Chapter 58
J A N E
I ’m truly happy for Soren that he gets to see those that share the same tattoos on his back. He mentioned it’s always awkward at first, but as long as their hearts are loyal, it’s like seeing a person who knows of a very rare language that not many can speak.
They’ve been through things that only they would understand.
I slowly back away from the small crowd; of course, Soren senses that and watches to see where I’m going, but when his attention is over my shoulder, I turn around to see my dad .
It’s nice to see him with his face, even if he’s now missing a hand. I heard how he sacrificed it to ensure Jesper didn’t get to kill himself, the fucker somewhere in the ocean, suffering from the siren’s curse. “I have something to show you, Jane,” he says, something gentler in his voice.
“Yeah, okay,” I say, my gaze meeting Soren’s once more before I follow my dad, leaving Kathleen, who motions for me to go.
As he and I walk through the twilight sunset, along the beach toward what looks like a harbor with a few ships in the bay. His one free hand holds a lantern to guide us, squeaking slightly on its chains. I eye his bandaged stump. “How are you?” I ask.
He raises the rounded thing. “Well, at least every time I look at this, I know he’s down in the seas, alive, and absolutely miserable .”
I admit, that gives me some comfort, too. “What will you do without it?”
“It’s my left hand, so it's not as important as my right. Probably get a weapon to replace it.” He lowers it to look me over. “I’ll find help if I need it, don’t you worry.”
“Where?” I ask, my heart racing. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
He takes his sweet time to reply as he surveys the path we’re on, the gentle crashing waves of the shoreline right next to us. “I got a letter from Corvus. Skull’s Row is in disarray, but not lost. Blackwell did a half-assed job at leading even if he was never chosen to lead. They want me to return, and I’ll be taking Liam Rackham to pay off our debt for his help. I’ll get my new hand there.”
“Is it safe? What if they just kill you?”
“I don’t think they will. I don’t have to hide anymore, and with Donna and Rorge, we’ll make it happen. They have a large network themselves. And… well, I’m free .”
Free. Free to leave me, I guess. I cross my arms, the air slightly cooler with the sun setting. “So you’re really going back?”
“Aye,” he says, and I realize we’re not just nearing the harbor, but he’s taking me along one of the piers as a ship is being emptied, the fading sunset silhouetting every line of rope. “Soren still needs to periodically visit, with all the shit that’s gone down.”
Dad is leaving me with him. In some way, it’s nice to have the approval, but in another, it feels like he’s just handing me off. “What about Matthias? We killed him. He has to have people there that will hate us.”
“He was a cunt that only had two friends in there, and one was Blackwell. Either the other one accepts his place, or we’ll exile him. Of which Soren will be a deciding factor. Tempest has also declared Corvus take the reign, and I don’t think many want to challenge her right now, not since she wears Blackwell’s soul in a conch around her neck. It helps I can see any auras that aren’t friendly; I know how to disappear.”
I don’t know if I’ll ever get over realizing my father isn’t the man I thought he was, but at least I don’t have to wade through those feelings alone. Not anymore. Of course, it’s nice to have him after pining for him for over a decade. I just… had different visions for what that would be like.
Time to let that go, too.
We come to a halt on the pier as quite a few men unload a moderately sized vessel. I raise my brows when I see a necklace of wolf teeth around their necks. “Tempest is here?”
“Those are men she let me borrow as I regather mine. She was pleased to hear that Jesper was sent to suffer the siren’s curse.” He nears them as one carries something that looks like a painting covered in cloth, some of the wooden beams creaking underfoot. “And she’s delivering things I stashed at her island many years ago.” He looks down at me, the lantern casting long shadows up his face. “I half wonder if she’s just giving these things back to me to get them away from her lands.”
“Were you two friends, at one point?”
“Allies. Strained from Cypress, but a siren—Melona, specifically—told her that saving my ass would keep her daughter safe, one day. Since we helped with Blackwell, and since you saved Moriganna, Tempest is willing to put all that behind us.”
Referencing back to my encounter with the sirens is odd, not having intended for that to create long-lasting debts to be paid. I just wanted them free, so I could fulfill whatever Cypress wanted out of me. Not one did it cross my mind that it would help me in the future. A future I didn’t know I’d have.
We near the painting, and he hands me the lantern, not an ounce of self-pity in his eyes as we both understand it’s because of his injury that he can only do one thing at a time. He lifts off the canvas fabric for it to reveal?—
I clasp my hand over my mouth as if I’ve seen a ghost.
It’s of my mother.
Probably when I was a few years old.
It’s almost cruel to see her face, so stagnant and forever that way, dramatically lit with the lantern against the darker sky. I’d gut anyone who would even attempt to ruin this. Hells, if I had money, I’d pay an artist to recreate this for safekeeping. I kneel down in front of it, staring at the almond shape of her eyes, the artist capturing her smirking grin perfectly.
“What is all of this?” I ask, my head moving all around as I pay more attention to the things that are still being carried off, placing the lantern on the pier.
“Your mother’s things. And some of mine.”
“What?” I ask, my voice cracking as I look up at my dad, standing to face him, my lungs straining to breathe.
“After you had been secured with Melona, I returned to our home and had my men gather what I told them to. It would be important to your mother that you’d have it.” His voice trails off, looking down at the painting behind me. “I hate how still she is. How I can’t make her come to life. I—” he trails off, blinking rapidly as his jaw juts to the side. “I talk to her, often. I don’t know if she hears me where she is… but I miss her.”
I turn slightly so I can look back at it, my breath hitching for a second time at seeing her. “They even got the beauty mark on her jaw.”
All he manages is a nod before sharply inhaling and moving over to a chest, opening it.
“It’s not locked?”
“It was more for keeping things organized than safe. They’re just made of wood. The thieves in Skull’s Row would have broken in one way or another. It’s about where you keep your precious things that’s more important.”
Dad opens it, the hinges creaking as it’s almost like a coffin of my childhood. “Ah, this one has her healing stuff. It’s got her candle that she used to light for healing before she lost faith in her goddess.”
I near it so fast I nearly trip, stumbling as I reach back to grab the lantern to hold it closer. “She kept the candle?” I ask, staring at the blue wax, noting that the wick is even the same color. There’s a divot around the wick, indicating it’s been used. The last time it was on fire was when my mother touched it…
“She didn’t know how to explain that she had lost a personal faith. You were still learning the basics of healing, so I didn’t press how you needed to connect more with your magic. I’m not quite sure how the gods work, but I do know they can help connect your powers.” He clears his throat, looking at me while I stare at the things that used to be kept around our house. “Soren’s mother, I’m certain, would teach you.”
I even spot a small bag, one I swear she used to—I pull out a pair of ruby earrings, my jaw dropping as if holding a precious memory snatched from thin air.I truly believed I’d never see these again.
“All of her jewelry is in there, too.” He sighs, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m remembering now, I put all the special stuff in that one. The rest are her clothes…” He looks at the others.
“Are these safe to wear?” I ask, holding them next to the lantern as the fire flickers heavily.“I lost the ones I bought.”
“I would maybe find another ruby jeweler, but they’d be fine to wear on occasion.”
I laugh at the sudden humor, moving my gaze between the earrings and my father. “Do you trust Cypress, after all of this?”
“I trust that her god means more to her than any of our lives. I think it’s best to stay far away from Cypress if we don’t want to end up stuck in her web again, though.”
I stare at the jewelry for such a long time, and Dad doesn’t press me, all while Mom watches on through her painting. It’s when I face him, so confused about all of this, and yet he still seems like a stranger—I’m stunned when Dad pulls me in for an embrace, the stumpy arm wrapping around to hold me there.
I don’t know what to do, my eyes burning from how wide they are.
“I’m so sorry I was so distant, Jane. Cypress… it was all her. She told me I couldn’t be close or show you any emotion. That it would throw you off. That if I broke that promise, she’d remove me from you. She said you’d be too attached to losing me again and not act how you needed to. I love you, Jane. I’m grateful I got to see you, for all those years, and got to do what I could to take care of you. Even from a distance. I’m just so sorry you felt so alone for so long.”
I drop the earrings and wrap my arms around my father, crying like how I dreamed I would when still a child who trusted too much, burying my face into his chest as Mom’s painting stands behind us. I wail into his chest like I’m a kid again, surrounded by my parent’s effects, gripping him even tighter, as if to tell the lonely Jane that first arrived in Coalfell that it is okay; he will come.
He’s already there.
It will just take much longer than anticipated to embrace him again.
“Enjoy this season while we have it, Jane,” Dad says, and I can hear him sniff as his remaining hand pets my head. “Life is seasonal. You had an unusually rough one that lasted for a very long time, but it was bound to be reborn with new beginnings...” He sniffs again and kisses the top of my head. “I’m so proud of you, you know that? You took on a god , Jane. Your mom would be telling everyone of your legend.” He laughs into my hair as I shudder more, burying my nose into his chest. “My girl .”