Chapter 35 #2
Tol only laughed. “Suit yourself.” He stripped off his clothes, giving me just enough time to turn away, and splashed into the water. The sigh he released was so overly dramatic—so typically Tolek—it eased some of the unwarranted tension within me.
My heart thudded as I picked his clothes up off the floor and folded them, fingers digging into the leather when his spicy citrus scent wafted to me. They were stained and torn, but they were here. He had not been a sacrifice in exchange for my blood.
“You know,” Tol hummed, angling his head against the rim of the tub. Water dripped from his darkened hair to the floor. “I can easily leave the room if you’d like. Then you won’t get dirt all over the sheets.”
I exhaled a laugh. “Maybe you can get us food.”
“Deal.”
His eyes tracked my every move as I walked to the tub and crouched beside him. He had filled the water with so many bubbles that nothing was visible, but I kept my gaze locked on his face regardless.
“For what it’s worth, Vincienzo. I wouldn’t want to share a tiny room with anyone else.”
“I couldn’t agree more, Alabath.” His eyes darkened, and it seemed like he was seeing all of me, every facet of my heart laid bare before him. Who was I kidding, Tol had always seen me, even the most fucked-up pieces.
“Are you scared?” I whispered, folding my arms on the edge of the tub and resting my chin on my hands.
“About what?” His brows pulled together, leaning toward me until we were only an inch apart.
I searched his face, questions hovering between us. Things I wanted to talk about but was unsure how to. Fear of the encroaching war, the threats around our necks, the taut string pulling between us even now. Any would suffice, all terrified me.
“About sharing a bed with a woman who notoriously steals blankets?”
He sighed. “If you steal my blankets, I’ll shove you out of the bed.”
“You wouldn’t.” I narrowed my eyes.
He did, too. “Try me.”
“Maybe I’ll keep the clothes I brought you as a bargaining chip,” I threatened.
He fell silent, looking down at his hands drifting across the bubbles.
“What?”
“You brought me clothes?” A sheepish red bloomed in his cheeks.
I swallowed the emotion that blush dragged up within me. “Of course, I did.”
“But you didn’t know if—” His throat bobbed, and he finally met my eyes. “Thank you.”
“There was no reality in which I let them take you from me, Tol. You have to know that. You’re too important to me.” That truth alone answered so many of the questions swarming through my mind. I brushed his wet hair back from his face and breathed, “I’m so fucking grateful you’re okay.”
He captured my hand, bringing it to his lips. Heat stung my palm where he kissed it, spreading out along my veins. It was once, not lingering more than a second, as if testing but not pushing any boundaries.
“I’m so fucking grateful for you.” He whispered the words against my hand, a secret I was meant to wrap my fingers around and hold on to forever.
The longer we held gazes, the more I wanted to dive right into that water with him. I told myself it was for no other reason than to cool off.
“Now hurry up,” I said, pushing to my feet. “I want a bath.”
“You are more than welcome.” He stretched his arms, tucking his hands behind his head like he had no intention of moving.
“I will drop your clothes in the water,” I warned.
His eyes widened, and he splashed beneath the surface, bubbles pouring over the sides of the tub.
Once Tolek left, I filled the tub with clean water and the jasmine soap he threw at me on his way out the door—which I loved—and sank into the warm escape. For a few minutes, all of my problems faded away.
My hair floated around me, each strand letting loose a different plaguing worry.
This one flowing for the war mounting.
That one for the curse dancing in my blood.
One for the man I’d once loved.
And another for everything I’d just stepped into.
They glided along the surface, and I held my breath beneath the cloudy water. For a moment, it was blissful, hidden in my own haven where nothing could reach me, hurt me.
Until a hand grabbed my ankle and hoisted it out of the water.
I came up sputtering, hair plastered across my face and breasts barely concealed beneath the bubbles. “Vincienzo!”
“You sent me to get food.” He gestured at the tray steaming on the dresser. “It will get cold if you float beneath the water all night.”
I scowled, but the scent of hearty spices was enticing.
“Get me a towel, please.” He handed me one, his stare lingering before turning away.
I dried off and slipped into the silk nightgown I’d packed—a hopeful inclusion that I would get one night of rest on this journey. A breeze danced through the open window, raising goosebumps along my arms. The outline of the moon shone against the pane, full with promises and hope.
Tolek leaned against the wall, hair still a bit damp but clothes clean, elbows braced on the windowsill. He swirled a glass of wine, lifting it to his lips, eyes intent on the sky. What was he thinking about?
But instead of interrupting to ask, I picked up a bowl of rice and vegetables from downstairs and moved to the bed. Settling against the pillows, I watched him. He was so at ease. Not simply content, but actually relaxed.
By the time he finally turned to me, I’d finished my food.
“Are you going to eat?” I asked.
For a moment, his eyes darkened, but he blinked away the illusion.
“I guess.” Tol sat at the desk, finishing the entire serving in only a few minutes, picking up both of our bowls, and setting them on the tray.
Then, he moved toward me—toward the bed we were meant to share.
Every step he took rattled through my bones, a tingling awareness of him heightening. He reached behind his neck to tug his shirt off in one smooth motion. Without breaking eye contact with me, he unbuttoned his pants, dropping them down his legs so he stood in only his undershorts.
“More comfortable to sleep,” he explained, voice husky.
“Mm-hmm,” I hummed, hot beneath his stare. I scrambled to the pillow, scooting between the cool sheets, doing everything to avoid looking at the lower half of his body.
The bed dipped as he laid beside me, our arms barely brushing each other.
Every hair on my body stood up. Chirping crickets and hoots of owls drifted through the window, but my heartbeat drowned them out.
Tolek rolled onto his side, facing me. “What are you thinking about?”
I considered the storm of worries weighing down my bones, but picked one thread from memory that was truly the least of my concerns. “Are you sleeping with anyone?”
“That’s what’s on your mind right now?” His brows flicked up.
“Yes,” I admitted, unashamed.
He searched my face for a hint of a joke before answering. “No, Ophelia, I’m not.”
I turned onto my side, too, only a few inches separating us. “Not even someone casually?” He shook his head. “No one from Renaiss?” Another shake. “Honestly?”
Tol laughed, rolling onto his back. “Do you really not believe me?”
“I find it hard to believe with the women and men constantly throwing themselves at you.” A knot tightened in my stomach.
“And have you seen me returning those affections?”
I thought back to Renaiss and every night we had spent in the city before. Spirits, I even cast my mind back to Palerman. Beyond the flirtatious remarks and friendly gestures, I could not recall Tol engaging in anything that could pass as romantic.
“What about Hylia?” She was always near him, clearly fawning over him. Something tightened around my stomach.
“Hylia?” Tol lifted a brow.
“Oh, please, Tol.” I pushed myself up on my elbows.
“She’s only been throwing herself at you for years.
” Not that I could blame her. The grip around my gut curled tighter as I said it, familiar and burning, and I finally recognized it for what it was—jealousy.
A protective instinct rose in me as I pictured unnamed hands on his body, lips on his.
“She’s never tried anything.” Tol tucked a hand behind his head, thoughtful as the moonlight fell across his chest, outlining the cut of his muscles.
“I thought—”
“Ophelia,” he interrupted, pushing up onto one elbow and facing me.
“You may ask me as many times as you wish, you may phrase the question however you like, but I have not slept with anyone in over a year. Before we left Palerman, I’d kissed warriors and humans alike.
I’d gone home with some—there was even a wraith from the isles once—never mind.
” He cut off the story at my narrowed stare, face turning serious again.
“I was never able to follow through with anything. And since we’ve been in Damenal, nothing so much as a kiss has occurred. ”
“Oh,” I breathed, blinking past the implications of that truth and falling back against the pillow, turning to face him. Hearing him say it so plainly soothed the tension mounting in my gut.
Though, I had no right to feel any of those things. I’d been with another man for years. Tolek had only recently admitted his feelings for me, and I hadn’t technically given him an answer, but the territorial instinct still settled within me.
“Now that we’ve exhausted my sexual escapades,” Tol started, settling back down, and I rolled my eyes, certain we had not covered the expanse of that topic. Our faces were barely an inch apart, the air between us prickling like moments before a rainstorm. “Tell me what is actually worrying you.”
He had always seen through me, since we were children playing games. Though the competition may have shifted, the world becoming heavier with every exhale, that ability to pierce me with only a gaze never faltered.
I desperately wanted to tell him. To unload the angelic prophecy burdening my shoulders. What was I meant to unite? What was happening with the wild creatures and the queen’s hunt for me? Why did this emblem on my neck heat with my pulse?
I wanted to spill every theory between us so he could help me parse out the truth.
But Damien’s warning throttled me as the words rose, so I said, “The journey ahead.”
“We’ll be back in time for Daminius festivities if we ride fast.”
Daminius. My deadline to earn those final votes on my title.
“And what if I don’t know how this journey ends?
” The full moon outside the window burned out the stars as it faded toward dawn, casting shadows across Tol’s face, but I still caught the way his eyes flicked over my expression, picking apart every twitch of my brow and roll of my lips until he knew what I truly meant.
He shifted closer, our foreheads nearly touching.
“Listen to me,” he whispered, breath hot against my lips.
I was trapped in his gaze, captured by his voice.
“You don’t need to know what comes next, Ophelia.
Whatever it is—I’m here for you. Whatever waits in that cursed fate, we will face it together.
From now until the end of time, I am infinitely yours. ”
I nodded, my eyes falling closed against the emotion welling within them. “I’m scared.” I whispered the two words I hadn’t wanted to admit, let them hover between us, a secret I only wanted him to hold.
“Of what?”
I was certain he knew, but he wanted me to say it.
“Of failing everyone relying on me.” Of failing him.
Because if I could not give him what he wanted, if I could not be what he deserved, I didn’t know what would happen.
Slowly, he lifted his hand to my hip. When he dragged his fingers over my nightgown, heat rivaling the Spirit Volcano flooded my core. I almost squirmed against it, but I didn’t want to move, afraid of shattering this moment.
“You could never fail your people. You care deeply and are willing to fight for them. With that guiding your heart, they will always be safe with you.” His thumb dragged over my hip, scorching a line through the silk.
“I’m worried about more than them.” Being Revered was the fact I was least afraid of. Moments of doubt in myself washed in like the tide, but deep down I knew the power lay within me.
“What are you afraid of, then?”
“Breaking the things I treasure most,” I confessed, biting my bottom lip.
Tol’s lashes drooped across his cheeks as he tracked the motion.
He pushed onto one elbow, dragging his hand slowly from my hip up my body, watching its path like he had to commit every inch to memory.
He scorched a trail over my ribcage which expanded with my sharp inhale, across my collarbone, and came to rest against my cheek.
Gently, his thumb tugged my lip from beneath my teeth and rested there.
With the touch, my body both relaxed and coiled, heart fluttering with the way his eyes traced my face, so familiar yet so new.
Raw adoration and protectiveness burned in his gaze.
“You will never break me.” He brushed his thumb over my lip. “There are many promises I cannot make in this world, but that’s one I will stake my life against. So long as you make decisions following your own heart, I will never break.”
Spirits bless him for always knowing what I was saying when I couldn’t find the words.
I wanted to melt into this moment. Into his warm embraces and comforting words. Into the place I was the safest in the world. Even when I was crying beneath a moonlit night, he was there to guard me.
It was because of that soul-deep feeling of safety that I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to me.
It was a soft kiss, but it shot through my body, lightning igniting my nerves. His hand tightened around my hip, and his breath hitched as I shifted closer to him. My fingers tangled in his hair.
I didn’t think of Malakai or the ache that relationship still sent through me. In this moment, it was only Tolek. Infinitely.
When I opened my eyes, breathing heavy, the amber specks in his own were sparkling in the way I loved, wonder and lust staring back at me. He licked his bottom lip, as if savoring what I’d just done.
“Thank you, Tol.”
I didn’t know if it was for the kiss or the gentle touch, if it was for the reassurance or the reliability, the time or the temperament.
But I knew something that had been shattered within me sealed over in that moment.
For now that was enough.