36. Natalia
“Thank you for coming with me,” I say, clutching my sister’s hand tightly as we walk into the service.
“Of course,” Allegra whispers, squeezing my hand back just as tightly.
As I walk down the long aisle, I can feel everyone’s eyes on me, but I try to hold it together. You can do this. Relief fills me when I see Nico and Rocco sitting together with their family. Nico sees me and seems surprised that I am here. He motions me over to where they are seated.
“You came?” he asks.
“Of course,” I say, taking a seat beside him, then introduce Allegra to them both.
“Thank you. He may not show it, but you being here will mean a lot,” he says as he turns the pages of the order of service pamphlet.
“I miss him,” I confess.
“He misses you, even though he can’t see it at the moment,” Nico tries to reassure me. I give him a small, understanding smile.
Slowly, the church continues to fill up with mourners, and I’m surprised at how many people are here.
The organs start, and we all stand and turn toward the back. I watch Alessandro, Romeo, and Valentino walking behind the coffin—walking behind their father and uncle’s coffin—their faces like stone. Alessandro’s mother and aunty are behind them, sniffling with each step. He looks heartbroken, and I know it’s because he blames himself. Tears stream down my face as I take in how broken he looks. All I want to do is make everything all right for him, but I can’t. I watch slowly as those slate-green eyes look up and land on me. They flare ever so slightly before he stares back down at the ground.
The service was beautiful,but I hated how Alessandro was the support for everyone else. He wrapped his arms around his mother and his brother, being stoic, refusing to let the tears fall, but no one did it for him. I wanted to be his person.
At the end of the service, the boys lifted their father’s coffin onto their shoulders and walked out of the chapel toward the hearse. People mingled around, offering words of condolences to the family.
“Should I say something to him?” I ask my sister.
“Yes,” she reassures me.
“But I haven’t met his mother, and his brother hates me,” I explain to her.
“You don’t have to talk to them,” she states.
Then I see Valentino off to the side, greeting the crowd. His eyes land on me. “Natalia,” he says warmly as he opens his arms, and I give him a hug.
“I’m so sorry, Val,” I say, burying myself in his hard chest.
“Thanks. It means a lot you coming here today.” He grins before he looks over at where Alessandro is standing, greeting mourners, and an icy glare is directed at us.
“I should go, he doesn’t want me here,” I say.
Val looks down at me. “He doesn’t know what he wants. Things are rough for him now. On the one hand, he’s devastated, and on the other …” He doesn’t need to finish that sentence, and certainly not here.
“And he doesn’t need his fake ex-wife coming in and making things difficult,” I murmur.
“You and I both know there was nothing fake about the two of you,” Val says sadly.
“Doesn’t seem what we had was enough either.”
Val sighs. “That’s Alessandro. He’s shut everyone out. Even Nico.” I look over, and Alessandro is still glaring at us in between greetings. I offer him a small smile, and I see the moment he shuts down. His jaw tenses, those slate-green eyes harden, and his shoulders stiffen. I hiccup on a sob that wants to escape, and Val sees it. “Please don’t give up on him. He needs you.” I nod, unable to hold in my emotions any longer, and move away from him.
I start to break down at how useless I feel.
“Nat, I’m sorry,” Allegra says, pulling me into a hug.
“I love him so much, and it’s killing me that I can’t be there for him.”
“Come, let’s sit over here and wait till most of the well-wishers have gone, and then you can talk to him.”
“Natalia,” Nico says, calling out my name. I look up and concern hits me when I see his face. “I’m sorry to do this to you, but Alessandro has asked that you leave, it’s a family event.” My hand clutches my chest as if he’s stabbed me with his words.
“Is he fucking serious?” Allegra hisses, and I can see on Nico’s face that he didn’t want to have to tell me, but he did, for Alessandro.
“I’ll go, tell him I’m sorry,” I say to Nico sadly. He gives me a gentle nod, and I pull Allegra away.
“That’s not right. How could he do that to you?”
“Allegra, it’s fine, leave it. He’s in pain,” I tell my overprotective sister.
“Just because he’s in pain doesn’t mean he can hurt you.”
I nod and walk away from the church and away from my husband.