2. Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Justin
Eve, Herbst, and his three stooges took a ride share home from the bar. Kirk stood at the curb next to me. “It ended up being a really weird night, didn’t it?”
I chuckled. “I think that’s an understatement. Eve didn’t tell me about that little excursion into the occult until we were walking by the shop. Did you feel something like a surge of electricity when we were sitting in that room?”
Kirk stared at me. “Maybe, but these buildings down here are old, and the wiring is sketchy at best. If the substation got struck by lightning, it could have pushed out energy through the lines and caused a power surge. The first thing I did when I bought my house in Broadmoor was to have the whole thing rewired. If I was planning to remodel the house, I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t burn to the ground at any moment. Better safe than sorry.”
“Yes, that’s an actuary’s motto if I’ve ever heard one. I better get back to my hotel. I have an early morning flight. It was good to see you again, Kirk.”
What about him? I might not know much about fuckin’ a guy, but if I was interested in that sort of thing, he looks like a good candidate.
The voice in my head didn’t sound like my own or anyone I’d ever met.
I glanced around to see if someone was pulling a fast one on me. There were a few drunks staggering down the street, but we didn’t appear to be the objects of their attention.
Let me take over. Seduction is what I do best. I had eight kids when I was alive. If there’s one thing I know, it’s how to get a woman—er someone—into bed.
I had the sensation of being shoved out of the way and suddenly, I couldn’t see anything. “So, uh, maybe you wanna show me your remodel job. I’m not leaving until tomorrow. We could have a little fun tonight, no strings attached.”
Who the hell said that? Me? It sounded like my voice! No, no. I wasn’t a smarmy guy like someone who might say that. I imagined the whole thing. Maybe I hit my head? Oh, I bet someone slipped a roofie into my vodka soda.
“Uh,” Kirk said. “It’s— It’s getting late and... I’ll be honest with you, Justin. I’m involved with someone, and we’re very serious. He’s out of town right now, but I don’t play around on him.”
I suddenly elbowed my way through the darkness until I was able to see again.
“I’m so sorry, Kirk. I don’t know what came over me.
I think someone might have slipped something into my drink at that last bar.
I apologize if I made you uncomfortable.
I mean, you are a good-looking man and all, and your partner is lucky you’re willing to honor the commitment the two of you share. I’d never want to—”
“It’s okay, Justin. Let’s go inside and get some water or a soda. Let’s talk for a minute.” Kirk extended his hand toward the bar we’d just left.
Go with him. You’ll be able to convince him to sex you up and then, if you pay very close attention to what he does, you’ll have the keys to the kingdom.
Fuck no! I glanced at Kirk’s expressionless face to see he wasn’t mortified. Thank god I didn’t say any of that shit out loud. Dear lord, what was wrong with me? Maybe I needed some water?
We went into the pub and sat at a high top near the door. The place was still packed at midnight, but then again, the bars barely closed in the Quarter.
A server stopped at our table, and we ordered two bottles of water. When they walked away, Kirk spoke. “Now, mind you, I’m not out to my clients. I’m bisexual, but I don’t want my sexuality to define me. I’m not ashamed of who I am, but it’s really the least important thing about me.”
“Uh, sure. I’d say the same about myself except that I’m gay. My orientation has nothing to do with my ability to do my job or be a friend to someone,” I answered, unsure of where the conversation was headed.
“You, my friend, are a very nice guy. I know you live next door to Eve and the two of you are close. I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention my sexual identity to her or the fact my boyfriend is a female-to-male transgender person.
Reggie and I have been seeing each other for almost two years, and I love him.
I plan to live the rest of my life with him. ”
I chuckled and nodded in agreement. “Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“You’re welcome. I didn’t share my personal situation with you to show off or put myself up as some kind of positive role model to show a successful relationship is possible for everyone.
I had a very hard time adjusting to my attraction to Reggie.
We met when he came to give me an estimate for my remodel.
He’s really good-looking, which doesn’t hurt, but what attracted me to him was his mind and heart.
I’m rambling now. I must have needed the water more than I thought. ”
The server brought our water bottles and a basket of popcorn. We each took a handful and didn’t speak for a minute.
Wait, he’s with a dude who used to be...? How’s that possible? I heard some wild shit was going on above level one, but that’s crazy.
My body locked up as I glanced at Kirk, relieved to see a friendly smile. I hoped I hadn’t said that transphobic shit out loud, either. What the fuck was wrong with me? I only had love for my trans brothers and sisters.
“I’ve gone on a few dates in college, but I’m just not sure I’m meant to find a partner.
I mean, I find myself attracted to guys on occasion, but I’m afraid to make a move because I don’t want to look stupid.
I don’t tell anyone I’m a twenty-four-year-old virgin because I’m sure they’ll either make fun of me or humiliate me. It’s like an albatross around my neck.”
Kirk put his hand on my arm in a comforting gesture and nodded.
“That’s close to some of the things Reg has said.
He’s not trying to pass, but he doesn’t tell people about himself because he worries about their reaction.
He still sees a therapist, and I think that’s kind of why he’s thinking about selling his business and moving elsewhere so we can have a fresh start.
We all have our insecurities, Justin. Maybe you should, uh, think about seeing a therapist.”
That was probably a good idea. “Yeah, that’s crossed my mind a time or ten, but I’ve just never acted on it.
I mean, I think there’s something broken inside me.
I can’t say I’m afraid, but there’s just something that keeps me from trying to date because I don’t want to disappoint or be disappointed by someone again.
I don’t think I come off very exciting or fun to be around. ”
“I disagree completely. I think you’re very enjoyable company, Justin. Not to be rude, but did you hook up in college? I did more than I want to admit.”
Ha! My one foray into the possibility of hooking up was a fucking disaster. I didn’t usually allow my mind to go back to that horrible night, but it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t seem to be judgmental.
“Almost, one time. It was a guy in my econ class. We were working on a joint project and spent a lot of time together. He was straight, but one night toward the end of the semester, he said, ‘I’ve always wondered what’s the difference between kissing a girl and a guy.
Can I kiss you? For the sake of clarification? ’ He didn’t wait for me to answer.”
Kirk gave a low whistle. “What an asshole. Unfortunately, he’s not the only guy out there like that.”
That was the damn truth! “He kissed me with way too much tongue, and then he pulled back and laughed. He said, ‘Wow, you suck at kissing. That was nothing like the guys I’ve seen kissing when I’ve watched porn.
’” God, I sounded pathetic to my own ears, but that kind of humiliation really stuck with a guy.
Now, kiddo, don’t despair. I dated lots of ladies when I was alive, and I can promise you if I’d ever said to them the shit that guy said, the pussy door would slam shut immediately.
That was inside my head, right? Based on Kirk’s lack of reaction, I was guessing it was.
Kirk took a sip of his water. “Do you watch gay porn? I mean, to understand the mechanics of it? I think it can give people an unrealistic expectation of what love and intimacy looks like. The pizza guy who delivers to our house has never come inside for a threesome.” Kirk smirked when I looked up, and we both laughed.
“Sure, I’ve watched porn, which is how I figured out I’m into guys. I’m just afraid I’ll be really bad at it, so I don’t try.” That was me in a nutshell, really.
“I know a guy who is aromantic—not into romantic relationships at all. He’s dating a woman who is asexual—not into a sexual relationship at all. They’re honestly opposites in many other ways, but I learned from them that we all have different things that attract us to a partner.”
I nodded. It made sense, but I wasn’t sure how his analogy related to me.
Kirk continued. “Some people have to know someone very well and have feelings for them before they develop an attraction. Other people only want impersonal hook-ups with no exchange of information at all, and others find a relationship in the most unlikely places.”
There was truth in his comments. I guessed his point was that there was no perfect way to find your person—if you were meant to find your person. “So I’ve heard.”
“Look, bottom line. I believe when you find your person, the pieces click into place like a puzzle. That’s what happened with Reg and me.
We took some time to get to know each other and learn what makes the other tick before we decided to be intimate.
I just don’t want you to believe you’ve got to do anything you don’t want to do because the other person might have unreal expectations. ”
I appreciated his advice. I’d been lucky or smart enough to steer clear of guys who gave off the vibe that they wouldn’t respect my boundaries. “Yeah, I get it.”
Kirk looked at his watch and exhaled. “Respecting yourself and waiting until you feel something for someone isn’t wrong, Justin. I believe if more people did that, there would be less heartache in the world.”
I glanced at my phone to see it was after one in the morning. “Yeah, thank you for the advice. I appreciate it. I need to go, too. I gotta pack.”
We stood, each of us leaving money on the table, and we walked outside, Kirk stopping on the sidewalk. “Hey, do you wanna exchange numbers? I’ll be happy to give you a listening ear anytime you need one. I know things can get complicated at times, and talking things out with a friend can help.”
He handed me his phone, and I tapped in my name and phone number, returning it to him. Kirk took it, and immediately my phone buzzed in my pocket.
“There. Now you have my number too. It was good to talk to you, Justin. Safe travels home,” he said as we shared a one-armed hug. He flagged a cab, and I headed down the street to my hotel. He’d given me some things to think about.
Yeah, but all that touchy-feely bullshit doesn’t matter when you get beneath the sheets. You stick with me, kid. I won’t let you down.
Who the fuck was that and what was going on in my head?