Chapter 55
J A N E
M y mind is as a mess of memories that repeatedly collide. There’s a vague awareness of drinking and eating, even of Soren cleaning my wounds only to re-bandage them.
But they’re so blurry.
My focus returns when a woman with kind eyes leans over me, ones that have the same crystal coloration of Soren’s.When she doesn’t disappear, I start to accept that I’m awake.
“ Soren ,” I state, my heart racing.
“My son is well. I am taking care of you now,” the woman comforts. Her voice is low and warm, dark hair streaked with white as it’s loosely braided down her back. Her face is marked with age, but there’s a certain vivacity to her eyes.
“You’re his mother ?”
“Yes.” A strand of her peppered dark hair falls in her eyes as she moves away to tend to a bowl with a thick, gelatinous salve. “Your wound was very aggressive. I’ve been healing it for some time now,” she says, waving a hand over my chest as her wrist glows blue. Pain mixes with relief as it’s slightly easier to breathe, and I know that she must have helped some of the scar tissue heal.
She really is a healer. I don’t know why, but that detail digs massively into my heart, as if it legitimizes everything that Soren has ever said to me. I knew I trusted him, because I choose to, but this confirms my difficult heart doesn’t have to worry about him.
Not anymore.
He’s mine .
“Why are you here?” I ask, looking around the small room that doesn’t look any different than the rest, although there’s a distinct lack of rocking from a ship. Are we on land?
“We’re in Serpent’s Crest. It’s our home. It’s where he was born,” she replies, bringing the bowl over to me as her other hand finished sending her healing magic into my body. She then pulls a wet rag off my chest that rested underneath a tunic I wear, revealing the gnarled wound. There’s a deep, red line where the compliant one stabbed me?—
The flashback to what actually happened sends my head spinning, my heart racing.
“When did I get off the ship I was on? Soren was there,” I ask with a high-pitched voice, trying to confirm I am off that ship. What if Misery is warping my dreams, and this is all his doing? Glancing back out the window with a pounding heart, I notice there are even leaves blowing gently in the distance.
“It’s alright, Jane. It’s all done. Soren got you off the ship, and I believe he had you sedated.”
The burning ship … Like I always do, I numb it all. Press on so I drown in it.
So, he had me sedated? The memory of waking up comes back, along with my offer to heal others. My huff rolls into a painful cough. “Those assholes sedated me?” I ask without thought, nearly covering my mouth as I look at her while she gently rubs the salve over my sewn together wound. “Sorry,” I say, holding a hand up. “No offense.”
Her smile deepens the lines around her crinkling eyes. “He is smitten deeply with you. Gained a few new, deep scars just for you, too.” She takes in a slow breath. “My son, unfortunately, has lived a very harsh reality. He can be a bit too blunt when he needs to be softer in his approach. Especially when he’s passionate about something.” She nods to me. “Such as drugging you to keep you alive without telling you. I can’t say it was the wrong move, because you truly did need to lie completely still.”
I take in the room all the more as a giant grin spreads across my face, getting the sense I might actually be in a normal dwelling, completely safe from everything that nearly tore me apart. “Was the injury that bad?
“This wound is stitched together with siren’s kelp. It can heal nearly anything, but it’s a very fragile bind. You were at great risk of re-traumatizing the wound. It seems to be a lung puncture, so yes, it was quite nasty.”
When she’s done applying the gel, his mother offers a hand with very short nails. “Let’s sit you up and get some food and tea in you.”
I grimace as I move, but it’s nowhere near as bad as when I first awoke to Soren. His mother fetches me some tea and food on a table, and I find it interesting that she wears billowy pants, along with a loose tunic, her feet bare.She’s not wearing a dress.
“Thank you for looking after me.”
“Of course. Anything important to Soren is important to me,” she replies, sitting back down on the floor with crossed legs, next to my cot. She pours me some steaming tea, and offers me a plate of spiced rice.
My jaw goes slack when I lock eyes with a few blue candles lit near the kettle. “Those! How do you use those?”
“The azure flame?” she asks, like this surprises her. “Oh, you just light them. It’s done by gripping the candle and sending your healing magic into the wax. The flames only appear that way. You don’t have to do much else, really. They’re draining, though. So you can’t leave them on for long because they give off a pulse of healing energy in the room, which takes from your energy.”
“What’s her name?” I nearly whisper, staring at the physical manifestation of the understanding I craved while locked away. “Of our goddess?”
“Azzara.”
“ Azzara ,” I mutter, a pulse of energy concentrating in my wrists. My heart almost breaks in two, desperately clawing at the memory of my mother. What happened that made her veer from our goddess? Her magic clearly saved me on that ship; my body turns rigid once more when recalling how the waves washed over me on Darkwater.
“Your mother didn’t teach you?”
“No… um, she had a falling out with Azzara.” Taking my gaze off the candles, I don’t want to speak of my mother about something like that, as if I’m speaking for her. “What is it like having Soren as a son?” I ask, sipping on the tea that’s thankfully normal, eager to have a conversation that roots me in reality.
She snorts, placing a hand on either knee as she looks me over. “Any man he kills deserves death. I won’t hear otherwise.”
Picking up the plate of rice after setting the cup down, I smile at her response.
“Eat slow. You didn’t get to eat much on the ship.”
Nodding, my growling stomach nearly tells me otherwise, but I listen to her and take my time.
“How did you do it?” she asks. “How did you set the ship on fire?”
I touch the back of my neck for the ruby—it’s gone —and leave that part out of it. For better or for worse, Cypress may have actually saved me. “I… I used my magic and channeled every bit of it into Misery’s staff, and then a wave washed over us, and he was gone. He screeched as if I had burned him.”
Intrigue is etched into her gaze. “How did you do that? He should have seen that coming.”
"I came with a suppressant. Misery couldn’t feel a thing,” I quickly say, the sensation of speaking about it in past tense quite odd on my tongue. “Why did that work so well? It was like me touching his staff was actual poison .”
Her gaze trails off, canting her head to the side. “You touched him with another god’s power, and in our case, ours is quite annoying to someone who is the God of Misery .” She pours me more tea and motions to the bowl with the salve she used on me. “This is for inflammation, by the way. Your body has healed a great deal, but I’m afraid your lung will have some permanent injury. What that manifests as, I’m not sure. This will reduce whatever we can manage.”
I look down, sighing like I’ve released a thousand worries. She places a hand on my shoulder, and it’s been a long time since a motherly touch was given to me. “You will be alright, Jane. Get some more rest. There will be someone outside the door if you need anything. I’ll let Soren know you’re awake.”
“Wait, what’s your name?”
“You can call me Sera.”
Downing the rest of the tea as she leaves, the quiet calm is almost too weird. Too out of place. It’s something I lived with every day in Coalfell, but now I don’t know what to do with it. Is it seriously over? Jesper is gone like he never existed? Blackwell’s ship is at the bottom of the ocean? I may have had a hand in that, but… I didn’t realize how much my heart had settled on going down with Darkwater.
Lie down .
Closing my eyes, I’m sure I fall asleep for some period of time, the lighting in the room seemingly brighter when I next open them. At some point, a lady’s maid enters after knocking.
I sit up once more, my chest not nearly in as much pain as it was earlier. “Where’s Soren?” I ask the woman, who is wearing a simple, red dress, her black hair pin straight and parted down the middle.
“In his chambers. He checked on you earlier. I’m here to see if you need anything.”
“Am I near his room?”
“Yes. You are in the quarters adjacent to it. He wanted you here for pure peace and quiet until you woke up properly. If you’d like, I can take you to him.”
“Yes, please. Let me put new clothes on.”
It’s a bitch to stand, but it also feels good to get my body moving as I strip off what I was wearing and find some new clothes; a simple, black dress with no sleeves. It’s actually kind of hilarious that I don’t hate it, compared to pants.
The lady’s maid waits for me outside, guiding me—even slowing down when it’s clear I can’t move very fast. My bare feet smack on slightly chilled wooden floors until we reach a large archway, serpents carved all throughout. It’s a sitting area of sorts, with a large window and couch, and a set of vast doors. Everything is of a dark shade.
“I can’t go in, but I’m sure he’s in there,” she says, nodding to the doors.
I turn the thick, bronze handle of one, thankful that it’s not too hard to open despite its size. When I step inside and shut the door behind me, I can’t believe I was just sitting among other Cinders as fire consumed us, and now I’m somewhere that feels like it could become home. There’s a peacefulness in here, a wind chime singing its song through the open windows, the curtain slightly rolling with the breeze. There’s such a large sitting area with an impressive hearth. His chambers remind me entirely of the one in Skull’s Row, even down to the colors.
And I love the view outside—a rolling pasture with tall, old trees, fences, and dirt pathways. Wild bushes break up the expansive green, a forest’s edge in the distance.
It’s like I died and went to another world.
It’s when I hear the movement of water that I enter through another door, like I’m actually exploring this afterlife I’ve been sent to. Opening it reveals a man leaning against the side of an impressive, in-ground bath, windows lining the wall behind him. The texture of the glass makes it impossible to see out of, while still creating a bright environment. Both of Soren’s arms are spread out on either side, displaying his muscles, his tattoos out for a full viewing as his wet hair is slicked back. He looks at me as if he expected this, a knowing smirk plastered on that handsome face.
I raise my brows and nearly laugh, which hurts my lung. “And you always got on me for the baths I liked!”
He tilts his head slightly at me, grinning darkly. “Get in.”
He will not have to tell me twice. I near the waters, finding the act of stripping for him a little difficult at first. Stealing the fastest glance, he can feel all of that, and gods, I missed him. It’s like my mind and body can just exist with Soren nearby, not having to speak a word of anything I feel. Of any of the trauma I can tell hasn’t even settled on my heart.
He’ll never ask how I feel .
“You are far from any danger, Jane. I, and many others, including yourself, have seen to that.”
I need this more than I realized. The connection he has to my heart and soul, I now recognize, is not a crutch. It’s how I want to live. It’s the only way I can truly let go, knowing that someone stands in the darkest parts of me, aware of everything .
My dress drops to the floor, and I enter the warm waters, nearly wanting to cry from relief. Not only does this man know me, but he knows of my home. Of my family. He’s seen me in my very last moments and brought me back to him.
Soren moves to me as soon as I’m close, running that calloused hand up my hip and back, wrapping me in his arms as he grips my hair from behind and looks me in the eyes. Staring into the palest blue, I know I’m home.
He has become my new home.
“Say it,” he grumbles, that rough voice matching the trimmed stubble on his jaw and cheeks.
“What?” I ask, my hand rising up along his body, over scars I’ve memorized. If anyone tries to take this away from me again, I now know I can be their reckoning.
“I can feel it all through you,” he adds, tightening his grip as his eyes look all over my face.
“That the water is a little warm?”
He doesn’t budge, something ravenous overcoming his gaze. “Tell me you love me.”
Those words rush through me in a sensation I have never experienced; to stare him in the eyes as he brings forth the word of love between us. The fact he wants my love, too. All right after I walked in death’s shadow for weeks.
“I’ll wait all day. You said you thought of me as you were dying,” he says, boring that gaze right into me so the entire world is no longer relevant.
“I don’t even remember the last time I told someone I love them,” I remark without thought, finding it actually difficult to get the words out. I know I feel it, but confessing it is such a different task. Like saying the words will make this all disappear, and I’ll wake up at the bottom of the ocean with the shipwreck. Next to fucking Blackwell and Jesper.
How have I been granted the chance to live so I can tell Soren I love him?
His gaze deepens with every bit of intensity in there. “Then you’re definitely telling it to me .”
A smile slowly spreads on my face, as I love the power I have over him. “ You say it.”
“Do you desire my love, Jane?” he asks, running his thumb along the nape of my neck.
“Oh, yes, I do.” Those words effortlessly leave my lips.
He leans down and kisses me deeply, passionately, before parting to ensure I’m staring right into his eyes, so close our noses touch. “I love you, Jane Ritter.”
My exhale is shaky; those words the salve that my soul needed, something immeasurably profound happening in my heart. “Of course I love you,” I say through a rushed exhale, my brows upturned. He’s already on my lips, his tongue spreading me wide. His free hand dips below the water to grab my ass so hard that I’m pressed right up against him, feeling his cock that’s firmly hard between the two of us.
A new passion translates through our kissing, now that we both know how close we were to not having this. He moves us to the edge of the bath until he lifts me, gently placing me on a fur rug as if he knew where he wanted me when I came to him. Soren climbs out, the beautifully carved man dripping all over as he claims my lips once more. His cock grazes against skin that hasn’t been touched by another since back in Skull’s Row, the man completely ready to penetrate to claim what’s his. I spread my legs further, needing him.
He rubs his stubble along my face as his mouth finds my ear. “Lots of things will change. You’ll keep that piece of my mask, for starters.” I breathe heavily, and he uses a hand to help guide him as his cock gently finds where it’ll enter me, slowly stretching what’s impossibly tight. “You’re my love, Jane.” His voice is a low rumble, filled with vulnerability. “It’s all behind us, and I’ll be the only one claiming you like this until our last breath. You can breathe easy with me.”
My lungs might burn but fuck that injury. I run my hands along the backside of his arms, the two of us getting lost in each other from kissing, teeth gently scraping, or tongues roaming as he rocks his hips to deeply fill me, intertwining our bodies. I don’t know why those words help settle the dust of everything that just happened, but they do. I’m safe, now, and I trust Soren.
He’ll always find me.
“Touch yourself,” he says into my mouth.
My hand lowers, rubbing my clit with so much purpose as my eyes fully roll with how it feels to have his cock deep inside while I clench onto the sensation of an orgasm rising. Every time I glance down, I glimpse his thick cock disappearing into my body, over and over. My other hand digs its fingers into his skin as I work so eagerly to let that feeling wash over me.It’s not even really the sex I’m chasing, but rather that utter vulnerability I want him to have.
This means I’m free , and with him .
That pushes me over as I scream out, my body jolting. His cock buries inside as I do, and it’s such a beautiful sensation to be physically and emotionally infiltrated by Soren after all that mayhem, this bliss turning that nightmare into something so far away.
Soren isn’t far behind me, moaning as his body stiffens, the rocking ceasing as I can feel him pulse inside of me, the man pressing as deep as my body will allow him. He grunts and stiffens, his eyes slightly rolling as he suddenly slows down all movement, his cock twitching inside of me.
His forehead presses against mine as we both lie there, fully interlocked with the other. “Life isn’t right without you, you know,” I gently say.
Pale, beautiful eyes are so close to mine, so open and defenseless. “No, it’s not,” he gently says. “I need the vibrations of your soul, love. I couldn’t function without it.”
Well, fuck him, because now I’m almost crying again. When I press my lips firmly into his, the act is so slow and mesmerizing, my body filled to the brim with electric pins and needles.
“Thank you for fighting for me,” I say into his mouth, the threat of crying fully returning.“Thank you,” I say with a sniff, pressing harder into his forehead, those words stretching further than just rescuing me. For existing, for keeping my father alive, for taking care of Kathleen. “ Thank you. ”
“Everything in me chooses you, Jane. I’ll always take care of you.”