51. Lex
LEX
M isery doesn’t love company. It’s a mean beast that only wants to consume. No one is company. Everyone is food.
The clock on the wall of the hotel room chimes, nearly making me jump at the sudden sound. I glance up. It’s already half past nine. Where the fuck is she?
Needing a distraction, I glance over to where Nolan is standing by the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring out at the flickering lights of the city beyond.
It may only be an hour or so away from Silverwood, but this place is difference incarnate.
Giant chrome knives jutting upward, reaching for the sky like fingertips craving the clouds.
Lights dancing high and low. The loud honking of cars below.
It’s louder here. Crowded. Yet, somehow, everyone is more invisible.
Thwip. Thwip. Thwip.
My gaze falls to the card Nolan flips through his fingers.
I don’t know how he knew that it’d be embedded within the invitation he received, but when we’d arrived at the room, he’d taken the invitation he’d been given and ripped the top part straight down the middle, revealing a key card that had been slipped between two cards plastered together.
Now, here we are, sitting in a hotel room that’s bigger than my own fucking house, complete with its own bedroom, living room, and kitchen area. It’s more of an apartment than a hotel room. The space makes my skin itchy.
I bow my head again, staring at the hard grain of the carpet between my feet. What will Juliet say when she sees me? Will she forgive me? Can she forgive me?
I shove a hand through my hair and grab hold of a large chunk. I don’t know if I can even forgive myself. A strange heat burns in the back of my eyes. I wanted to kill her. I hurt her. I ripped her open and let her bleed because… I hurt. Because I thought she’d left me.
The reality is so much worse.
My love is a violent thing. A damaged creature reaching for affection and responding with rage when it senses even the slightest hint of rejection. If she is heaven, then I am hell, and the two of us are too different to truly form a lasting connection. Yet, I cannot see myself without her.
I need her like grass needs the sun. I need her to fucking live and if I don’t have her, then we’re both fucking dead.
There’s a knock on the door. My head jerks up just as Nolan leaves the window and goes to open it. His feet move silently over the carpet. I suck in air, but feel nothing inflate my lungs. Sweat dampens my brow. I can’t breathe.
The door opens and Gio steps inside first, his shirt untucked, his hair mussed, and his jacket no longer around his shoulders, but hanging over his arm. I frown, standing. Then, she steps inside.
Her hair is a mess around her face and shoulders. The mask she’s still wearing only highlights the blue of her eyes and hair as both she and Gio move farther into the room and the door closes behind them.
I don’t think. I just react.
Getting up from my seat, I stride over to her, not stopping until she’s directly in front of me. Her head tips back and her lips pinch tight before loosening as she gazes up at me. Neither of us say a damn word for a long time.
Then, because I can’t stand it anymore, I go to my knees before her.
I bow my head. Pain slices through my spine and up into my skull, radiating outward.
My eyes ache with the need to sob. Years—it’s been years since I’ve actually cried.
I stopped crying when I learned it didn’t change things.
Crying wouldn’t keep my father from hating me.
It wouldn’t bring my mother back to life. It wouldn’t make my aunt care for me.
But I cried for her the night I hurt her. Now, I cry for us both.
As the first tear slips free, I part my lips and suck in a shaky breath. “Juliet… I’m so sorry.” The words rasp from my parched throat. Tight. Untenable. “I…”
Sorry isn’t enough. Apologies aren’t enough. What else can I do? What can I do to show her my regret?
An idea forms and I reach into my pocket and retrieve a familiar knife—the one she left behind. Her first weapon. I don’t know what possessed me to bring it tonight, but perhaps I knew all along that something else needed to be done in order to attain any length of actual forgiveness from her.
I hold it up. “My life is yours,” I whisper. “As is my death. Take what you see fit.”
Neither Gio nor Nolan move. They don’t speak. For several long seconds, nothing happens. Then, soft, slender fingers pluck the knife from my shaking hands. Fire cuts into my eye sockets as I blink away the new tears that form.
Shallow breaths. In and out. The quiet snick of the knife opening reaches my ears a moment before the sharp edge of the blade tucks under my chin. I close my eyes as she forces my head upward.
“Open your eyes, Lex.” A demand I cannot refuse, no matter how much it will flay me to see condemnation in her eyes. I open them.
Juliet’s face is a mask of cold neutrality.
She doesn’t smile, but neither is she glaring and snarling.
Those ocean midnight eyes of hers stare down at me, examining, analyzing, contemplating.
I wait for her verdict, praying to a god I have long since stopped believing in that she still finds something in me worthy of her.
“I should slit your throat,” she murmurs.
“I will accept that,” I tell her.
She doesn’t seem surprised by my reply, but both Gio and Nolan exchange looks at her back.
“Why?”
I blink. “What?”
“Why are you offering me this?” she asks. “I could kill you and you say you’ll accept it. Tell me what you did that deserves death.”
“I…” Hurt you. Tried to kill you. Wanted to kill the one thing in this world that means more than the rest. The last piece of good in me is her, and I almost stamped it out.
When no words make it out, she twists the knife in her hand, scratching the side of my jaw with it. I don’t flinch away from the blade, not even when it nicks me and warm liquid bubbles up and slides down my throat.
“I didn’t scream.” Her words are a whisper, but they whip into me as loud as a lash. “You told me if I didn’t want what you gave, that I could scream for someone to come save me. Did you want me to be saved by you?”
Shame swallows the last of my pride. “Someone should have saved you from me.”
“I don’t want to be saved, Lex.” No words leave my lips, but they don’t need to because she’s not done. “I didn’t scream,” she reminds me. “You gave me that out. I didn’t take it. That wasn’t your choice, but mine.”
“I hurt you,” I remind her.
She shrugs. “Everyone I’ve ever loved has hurt me.”
The air leaves my lungs. Those words… it might have felt less painful if she’d actually taken that knife and stabbed it into my chest. “I don’t want to be another person that hurts you,” I whisper. “If my blood is the price I pay for loving you, then it’s yours to shed.”
Juliet’s hand sinks into my hair when my head dips again and she yanks, forcing me to look back up at her.
Weakness is in the eye of the beholder and some might say that this woman—smaller and of average height—is the weaker of the two of us.
When I look up at her, though, I know she could command me to become a rabid dog and I would.
Her power is a quiet, lethal thing, and it controls me.
She controls me.
“Sometimes dogs bite their owners,” she tells me, her hand still moving the knife, up and down my jaw as if she’s still debating whether or not she wants to slit my throat.
I arch a bit to give her more access. “But the act of a good owner is to find the reason why and correct it. You are mine, Lex. Mine to love or to kill. Never forget that.”
“Does that mean you forgive me?” Hope claws its way up my throat. It’s impossible, and yet…
The knife leaves my flesh and flicks closed. She tosses it to the floor between my spread knees. Her hand is still in my hair, turning softer, stroking. Juliet bends until her face is right against mine. I stop breathing altogether.
“There’s nothing more to forgive, Lex,” she whispers just before her lips touch my own. “You have been and always will be… mine .”
Her kiss tastes of ruination and salvation. She dominates me in one second and then opens her own mouth to allow me to take over. Our tongues entwine and I reach up, cupping her face and kissing her until the last drop of my sanity is gone.
JULIET
In the aftermath of Lex’s groveling, he clings to me.
At least, he tries to until I excuse myself to clean up in the hotel room’s bathroom.
Gio’s jacket had been used to clean me off before we’d gotten here, but the sticky feel of his cum drying on my skin beneath the dress I’d readjusted into place isn’t comfortable.
A quick rinse in the bathroom and wipe-down is enough to make me feel somewhat human again.
Once I’m back in the room and seated on the soft couch that takes up a large portion of the space, Lex practically wraps himself around me, arms holding my waist as he lifts me into his lap.
His chest is pressed to my back and his head nuzzles against my throat.
He really is like a big puppy. I pet his head, stroking through the strands of his hair.
On the coffee table between us, our masks sit like a quartet of creepy faces. I touch a finger to the scorpion mask in amusement. It’s good to be with them again.
“I’m so glad you guys came,” I say as Nolan takes a seat across from me and Gio to the side.
“We were going to come for you even before the invitation came,” Nolan states. “How did you manage to set this up?”
Letting my finger trace the scorpion tail along the side of the mask, I answer him. “An old friend helped me. Morpheus was keeping me on a tight leash, but he let Roquel come over and he even let us go out.”
“Out where?” Gio asks, leaning closer as if he, like Lex, wants attention.
With a smile, I reach out and he takes my hand immediately, holding on as if for dear life. “To the city,” I answer. “To a club that my friend’s family owns. I managed to get away from the bodyguards Morpheus usually has following me and?—”
“Bodyguards?” Nolan interrupts. “Are they here with you tonight? Could anyone have seen where you went?”
“They’re here,” I admit. “But Morpheus is also here—they seem to be more focused on him when he’s around. Plus, Paris said he’d distract?—”
“Paris?” Gio cuts in. “Is that your friend? You don’t mean Paris Troyan, do you?”
“Yeah, he’s?—”
“From one of the richest fucking families in America.” Gio releases my hand in surprise and shoves both of his up his face and over the top of his head. “Holy shit.”
“He’s a good person,” I assure them. “He’s the one who organized this charity ball so that I could meet you guys. I gave him your names and he promised that he’d invite you.”
At my back, Lex tightens his hold around my waist. “He’s just a friend, right?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes,” I say, petting the arms wrapped around me. “He’s just a friend. Nothing more.” Always so protective and possessive. Even if I’m annoyed, I know I kind of like it now. Belonging to someone feels good because they belong to me too.
“We’re grateful he was able to speed up our meeting,” Nolan says. “We weren’t sure how we were going to get you out, but now that we have you here, we can wait a bit and then sneak you out once the party downstairs has calmed some.”
My petting of Lex stills and all at once, all of their eyes are on me. “About that…”
“You’re not going back to him.” The words burst from Gio’s lips before I can continue. “Don’t even fucking think about it.”
“No, no.” I shake my head. “I don’t want to go back, but?—”
“No buts,” Lex growls. “If he tries to take you from us again, I’ll rip him to shreds.”
I huff out a breath. “Listen to me,” I snap, reaching up and yanking on a strand of his long, dark hair. “I want away from him, for sure, but we still have to think about the reason I went back to him in the first place.” I grimace, releasing Lex’s hair and looking to Nolan. “Your mom’s accident…”
Nolan holds up a hand to stop me. “We figured things out ourselves,” he tells me. “What happened was not your fault. It was his. My mom is being looked after.”
“But your families are all in danger because of me,” I say. “He threatened you and I didn’t know what else to do at the time.”
“You should’ve talked to us,” Nolan says. “You should have told us the truth.”
I lower my eyes to the black-and-red fabric of my dress. “I didn’t want you to hate me for what I brought to your doorstep,” I tell them. Truthfully, I couldn’t bear the thought of finally finding people who would stand by me, protect me, love me… and that I would be the reason they suffered.
“Prep Girl…” Gio retakes one of my hands, holding on when I would pull away. “Look at me,” he commands.
I tug my hand again and when he still doesn’t release it, I raise my head to glare at him. He smiles back at me. “We don’t leave each other,” he says. “Never. No matter what.”
“Morpheus is dangerous,” I insist. “He’ll fucking ruin you. He’ll?—”
“Get what’s coming to him,” Nolan interjects again.
“How can you be so calm about this?” I demand, whipping my attention back to him.
“Because we have an ace up our sleeve,” Nolan answers.
I stop. I frown, confused. “What?”
“That hacker we contacted has seen movement on your mother’s accounts,” Lex says. “We’ve got a lead on her now. We also have Viks helping us.”
Shifting to the side, I look over my shoulder to meet Lex’s storm cloud-colored eyes. “You’re letting him help you?”
Lex grimaces. “‘Letting’ is a strong word. I wouldn’t say that we’re letting him so much as we are…”
“Being forced to reconcile the fact that we can’t do everything on our own,” Nolan finishes when it appears Lex can’t.
I snort. I can’t help it. The pure, boyish annoyance on Lex’s face is too much. Another laugh bubbles out of me and Gio has to release my hand when Lex turns his attention fully to me and squeezes my sides in retaliation.
“Don’t laugh at me, baby,” he says. “I still think he’s a prick.”
“He’s your uncle and it seems like he actually wants to help,” I remind him.
“Ugh.” Lex settles back against the couch and pulls me harder against him.
“Regardless of his reasons for helping us,” Nolan says, recapturing all of our attention. “He came through when we needed him. We can rely on him for now. He’s got men watching our families in case your uncle tries anything. You’re not going back to him. You’re coming home.”
“He’ll still need to be dealt with,” I say, my voice quieting and the laughter fading.
Nolan nods. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, let’s just get you out of here and back where you belong.”
Where I belong… I close my eyes. He’s right. They are where I belong and I’ve never felt so loved as I do now, in their arms.