21. Kareem
CHAPTER 21
KAREEM
T he opening day of the Qalmar Cup dawned bright and sunny. Kareem couldn’t enjoy the fine weather, though. In fact, it only made him feel more bitter to see how nice it was outside and to know that everyone else was waking up in a good mood because of it.
His feelings didn’t reflect the sunshine at all. Instead, he found, he didn’t really even want to attend the race. And much to his chagrin, he knew exactly why.
Keira hadn’t contacted him.
He had tracked the letter he’d sent to her, so he knew for certain that it had been delivered. There was only one possible conclusion — she had read it and had decided that she didn’t want to talk to him.
He wished he had never reached out. He wished he hadn’t listened to his mother’s advice. All it had done was open the door for Keira to break his heart all over again. And now that he had really thought through his feelings on the subject, he was forced to admit that his heart was broken.
His mother was right. He had truly loved her.
He had let himself get too close, something he had sworn he would never do with any woman. And now he was forced to face the consequences.
Kareem sighed. Today was, by many metrics, the most important day of his life. A dream he’d had for years was finally about to be realized, and he ought to be over the moon about it. Instead, he just wanted to go back to bed and miss the entire thing.
But he wouldn’t give in to his own negative feelings. He forced himself to dress and prepare for the day. After all, he had responsibilities. He needed to be at the venue before the race began for the kickoff events — events that he and Keira had originally planned together, that they had once looked forward to executing together. It wasn’t going to happen the way he’d imagined it, but it was still going to happen. He couldn’t let everything fall apart at the eleventh hour.
The drive to the venue only made him feel sadder. He had envisioned this as something he would do with Keira. He could picture her now, sitting in the seat across from him, her auburn curls swept up in an elegant style. She would be chattering excitedly about the day’s events, and her excitement would elevate Kareem’s own excitement. By the time they arrived at the venue, they would both be filled with anticipation for the day ahead.
Instead, as he parked his car, he felt nothing but dread.
The day would no doubt go off without a hitch. Kareem was confident in the plans he had made. Unfortunately, he couldn’t see any way in which he would be able to enjoy himself — not now that his relationship with Keira had fallen apart. Not now that he knew she disliked him so thoroughly that she had decided to disregard his apology letter.
I should never have sent that letter , he thought furiously. If she’s not even willing to meet me halfway, why would I bother?
But he couldn’t stick to his convictions on the matter. She did deserve an apology from him, even though it had been painful to give it. He didn’t regret the message he’d sent her. Not really.
What he regretted was the fact that he had gotten his hopes up for a response. That was the thing he should have known better than to do. Keira had made it very clear by blocking his number that she had no interest in communicating with him again. It wasn’t her fault that he hadn’t left well enough alone.
He stepped out onto the concourse level of the arena. From here, a person could look over the track. It was immaculate, clean and ready for the racing to begin. A stage had been erected in the middle of the arena, from which Kareem would give his speech welcoming racers and spectators to the event.
It felt surreal that he would be standing up there and giving that speech without Keira present. He had always imagined that she would be here for this. But he knew that he shouldn’t have made that assumption. Even before things had gone wrong, they had never articulated how long she would remain in Qalmar. Maybe she would have gone home before race day.
He should never have counted on anything. That was the lesson in all of this.
As he stood watching, people began to file into the stadium and take seats. It was still about an hour and a half before the first race, but people seemed to have decided to come early to enjoy the atmosphere, and Kareem felt a stab of happiness through the cloud of grief that seemed to have settled over him. It meant that people were excited about the event. He already knew that ticket sales had been good — they were playing to a packed house today — but it was good to see that they were more than just curious onlookers, that they were actually eager to be here today.
Now, if only Kareem himself could have mustered that same enthusiasm.
He glanced at his watch. It was time to go down and take the stage, time to deliver his address to the spectators. He still didn’t know what he was going to say. He had tried to write something down last night in preparation for this moment, but the words had eluded him, and now he thought he would probably just have to get up there and see what came out of his mouth.
He walked down, passing through the ready room. The drivers were in front of their lockers getting ready for their races. Some of them were laughing and joking lightly with one another, while others prepared more quietly and less interactively. All of them stopped what they were doing when they saw Kareem, though, and watched him walk by, clearly waiting to see what he would say.
He probably should have said something. He probably owed them some sort of comment on what was about to happen. But it was hard enough to think of the speech he was about to have to give — he found that he had no words for these drivers.
If I don’t pull it together, and fast, this event is going to fail , Kareem thought miserably. And if that happens, this will all have been for nothing .
It was true, and he knew it, but that didn’t make it any easier to face what needed to be done.
He stepped out onto the racetrack.
From here, he couldn’t make out the faces of any of the spectators. He knew that they were up there, that they were looking down at him and waiting to see what he would do, but it was easier to ignore them and pretend that he was here on his own, as he had been every other day for the past few weeks.
Kareem walked across the track and took the steps leading up to the stage. A microphone had been placed there for him, and he approached it, looking out at the place where he knew people sat watching him, even if he couldn’t see them.
“Good afternoon,” he said. “I want to begin by welcoming everyone to the first annual Qalmar Cup.”
He paused, almost as if he was expecting a response. Imagining this as a two-way conversation made it easier, somehow.
Drawing a deep breath, he continued. “I’m so pleased with the turnout we’ve had, both in terms of our competitors and the people who have come to watch the races that will take place over the next few days. If you’ve consulted the week’s program, you certainly know that we have many high-profile drivers here to compete over the next few days — and next year, we hope to have even more. I want to thank each and every person here for being a part of the first annual event. The nation of Qalmar and the royal family are honored to have you with us.”
He was about to conclude his speech and step down from the stage — after all, what more was there to say? He had introduced the event. He had welcomed everyone.
But he didn’t feel done.
And as he turned it over in his mind, he realized that he knew exactly why that was.
He couldn’t leave. Not without at least mentioning the one person who had made all this possible. Without her, it wouldn’t be happening at all. He would never have had the courage to do this on his own.
So Kareem cleared his throat and continued.
“Before I step down and leave you to enjoy today’s program,” he said, “I need to mention someone who wasn’t able to be here today, but who was absolutely instrumental in organizing this event — Keira Harding. Those of you who have followed this sport for a while may know her.”
He thought of mentioning that fans might be familiar with her brother or her father, but he decided against it. Keira was noteworthy in her own right. He wouldn’t speak about her as if what mattered was who she was related to. What made her worthy of notice was who she herself was.
“Keira Harding has been a presence on the racing scene for many years,” he said. “She’s been behind the scenes of many prestigious events. If this isn’t your first motorsports cup, you’ve probably crossed paths with her before, whether you realize it or not. Though she couldn’t attend this function, I want to be sure everyone knows that this would not be happening without her — that she was involved in every phase of the planning and deserves the credit. I was privileged to work with her in putting the Qalmar Cup together.”
He hesitated. There was more to say, but did he want to say it?
Then again — could he keep it to himself?
“She’s a remarkable woman,” he murmured, aware that speaking under his breath like this in front of the assembled crowd was strange. They would think something was wrong with him.
Maybe something was.
He cleared his throat. “She was a remarkable woman,” he said again. “I was proud to call her my friend and my partner. And though I never intended to say these words — I found myself falling in love with her.”
The stadium seemed to fall silent.
Kareem was sure he had startled everyone present with his confession. After all, he was a member of the royal family, and here he was confessing his love for a commoner — a foreigner — a woman many of them didn’t even know. Locals would know that he had been married to her, but they would also know that she had left the country under mysterious circumstances, and that there was rumored to be a divorce in the works.
He should not have made a statement without the approval of the crown.
But he couldn’t help himself.
“I fell in love with Keira Harding,” he repeated. “I love her to this day. And I wish she was here to celebrate this moment with me, because without her by my side, nothing about this race feels quite right.”
He stepped away from the microphone and surveyed the crowd, hoping he hadn’t made a fool of himself — but ultimately, not really caring if he had.