Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Scottie
The moment the clock strikes ten, a text arrives.
Lucas
Curfew obeyed. Aren’t you proud?
I smile at those five words. My mom tried to call a couple of hours ago—she wanted to talk about Jake’s incident at the charity event, wanted me to coordinate damage control, wanted me to be useful—and I didn’t pick up. I just texted her that I’m busy but I’m on it, and she responded with a heart.
I don’t have anything left for anyone else tonight. Pretending I don’t want Lucas to kiss me every time I see him is already hard enough.
No—that’s not quite right.
I do want to kiss him. I want his arms around me so much, I ache. But what I really want is to smile at him in public. To touch his shoulder. Let him grab my hand and tease me. Flirt, out loud, where anyone could see.
I want a Jumbotron kind of love. Just with someone who’s not Jake.
As easy as it is to blame Jake, though, I keep coming back to the same uncomfortable thought: would I actually have the guts to do any of that, even if he weren’t in the picture?
I don’t know.
Lucas proved himself for so many months. He offered exactly what I claim I want, but I never took him up on the offer. I told myself it was because he was so … earnest but unserious.
Maybe the fact that Lucas and I can’t be seen together is more convenient than I want to admit. Maybe I’ve been using Jake as a reason when the real reason is that I don’t know how to be someone people come looking for—I only know how to be someone people come to when they need something fixed.
I’ve made that so easy for everyone. Including myself.
Lucas wanting me without needing anything from me is the most terrifying thing I’ve encountered in years.
A second text arrives.
Lucas
Does your silence mean you’re sleeping or not proud?
Scottie
Neither.
I was thinking.
And I’m not *not* proud, but considering curfew is a baseline expectation, I’m not proud, either. More like neutral?
Lucas
Wow.
You thought my 100 today was basic and now following curfew is “neutral?” This hurts, Quinn.
Quinny the Pooh.
Scottie
No.
Not happening.
Lucas
Yes!
Quinny the Pooh.
It’s cute.
You’re cute.
Scottie
Bro
Lucas
Don’t bro me!
Scottie
Then don’t pooh me.
Lucas
Those two aren’t even in the same category.
Quinny the Pooh is cute.
Bro is friend zone.
Scottie
We’d have to be friends for you to get friend zoned.
Lucas
We’ve been friends for a year
Scottie
Oh, is that what the coffee was? A token of friendship?
Lucas
Well, yeah. I did it because I have feelings for you obviously, but I have feelings for you because I like you as a person. Not just because you’re hot.
And smart.
And intimidating.
Scottie
So you would have gotten me coffee without all that?
Lucas
Probably not.
Because then you wouldn’t be you.
I like you a lot, Scottie Quinn.
So much I really wish I could break curfew.
Scottie
I promise I’ll like you better if you don’t break curfew.
In fact, don’t even think about breaking curfew.
Lucas
Obviously, Quinny.
Off topic, how do you delete a text once it’s already been read?
Scottie
Haha.
Lucas
How are you feeling about your family right now?
Scottie
I love my family.
Lucas
I bet they’re awesome, but it’s not okay that they made you feel like Jake’s screwup was your fault. It wasn’t. You’re already sacrificing enough, and he’s not even trying.
Scottie
He’s trying more than you think.
I type it instantly. Automatically.
I stare at it sitting there on the screen, sent and read already. This is what I always do. Someone says something true about Jake and I reach for a counterargument like it’s muscle memory, like I’ve been doing it so long, I don’t even notice the motion anymore.
Lucas
I believe you, but it’s his responsibility to manage himself. Not yours.
Scottie
You know I get paid to manage players for a living, right?
Lucas
Yeah, but that’s ME. You can manage me all you like.
But I won’t let you carry me
And I won’t let you pretend it’s your fault if I screw up.
Scottie
I don’t know if you know this but …
I really, really like you.
Lucas
I know, Quinny. You confessed it all when you were delirious.
But it means more when you’re not.
Scottie
I typed too soon. You’re a brat.
Lucas
Two things can be true at the same time
Scottie
It’s late and I’ve gotta be up at five tomorrow.
Lucas
Your coffee will be up with you.
Scottie
<3
I set my phone down and stare at the ceiling, smiling in the dark like a teenager with her first crush.
Only this is more than a crush.
So much more.
I close my eyes and for the first time in longer than I can remember, my last thought before sleep isn’t about Jake or my family or what needs doing tomorrow.
It’s just Lucas.
Then my phone vibrates. I roll over to check, not sure if I’m half smiling or half annoyed with Lucas.
Except, that isn’t the four-buzz Lucas tone.
It’s the two-buzz Jake tone.
Dread pulls the feeling from my limbs, centering it in a pit in my stomach.
Scottie’s Boyfriend
agent is BIG mad
we need to talk tomorrow
Just like that, I’m wide awake.
The smile is gone.
It’s going to be a long night.