16. Rashad
CHAPTER 16
RASHAD
R ashad would never forget the look of hurt and betrayal in Nina’s eyes when he told her that there wasn’t a future for them. He was sure he’d dream for years to come of the way her eyes had widened as she’d stumbled back. In every memory, in every dream, her expression would haunt him as much as the betrayals he’d faced from his family.
Dozens of times before, Rashad had sat down across from business rivals and told them that it was over — that he was buying their company, or that he’d outcompeted them. He’d seen shock and hurt before, but it had never been like this. This time, it was personal.
Rashad couldn’t blame Nina for that. He’d let her believe that they could work together — he’d slept with her, for goodness’ sake. Rashad wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive himself for that. He should never have allowed himself to grow close to Nina, not when she was his competition. He should have kept a level head and focused on business instead of on the way her blond curls shone in the sun and the way she laughed when one of her kids did something silly. Now, because he had let himself believe in a different kind of future, he’d hurt them both.
It was too late now. Nina was walking away across the deck, her back straight, her steps slow and even. Rashad got the impression that she was much more hurt than she was willing to let on, but he wasn’t about to take what power she had from her.
Rashad wanted to rush across the deck to Nina, spin her around, and take her in his arms. He wanted to tell her that he was willing to risk his company and his business partners to have another chance with her. He wanted to tell her that their night together had meant something, even if he wasn’t yet ready to put into words just what.
Yet he couldn’t do it. What he’d said to Nina had been true — they’d shared a wonderful weekend, but that didn’t mean he could give up everything. If Rashad had continued down the path he’d been on, partnering with Nina and exploring a relationship with her, it was only a matter of time before the company he’d poured his whole life into suffered. Even if there was a way to ensure that partnering with Heartbeat didn’t harm Health Trackr, Rashad knew he wouldn’t be able to pour everything into work if he had a woman like Nina in his life. And it wasn’t just Nina, either — he cared about her kids, too. If he allowed himself to become a part of their little family, he would never care about his work as much again. He couldn’t let that happen.
So, he turned away from Nina’s retreating form. His hands went to the railing again, squeezing until his knuckles turned white. For a long moment, he stood there, still at war with himself. It took everything he had to not run after Nina and beg her to forget what he’d said.
But the longer he watched the water, the more control he was able to regain. After a few minutes, he released the railing and walked, slowly and calmly, up to the kitchen. He set out a breakfast spread of cereal and fruit on the dining table and make himself a coffee. As upset as Nina was with him, she’d need to bring the kids up for breakfast. Then, Rashad would have a chance to soften his words from earlier, at least a little.
He still couldn’t work with her, and he still couldn’t be in a relationship with her, but he could at least tell Nina how much this time together had meant to him. He could promise her, once again, that he would do all he could not to hurt her or her company. And he could say a proper goodbye to Nina and the twins. A goodbye worthy of the future they could never have.
Rashad sipped his coffee leaning against the outside wall of the kitchen. Last night, he’d pressed Nina against this wall as he’d kissed her, and in that moment, nothing had mattered as much as her. If his business partners had called right then, he wouldn’t have answered. If she’d asked him to sign a paper giving his company to her, he probably would have. That thought scared him and reaffirmed that he’d made the right decision.
Rashad finished his coffee, washed the cup, and set it on the draining board. Then he returned to his position, waiting. The San Diego skyline drew closer until Rashad could practically count the windows on the buildings.
Nina isn’t coming. The realization hit him hard. He wasn’t going to see her again until they disembarked, and even then, he might not get a chance to talk to her.
Rashad forced himself to take a deep breath. Maybe this was for the best. If he talked to Nina, his resolve might waver, leaving them both in a precarious situation. If Nina never wanted to speak to him again, Rashad would just have to live with that.
The captain eased the yacht towards the harbor as Rashad went downstairs. When they arrived, he helped dock the yacht to the pier, then waited. After a few minutes, Nina emerged from the depths of the boat. She looked very similar to how she had on the pier the first day, when she’d hurried along, disheveled, bags draped over her shoulders and one of her kids’ hands in each of hers. Where she’d looked wary the first day, though, she looked resolved now.
Miles was eating a granola bar, which explained why they hadn’t needed to come for breakfast, and Kate was clutching a teddy bear under her arm. Rashad stepped back so that the trio wouldn’t be able to see him. He couldn’t very well ambush Nina now, when she was clearly in a hurry to be away from him.
“Can’t we say goodbye to Rashad?” Kate whined.
“No, honey.” Nina smiled down at her daughter, though Rashad could make out the hurt in her eyes even from a distance. “Rashad is very busy, and so are we. You have preschool today — aren’t you excited for that?”
“I want to say goodbye to Rashad,” Kate whined again. She stopped in her tracks and looked around; her blue eyes were teary. “He’s my friend.”
“We’ll talk about Rashad when we get home,” Nina said. Although she was clearly upset, she was still kind to her daughter — and she clearly hadn’t said anything negative about Rashad. “He told me to say goodbye from him.”
“I want to say goodbye, too,” Miles said, adding his own whine to his sister’s. Rashad considered emerging from the wall he’d hidden himself behind to say goodbye, but it seemed better not to. It would only make things harder — and it might be confusing for the kids.
“How about we make Rashad a beautiful thank-you card when we get home?” Nina suggested. “We can draw lots of nice things that he’d like, to decorate the card.”
“Like unicorns?” Kate asked, perking up a little. “And cows?”
“Of course.” Nina smiled again.
“And footballs and soccer balls?” Miles added.
“You know it.” Gently, Nina led her kids onto the pier. “What else should we draw?”
“Penguins!” Kate suggested. They quietly chattered about the card until they were out of earshot. Rashad watched until the trio disappeared into the parking lot, then went to get his own bags. It was time to return to Al Soub — immediately.
The twins’ sadness at not saying goodbye was another sign that Rashad had made a terrible mistake. Not only had he hurt Nina, but he’d hurt her kids, too. That was unforgivable.
Yet if he had allowed himself to grow even closer to the family, the ending would have been far worse. Either Rashad would have hurt them eventually, or his work would have suffered. Plus, it wasn’t like he would have been a good father figure to them. Rashad had never experienced unconditional love from his parents, so there was no way he could be a good father himself.
No, it was better this way. The twins would be sad for a day or two, Nina might be upset for a bit longer, but eventually, they would all move on. Rashad would, too. He’d return to his long working hours, keeping his memories of family life with the Kendricks to himself.
If Rashad’s heart ached a little as he strode down the pier to hail a taxi to the private airport where his plane waited, he didn’t let himself dwell on that. It wasn’t like he could change anything. He needed to work — not wish he were holding hands with Nina and walking home with her and her kids — so, instead of chasing after her, he dialed the number of his assistant, Hameed. As he walked, he filled Hameed in on the events of the weekend, leaving out all personal details and focusing on business. Then he asked his assistant to arrange a meeting with his business partners as soon as he landed.
Rashad spent the flight back to Al Soub working. Although he’d tried to put in a few hours each day while on the yacht, he’d fallen behind on several important tasks while spending time with Nina and the twins. Now, he drank strong Al Soubi coffee, made by the helpful flight attendant, and worked on spreadsheets and analyses until his eyes blurred.
Usually, diving into work was enough to distract Rashad from whatever might be bothering him, whether that was difficulties in his family, worries about Health Trackr’s future, or anything else. Yet today, Rashad found himself repeatedly distracted by thoughts of Nina. He wanted to know how she was, what she was doing now, and if she still felt as betrayed as she had on the yacht. Hopefully, she would dive into her own work and soon forget all about her time with him.
When the plane touched down on Al Soubi soil, Rashad disembarked quickly. The hot, dry air of his native country enveloped him like an unwelcome hug from a tolerated relative. Rashad should have felt some sense of homecoming, but he didn’t. There were things he appreciated about Al Soub, and it was where he’d grown up, but his time with Nina had shown him that Al Soub wasn’t his home in the strictest sense of the word. Home was about people more than a place, people who were welcoming and made you feel comfortable — as Nina did for her twins, and they did for her. Rashad didn’t have people like that here, so it might never feel like his home.
From the airport, it was a direct drive to the palace, where Rashad went to his rooms to shower and freshen up. He was hungry, too, so he rang for a tray of food, smiling to himself as he thought of the many meals he’d prepared with Nina. By the time he was finished with his shower and dressed in a fresh suit, the food had arrived, and Rashad sat down to eat.
He was immediately struck by the silence. The only sound was his fork scraping against his plate — there was no chatter of preschooler conversation, no insights from Nina, no slap of waves or caw of seagulls. Rashad looked around his rooms and felt more alone than he had in years. He’d always kept his rooms simple and clean, but now, they looked empty more than anything else. There were no pictures on the walls, no colorful rugs, and no sign of anyone living here.
In that moment, Rashad realized how much he’d given up by walking away from Nina. They hadn’t known each other for very long, but she’d represented a chance: a chance for him to be a better man and a different kind of businessman. A chance at happiness. A chance at a life that was loud and colorful and full of love.
Or maybe not. Maybe Nina had seen their weekend as a business meeting with a little extra fun, not as the start of a potential relationship.
Either way, it didn’t matter. Rashad was gone from Nina’s life — he had to be. He set down his fork, his food still half eaten, and stood, calling Abdul. It was time to throw himself back into his work, which meant a meeting with his business partners to discuss next steps into the US market. There was no more time for sentimentality.