36. Chapter 36
36
Zara
I staggered forward, my vision sparkling gold at the edges. "Cas!" But my word was a garbled moan. You came.
He knocked a fae back with a single punch, and the rest slowed their approach. A second figure materialized beside Cas, and he whirled as if to attack but quickly stopped. Alba's dark dress and long hair fluttered in the strong wind. Cas shouted something at her, but I couldn't hear her words over the breeze.
A female fae, a blond with ropes of braids, rushed from the stands and hurried to Samuel’s side, pressing a kiss to his cheek. I’d seen her walking the halls with him a time or two, and now it made sense. My eyes darted back to Cas. He turned until he met my gaze.
“This way,” Ivy said, indicating the stairs. She pressed her lips together and urged me forward. “Let’s get you inside. You’ll need stitches.”
Cas never broke eye contact with me as the fae departed from the terrace, some into the air and others into the mountain. Ivy’s words meshed with the breeze and the mutterings of the disappointed fae, and I was left with nothing but my thoughts screaming at me to go to him.
But what if I was wrong? I’d been wrong so many times. I’d misread men. I’d convinced myself that they’d had feelings that were never really there or intentions that were entirely fabricated by my own hopeless longing.
He took a step toward me, and my heart shot into my throat.
Then a shadowy figure holding a sword swooped down in front of him, severing our eye contact. Magic buzzed in the air and I rushed toward the stairs with Ivy.
“The mortal nurse in the infirmary can stitch you up,” she said, her words finally cutting through. She was almost shouting at me.
With the hand that wasn’t pressing down on my wound, I indicated for her to lead the way on the stairs, heart hammering as I followed. The snap and flash of magic drew my attention back to the terrace, but I couldn’t see Cas amid the flying shadows. I placed my shoulder against the rock wall, taking one step at a time.
Each step was agony, even though the cut wasn’t deep. The blood just kept coming, oozing between my fingers and soaking into my dress. Each breath stretched the wound a little, and I was so lightheaded by the time I reached the top of the stairs that I had to take a moment to steady myself.
Ivy helped me along the long, black hallways and shuffled me toward the stairs that would lead down to the infirmary. I slowed, not wanting to return there. The carving on the wall beside me caught my attention and I stopped walking. It was the carving of the dragon—the one that led to the secret passage. Ivy tugged on my arm.
“Zara, are you all right? It’s not much farther.”
“Wait.” A voice echoed from the end of the hall.
We turned and saw Alba racing toward us, her black dress covered in white sparkling stones that looked like snow falling.
She stared hard at my wound, then glanced up at Ivy. “Come with me,” she demanded.
Neither of us moved.
Her expression sagged a little. “I won’t hurt you. Cas told me to make sure you were safe. He’s…he’ll…” She seemed unable to finish her sentence.
“He’ll be okay,” I muttered. Her gaze flicked up to meet mine and in it I saw the smallest flash of relief at my words, but it was quickly replaced by a tightness around her eyes that whispered of fear.
Then, to my shock, she clamped both hands over her face and spoke from behind them. “I’ve never seen him more adamant about anything.” Her hands fell away. “He wants me to take you all away from here. Please, come with me?”
Ivy and I exchanged a glance and without a word, Ivy turned to follow Alba.
“But…” I whispered, unable to move. Leaving here would mean never seeing Cas again. As much as I’d wanted to escape this place, now that I had the chance, I couldn’t bring myself to go with her.
I leaned against the wall once again, taking a moment to rest. Then my breath caught as Cas whirled around the corner, his white shirt a crinkled mess, parted in the front to reveal dark lines snaking across his chest.
“Cas!” I shouted, the effort punishing my body. I groaned and pressed my back to the wall. In a breath, he was there, a step away, as if he hadn’t even moved.
His eyes flicked to my wound then back to my face.
“Take her,” he said without looking at his sister. “Take them all. Find a door that leads as far from here as you can and go.”
“Cas, I’m not leav—” protested Alba, stealing my own words.
“It’ll weaken him,” he said to her. “I need you to do this. I’ll destroy the door behind you, buy you a little time.”
Alba coughed, started to say something, then nodded and pulled Ivy and me down the hallway with her. I jerked out of her grip and turned to Cas.
I wasn’t leaving like this.
“You have to go now,” he said, his voice deep and strained, as if he was holding back words he wouldn’t let himself say.
“I know what happened to all the other heirs,” I said, my voice coming out lower and thicker than I’d intended.
Alba rubbed her hands together impatiently, but Cas’s eyes remained fixed on me. “Go,” he said to his sister. “Find Eudoria and Samuel. I will bring Zara. First, I need to heal her.”
I didn’t miss Alba’s overexaggerated nod before she and Ivy darted down the hall.
Cas took a step toward me and every muscle in my body sensed his nearness. “You’re afraid your father will—”
“I’m not afraid of him.” He cut through my words.
I blinked. “You’re not? But won’t he…?”
Cas stepped forward, and my only recourse was to press my back to the wall. “I’m not afraid of him, Zara. I’m afraid that the light I’ve come to see by will go out, and I will be left alone in the dark.”
“What are you talk—”
“You, little spark.” He pushed my chin with his thumb until I met his gaze. “You.”
My lips parted, and I stared up at him. For two long seconds, he didn’t move.
Like I had when I’d jumped through that door, I was falling, falling, and as far as I knew, there were rocks below that would end my fall so I’d never get up again.
I shook my head. “I’m not a spark. I’m not a candle. I’m not some beacon of light.”
His mouth went slack as if I had slapped him. “Zara,” he said, his voice almost pleading, “you are the stars. Constant, fixed, and ever burning. It is by your light that I see, into your light that I am inescapably drawn. Would that I could call you down from heaven to fall on me and consume me with your light. But I am born of darkness and have no power to command the stars.”
I was so startled by his speech that all I could do was blink at him, then his lips pressed into mine, and my body melted back against the wall.
I had a vague awareness of pain in my abdomen, of his hand against mine—moving my fingers away from the wound. But my entire being was lost in his kiss.
Falling didn’t describe this. I was soaring.
Warmth spread out from my stomach, blazing up until my cheeks burned and my fingertips tingled.
He removed his hand from my wound, the pain now entirely gone, and slid his fingers behind my back. I touched the place where the wound had been, and my fingers only met smooth skin.
“Thank you,” I murmured against his cheek, not ready for him to back away.
He tipped his forehead against the wall beside my head, his hair partially blocking his expression.
I reached up and raked the hair away from his face with my bloodstained fingers.
His mouth curled into a grin. “Is this your way of saying you do not hate me, Valencia?” He playfully caught my hand in his, and I sucked in a breath.
“Your hand!”
It was as black as the stone behind me.
He turned away, tucking one dark hand behind his head and fisting it in his hair. “This is my father’s way of ensuring his heirs follow his commands, of seeing who can be worthy to take his place. So far, none have measured up.” He whirled back around, eyes blazing. “Not one of my sixty older brothers and sisters.”
My eyes slowly closed and opened again. “Sixty?”
“My father has been alive for millennia. In that time, he’s fathered many heirs, and each of them have lived short lives for our kind. I only had the pleasure of meeting two of them, not including Alba. The rest died before I was born. I knew it would happen to me, too, and Alba after me, if I didn’t change the game.”
“I…I’m so sorry.”
He waved away my sentiments. “It’s why I never cared about my life, and why I was both fascinated and angered by people who did care about theirs. I knew I would die if I tried or die if I didn’t try, so there was little point. But after Augustín died, he showed me that there was a way—a possibility—that an heir might one day survive. I poured myself into this effort.”
“The antidotes?” I asked, wanting to touch him again. My hand moved out to his forearm, which felt hot.
He nodded, staring down at my hand against his cursed skin. “All I wanted before I died was to find something worth dying for .” He looked up at me now. “We feed ourselves with pleasure, with entertainment, with anything that can shock us from our numb, endless existence. Magic has its charms, but even its thrill dulls over time. You were right—what you said about us, about me. All this time, I’ve been searching for someone who could wake me up. I was numb, unable to feel the world around me or the life inside me, until I met you.” He stepped toward me, but then he bit his lip and angled his face away.
“What is it?” I breathed.
“I am born of darkness. I will not be your condemnation.”
My spine straightened. “And I cannot be your salvation.” He huffed as if I’d slapped him. “No, listen,” I said, poking his chest. “We are all born with darkness inside us. I—I’m not some saint. You have been given power, that alone does not make you condemnable.”
He pushed my hair aside with both hands. “Past mistakes don’t scare me. I’ve got a list that will turn your blood cold. But I want to know you, Zara Valencia. Broken pieces and all. I want—I want more time. But we do not have it.”
His words kindled a fire in my chest. “Then all my broken pieces are yours.” I pulled his face down and kissed him again.
The edges of his mouth twitched. “How can you have so much life inside that tiny body?” He shifted forward so his hands rested on either side of my head against the wall. “You once said you wanted to watch me burn. So burn me. Light me on fire and take me down because I’ve never seen light like yours, and I’ll be forever blind if you leave. I want to catch fire with you.”
This time, I didn’t fear the rising flames inside me. I wanted them to consume me.