Chapter 37
Thirty-Seven
For a moment, I couldn’t say anything, and I cursed myself for ever asking Pastor Bron to let me do this. I could have at least asked to do it on a Sunday night or Wednesday evening when there would be less people.
Here I was, at the late Sunday morning service, the one with the most people, and I couldn’t think.
A few moments ago, I knew exactly what I was going to say.
A few moments ago, I could feel the passion and Godly purpose behind my words.
Now, all I could feel was terror. I looked at the hundreds of eyes staring at me.
Some wide in wonder, others in shock and disgust, a few others in support.
I glanced at the second row, Mandy and the Durkes smiled at me, encouragingly. Maudra nodded with her lips thin, jaw thrust forward, ready to come to my aid if I should falter.
Jed just looked at me, neither smiling nor frowning. He held my eyes with his. For a split second, the rest of the room faded and it was only us, just Jed and me. Then, the look in his eyes told me to go.
“I know there are many of you who feel like I shouldn’t be up here.
Maybe some of you feel I shouldn’t even be in the church building.
” I was surprised as I realized my voice sounded clear and strong.
Thank God for small miracles. I glanced at Iris and Hazel in the back row.
“Some of you may even feel I shouldn’t be in town.
You are all entitled to those opinions.”
I motioned back to Tyler sitting on the stage behind me.
“I asked Pastor Bron if I could talk to you all this morning. I won’t take much of your time.
As you know, this week has been….” I searched for something that would be adequate, but nothing came.
“Quite a week. Although not the main reason I am up here. I would like to take a second to address what many of you may have read in the Weekly Planet. I know all you have is my word, and that may mean nothing to you, but I would like the chance to say it anyway. I did none of the things I was accused of in Denver. I could have fought it harder, and maybe I should have. I just didn’t have the strength for such a public battle.
” I gave a little chuckle. “I guess it is ironic, considering what I am doing now.
“If you have questions about that incident, I will be more than willing to discuss those on an individual basis. For those of you who are concerned about the safety of your children, I will even give you my employer’s number, so that you may inquire of him and his thoughts of my appropriateness around children. ”
I paused and found Carrie Michaels in the congregation.
“The main reason I am up here today, however, is not about what I have or have not done. It is about how we should live our lives when we claim to be Christians.” I held up my hands as I heard a few start to murmur.
“Please, give me a chance to speak. You may choose to ignore whatever I have to say.”
A couple of families got up and left the sanctuary, clearly appalled at the events happening in their church.
It was fewer than I expected, however. “In addition to my experience over the past few days, you have lost an amazing youth pastor. I know there are many mixed feelings about this situation, and I am not here to try to persuade you one way or another. I would just remind you, ‘Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’”
As I looked toward Donnie and Mandy, I saw Donnie was red-faced and looking at the floor. I knew he didn’t want that attention drawn to him, but it seemed worth the price if it might somehow help him to get the youth position back.
“Moreover, I would like to talk to you about your brothers and sisters in Christ who sit among you in church this morning. I am not attempting to change your view on those who are gay. I don’t want to debate if we were born homosexual or if we chose it.
I know your view, and I am sure you know mine.
Here’s what I will ask of you. Please, think about what you say and how you see God.
“You almost lost one of God’s children this week because of the shame and fear that is forced upon us.
A nearly wasted life. You are sorely mistaken if you believe Darwin is the only one among you.
” There was a muttering again as people realized I had confirmed what they had already known about Darwin.
I had talked to Carrie yesterday. She felt it would be most beneficial to get the announcement out of the way, to save people asking Darwin questions that would upset him.
“That’s all I really have to say. I don’t know if any aspect of what I have said means anything to you, but I pray it does. I’ll leave you with this question. You know Darwin, as you once knew me when I was his age. Is he evil? Was I?”
I started to leave the glass pulpit, then returned before I had gotten a foot away.
“One more thing, actually. I have to apologize to you, all of you. I haven’t really given any of you the benefit of the doubt, all the while expecting you to give it to me.
From the moment I moved back, I have been prepared for the worst, constantly expecting you to hate me or condemn me.
Very few of you have done so. How can I ask you to give me a chance or examine your beliefs if I don’t do the same?
” Once again, I found Iris. This time, she was looking back at me.
“I ask for your forgiveness. You deserved better.”