Chapter 7 Rum and Revelations
Riley
Riley slunk through the Gullet’s corridors, alone.
She’d stayed in Sable’s bed until the pain of her absence overshadowed the comfort she’d found inside her quarters, the ache in her chest growing and growing and growing until it suffocated her.
And then Riley hadn’t been able to stand the softness of the sheets, the warm press of Sable’s scent, the lingering memory of Calla’s body pressing against hers.
She had no right to comfort.
She’d betrayed them both. Worse, during the first few days after the cave collapse, Riley had tried to convince herself that Sable had been planning to steal the Heart from the very beginning.
That she’d taken it to use for her own ends.
That she’d only saved Riley’s life as an unintended consequence of her own greed, because everyone was greedy and untrustworthy and just waiting for the right moment to sink a dagger into her back–when it would hurt the worst. She’d thought all of those things and more besides.
Because she couldn’t stomach the alternative.
That Sable had saved her. Riley had thought their whole relationship was opportunistic, a means to an end mixed with a bit of carnal pleasure to make it fun.
But she’d been wrong. Sable had saved her because she cared about her, even after Riley had tried to run, even after she’d tried to take the Heart for herself, even after she’d ruined everything.
All the worst things she could’ve done, Riley had done them, and Sable had still saved her–
Riley gasped in a breath, pressing herself against the wall of the Gullet’s empty corridor.
The cold stone against her back only made everything worse because now she was thinking of Calla.
Calla, who’d somehow known exactly what Riley had needed, and she’d given it to her, despite everything. And then she’d left.
A wounded sound escaped Riley’s tight throat, and this was too much. She needed–
Her eyes fell on the flickering torchlight at the end of the corridor, illuminating one of the Gullet’s still-open taverns.
A distraction. She needed a distraction.
She took out her pouch and counted her remaining coins as her feet brought her over, swallowing thickly.
It was enough for her to get drunk. And then maybe breathing wouldn’t feel like fingers clawing down her throat, tearing at her insides and making everything bleed.
Tomorrow, she would find some way to make it all up.
She would meet up with Neera and pay any price she had to pay to find out what Sable and Kittredge were up to.
Even though the thought of Neera still made her stomach lurch.
And the thought of Sable made her want to cry.
And the thought of Calla made her want to just drown herself–
Yeah, she needed that drink. She needed to tide herself over until tomorrow, otherwise she’d just do something stupid again, and she couldn’t afford to be stupid anymore.
This, at least, would be harmless.
She stepped inside the tavern, did not look at anyone, and told the barkeep to keep the drinks coming as she found her way to a quiet corner. And then she kept her head down until she’d downed enough rum to dull her senses.
After that, her old habits kicked in.
Riley dispassionately studied the room, gaze lingering on gold and jewels and fancy boots.
The last time she’d done this was all the way back in Saltmere.
A lifetime ago. A time when Riley could fuck up and screw people over and not care about any of the consequences, because no one had ever given a damn about her before the Moonshadow, and she hadn’t given a damn about anyone but herself.
That sliver of thought made Riley’s eyes suddenly snag on faces rather than clothes and boots and hidden coin pouches, and she blinked at the awareness. The tavern was full of Moonshadow crew.
There, in a corner, Gadrielle drinking over a game of cards with a few of the older deckhands. Venn, arguing with some gunners in the middle of the room. Maren–
Riley blinked again, rubbed a hand down her face, looked more closely.
Maren?
Wide-eyed, she stared at a table near the bar, and–
Yes. It was him. And Kit. And that asshole she’d met earlier today–Rowe? And–
Riley frowned, gaping.
Was she looking at… herself?
All four of them were around a table. Drinking.
Laughing. Rowe’s hand rested against Kit’s backrest, and she was looking at Maren kind of weird.
Maren didn’t notice. Kittredge did, and seemed to enjoy it.
Her cheeks were flushed. The Riley at their table looked…
happy. They were talking about something, but Riley couldn’t hear them over the hubbub of the other pirates, so she stumbled up from her seat in the tavern’s corner and slowly approached the table, trying to listen, and picking up more details in the process.
The other Riley had a blue sash at her belt, just like Kittredge, which meant she was a rig monkey, and Maren seemed to have cleaned up his game.
He was clean-shaven, his hair brushed for once, and his pants weren’t held up by a knot of rope anymore.
Each of those details sent a pinprick stabbing through her chest, all the way to her heart, but still Riley needed to get closer, because she wanted to hear his voice, remember what it sounded like–
“Riley?” someone asked. Not Maren. “You here to join us?”
Riley looked down at the table she’d approached, met the curious gazes of a few pirates. Whoever she’d seen at that table just earlier was gone. That expression on her own face, like she was having the time of her life. Maren, alive. It hadn’t been real.
Someone must’ve spiked her drink. Or maybe some of that fluorescent mushroom powder had fallen into her cup.
Slowly, too slowly, Riley realized the pirates were still waiting for her reply.
She noticed how a few of the tables were pushed together, making a large group of about a dozen.
No cards, no dice, their drinks barely touched.
The whole tavern had fallen silent. Venn was watching her with a small frown, and the two gunners who had tried to bully her the very first day on the ship were here too, and Haddock, away from the others but observing.
The way her senses prickled with awareness told her she might’ve stumbled into something she shouldn’t have.
“Yeah,” she said cautiously, pulling an empty chair to sit on. “I’m here to join you.”
Join what, she didn’t know, but going along with it made sense. She’d approached their table after all. Telling these people she’d been seeing things and had thought she was approaching someone else seemed less wise.
Some of the pirates looked unsure, even as Riley met their eyes with as innocent an expression as she could muster.
To her surprise, it was Haddock who pitched in, from the other end of the table.
“Let her,” he said. “She’s too drunk to remember any of this by morning.
And what will she do if she does? Tell the captain? ”
Riley frowned at him. She hadn’t been paying the old man much mind during the past few cycles, but apparently the rest of the crew had, as the others stopped to consider his words before shrugging in agreement.
A few moments later, another drink was shoved into her hand, and the conversation around the table resumed as if she weren’t there at all.
Riley kept staring at the old man, because he seemed different now, didn’t he?
Less frail. His voice had a solidity to it that hadn’t been there before, like he expected to be listened to.
And his eyes, sharp and knowing–was he really as old as he made it seem?
Haddock looked right back at her, and he offered her a small, private smile, which only unsettled her further.
But then she caught on to what the crew at the table were actually talking about.
“I’m not sure yet. I’ve been asking around, and there’s a few crews that would be interested.
Pirates with as much experience as we do are sought after, and I think we can negotiate better pay, too.
We could tell the others and find a ship that would take all of us.
Hell, we could get our own damn ship if we wanted to! That would be nice, huh?”
Riley just stared, unable to believe her own ears.
All thoughts of Haddock and the vision and everything that had happened today disappeared.
She bristled. “What’s wrong with our crew?
” she asked loudly, her words only a little slurred as she stood from her seat.
She nearly fell on her face, and she slammed her hands on the table to prevent that.
The sound made the entire tavern turn to look at her, again, which definitely hadn’t been Riley’s intention.
But now that their eyes were on her, she jutted her chin out in defiance.
Someone scoffed. “Thought you of all people would be the first to jump ship.”
Riley gritted her teeth. “And why is that?”
A few of the pirates looked at her incredulously. “Because there’s no gold to be had, the captain’s a freak, and she wants to waste time chasing a thief across the seas.”
All Riley could do at that was blink. “What?”
“Why do you think Sable took off with the treasure? She stole it. And now she’s either dead or somewhere she’ll never be found, but either way, this chase is a waste of time. Another empty run when we should all be cutting our fucking losses.” He spat on the floor.
Something hot and fiery crawled up Riley’s throat.
“Sable’s not a thief,” she snapped. “And Calla’s not a freak.
She’s a good captain. She’s kind. She cares about us!
” Riley took a breath, curling her gloved fingers into fists as she tried to slow her words down, make them less slurred, because then maybe they’d get through their thick heads.
“If any of you had gotten yourselves in trouble like Sable did, she would’ve done the exact same thing she’s doing now.
She would’ve gone out there, trying to protect you, you pricks!
Even if you don’t deserve it! Even if she’d be better off without you around messing everything up!
You’re crew, and she’d stick her neck out for each and every one of you because she gives a damn!
” Riley breathed hard and fast, flinging an arm around as she shouted at them, her other arm still glued to the table to keep herself steady.
Her fist dug into the wood to prevent herself from fucking punching someone.
She knew she’d fall on her face if she tried that, but fuck, she wanted to.
These idiots. How did they not see it? “I’m a liar, and a thief, and a backstabbing asshole, but even I know better than to walk away from a crew that looks after me anyway.
And you don’t really think Sable stole the Heart.
I know you don’t. You’re just a bunch of fucking cowards. ”
Deafening silence settled over the entire room.
No one talked. No one moved. Just the creak of wood as someone shifted in their seat, all of them staring at her wide-eyed and speechless.
And Riley couldn’t fucking stand it. Not the troubled look on Venn’s face, not the curious tilt of Haddock’s head, not Gadrielle’s considering gaze.
She shoved her chair back and pushed her way past the blind bastards who wouldn’t see what was good for them if it bit them in the ass.
Mercifully, she didn’t stumble until after she was out on the streets again.
The cool air of the cavern soothing the heat in her face only pissed her off more.
She’d had enough of the Gullet, and this stupid tavern, with its stupid rum that had made her see things and lose grip of her tongue–which should've never happened. It was against the rules. She wasn’t supposed to feel things, and if she really couldn’t help it, she certainly wasn’t supposed to shout them in people’s faces.
Fuck.
So much for drinking being harmless.
Her feet took her around the Gullet’s galleries until bells passed and all that resounded in her head were the sounds of her own boots thumping against the rock, in a slow, steady rhythm.
Until her fists weren’t shaking with rage anymore and her head cleared just enough for her to realize she was wasting time.
She needed to grow up and look for Neera.
The woman had always had a knack for sniffing out secrets, and Riley needed to find out what Neera truly wanted in exchange for her help.
Because she didn’t buy it for one moment that Neera would help out of the kindness of her own heart.
She needed to be given the right incentive.
Sable needed that. And Riley wasn’t sure Sable wanted to be found, but she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to at least try.
Because she didn’t want to lose the one person who had looked at her like she was worth something. Riley had never claimed selflessness.
So she asked around the Gullet, found out where Neera’s ship was docked, and explored the maze-like galleries until some street urchin took pity on her and led her to the right place. Riley paid the kid with her very last coin.
As she walked the rocky dock and peered up at the ships, though, she didn’t spot any that fit the description.
This was taking too long. That kid must’ve had her turned around, and was now having the time of their life laughing at her gullibility.
Clinging to the last shreds of her patience, Riley nudged a half-asleep pirate lounging on a rock with her boot and asked about Neera’s ship.
“Uh, you’re late,” he said, voice thick with sleep. “It just set sail a bell ago.”
“What?”
He shrugged and pulled his cap back over his eyes. Two breaths later, and he was already snoring again.
Riley’s stomach lurched, but she wasn’t surprised. Neera had never done anything for free, had she? Riley should’ve known better. Riley should’ve fucking known better.
No wonder she couldn’t be trusted. Even when she tried, she still fucked things up. The one chance they’d had at getting ahead of Sable’s plans, and she’d let it slip through her fingers because she had to get fucking drunk. Maybe she and Maren would’ve been friends.
Riley let out a frustrated laugh as she turned on her heels to find her way back to the Moonshadow. It was all she could do to stop herself from crying.