Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Ophelia
He followed me.
I knew he had.
And I didn’t mind.
Sapphire led us across a path overlooking the northeast of Damenal, the mountains winding their way through the world with sloping sides and jutting peaks, the bones of the continent.
We cut between rocks that looked like they had risen from the earth for the sole purpose of hosting this ancient city and the magic beneath.
Maybe they had. I’d never given much thought to the formation of the mountains themselves.
Whatever being birthed the gods and Angels must have created the land, as well.
But there were plenty of conflicting tales on that.
The fact that the range had been here for millennia—surviving plagues and wars, outlasting rulers and celebrating them—was a comfort to me, simmering my anger.
As if attune to my attitude, Sapphire didn’t stop until my thoughts calmed from a roaring cascade to a trickle.
My fury still flared, but under the open skies and the gentle breezes, the urgency subsided.
I dismounted, walking to the edge of the trail and sitting in a patch of long grass, swaying in the wind.
It was my sign that I was ready to not be alone.
Tolek joined me.
First in silence as I tied knots in a length of rope from Sapphire’s saddlebag and Tol wrote in one of his journals, each page embossed with the initials TV.
He siphoned off those heated emotions that had been warring within me.
It was the first time we’d been alone since before the Undertaking, Tol always claiming he had business in the city.
At his absence, a hollow ache had followed me. Now, it dulled.
Once my shoulders slackened and I tucked my knees to my chest, arms resting atop them, he reclined on his hands and asked, “What happened?”
“He thinks I’m making a mistake.” Unable to stop the flood of words, I recounted the entire conversation to Tol, including the parts that flayed my chest open and exposed my shredded heart within.
“I’ll kill him,” Tol growled when I finished.
I smirked, knowing he could do no such thing. “He’s grieving.”
“He’s taking it out on you.”
I shrugged. “Better me than someone else.” An excuse to mask how deeply Malakai’s words had cut.
“And where does that end?”
I didn’t answer because I wasn’t sure. If these fights between Malakai and I didn’t end, if we continued to use each other as outlets for rage and cushions for our jagged edges, where would we end up?
Two broken people couldn’t hold each other up. At least not two who were as tangled in each other’s pain as we were. One of us would crumble. The question was—who would crack first?
I rested my cheek on my arms, looking into Tol’s eyes. The sun had risen high into the sky as I rode, the light gilding the highlights in his brown hair and setting the amber flecks in his eyes aflame. That heat burrowed into me, inquiring after my feelings without words, until it hit my soul.
“Do you think he’s right?” My voice wavered, each word laced with a vulnerability I wasn’t used to.
Tol shot forward, reaching a hand to my shoulder that steadied my rocking world a bit, an emotion I couldn’t name twisting his face. “Not in the slightest.”
“You don’t think allowing the delegates to stay is a bad decision?”
“No, Ophelia, I don’t. I think he’s being guarded after everything he’s been through—and rightfully so.” He ducked his head until I was forced to meet his stare. “But I also know that isn’t the part of the argument that’s worrying you the most.”
Damned Spirits, how did he always know? Tolek Vincienzo’s all-seeing soul would be the death of me—I swore it.
“You don’t think I’m foolish to hope?” My words were small now, hanging in the space between Tol and me like a dying ember.
Since Malakai had thrown out the accusation, it had echoed in my head. Words whispered behind my back in his absence. Foolish. Desperate. Words that stuck with me. Maybe he was right.
“Malakai was gone for a long time, Ophelia. Throughout that entire absence, you remained hopeful when none of us could bear to. When we all found it easier to move on rather than dying under hope’s fine blade, you allowed that knife to slice your heart to pieces every single day.
” I didn’t know how he understood the feeling so perfectly, but Tol fanned that ember within me until it sparked.
“Malakai never saw that side of you or the person you grew into while he was gone.”
“I’m not always proud of that person.” I shivered as the darkness I’d fallen into threatened to wrap around my shoulders, but Tol’s arm did instead.
“You should be proud of what she endured and who she became.” He spoke of growth simply, like it was a subject of one of the poems he was always scribbling.
“Without you holding on, I think we all would have been crushed by denial. So, no, I don’t think remaining hopeful makes you foolish.
I think your tendency to hold faith is one of your greatest strengths and just one of the reasons that I believe you’re an excellent Revered. ”
“Thank you, Vincienzo,” I whispered, afraid my voice might crack with the tears lining my eyes if I spoke any louder. Tolek wiped them away and scooted closer.
“I admire a lot of things about you, Alabath, and that ability to hope isn’t even my favorite one.”
“You’ll have to tell me the rest of them one day.”
“That I will.” He smiled, and I couldn’t help but return it, promising myself that I’d nurture an unfoolish hope with my every decision. It would be my lighthouse calling me home amid a stormy sea.
Sighing into Tol’s embrace, I found the courage to voice what else was bothering me.
“I don’t like seeing him like this.” How hard Malakai’s eyes had turned, how distant.
“He’s slipping away, and I don’t know how to reach him.
It hurts me to see him hurt and know that I’m causing part of it.
” But I didn’t know how to stop. I was reluctant to fight him, but sometimes I couldn’t bite my tongue.
Tol removed his arm from my shoulders and braced his elbows on his knees, twisting a piece of grass between his fingers.
“I don’t like it either, but it isn’t your doing, so please don’t blame yourself. I don’t think he’s at fault either, but promise me you won’t punish yourself, Ophelia.”
His earnest eyes burrowed into me, and my lips trembled under the pressure of everything. The scars on my flesh and my heart, the darkness looming in my future—all of it. But I looked at Tol and allowed that stare to steady me, then threaded my fingers through his to solidify it.
“I promise. It’s not my fault.” If I hadn’t seen Malakai slipping away before my eyes, I may have believed it. But for Tol, I’d continue to remind myself. I’d continue to hope.
“Good.” Relief poured off of him.
We stayed out until the sunset coated Damenal in a wash of soft pinks and lilacs. As we raced each other back toward the palace, I allowed that spark of hope to flourish.
“I was thinking about going into the city tonight,” I called over the breeze. I hadn’t been, but the closer we got to the palace, the more I realized I wasn’t ready to have the fight that waited. “Would you like to come?”
Tolek opened his mouth to answer, then seemed to reconsider. “I shouldn’t. I’ll see you back to your suite, though.”
I wasn’t sure what about his response bothered me, but I tried to let it go, riding onto the palace grounds with the warmth of the setting sun instead.
Malakai wasn’t in our suite when I returned—thank the Spirits. The wide marble entryway was empty. The art and statues lining the walls watched me like reassuring eyes of the past, high ceilings waiting to catch any aggrieved shouts I threw to the heavens.
Before he left, I hugged Tolek a little longer than necessary, greedily absorbing the steady presence he provided. As we said goodbye, my father came around the corner, striding right into the foyer with a large leather file in hand.
“Tolek.” He smiled, extending a hand. “How are you?”
“I’m well, thank you, sir.” He gestured to me. “Just making sure your daughter returned home okay from our ride.”
“Speaking of my daughter.” He faced me, excitement glimmering in his tawny eyes. “I need to have a word with her.”
“I’ll leave you to it.” Tolek nodded to me. “Alabath.”
“How was today?” my father asked once the door shut. With his hair in his usual low bun and the flush in his cheeks, I had a bit of him back that I’d missed. The warmth. Comfort.
“We’ve made negotiations.” I chose my words carefully, explaining the situation with the minor clan delegates, my trial period, and Titus’s reading. Ignoring the stabbing pain in my heart from Malakai’s words.
“Negotiating is good,” my father commented. “It will show you intend to have an amicable term as Revered with your people at the top of your mind. Though, Titus’s session does concern me.”
“It’s fine,” I lied, waving him off. He’d spent enough time worrying over me lately. “There’s an explanation, I’m sure.”
Avoiding his gaze, I crossed to the office door. Mystlight lit up the round space as we entered, highlighting the spines of my growing book collection. Since taking over this suite, I’d been slowly lining the tall shelves with my own belongings, letting myself absorb the space, fill every corner.
“What’s that?” I pointed to the file my father held as I took a seat in one of the velvet chairs before the fire. He sat opposite me. If I tried hard enough, closed my eyes and envisioned the leather, parchment, and smoke scent, I could pretend we were back in Palerman.
“These are what you asked me for last night.” He set them on the small table between us, tapping the cover twice.
Annellius. My heart kicked up, the second pulse speeding with it. Greedily, my fingers curled around the file, unwinding the tie and cracking open the cover to peek at the first yellowed and creased page.
“I’m not sure how useful they’ll be,” my father apologized.
On the surface, he was right; there were only rudimentary facts. But he hadn’t spoken with the Angel or Annellius’s Spirit, didn’t have that instinct I did.
Flipping to the second page, I read the first line: Cause of death: blood loss. I wasn’t sure why my skin prickled, but I cleared my throat and steadied my hands. “Thank you for these. It will help.”
“You’ll be careful, won’t you, sorrida?” I recognized the concern creasing his brow better than I cared to admit.
“Of course, I will.”
“Good.” He stood and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Now enjoy your evening, and promise not to lose yourself too deeply in those files.”
“I promise,” I lied.
As he reached the office door, he turned around. One hand rested on the frame, a pensive look in his eye. “Is Malakai here? I’ve yet to see him.”
My fingers tightened on the files. “We’re all meeting in the city.” Another lie. I’d abandoned the idea the second I learned what was in these files. “I should be off to get ready, actually.”
“Damenal is beautiful this time of year.” He nodded, but I wasn’t sure whether he believed me. “Enjoy it.”
“Thank you.”
Once he was gone, I locked the office door behind him and put my other worries to the back of my mind. Settling into my chair, I opened the records on my ancestor and lost myself to the story of his fabled, cursed life.