Chapter 9
Nine
“You’ve gotta slam it.” Donnie gestured with his chin.
I swung the truck’s door wide and brought it back with a crash. It sounded like it was going to fall off any second.
“There ya go! That’s the way to use those muscles God gave ya!” Donnie grinned. With a deafening roar, the engine came to life, and the truck lurched forward.
I reached over to put on my seatbelt. When I didn’t feel anything, I turned my head to help me locate the strap. There wasn’t one.
“Wow, you really have become a city boy.” Donnie smacked my leg. “You’re back home now, boy. Time to get reconnected with your country roots.” To prove his point, he cranked the radio on and a wailing of fiddles and steel guitars filled the cab.
I glanced at the dial. “Ninety-six point nine, the Kow. Wow, haven’t thought about that station in forever. Country music stations in Denver just aren’t the same.” I sat back into the cracked cushion of the seat, feeling somewhat naked and uneasy without the seatbelt snug across my chest.
“So.” Donnie glanced at me again. “Where to? Where you wanna go first? Ready to see your mom?”
“No!” My voice was too loud, too urgent. I forced it to be quieter and more at ease. “No. I don’t think I’m ready to visit her yet. It’s enough just being here. I might need more than a breakfast of chocolate cake to get me ready for that reunion.”
“Yeah, that’s what I figured. So, where to?
” He turned the truck left onto Jackson Street.
Soon we’d be driving past the town’s swimming pool.
I had spent nearly every waking moment of my summers in that pool.
Donnie and I had once seen Shauna, one of our older cousins and the high school slut, and her football star boyfriend, Chris Geller, slip their hands into each other’s swimsuits as they clung together in the deep end of the pool.
Donnie and I had returned to the surface, whipped off our goggles, and burst out laughing.
I had often wished we would’ve stayed under longer.
I wanted to see what Shauna’s hand had been holding on to.
“Let’s just drive, okay? You decide where.”
“You got it. Just let me know if something hits your fancy.” His eyes passed over me yet again. “Where’d you get those scars?” He motioned with his chin toward my arm propped up on the windowsill. “They don’t look that old.”
I dropped my arm to my lap without answering.
He didn’t press the issue. We moved into silence, and Donnie drove over the wet streets.
It was one of the many things I had always loved about Donnie.
He didn’t always have to be saying something.
He was able to know when people were more comfortable being inside their own minds.
He never pushed or had an agenda. It seemed that hadn’t changed over the years.
I’m not sure how much time passed as Donnie drove, neither of us saying a word.
I entered a trance and lost myself to discovering the town again, now with an adult’s eyes.
Everything seemed smaller. Everything seemed more broken-down.
Maybe not broken-down, but used and tired.
I’d never noticed all the houses with most of the paint chipping off or walls patched with colors completely different than the original hue.
The rain had stopped, but the world was still wet, glistening. The day was gray and somewhat misty, but still bright. Somehow the weather, the wetness, and the warm colors of fall made the worn-out aspects of the town forgivable, and in some ways, rather quaint and picturesque.
The richness of the Ozarks was evident. Even in fall when things began to die and get ready for hibernation, everything was lush.
Moss was green and yellow over rocks and on some of the trunks of the trees.
Squirrels frolicked from tree to tree. Random dogs chased and played with each other.
People had never been too concerned about keeping their dogs locked up.
The pound didn’t really seem to think it was a problem either, at least until one of the mongrels would decide to break their monotony with an excursion into someone’s chicken coop.
Part of me resented having to admit to the beauty around me. I didn’t want to find any pleasure here. I didn’t want to remember good things from this place. I didn’t want any sense of fondness to creep into me and make me feel comfortable.
Donnie seemed to be somewhat intentional in the places he chose to drive.
I soon noticed that he stayed away from places that had been pivotal in our childhood.
We didn’t drive by my mom’s house, the church, or his folks’ home.
I appreciated the gesture. Even so, every place we drove by seemed to force some memory into my mind.
Memories I never would have figured would still be inside of me, let alone be so vibrant.
We drove by the public school we’d attended from preschool all the way through graduation.
Of all places, other than church, it had the widest range in memories.
Some were comforting and reminiscent of flashes of childhood innocence and wonder; others still had the power to make my stomach drop and my breath go shallow from the flashes of fear and shame I’d endured.
“Let’s go to the park.” Donnie’s voice caused me to jump, swiftly bringing me back to the present. He chuckled. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle ya.”
“S’okay. I can’t believe I’m back here. There is so much I had forgotten. Kinda a lot all at once.”
“Oh. You wanna go back to Maudra’s?”
“No, no. It’s okay. Nothing horrible or anything, just a lot. It is like a different person used to live here and now parts of him are showing up inside of the new Brooke.”
Donnie held on to the steering wheel with his left hand while he covered his face with his right arm. “Warn me if you think you’re gonna explode or something.”
“Thanks a lot!” I shook off the fog of remembrance in my mind. “Yeah, let’s go to the park. It would be good to get out and walk. Plus, there shouldn’t be too many people there this time of day.”
“Well, except all those men on the rock wall.” He winked at me. “You think you’ll be tempted? We could wait till Jed’s here so you won’t stray.”
Most of the park was sunken below the level of the streets around it, and the rock wall that ran against the north and east sides of the park went up just enough over the sidewalk to allow people to sit.
The wall that faced Main Street was often occupied by several of the old men of the town, gossiping as much as their wives back home.
“It’s going to take me a while to get used to you teasing me about the gay thing. ”
“Well, that’s just silly. I’ve always teased you about everything. Don’t you dare think this subject is off-limits. I’ve waited too long to be able to give you a hard time about it for you to take it away from me now.”
In one sense it was nice, almost reassuring to have Donnie feel comfortable enough to tease me, but I was still getting used to the idea of him knowing I was gay. In some ways, he seemed more accepting of it than I did.
Donnie drove north down Main Street, back toward Maudra’s house.
As we entered downtown, my emotions once again caught hold of me.
Some of my best memories took place in this three-block section.
The annual summer festival had always been my favorite time of the year.
Donnie and I would run wild for three days as the town blocked downtown off and set up rides and concession booths.
It was one of the few times when I was never sad and would let myself get caught up in all the fun, lights, tastes, and adventures.
As I looked at the buildings that ran along the length of the street, it was easy to see the grandeur it had once possessed.
It took little imagination to picture the richness that El Dorado used to live in.
The buildings were tall and stately. Soon, covered in snow, it would look like a little Victorian village nestled snugly under the branches of a Christmas tree.
Now, however, the disrepair was glaring.
Empty storefronts gave off a ghost-town feel, and the broken windows and dusty contents left the impression that a plague had ravaged the town.
Nearly every building in downtown had burnt down at least once throughout their existence.
Even now, there were a couple of gaps between the buildings, where charred remains lay blackened and cold behind yellow caution tape.
There were still a few stores and restaurants in existence, the only things showing any signs of life.
Donnie brought the truck to a stop on the corner of Main and Spring.
He motioned with his chin to the store opposite the truck.
“Mei-Lien still owns the jewelry store. She and her husband have gotten together a committee that’s trying to fix up downtown again.
Get it back to what it used to be like. They’ve been meeting for a couple years now, but it looks like they actually might get it done.
It could be a really good thing for El Do.
They keep asking Mom to join, but she always says she’s too busy with the grandbabies.
I think it would be good for her. Plus she and Mei-Lien are such good friends.
She needs to have her own fun away from the rest of us sometimes. ”
I glanced at his bare ring finger and arched my eyebrow. “Grandbabies?”
Donnie grinned. “Not mine. Don’t worry, you’ll meet them.” He hopped out of the truck and slammed his door, not bothering to lock it.