Chapter 35
Hawk
I try not to think about the future. That’s what always kept me going when things went sideways, but while the form of the Sunwolf lets my thoughts clear, each passing second feels like a step toward the inevitable. My senses sharpen, detecting sounds, smells, and flavors I’ve never before noticed, but even with the abundance of animals in the forest, I feel like the most delicious morsel of all is on my back.
Sylvan’s shadow is faint, pale, and smooth like whipped cream with just the right amount of sugar and spice that’s so uniquely him. A tiny snack, really, when compared to the magnitude of the shadow making up Tristan Bloodweed’s wings, but I want it all the same. Its touch makes my skin tingle, and I long for its essence in the blood pumping through my husband’s small form.
It scares me how easily I can imagine myself diving my muzzle into his open rib cage, and lapping its insides as if it were a cup of yogurt, not the body of the man who I—
A frantic yelp leaves my throat as I shake off the image my mangled brain sees as both horrifying and enticing. He’s not safe with me. Not the way I am now.
“It’s all right, my love. We’re almost there,” Sylvan says, unaware of the dangerous thoughts crowding my mind. I try to remember each time he speaks to me this way. It makes me feel like I’m truly special, someone worthy of being chosen, and I let it be my comfort.
Would he run from me if he knew? Or would he have stayed despite it? I'd rather not test that in what might be our last hours together.
I wouldn’t call the castle ‘familiar’, but at least it’s a place I already know. We explored it a little last night, so we know that it’s abandoned.
Then again, tonight, it might become my home, and a place of doom for any elf foolish enough to cross the threshold. I dread to think about spending the rest of my life stuck in yet another prison, but it’s the loneliness of it that truly terrifies me. If my consciousness isn’t consumed by the Sunwolf, then I might go mad because of the isolation. I’ve never been someone who likes spending a lot of time on his own. Even if I’m not talking all the time, I long for touch and company.
Another thought hits me as I transform in front of the gate.
“If you lock me in there, what will I eat?”
Sylvan strokes my hand and pulls me in. “As the Sunwolf, you will not need to eat material food.”
I want to whine and complain that I like to eat material food , but hearing that is the last burden Sylvan needs.
I dash inside the castle, and then down two flights of dusty stairs. We were down here last night, but the huge circular door facing us now was the limit of our exploration. My vision is quite decent even now, but the swamplight flickering to life inside a lamp attached to the wall reveals the deep grooves marking the huge entrance. It’s an artwork—a depiction of wolf men dancing under the moon.
The unbearable heat returned the moment I regained my smooth skin and fingers, but that only means I need to act fast. The door doesn’t seem to come with any handle though, and I growl, smacking my palm against it. The thing is so damn thick we barely hear any echo inside.
I’m about to complain when something clicks, and I put my ear against the cool surface.
“Does it work?” Sylvan asks, prompting me to look back his way. I haven’t paid attention to anything beyond the door itself, but far away from it, by the stairs, is a mechanism embedded in the floor. Sylvan puts his entire body weight on the lever attached to it, and the sharp noise is back.
I want to kiss him.
“That’s it! That must be the way to unlock the dungeon!”
“Come over. I need some of that superior strength.” He smiles at me—for the first time since the disaster with Lepearl and her kelpies.
Pride fills my chest, and I join him by the device, intent on moving the lever. When raw strength doesn’t do the trick, he admits he carries a bit of oil, to aid our lovemaking, and we use some of it on the mechanism. The process still takes a lot of effort, but the vault door finally cracks open, its lock released after at least a hundred years of inactivity.
Sylvan’s instinct is to crawl through it, but I keep him back and widen the gap leading into the dungeon before settling next to it and letting myself inspect the hidden space.
It’s cold and damp, but there is no life I can sense, just fungi, moss, and old bones.
Sylvan follows me, his cool fingers sliding into my hand. My whole being knows he belongs at my side, and yet he will leave me in this cold prison. He has to. I want that for his own safety. Every minute he’s still here feels stolen.
I need him as far away from the Nocturne Court as possible, so he can live a good life, and maybe sometimes think back to me, smiling.
The massive chamber has a tall, vaulted ceiling, and Sylvan slips out of my grasp to light all the swamplight torches by the rows of cells. Behind thick metal bars, corpses have long been devoured by time, leaving behind only bones and chains. I can’t help but stop to stare at the skeleton of a creature with a canine skull and a humanoid body.
Will this be me in two hundred year’s time?
Sylvan grabs a torch and walks across the stone floor, all the way to the end of the long corridor of cells.
“There should be… Aha! Hawk, you need to see this!”
Just as I walk up to him, he lowers the torch, and a massive firepit lights up with green flames, revealing what’s at the very end of this dungeon.
A mosaic covers a whole wall, depicting men and wolves. Some chained, some cowering under waterfalls. In the center of the image is a large pipe in the shape of a dragon’s head.
“And down here,” Sylvan says, leading me to a part of the floor covered with a round slab of metal roughly the size of a small car. “Is where they brought feral werewolves. Help me open it.”
Unlike the vault door to the prison, this covering isn’t that hard to lift, and what’s revealed is a three foot-deep, rounded hole. The mosaic here is colorful, and not stained by years of dust the way the walls are. If this small pool wasn’t located in a dungeon, it would fit right in at a luxury spa in my world. At least that’s how those places look in the movies. The closest to a spa I’ve ever been to was the gay sauna in Boston, and that had… a bit of a different atmosphere.
I exhale and stare at the metal covering. “Do you… want to lock me in here?”
He frowns, as if I hurt him by even voicing my question. “No. First, we will turn on the water to cool you down,” he says and puts the back of his hand against my arm. “Then—”
I meet his gaze. “Then, you must leave. I’m not joking, Sylvan. If I hurt you, I will never forgive myself.”
He’s silent for a while, so beautiful with the green light dancing on his skin. “I will leave. I will lock the vault door behind me. T-to not starve, you will need to turn into the Sunwolf,” he mutters.
My lips quirk into a smile despite the hole inside my chest. I know this will be for the best, even if spending an unpredictable amount of time on my own, underground, sounds like torture. But if my mind gives in to the creature I’ve invited inside me, it won’t matter any longer.
I’ve had a pretty good run after all.
“Yes. Thank you, babe. For… everything,” I add softly, despite the fire inside me climbing my throat.
Sylvan gets to his toes and cups my cheeks. Maybe I’ve only had so little time with him, but it was worth everything I’m going through now. He’s my perfect prince. Beautiful, with the heart of a lion.
“Don’t give up hope, Hawk.”
He believes it. Even now, he believes there’s a future for us. So I will entertain that too. For him.
My gaze seeks a way to fill the pool, and when I notice a valve on the nearby wall, I head toward it and give it a little nudge. Like the cover, it’s not nearly as stuck as the door lock has been, and moments later, a gurgle echoes in the walls around us. Then, the pipe at the very bottom of the pool spits out water.
“It comes from a nearby stream, so it’s clean, and not salty like the ocean,” Sylvan says, but I’m already taking off my pants because I’m dying to cool my skin.
The pool is filled halfway when I slide in naked and scoot down to sink in at least to the neck. The relief is instant, and I let my head fall back onto the edge before glancing up at my sweet boy.
We didn’t get nearly enough time together, but for him I am ready to be martyred. “This is… so good.”
Sylvan’s expression is pensive when he kneels by the pool and dips his hand in. “You’re so hot it’s warming up the water.”
I lick my lips, drawn to his soft scent. I know this is the moment I ought to make him leave, but thinking about a forever without him makes my heart so heavy I end up squeezing his wrist. “Stay for a bit longer. Be with me.”
My lovely elven prince swallows, knowing exactly what I’m asking for and after a moment’s hesitation, sheds his coat.
My heart leaps with joy, and I brush the back of my hand over the tip of his boot. He is the most charming man I’ve ever met, and the purest soul. I might have not led the best of lives, but one thing I don’t regret? Meeting him.
I wouldn’t turn back time to avoid ever putting on the Sunwolf Crown either, because we’d both be dead if I hadn’t. This way, at least, he has a fighting chance in this strange world of merhorses, werewolves, and elves. Our time together was short, but I have never known the kind of happiness I feel when he smiles at me, approving of some small thing or another. I imagine that setting him free was my purpose from the very beginning, that I was born for it, and that our meeting at Best Burger Bonanza was far from accidental. Maybe that’s why I survived all my brushes with death? After all, Sylvan seems to believe in destiny.
“I love you,” I whisper, as he sheds his clothes, revealing his lithe form.
My romantic feelings for him are tender and mushy, but when I see his naked body, there’s no denying I also crave his flesh. I still don’t understand why someone like him would ever be self-conscious, because he has the glow of moonlight and all the stars put together. An ethereal beauty with eyes like precious sapphires, dainty feet, soft hair, and a delicious cock I itch to feel against my skin.
“I love you too,” he says, dipping his bare toe into the water. From down here, he is a god I want to worship, so I grab him by the hips and pull him into the warmed-up water, determined to make this ancient dungeon our personal paradise. Even if just for a little while.
Our bodies coming together is bliss. “Thank you. For everything,” I say and enfold him in my arms, lowering myself to one of the steps making up the edges of the pool.
He straddles my lap, and the initial tenderness soon transforms into a more visceral need for him. I run my hands up his spine with a low groan.
“Did you just… get even hotter? Maybe I should leave after all.” The little smile on his lips tells me he doesn’t mean it, but I still pull him closer, until he crosses his ankles behind me and his soft hair tickles my neck. This will be the last time I hold him, and I want to remember every detail.
The water keeps bubbling around us, cooling my feverish body as I explore his smooth skin. He smells of his shadow, so mild, sweet, and intense it’s making my head spin, so I bury my face in the crook of his neck, lapping at the shade there. The wolf in me wants to devour all of it, until my man is a burned-out husk, but all I want is a taste.
“Maybe I did. Maybe I’m burning for you,” I whisper, nuzzling at his flesh.
Sylvan gasps when I suck in his skin. “Oh! I can feel that,” he murmurs and slides higher up my thighs, until his cock presses against mine.
It’s almost too much, and I grab his ass with a low growl. He’s so soft, so smooth, so warm in my embrace. I want to be inside him so badly, and not even the Sunwolf can take this moment from us.
Hugging him is like sinking into a land of impossible dreams where pain or sorrow don’t exist. I want to forget reality for a bit longer. I can’t keep him forever, but as our blood grows hotter, I know we’ll be left with memories to last a lifetime.
I want to connect. Be inside and outside him. To brand this moment on the backs of his eyelids, so he can never forget me. I hope he can love me even when I’m gone. Selfish, I know, but I won’t get much more time, and I need this.
My middle finger rolls up and down his opening, exploring the wrinkled skin. He shivers, and his perfect moans caress my ear, sending sweet sensations down my back.
“I want to feel you inside me,” he whispers, offering me the little bottle we used to open the vault door.
I nod, rubbing his cheek with my stubble. “Of course you do. My needy treasure. My sweet boy.”
The old me would have called out my own words as pure cheese, but I mean each one, and if we are to part, I need him to know how much he matters. How very grateful I am for his love. How it’s changed me, and gave my life the meaning I was searching for.
I get up, taking him with me, and moments later he’s stretched on the tiled floor, with his hips on the very edge of the pool. Blinking, he reaches for me, and I rub my face against his beautiful chest. The scars left behind by the failed attempt to remove his collar are still there, purple dots like a new constellation made for him only. I kiss each one as he cradles me between his legs, as if there’s no rush.
“Hawk… I… I never met anyone like you. I would have been proud to introduce you at court as my Dark Companion.” Sylvan’s voice is filled with emotion when his slender body arches under my touch.
It hurts to know that we’re at the end of our journey, but I’ve always sought my fortune wherever I could. It no longer matters. All I want is to be with him for a few moments longer, so I kiss his chest and stomach as I take some of the oil onto my hand. The white-hot noise that feels more primal than my usual desire for Sylvan prickles at the back of my neck. I ignore it and tease him, circling his hole with my slick fingertip.
“Just... be with me now. The future doesn’t matter,” I whisper and push the digit in.
A sudden tug on my heart makes me still, but Sylvan smiles, raising his hips as he rides my hand. “Feel that? We still have our bond.”
I still for half a second and let myself experience it fully—the magical connection that links my soul to his. His heartbeat quickens, and so does mine as they dance together like two butterflies.
Tears sting my eyes when I think about being apart—maybe for good—but I would do anything for him, and what he needs is for me to let him go. But not yet. I want to keep him for a bit longer. To make my mark and keep his scent in my memory.
There are no words to describe the depths of my feelings for him. Maybe the English language is simply not good enough to provide them?
My cock throbs as I rut against his thigh, fingering his tight hole. I want this to go on forever, so that we never have to part, but the beast in me demands satisfaction, and I enter Sylvan in a single thrust, following the sweetest of moans.
His cries resonate under the vaulted ceiling, and he reaches for me, lost without my kisses. I suck the tender flesh of his neck, leaving marks that will stay with him that little bit longer, and he holds me close, as if he too longs for our bodies to become one, so we never need to part.
The heat inside me grows, gripping my mind with its red-hot claws, and as we move together, the call of the beast becomes near impossible to silence. Our skin sparks where we’re connected. When I catch the smoky whiff of his shadow, my hands find his hips, and I hold him in place, thrusting into his delicious heat over and over.
His eyes are two skies full of starlight, and when he reaches his climax, they all fall. I make a wish on every single one.
With my fingers buried in his golden hair, I too find my release, and we slide back into the water, sharing those last few moments together.
I’m afraid.
So very afraid.
But that is not what he needs to hear, so I summon all my strength and whisper, “Be safe.”
Sylvan holds me tight, running his fingers over my nape in a calming manner. I wish he could stay here and pet me like this until I lose my mind, but that wouldn’t be safe for him.
“You have my heart, Hawk,” he says when he untangles his limbs from mine.
“And you have mine,” I tell him, sinking into the water, all the way to my jaw. “I will turn. But this is how I want you to see me when you leave.”
“Magnificent?” he asks with a sigh and gives me a kiss before rising to his feet.
My heart feels as if it’s falling apart, and while I’ve been through so much shit, no pain ever felt this intense. But I don’t let any of that show, because he needs to focus on getting to safety, not comforting a man who’ll inevitably lose himself.
“That too,” I say, snorting. “Handsome, and tall.”
The smile falls from Sylvan’s lips as he dresses in the damp black clothes that no longer look very refined. “Hawk… please stay in that pool once I leave. Turn the water on, so you have a steady cooling stream.”
I nod and rest my chin on the tip of his boot, clinging to the chance to touch him once more. “You know what’s best.”
But when he lets out a sob and turns to hide his face, I have to get out. The need to comfort him is stronger than my sense of self-preservation.
“I don’t want to leave you,” he whimpers when I pull him into my arms.
“You must,” I insist, burying my face in his damp hair. Nothing was ever as hard as letting him go, but there is no other way. I pick up his backpack and lead him toward the heavy door, because this will be easier for him once he can no longer see me.
His heavy inhales weigh on my heart. When I usher him to the other side of the vault door, it feels like leaving a kitten out in the rain.
“This can’t be happening. Not right after I found you,” Sylvan utters, grabbing my hand, but he must know what is about to happen, because he doesn’t try to come back in.
Overcome by a wave of grief, I give his hand a quick kiss, and then shove the door back in place before either of us can change his mind. It’s only then that my tears fall, but I wait, holding the door until the lock finally clangs.
And still, he speaks, his voice like an echo through the thick metal.
“Hawk? What if we—”
“No, Sylvan. You need to promise me you will leave.”
Silence.
“You need to promise!”
An eternity later, he says, “I promise.”
My legs give up, and I curl into a ball on the cold, dusty floor, trying to contain the anguish tearing me up on the inside. But I got what I wanted.
Now, I can waste away in peace.