15. Blake
Chapter 15
Blake
I sat in Delaney's car outside Xander's cottage, drumming my fingers nervously on the steering wheel.
The spring rain that had started during our loading session had finally let up, leaving everything with that fresh, earthy scent that usually comforted me.
Today, it just made the cottage's garden look slick and uninviting.
Xander should be here any minute with the majority of my stuff in his truck. After we finished eating, everyone had pitched in to help pack my things and get them loaded into the back of Delaney's car and Xander's truck. We'd have another DCFS visit at some point, and I needed to get Amelia and myself settled at Xander's before that happened.
Now I was sitting in front of the house that Xander was staying in, wondering if I was allowed to just walk inside. It felt wrong when he wasn't here.
I glanced over at Amelia, securely fastened in her car seat and, miraculously, still sleeping despite all the commotion of the day.
Then I looked at the pile of boxes and bags crammed into every available space in Delaney's SUV. I hadn't realized I’d brought quite so much stuff out of storage, and that didn't even include most of my art materials because they were at the studio. It was a stark reminder of how little stuff I had for Amelia. Madison had only left me with the car seat, her handmade blanket, and a diaper bag with some clothes. She was going to need a lot more. Not to mention an entire nursery.
"You might need to get a job," I said to Amelia, who gurgled in response, her eyes fluttering open. "You make a good point. Fine, I'll get the job."
I pulled out my phone and checked my balance in my banking app, then groaned. "Might need to make that two jobs."
I opened the notes app on my phone and started making a list of what I needed to do and the things Amelia would need. Then I side-eyed Amelia, who was watching me with those big, curious eyes.
"This stays between us, okay? Don't tell Delaney I'm making lists. I've got a reputation to keep."
The list grew longer by the second, and I winced. I was lucky I'd been able to borrow some stuff from Delaney, but she'd need it back soon when she had her own baby. I smiled then, despite the building panic, because I couldn't be more happy for my friend and her growing family.
I startled as someone knocked on my window.
Xander stood there, eyebrows raised in question, raindrops glistening in his hair.
I rolled down the window.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked.
"I wasn't sure if I should go inside," I admitted.
Xander opened the door and reached out a hand. "This is your home, Blake. You don't need to wait to be invited inside."
That statement struck a chord with me, but I had enough on my plate right now and didn't need to start thinking about past trauma.
I laughed nervously and took his hand as he helped me out of the car. "For now." It left a bad taste in my mouth, and I didn't even know why I'd said it, but I brushed past it.
Xander peered inside the SUV at the now sleeping Amelia and then gently closed the door behind me so as not to wake her up. I tried not to think too hard on how considerate he was of her. Xander would be an incredible dad one day, and it was going to be hard work remembering that he wasn't signing on to do that for Amelia.
To remember that this was a temporary solution to an immediate problem.
Reece and Booker pulled in behind Xander's truck and we stepped away from each other just like how we did back at Delaney's house.
There was a slight air of awkwardness between us now.
Like we didn't notice when we leaned in too close, until someone else pierced the bubble that seemed to form around us.
"Right, time to unload," Booker said with a wince as he flexed the fingers of his hand that was partially covered with his cast.
A pang of guilt hit me. He still wasn't recovered, no matter what he seemed to think about it.
There was no way he should be helping me move right now.
I opened my mouth to say something only for Reece to gently shake her head as she came to my side.
"Don't even bother," she said, sounding exhausted. "I've already tried."
"Besides, if you don't have me and all my muscles moving these boxes, you'll be here all day." Booker laughed and then grabbed the closest box, hefting it up onto the shoulder of his good arm like it didn't weigh a thing.
It said a lot about the current shape I was in that Booker with a broken arm was surviving moving day better than I was. I could feel that sticky static in the back of my shirt that you got when you sweated and then sat in an air conditioned car with rain-dampened clothes.
At least working this injured man for my own gain would get me into the shower quicker. I could be nice and clean as I slipped down that descent into hell. Oh well, he did offer and he's a big enough boy to say if it's too much for him so I was washing my hands of the responsibility.
As the first of the boxes were carried past me, I opened the car door and unclipped the car seat. My eyes found Xander standing on the small porch at the front of the cottage who watched me carefully as I approached.
"Welcome home," he said, reaching out to take the car seat from me. "Why don't you go see if you want to change any of the furniture around in your room before we start bringing the rest of your stuff inside."
I felt like my head was in the clouds as I wandered into the cottage, realizing that I'd never been here before. The first thing that hit me was the scent—unmistakably Xander. A clean, slightly woodsy cologne mixed with something that was just him. The cottage felt lived-in but tidy, like everything had its place. I ran my fingers along a bookshelf as I passed, wondering what kind of books he read when no one was looking.
If I hadn't seen Booker walking out of a door boxless, I wouldn't have known where my room actually was. I found Reece inside, hands on her hips as she looked around at the space.
"It's a bit small but it will do until the new house is built," she said. "Maybe if we move the bed further towards the back wall, that would give you enough room to set up a crib in that corner," she said, pointing to the corner in question.
My mind was still stuck on the beginning of her statement though.
"This is only temporary," I told her. Even I heard the question in my voice and she smiled softly.
"Sure it is," she said brightly.
Somehow even though she'd agreed with me, her face said something completely different. But honestly, I was way too tired to care because the hard work of an unexpected move was starting to set in and honestly all I could think about was getting a shower and some form of carbs, preferably accompanied by sugar.
I had a terrible feeling that Xander and I were about to have some meddling friends and relatives running amok in our lives, and with the current level of chaos my emotions were in right now, I wasn't sure I'd be able to figure it out before it was too late.
I looked over my shoulder at where Xander and Booker were bickering about physiotherapy and recovery time to make sure they weren't paying us any attention.
"Look, Xander is an incredible guy…"
Reece's grin widened and she nodded enthusiastically.
"But he deserves more than what I can offer him. Look at the mess I'm in. Look at what he's trying to build here. I'm not going to distract him with my problems any longer than I need to. Once all of this is figured out, Amelia and I are moving out and starting a life somewhere. I don't even know if I can say that's going to be in Willowbrook. Amelia comes first now, and I have to do whatever is best for her, wherever that may be."
Reece's grin slowly slipped away and then suddenly I found myself in a crushing hug. "I was once running from the world, with my eyes only on the problems that surrounded me," she whispered in my ear. "All I'm going to suggest is to make sure that you pay attention to some of the other stuff as well. I don't want you to miss something that's right in front of you."
Reece pulled back and then with her hands on my shoulders she turned me to face the guys who were watching us curiously now. I saw the concern on Xander's face as his gaze moved over me, as if he was searching for a problem he'd missed before.
"Is that everything inside now, boys?" Reece asked moving to my side.
Booker frowned looking between the two of us, clearly realizing that he'd missed something. He took a cautious step closer, almost automatically like he was ready to take on whatever it was that could be hurting the woman he loved.
My heart lurched at the thought.
I needed that in my life. Someone who was ready to fight my demons with me.
My gaze moved to Xander then, because I had to admit that I kind of already did. Xander had already stepped up. He was trying, and that meant more than I could ever possibly express. I'd only ever really had Delaney in my corner and that corner, even with her warm and vigilant presence, had been starting to feel a bit empty. And it had felt like that for longer than I cared to admit.
But maybe there was someone else standing in it now.
Booker winced as he set down a box, and I noticed him flexing his fingers.
"This is the last one," he confirmed. "Did you leave anything in storage?" Booker asked, fidgeting with his cast like he was getting ready to tear the thing off.
"Just my dignity," I replied, looking around at the mess that now surrounded us.
"That explains a lot," Booker muttered with a smirk, staggering to the side as Xander playfully shoved him.
"You okay?" I asked, nodding at his arm.
"Fine," he grumbled. "Can't wait to get this damn thing off."
"Billie will be handling your physical therapy," Xander said, and I watched as Booker's expression darkened.
"I don't want physio. I don't need it. I'm fine," Booker insisted through gritted teeth. "I don't think I even needed the cast on as long as it has been," he tried, waving his arm in the air like he was trying to play the whole thing off as nothing.
I didn't envy Reece having to live with a grumpy Booker when he was fighting taking time to recover with what felt like every fiber of his being.
But then it was like a spark of my old self rose to the surface, and I just couldn't help myself. "Remember when you tried to cut it off yourself and Reece caught you?"
Booker's glare could have melted steel. "That was one time."
"Sure it was, Booky Bear," I said, using the nickname I knew would annoy him the most.
Reece snorted, gracefully stepping around the boxes and going to Booker's side, patting him gently.
"Don't encourage her," Booker warned his girlfriend, but the corner of his mouth twitched.
It was a normal moment that I desperately needed to cling to while everything else felt so out of place.
"I would never," Reece gasped. Then she tipped her head to the side to lean against Booker as she snuggled into him. "But maybe this Billie person might have some ideas to make you feel better, and maybe feeling better could be an advantage in a situation you very much like to be in."
Booker licked his lips as he tried to stop his grin from forming. So this was how Reece seemed to always get Booker to do things he never wanted to do. The woman was a genius at subtle sexual bribery. A master who should be teaching courses to us mere normal girls.
"Fine," Booker sighed, pretending that he was reluctantly agreeing.
Reece patted his chest and then her gaze darted to me as she grinned. It took everything I had to not laugh at how easily she could play him.
But even I could see that Booker agreeing to talk to Billie wasn't a win yet, and I had a feeling he wasn't going to make it easy on Billie to get the job done. I felt sorry for the woman I hadn't met yet. She definitely had her work cut out with that one.
Before anyone could say much of anything else, Reece was gently pushing Booker toward the door. "We need to feed the horses," she said, though the look she gave me suggested that was just an excuse.
Booker frowned. "But it's only…"
"The best time of the day!" Reece burst out interrupting him as she gave him one last shove over the threshold. "Bye! Have fun and call me when it's time to start shopping," she shouted as she quickly grabbed the door and slammed it closed a little more enthusiastically than necessary.
The sound of the door had Amelia grumbling in her car seat as her hands became little fists and she squirmed unhappily. Xander didn't even miss a beat as he went to her, unclipping the straps and then gently picking her up to hold her against his chest. I looked around at all the boxes wondering where we were going to put it all, then I looked at Xander standing there holding Amelia.
I realized then that Xander and I were alone, and I felt awkward suddenly. It wasn't like it was the first time I'd been alone with him.
"Does this feel weird to you too?" I asked.
Xander gave me a crooked smile. "Yeah, but it will get easier, I promise. What's the worst that can happen?"
And then Amelia threw up all over him.
I burst out laughing at the look of shock on his face, and after a moment, he joined in, careful not to jostle Amelia.
"I think that answers my question," he said, looking down at the mess on his shirt.
"Welcome to parenthood," I said, then froze. That wasn't what this was. He wasn't Amelia's parent. He was just helping me out. Helping us out. Temporarily.
But as I watched him gently wipe Amelia's face with the clean part of his shirt, murmuring soft reassurances to her, something in my chest tightened.
This man, who had no obligation to either of us, was willing to stand there covered in baby vomit, while he soothed the child in his arms, and he still looked at Amelia like she hung the moon. And he was looking at me like... like I mattered too.
"I'll get a towel," I said, then hesitated, realizing I had no idea where anything was in this house.
"Down the hall, the door on the left," Xander directed, bouncing Amelia gently.
I hurried down the narrow hallway, acutely aware of how small the cottage was. The bathroom was tiny but clean, with a shower just big enough for one person. I grabbed a soft blue towel from the rack and turned to leave, only to collide with Xander, who had followed me with Amelia.
My hands instinctively went to his chest to steady myself, and I felt his free arm wrap around my waist. We stood there for a moment, pressed together in the narrow doorway, neither of us moving. I could feel his heartbeat under my palm, slightly faster than normal. His hand was warm against the small of my back, and I was suddenly aware of how close our faces were.
"Sorry," he murmured, his voice lower than usual.
"My fault," I whispered back, but I still didn't move. Couldn't move.
Amelia made a little hiccuping sound between us, breaking the spell. Xander cleared his throat and stepped back, giving me room to slip past him.
"Let me clean her up," I said, reaching for Amelia. "You should change."
"I'll be quick," he said, handing her over carefully. "Then we can figure out where to set up her bassinet."
Twenty minutes later, Amelia was clean and dressed in fresh clothes, and Xander had changed into a t-shirt that hugged his shoulders in a way I was trying very hard not to notice. We stood in the second bedroom, surrounded by boxes and baby items.
"I think this room makes the most sense for you," Xander said, running a hand through his hair. "It's bigger than mine, and there's space for Amelia's crib."
"I can't take your bigger room," I protested.
"You're not taking it. I'm giving it to you," he countered with a smile. "Besides, you need more space than I do."
I was about to argue further when I noticed Amelia's blanket had gotten caught on a box, tearing a small hole in one corner. "Oh no," I said, picking it up.
"What's wrong?" Xander asked, stepping closer.
"Her blanket. It's the only thing Madison left that seems to have any... I don't know, sentimental value?" I ran my fingers over the torn edge. "She made it herself. I can tell by the stitching."
"Can you fix it?" Xander asked, reaching out to touch the soft fabric.
"I think so. I'll need a needle and thread."
"I think I have some somewhere," Xander said. "Wait here."
While he went to get the supplies, I sat on the edge of the bed, cradling the blanket. It was a simple patchwork design, nothing fancy, but it was the only connection Amelia had to her mother. When Xander returned, he sat beside me, our shoulders just barely touching.
I threaded the needle and began to carefully repair the tear. Xander watched my hands work, occasionally holding a section of fabric to make it easier.
"You're good at that," he observed. "Where'd you learn to sew?"
"Delaney’s Aunt," I said without looking up. "She believed everyone should know how to mend clothes. One of the more useful skills I picked up along the way."
We sat in comfortable silence as I finished the repair. When I was done, Xander reached out and ran his thumb over the mended section.
"Good as new," he said softly. "Maybe even better."