men behind me, still wearing my mask. There’s a disruption within them, although I have not addressed it, yet.
Finally a few come near, one that is long standing with me. Another is young, and the third has an evolving heart that started changing in loyalties once he had his children.
They don’t want to be here.
The men all take a knee in the sand. “My liege, we want to speak,” the one in the middle asks.
“Clearly.”
“I’ve traveled with you for a long time, Soren,” he says, connecting his gaze with mine; a spark of fear flares in his heart. “This is a lot to risk for Ritter’s daughter. About a quarter just want to go home.”
Lifting my gaze with a blink, I allow that statement to settle on my shoulders as I try to understand what to do with it. All my men are out on this coast, either eating, drinking water, putting on their armor, or sharpening their blades as we wait. I survey them; a weakness is plotted, very unstable in its grip.
I bellow out, “I hear some of you want to go home.”
Everyone slows down to a halt, either with their water to their lips, or about to swipe a whetstone on their blade, all looking at me so the ocean is the only sound.Bones slowly moves my way, hands in his pockets, before turning to face the men with a mismatched gaze. Stubble lines his face; lines all of ours.
While my right side remains fucking empty.
“Did you all happen to notice we are missing someone?” I slowly pace around, my arms still crossed as I approach a man. “Are you wanting to go home?”
“No, my liege.”
I can tell.
I go to another, one of the men has been affected since the murder of Silas and Mads. “But you do.”
He is silent. Embarrassed.
“Do you think I’d call every one of you to risk your life for something personal of mine? Have I ever done that?” I think of Serena, and how even still, I don’t demand my men’s lives for that. “I could storm Ashfire with a dozen men, including the Scorpion, and get Jane out if I needed to.” I point to them all. “You’re all coming because this bitch named Misery plans to fuck every one of us over like we’re some common wench he can use when he pleases.”
I motion back to the opposite side of Bones, where Anya would stand; where her energy is so completely lacking. “He already has by killing Anya,” I say, letting that settle on them, the statement striking through like lightning. “This is a fucking god that is trying desperately to reclaim a physical body. Right now, we are the only ones with wind of his goals that have any power and advancement to stop him. Blackwell is among him, so other Zenith can’t be trusted.” I slowly walk back to the three men, taking very deliberate steps as I stand in front of them. “Why the hesitation this time, when we’ve risked our lives before? This wasn’t there when we entered the Undercroft.”
I do not want them here if they are to feel this, but I need to know what’s different.
“We know many are going to die.”
“That’s a shit fucking attitude.”
This was never an issue within Death’s Wing, but I understand those that follow me have not taken the same oaths I adhere to. I have a realm of people who are in my legion that want to live prosperous lives, at the risk of their own. Not live to die .
I pivot slightly, waving out at the ocean. “Go. Go home.”
The young one’s face scrunches. “As a coward ?”
“I can’t control how others will perceive it. I also understand a man that wants to see his family,” I reply, the older one lowering his head further. “But I have absolutely no room for anyone that is going to fuck this up because he hesitates. Our collective goal is Misery. Jane is mine .” I pace back around the hard sands. “If anyone thinks Mads and Silas dying has left my mind, then I also don’t want you here. We are the group of men that can stop a hurricane before it ravishes our homes… anyone who is going to hesitate better be gone by the time I have my armor on.”
I turn back to face the ocean, stopping near the canvas bag that contains my effects, including Jane’s dagger.
Anya used to help.
Then Jane did.
Bones nears me, that violence contained exactly how I want it; I know once blades start swinging, it will be dangerous for anyone to get near. In some ways, when I feel that he’s steadying himself, that blonde flashes in his aura again.
Maybe she’s good for him, after all.
“Where do you want me in all of this?” Bones asks while I place a shoulder piece on, fingering at the latches.
“To be me when I cannot be. I want to burn this place down, to use that very fear that they inflict on others and let them suffocate in their own smoke… going through Liam‘s scrolls, it seems that only two dozen fire mages live on that peninsula, and they’re housed somewhere near a statue of two people holding up a sphere,” I reply, wishing we had more information. “We’re targeting them, first. We will need to break up at times, and I need you to run whatever is going on like how I would.
“Ritter and I will go after Jane. She’s in a tower, and I can feel her now. Which means I’ll know how to locate her once we’re closer. And if you see Blackwell, skin his hair for me, and bring me his knuckles.”
“I’d love to bleach those,” he comments.
I affix the rose dagger with the bright red hilt at my thigh, the leather fastenings barely fitting.
Jane .
Her solitude drives me, knowing she fights fucking tooth and nail. I’ll find my desert rose, because she blooms even in a drought. Even when her roots are being actively culled, she’ll survive just out of spite alone.I want to help her with every fiber of my being, to bloody her blade and give it to her so we can get her out of there.
And this time, she won’t have to worry about losing it. Because she’s worth it to me. Because I can’t stop thinking about her opening up to me, to how it felt to let someone touch me so gently while being vulnerable.
If I fail here, she will disappear.
My heart is still torn in two directions as I worry for Serena, because once I’m in those waters I won’t be able to turn back.
I’ve already lost Anya.
In every way but physically seeing it, I’ve lost Serena; the threads of my heart sharply echoing like when a violin screeches. That damn witch has meddled so much with my life, I don’t know what to believe anymore. She claimed if I did this, she’ll help me locate my sister. But what of Anya’s death? She had to see that coming.
No hesitation. Jane will live. You know she will. She’ll take care of Serena.
“It’s weird to not have Anya,” Bones comments, her emptiness hitting that vulnerability that’s wide open in my chest right now.
Fuck it hurts if I let it sit for too long. If Misery wasn’t a threat to everyone I know, I wouldn’t sacrifice any of my men.
That’s not a luxury we have, though.
“And they’re going to pay for that.”
“I still wonder how she got caught. Or why they took her, when everyone else was left behind at the shanty.”
“I never once felt fear in her… I’ve been thinking on it. I almost wonder if she purposefully hid what she felt so I wouldn’t be alerted.” I breathe slowly, as if Anya left me a note that I have to decipher. “I think we’re missing information, Bones. And that we just need to act .”
A wave of violence crests at the surface of his aura, churning back into wherever he represses himself.Whenever he’s this focused, so far on the edge of dissociation, he’s like a lone man who happens to be on my side, guided by his own need for slaughter.
I’ll need that.
If we can halve the fire mages, we can do enough damage to fuck this entire kingdom in one night to finish what Jane started.
Leaving behind the rowboats for the crew to raise and tether to the ship, we climb up the coarse rope ladders that will get us over to the deck. Sounds of sails flapping and ropes being tied and pulled taught mixes with the excited chatter of the crew.
Bones strides over, watching a few coiled ropes get neatly laid to the side. “I just don’t get the attraction to all of this,” he says, waving around. “We’re stuck on this wooden contraption. Again .”
I survey the slightly swaying deck. “It won’t be for long.”
Bone steps nearer, the twilight hours almost peaceful with the ocean water. “Are we really letting Ritter take Jesper?”
“Yes,” I say without hesitation. “There’s no doubt in my mind that he has been waiting for a long time to fuck him over. I wouldn’t poke the Scorpion when it concerns that.”
There’s still doubt within Bones, and I eye his mismatched gaze, darker circles showing how little sleep he’s gotten. Blankly staring off, he says, “It doesn’t feel like she’s dead.”
It might be that way to him, but I feel it. There’s a void that occurs when someone has left this world, their unique vibration utterly silent. It’s one way I’m certain that Serena is still out there, as she doesn’t feel dead to me.
Anya, on the other hand… I grip my jaw, running my fingers over the edge of my mask, and drop my hand. If she were here, she’d help us infiltrate the fire worshippers.
“We’ll give her a proper burial. Death’s Wing burial. I’ll send her ashes back to the Steep, where she can be fully laid to rest next to Amy.”
That comforts Bones, and I can tell he needed it. It’s protocol that when anyone in Death’s Wing dies, they’re cremated, so new life can sprout in their ashes.A portion is always collected to return to the Steep, where we all trained and earned our stripes.
The vague image of a blonde woman flashes in my mind’s eye once again, and I glance at Bones. “You better live, too. There’s someone waiting for you to return.”
That actually makes him uncomfortable. “I’ve never had that. Makes me feel guilty, honestly. And then I—“ I don’t think he knows what to do with those complex feelings. He furrows his brows, the sentence never finishing.
I don’t reply, as I understand. He can’t worry about her, not fully, or else it will wreck his concentration.It doesn’t stop Kathleen from filling his mind in rapid flashes, though. Just like how Jane haunts every shadow of mine.
My purpose is different, as I’m always listening to the energies of my mask that’s inside of Jane, her vibration felt in the direction that this ship sails in, and I’m so honed in on her I sometimes fail to read those around me.
My rage is only tamed by knowing that I’m finally on my way, and I can then unleash every ounce of rage that has festered in my soul for decades .
Once the ocean is no longer visible in the darkness of night, we head down below deck. Ritter and my men sit together, having joined forces over the last few days as they’ve had nothing else to do but mingle. A few are passing around vials of poppy, tucking them away before we embark on our mission—I’ve made it clear that only those who are used to it are to consume it, otherwise it’ll be the death of others.
Basilisk’s energy approaches me as I lean in the ship’s wall, sitting and bracing my core so as not to sway too greatly.
He joins me in this silence, his leather crinkling as he mirror’s my position; we’ve never had a sentimental connection. We’re two, very similar men with matching powers, and he was willing to take me under his wing for a while.
“What did Cypress tell you your purpose was here?” I ask, absorbing the energy around me, the ship creaking and groaning.
“Honestly?” he answers, leaning his back on the wall. “To be present. She just wanted me around ,” he says, rotating his finger in the air. “After helping your woman in the Undercroft, I’m assuming Cypress sent me here as an assurance , and since you know me, you won’t reject me. She told me she’d give me what I wanted as long as I remained close until this is done.”
At this point, I’m not going to ask any more questions. We’re all being arranged within a dirty machination. “I don’t feel your cat,” I comment.
“I left her in the harbor. It’s too volatile to bring her.”
“How do you plan to find a cat after this?”
His sigh carries the edge of a growl, motioning his head slightly as if he can’t hold something back any longer. “Jasmine is wearing the slimmest collar with a red ruby on it. It’s lodged in her fur so you can’t see it.” He looks at me, nearly rolling his eyes as he looks away just as quickly. “I’m very eager to get my hands on a harpy killer, and also keep that damn cat alive. Cypress told me that if I had to leave Jasmine, that the necklace would keep track of her. Jasmine knows to wait.”
I absentmindedly move a ring on my finger before suddenly releasing a breathy laugh. “What the fuck have you been up to, exactly?”
“Who knows how I got here. I don’t think men like us are meant to live past thirty. If we make it, it's like we don’t know what to do with ourselves. Somehow I’m on a journey with a witch’s request to help you fuck over our own god.”
“You’re supposed to have a damn castle, an army, and a harem ,” I say, laughing more. “This is one hell of a detour.”
He nods, like he’s happy to hear that about himself. “Still have all that… they’re all just patiently waiting on my return. Except the harem. Recently retired that.”
I don’t honestly want to know why.
“So then what is sending you on this journey? I know it’s something. I can feel it,” I say as if it’s obvious, almost calling him Rasmus, but reframing.
He bites his lower lip, running a hand over his stubble that sounds like sandpaper. “It’s over someone I haven’t been able to forget about for, I don’t know, ten years.”
“Ah,” I say. “You conveniently left that out.”
He’s silent for a while, and I can feel memories and emotions stirring inside of him. “A woman, of course,” he finally says through a sigh. “She’s the leader of an all female assassin group. Found that pretty fucking interesting. We had our time together. Then she left me, with her damn cat. Telling me if our time was worth anything to me, to take care of Jasmine.”
I furrow my brows. “It’s been ten years… you’re still taking care of it?”
“Obviously.” So many things flood his body, which are muted with precision. He has incredible control over his powers.
“So you’re here because of her ?”
He glares at me. “Does it matter?” He clears his throat. “I came over here to talk to you because you and me need to be careful getting too close to Misery. He can have a lot of sway over us, like we saw. I think we can plan as much as we want, but it’s going to be a damn mess. We have no idea how many fire mages there are, either. If we can provide an escape for Jane, sounds like she can take care of that herself. That’s probably the most we can do.”
I think on that, agreeing with most of it. “Everything in me tells me not to worry. That the answer will come to me. My brain says fuck that, there’s no guarantee. But it’s like the concern melts away as soon as it enters, like I can’t make it count .”
”I don’t think you ever get used to that,” he replies, closing his eyes to lean his head back once more. “But if it feels like you can’t even question it, then it’s probably your powers telling you something.”
Out of everything, it’s the sensation of speaking to another Sensor that brings a calm to me I didn’t know I was missing. He thinks like I do, observes his surroundings in the same manner.
“It’s been all over the place for me,” I retort, my voice so swift to move to the edge. “I got injured in the streets before we went to the Undercroft. Everything screamed in me to take the hit.”
“I heard about it,” he replies. “From the pieces I’ve gathered, I think it was worth it. I think it was your own magic tapping into survival, or the fates. Because that man named Shade acted like an idiot, and admitted he wasn’t supposed to act when he did. If he hadn’t, you may have walked right into an ambush instead of the Undercroft.”
“So then I trust it?”
I know the answer. I need to hear someone confirm it; a person that knows what I go through. The stakes are too high, and Jane means too much. I need to know I can trust what my intuition demands of me.
“I feel it too. It’s worth letting it go. Everything tells me we need to arrive, then we’ll know what to do.”
Basilisk looks over at a group of laughing men, who silence when they see golden eyes have spotted them. It’s been rather hilarious to see the effect he has, as if getting too close is a curse. To touch Basilisk or even just brush against him is said to be akin to touching frostbite, biting cold and painful, because one knows death is coming—Tempest’s crew was different, as it was clear they feared nothing but their own captain.
The pirates here still have a healthy dose of appreciation for who the rest of us are.
Closing my eyes, I try to find Jane’s energy once again. It’s still there, as if I have my fingers on her pulse. Her mood hasn’t changed drastically, just ebbed and flowed in its sorrow.
It’s okay, love. I’ll be there, soon. You’re so resilient.
Going to aid her feels like recalling something stolen from home. “Have you ever felt— experienced —being near a person, and their presence is almost like it’s been there the entire time? At our level, anyway? With our magic…”
“Why do you think I’m taking care of someone else’s cat, making deals with witches, and trying to kill Misery for?”
So, he feels that connection, then; it solidifies what embeds in my heart for Jane. “Except you and her have space between you… so why would that happen?”
“It was necessary. I was not right for her. Not then. I’ve fought that current for years, convinced it wasn’t true. But now that it’s so much later… I knew when we first met I couldn’t have her. Not yet.” He stretches his legs out and crosses them. “If you feel it with the Scorpion’s daughter, it’s because she is home for you. You’re just lucky enough she wants to give it back. Some of us Sensors have to wait years once we have found that person.”
That truth settles on me like I’ve been trying to hold my breath and finally breathe. Maybe if I was a romantic man, I’d have more delicacy in handling this.
How in the hells does someone like me handle that truth?
The two of us sit in silence, the undercarriage starting to fill with sleeping men, while I sit there awake. Perhaps I’ll doze off for an hour soon, but I don’t need more than that. No with what that witch did to me all those years ago; a sacrifice to reduce sleep so I could spend more time researching, traveling, and training.
I let Cypress read my entire soul so she’d grant me the ability to exist like I do, and that’s how I learned she was poison.
I regret ever going to her.
All to find my sister, who I’m slowly accepting I may actually never see again, even if I survive this.
“Rasmus,” I say.
He growls. “No one fucking listens when I say I don’t want to be called that. Threats don’t work on you, because I’m realistically not going to kill you. Why do you press that boundary I’ve clearly made?”
I ignore him, because what I want to ask is deeper than any moniker's title. I’ll open up a piece of my heart, because I can feel death moving through these men, and I don’t know which side of that coin my fate rests on. “I can’t find Serena. At all. I can feel she is alive, but she is totally inaccessible. It’s like when I think I’m near her, she’s suddenly elsewhere. I’ve gone mad hunting her down. It’s… it’s why I’m here in the first place,” I slowly breathe out, the words like cleaning out tension in my body.I can admit this to him, because he knows the angry, destructive young man I used to be.
“It’s not failing, Soren, if someone is purposely hiding her. Which is what it sounds like,” he says with annoyance, like he hasn’t forgotten the use of his name.
Hope .
I hate that bittersweet bitch.
It’s something I’ve considered before, but I’d allow it to blow away as soon as it appeared. It would mean she’s truly inaccessible. “I always thought I’d find something. Use the Zenith and their network to man a hunt for Serena.”
I know that Cypress has given me no choice, and that I truly do trust Jane to find her, especially after proving herself in Ashfire— as long as I get her out . Perhaps it’s just impossible for me to uncurl my fingers that carry the responsibility of caring for my family.
It’s not in me to truly let go.
“So, you’re giving it all to Jane,” he says with understanding, as if he just read me like how I read others.
The broken pieces of my soul are a little less jagged at that thought. “She feels like mine. Especially with my mask embedded in her. Her soul connects to me—“ I stop, feeling incredibly uncomfortable to let another have that information.
“I know,” he quickly replies. “I understand. You don’t need to say more.”
I don’t even know if our conversation accomplished anything, and yet it seemed to help. The longer my magic is exposed to Jane, especially with this mask on, the more it feels entirely wrong to consider her not in my life.
In that, I understand Anya.
That’s not a feeling you can ever forget, or move away from.
I rest my eyes at some point, finding peace in my duty here. I’m not even sure if I accomplished any sleep when my eyes shoot wide open as Ritter approaches us, along with Liam.
The captain of this ship stands in front of me, the man containing true pirating energy; as if any offer of the right kind will sway him.
“It’s nearly time. When we can spot the tip of the volcano, we’ll anchor and get every one of you into the waters. On land, once you’re ready, light a blue flame. The bigger, the better,” he hands both Basilisk and I a small bag, the two of us still seated. “That’ll turn it blue long enough for me to spot it. We’ll know that means it’s time to ready the ship to leave. I’ll get close enough so the sirens won’t have to travel far to fetch you, and we’ll then ready the cannons.”
Cannons.
Something many have reported in ships further south in the summer trade lines. It’ll be interesting to see them used here, if they’re effective at all.
“And I double-confirmed with Melona,” Ritter says. “The water is our ally. The sirens will be infesting them, called from all over. They’ll be deep so they can’t be ensnared, and as soon as they feel one of us plunge below, they’ll grab us and use marrowkelp to get us back to the ship.”
I stare out at the men who are trying to listen, some elbowed awake; they’ll be formally briefed soon. When it’s time to get their orders, I want it to be with the poppy in their system, their blood running hot with murder.
“It’s time to get ready,” I say.