Chapter 36
Dario “Dash” Mangiacavallo
The night was cool with a nice breeze, another storm rumbling in the distance.
Thankfully, the weather had stayed dry since the backdoor was shattered, only now coming back a couple hours after it had been replaced.
Lounging in one of the custom made, wooden chaises on my deck, my eyelids were closed, my phone crooning with one of Tyler Warren’s songs.
Singing of a lost love he longed to prevail, my heart went out to him, having had a firsthand view of the depths to the lyrics.
No matter what happened in the past, he never stopped loving Violetta.
If Georgia hadn’t happened, that man never would have let go, he never would have given up hope that one day, they would reunite.
What was it like to have a love like that?
To care that deeply for another human being?
I had thought I felt that way about Mary, but the more time without her, the more I questioned if it had been as great as I’d told myself these last few years.
I mean, sure, I loved her, otherwise I wouldn’t have married her and stayed as long as I did, especially once I started suspecting she was cheating.
But had I been in love with her as I thought, or had I loved her because I was tired of being alone and wanted someone to come home to every night?
Thinking about how anti-kids I had been before her, I accepted that, at some point, I had to have loved her deeply to buckle and have a baby. Had it been enough, though? Like what Tyler crooned about in his songs when he was longing for and dreaming of Violetta?
Back in Georgia, I had vowed to myself to not seek out commitment again, that if I ever did, it would be with someone just like Violetta.
Vincent was the closest thing to her without being her.
In some ways, he was even better, in fact.
Now they were both on pedestals, but my interest was leaning more toward him with every passing day.
I began humming to the tune, my crossed ankles swaying to the beat.
This was the kind of love I’d wanted, that I thought I had in Mary.
I knew now I had settled. Could I ever care this intensely for another, that my entire world dimmed without their daily presence?
Someone I longed for and ached if they were gone? Someone who left a hole in my soul?
A creak in a board drew my attention toward the house and my heart flipped over at Vincent creeping forward.
Wearing a pair of my sweats and no shirt, the setting sun rays cast shadows over his tatted torso, making the thin layer of hair shimmer.
My breaths shallowing, my throat grew tight.
Yes, I could absolutely feel that way. I may already.
“Hey,” he muttered, combing his shaggy locks that were growing closer to his ears without his regular trim. His beard a little thicker, his gaze was almost timid with fleeting glimpses. Definitely liked facial hair these days.
“Hi,” I responded just as quietly. “How are you feeling?”
He rolled a shoulder, his behavior anxious.
I picked up my pack of cigarettes on the arm of the lounge, knocked two out, and lit them, extending an arm to hand him one. Taking it, he pulled a deep drag into his lungs while squinting at me through his lashes.
“You look a little better today.”
His head bobbing, he went to the railing to look out over the yard. “I just ate one of Piera’s little snack trays.”
My brows lifted as I took a drag. “Good. You need to eat.”
“Yeah, well, I woke up with a hell of a headache, so I didn’t really have a choice.”
I cleared my throat and looked away, tugging at my ear. Pretty much what I figured.
A moment of silence fell between us, save for the music, and he bristled, glaring over his shoulder in my direction. “That bitch?”
I snickered, rather proud he was using my nickname for Tyler, as well. “Yup,” I sighed, flicking the ashes off. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I actually miss that motherfucker. Tiny, too,” I added carefully, watching for his reaction.
He completely deflated, his chin bowing low between his shoulders. “Yeup,” he croaked and then coughed. “Yeah.”
“Why don’t you go visit her, Vin?”
He shook his head and straightened his stance, taking a drag. “It’s too soon. She and the kids need time to adjust to their new lives. Me barging in right now would be intrusive. Maybe next…year.”
I cringed at how hard it was for him to say that.
Other than when he was in jail, he’d never been apart from her and even then, she visited regularly.
I couldn’t imagine what he was going through.
Better yet, how was she handling this? She had been a complete basket case when he was incarcerated.
So much, she fell prey to Jackyl’s insidious plans.
At least we could rest assured Tyler had no ill intentions. She was safe with him.
So long as he could stay clean.
My lips pursing, I shook my head and dismissed that thought. The whole time we were in Georgia, he showed no signs of cravings, wouldn’t even look at the beer me and Vincent drank in front of him. That man’s addictions were in his past, so long as he had Violetta at his side.
My focus lifted to his back, relieved the scrapes from the glass were already faded.
I admired the dips of the faint muscles, knowing they could, and would, be much more pronounced.
If he felt this goddamn good now, I couldn’t wait until we were both back in top shape.
Christ, feeling those hard muscles gyrating against me would be amazing.
“You wanna talk about it?”
He visibly tensed, knowing exactly what I meant by “it.” Coughing and pulling his nape, his voice was gravelly when he answered. “It’s my fault. There ain’t nothing to talk about.”
I swung my legs to the side and hoisted myself to my feet, barely feeling any pain this time. Crossing the expansive deck to stand beside him, I rested my hip to the railing so I faced his profile. “Vin, deep in your heart, you gotta know that ain’t true.”
“Do I?” he wheezed, squinting one eye against the lingering sunrays to look at me. “When I was in jail, it was so fucking lonely, Dash, and there was this guy.”
A brow arching, I flashed a small smile. “A guy?”
A small snort caught the back of his throat. “Yeah. He actually reminded me a lot of you.”
The smile vanished, my pulse picking up.
“We kissed a few times and then…one day, I let him suck my dick.”
“Did you like it?”
He cast a glare out the corner of his eye. “You ever got head you didn’t like? Even bad head is good head.”
“True,” I snorted, crossing my arms and lifting the hand with the cigarette to take a drag.
He pulled a deep breath, staring out at the woods. “I felt so ashamed of myself afterward, I actually threw up. Never even spoke to him again. I did tell Billy when he came to visit.”
He visited him? Damn, now I was feeling like a first-class dick because I never visited him, even though he wouldn’t have even been there had it not been for me. Why had I not checked on him more? My own shame? I never hid the fact I felt a heavy sense of guilt that he’d taken the fall for me.
“He lost his mind, Dash,” he muttered barely above a whisper. “He told me then he was gonna kill himself because he couldn’t live with the idea I wanted someone else. It got so bad, he was escorted out and was not allowed to visit the rest of the time I was there.”
He took one more drag and then smashed it out on the railing. Strolling over to the bucket in the corner, he dropped it with the others and returned to the same spot, his arms folded over his chest.
“When I told him that day on the phone we was over, he told me he would do it and I flat out said I didn’t believe him.”
Tracing the lines of his profile, I quietly asked, “How did he do it?”
He closed his eyelids and dug his finger and thumbs into them, a muscle in his jaw flexing.
“Becca came home from her weekend away and found him in the garage. He was in his truck, the windows down, the main door closed…The truck was on, but it was out of gas. They think he’d been dead at least two days. ”
I cursed, my insides shrinking. Since he got the call on Sunday, it timed up that he more than likely did it soon after their phone call.
His throat shook and his chin dimpled, unshed tears misting. “They checked his phone and um. Ahem.” Heat emanated from him, sweat beading his brow and upper lip. “They think he did it right after our phone call.”
I flinched and looked away. Well, that answered my next question, I was pretty sure his wife knew he was cheating on her with another man.
“Becca hates me,” he croaked, confirming my suspicion. “She blames me.”
“She’s wrong,” I was quick to say, inching closer to put my hand on the back of his shoulder. He was trembling!
“She’s not, though—”
“Hey, hey. Listen to me. Billy wasn’t fair, not to you or her.
He wanted you both and expected you to be okay with the crumbs he threw your way.
That ain’t fair, baby.” I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look at me.
“You deserve more. Everyone deserves more than he gave. He manipulated you and guilted you into staying. That ain’t right, Vin. ”
He shrugged me off and stared out at the woods, coughing down his emotions.
I frowned, my thumb stroking side to side on his shoulder. “Can I ask you something?”
“Hm?”
“The times we’ve been together. You ever feel guilty about being with me? I mean, like you was with that guy in prison.”
Turning toward me, he slowly searched my features, his brows arched high. Gulping loud enough for me to hear, he shook his head and whispered, “No.”