Chapter One #2
Their lips flattened into an unimpressed line. They pushed a displeased puff of air through their nose before making an annoyed gesture. “Fine. Lead the way. But I will be murdering you the moment you let your guard down.”
Relief was like a bucket of water drenching me, washing away the scents of guts and gore as I gripped Kirby’s hand and yanked them forward.
Silas paved the way, causing curious nurses, interns, and the waiting room full of patients to hop to the side without fully understanding why they’d felt the impulse to move.
I didn’t ask him how he knew which car was Kirby’s, keeping my eyes trained on him as he scanned the parking lot for the metallic glint of swords or the same golden glitter that radiated from him where I knew his wings to be.
We slid into Kirby’s battered Jeep. I was grateful for the crop top tank given the September heat, but I had to lean forward so my skin didn’t sizzle against the baking leather seats.
Clicks cut through the uncomfortable silence as we buckled our seatbelts and set off toward Nia’s without another word.
They kept both hands on the wheel in white-knuckled displeasure.
While Nia had been ready to love me unconditionally when I’d asked her to summon demons by name, Kirby was clearly dealing with my dishonest methods a little differently.
I didn’t care. They could be mad, as long as they were safe.
I looked over my shoulder to where Silas leaned forward from the back seat. His enormous frame took up enough of the car that I was glad Kirby couldn’t see him. I was confident they wouldn’t want a hulking man in their car.
“Can you keep us safe for the drive?” I asked him.
Kirby looked between me and the rearview mirror but said nothing.
He dipped his chin. “Yes, but not through casting protection. We’re working with invisibility. The heavenly host can’t smite us if they can’t find us. I’d guess Caliban and Azrames have already set up wards around Nia’s home.”
“Why did he never do that for my apartment?” I asked. Eventually, I’d have to explain the display of insanity to Kirby, but they’d have to wait a moment longer.
“Nia did as you asked. She invoked their protection and drew boundaries against Heaven. You’ve never done that, and he wasn’t about to take your free will. You did grow up in the church, after all.”
“That’s right,” I grumbled. “Your claim on me.”
“It was Heaven’s claim on you,” he corrected. “Though at this point, I’ve thrown my hat in the ring as a separate contender.”
My cheeks heated, though I wasn’t entirely sure why.
“Mar.” Kirby said my name carefully as they merged onto the highway.
I scanned the road for signs of trouble but saw only the early signs of post-work traffic as people left their nine-to-fives.
I looked beyond the distant collection of buildings that belonged to the downtown skyline.
Kirby’s urban apartment was nestled between a tattoo shop and a laundromat.
Mine hugged the city’s edge, riding the natural border crafted by the river that separated the bustle of horns and shops and life from quiet, green suburbia. Nia had been the first defector.
“We’re safe,” I said. “We just have to get to Nia’s.”
Kirby adjusted their grip on the steering wheel. They drummed their fingers anxiously before stealing a glance my way. “I need you to listen to what I’m about to say with love and an open heart.”
I stiffened. “What?”
It was as though they were fighting to swallow an apple. There was a steely calm to Kirby’s energy as they changed lanes that threw me off. Their nonverbal signs told me they were anxious, but every carefully chosen word conveyed a different message entirely.
“I think you might need help,” they said.
My eyebrows shot up as we passed Nia’s exit. I twisted in the passenger seat, looking at the rapidly shrinking exit behind us as we pushed forward. “Kirbs, you missed it! If we take the next one—”
“I think we should go to the hospital,” Kirby said slowly. “I’ll go with you. I’ll sit with you while we get checked in. I’ll—”
“Fuck!” I slammed my fist into the glove compartment. To Kirby’s credit, they didn’t flinch. Blues, reds, and silvers blurred behind them as they wove through traffic. The resolution on their face left little room for argument. I spun toward Silas. “You have to do something.”
“Do what?” he asked, voice churning like gravel. “I can’t do anything without their consent.”
My eyes widened. “Reveal yourself. Angels did it in the Bible all the time. I know you can.”
His jaw ticked. He shook his head, denying my lone request.
“Can you do it or not?” I demanded, volume nearly rattling the windows as I approached hysterics.
“Marlow…” Kirby said my name as if they were speaking to an unbroken horse in the hospital barns.
“I’ve known Lisbeth since we were little.
I heard all the stories about Grandma Dagny.
And I want you to know that you’re safe.
That nothing is wrong with you. That you are not to blame. Things run in families, and that’s—”
“My mom was right,” I snapped. My maternal line and its true sight had seen everything for years, and I’d let the world know they were insane.
“Silas!” I snarled his name. Kirby winced as the sound tore through the small space.
“They’ll crash,” he said through gritted teeth.
My fingers gripped the back of the chair. “We’re out of options.”
I could see the apology on his face, but he was unmoved. “Marlow, there’s a reason every passage that showcases the arrival of angels starts with be not afraid. Amplify that by going down a crowded highway at top speed.”
I pushed. “If we crash, you can save us. You’re an angel.”
Frustration furrowed his brow. “I’m doing all I can to keep us under the radar, and you want a highway miracle?”
I growled against the handtied feeling of my own helplessness as I spun toward my oldest friend. “Kirby, please, just listen.”
“I’m listening,” Kirby said with the same infuriatingly calm, placating tone. The blinker ticked quietly in the background as they nudged into the right lane. We were two exits from the nearest emergency room.
“I can prove it to you, but he’s worried that it will scare the shit out of you and cause you to crash the car.
If I have undeniable evidence that I’m not insane, you have to give me a chance to show you.
And we don’t have the time to spare for you to safely escort me to some hospital parking lot and hash out the details.
There’s too much at stake. I get it, you’re trying to be a good friend, but—”
From the back seat, Silas said, “The rambling is not making you look saner.”
I began to bark at him but bit my tongue. Our eyes locked, the vibrant halos of his golden irises burning into me with a warning. He was right. The more I interacted with him, the worse I looked.
I focused on Kirby. “Listen, Kirbs: You’re about to get a jump scare. I’m not going to undersell it. But just like in a horror movie, if you know it’s coming, it’s easier to handle. It’s a raven hitting the window. A bat flying out of the attic. A cheap trick for adrenaline. Don’t be afraid.”
Unimpressed sarcasm came from over my shoulder as Silas said, “Damn. You misquoted our most famous line.”
Anxiety and regret and helplessness boiled into a glare. My eyes were slits as my gaze bored into him. “Could you please be normal? For like, ten seconds? Don’t say dumb shit. Don’t even speak. Don’t—”
“Go ahead, human, tell me more about the best way to do this. You’re the expert.”
I threw up my hands. I wanted to fight the air.
I was too frustrated to fixate on any one emotion.
No one was taking me seriously, even though the clock was ticking and the fates of everyone I cared about hung in the balance.
I hated that Silas was being this way—then again, I hated that I’d expected any differently.
Caliban would have never condescended to me like this.
It was as if my broken heart seeped blood into my chest cavity. My need to shove Caliban away after everything that had transpired wounded me.
But I wasn’t just hurt. I was angry.
Venom replaced pain, fury coursing through my veins as my mind flitted to Fauna. My friend, my confidant, someone I loved, was just using me. The chaotic blur of sugar and freckles wasn’t my friend. She was a manipulative goddess of the End Times, toying with me to bring about her purpose.
I hated knowing she would have been as great with Kirby now as she’d been over their video chats and skunky bongs, but it would have been a lie.
The anger subsided, and my heart was broken once more.
Everything hurt. I also ached at knowing Betty was in some cold hospital and that I was the reason she was there, rightfully drawing whatever loyal, protective fury Azrames possessed.
And I’d sided with the belligerent, difficult angel.
This asshole was the one who’d have to help me with Nia and Kirby, and he was being a piece of shit.
A tunnel swallowed us as we entered the city.
Amber lights populated the space, barely illuminating the road.
Red brake lights glowed in front of us. The summer heat of unventilated tunnels and hot engines pressed in on us.
Musty scents of exhaust and vapors seeped in through the tiny cracks in the car as we idled.
Kirby glanced between the lanes as all around us, traffic turned to its sludgy, five-o’clock crawl.
Daylight was just around the corner, but how long it would take us to round the bend was anyone’s guess.
“Great,” they muttered. I didn’t miss how they glanced at the locks.
“I’m not going to jump out,” I said, “but you might. Can you put it in park?”
The standstill traffic allowed them to turn and regard me fully. “We could move any second. Please don’t—”
“That’s right. It’ll get moving, and then we take the exit right after the tunnel and double back to Nia’s. You’ll believe me in a moment. Just after the count of three. Please. Just count to three.”
I watched the internal debate as Kirby weighed the pros and cons of appeasing someone in manic psychosis.
They weren’t wrong. We’d bonded over intergenerational mental illness for our entire lives.
We’d taken depression naps, talked each other off anxiety cliffs, and I’d picked them up from their first inpatient stay with a bouquet of flowers and a stuffed horse.
They were doing everything right. They loved me, and I loved them.
And right now, all they knew was that they needed to keep me calm.
Kirby put the Jeep in park. With utmost reluctance, they began to count.
“One.”
I turned and nodded at Silas.
“Two.”
He grimaced at me, braced for how poorly this was bound to go.
“Three.”