Chapter 7
“Chloe are you all right?”
Chloe jolted out of her thoughts and turned to Lillian. “Yes … yes I’m fine.”
Lillian frowned and pulled the horses to a halt, eyeing her.
The buggy rocked a moment before settling.
“No, you’re not. You’re pale. We can turn around and go back home if you’d like.
” Before Chloe could respond, she continued.
“I’m sorry, I just wanted to get you out of the house for a little bit, to get some fresh air and sunshine—”
“It’s not that,” Chloe murmured.
“What is it then?” She placed a hand on Chloe’s arm. “Please tell me. You can trust me.”
The Cross family had given her shelter while she’d been injured, and Dalia had even offered her a small job in exchange for room and board.
Yet she believed that if they learned the truth about her past and the outlaw she’d been married to that she’d been so scared of his threats that she’d run away and then …
and then abandoned her baby to an orphanage? What would they think of her then?
She’d grown up in an orphanage. She knew what it was like. Growing up, she’d heard the outright refusal and disdain of those seeking to adopt, to mentor, or even to apprentice children associated with a dark history in their past. Some feared that such behavior was bred into such children.
Of course, Chloe didn’t believe that, and neither did plenty of other people.
Yet it was her fear that if anyone learned the truth about her relationship to Everett Kane, the notorious leader of the Blackwell outlaw gang, well, she might very well be considered an accomplice by her relationship to him, wouldn’t she?
“Chloe?”
Chloe lied. “I’m … looking for the child of a friend.
A child that was left in an orphanage in Nebraska six years ago.
” She could hardly meet their eyes. “In Lincoln, where she’d left the child, I learned that she was no longer there, that she’d been sent to an orphanage here in this part of Texas, but …
but I don’t know exactly where.” Her heart pounded.
She felt horrible for lying to these people but—
“But why are you looking for her?” Lillian asked. “Why isn’t her own mother looking?”
Guilt assailed her as she added to the lie. “Her mother passed away.” That was somewhat true, wasn’t it? The old Chloe, the foolish and na?ve Chloe, was gone now, replaced by the woman she was now; a desperate, broke, and homeless woman.
“She had no other family?” Lillian gently pressed.
“A great aunt,” Chloe murmured. Another lie. Oh good Lord, forgive me! “She’s too old to be searching. This woman was my friend. I told her I’d search for her, find out if she was adopted or is still in an orphanage …”
Lillian stared, eyes agog. “You’ve been searching orphanages between Nebraska and here? But there’s so many!” she gasped. “You should let Nathaniel know. He can help look too. He often goes to other towns in the region. He might be able to learn something.”
Nathaniel. Handsome, strong, no nonsense. Despite the fact that he still intimidated her with his direct looks and long silences, she couldn’t help but feel an … an unacceptable attraction to him. She was still legally married to Everett Kane.
It didn’t matter that he was an outlaw on the loose, that he was violent, that he had threatened revenge on her. She was still his legally wedded wife. She had no business, no, none at all, to find another man attractive let alone wish …
She shook her head and dug an ever deeper hole for herself.
She began slowly. “The woman, my friend, she … she got mixed up with a man, and well, things got difficult. He got into trouble with the law, and while he was in jail she got her child and ran away from him—”
“She abandoned her husband?” Lillian gasped. “Why didn’t—”
Chloe cut her off. “He was a bad man, Lillian, a bad man with a bad temper and one who carried a grudge.”
“Oh,” Lillian said. “I’m sorry … really I am. And it’s none of my business anyway.” She hesitated. “Can you tell me how many places you’ve searched before you arrived in Texas?”
“I’ve lost count,” Chloe managed, her voice breaking. Oh, how she hated to lie to Lillian, but she was afraid to tell the truth to her and her brother, a lawman bound by his pledge to find criminals and put them in jail.
At the very least, she believed that if the Cross family learned the truth, they would change their mind about her and send her away.
She needed shelter and food. She needed the job Dalia had offered.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start. Once she made sure her daughter Eliza had a family of her own, was loved and well cared for, she would be able to find peace. She would, wouldn’t she?
She’d be content in the knowledge that her daughter had a family that cherished her and, while such knowledge would never completely mend her broken heart, it was better than all the worrying and wondering she’d been doing for so many years?
When she risked a look at Lillian, she saw only compassion in her gaze. Then Lillian turned and pointed to a large two-story structure built upon a stone foundation in the near distance.
“We can ask Bethany,” she said. “She runs the orphanage. She might know what’s happened to the child. After all, there aren’t that many in this part of Texas.” She paused. “Though there might be. It’s a tough life out here on the high plains.”
Chloe’s heart pounded hard and a myriad of emotions flooded her all at once. She tried to hide them all from Lillian as the young woman wrapped her arms around her shoulders.
“It’s very good of you to search,” Lillian told her. “You’re a good woman, Chloe.”
No, I’m not.
“But I still think you could ask Nathaniel for help. I’m sure he would.”
Her heart skipped again as she clenched her hands tightly together.
She blinked hard and struggled to swallow past the knot in her throat.
“This is my promise to keep. For now, I’d like to keep this between ourselves, all right?
Because my friend, she married this man before she learned the truth about him, of course, but the legalities … ” She suddenly felt tired and drained.
“I’ll keep this to myself for now,” Lillian agreed. “But if he threatened your friend, I think she made the choice she had to make. She had to do what was best for her and her child.” She shook her head. “It’s just so sad.”
“It is,” she agreed. “But there are people who don’t understand, who won’t understand.”
“Now that’s enough, Chloe,” Lillian gently scolded, laying a hand over Chloe’s. “Your friend did what she felt was best. No one can condemn her for that.” She smiled. “And you’re a good friend for helping her.”
Chloe looked away, fiercely blinking back tears. These people had given her shelter, food, and more importantly, kindness. This was how she repaid them? By lying?
Lillian glanced at her. “Be of good courage and the Lord will strengthen your heart.”
I’m trying to be brave, God, I really am, but I don’t know if I have the strength to—
Chloe’s heart pounded hard in her chest as Lillian guided the buggy into the yard. At that moment the front doors burst open and children of different ages spilled out, girls and boys exuberantly screaming and laughing and hollering to one another.
The sight of all those orphans in the yard filled her with sadness.
She pressed a hand to her bosom, her eyes searching among the children dashing here and there.
Was Eliza one of those girls? Was she one of a pair of young girls racing toward a swing hanging under an oak branch?
Two boys ran for a ball and began kicking it back and forth.
She saw other children, some perhaps three or four years old. A couple of older children, but not by much, held their hands and then sat down on the grass with them. Others broke into small groups of two or three, the boys gravitating to one side of the yard, the girls on the other.
Eliza … was her daughter here? Her heart ached and a sob bubbled upward.
Even if Eliza were here, she might not even recognize her.
Her own daughter! She had no idea what she looked like now.
The last time she’d seen her daughter, she’d still been a tiny babe in arms. She’d had fine, blonde hair and light, bluish-gray eyes.
By now her eyes could be blue or green, perhaps even brown like her father’s. Her hair might have darkened as well. The heaviness in her chest grew as she turned away from the children, a hand pressed over her mouth for several moments before she tamped down a nearly overwhelming urge to scream.
Perhaps her daughter had already been adopted by a loving family, years and years ago, and wasn’t even here. She prayed it was so and yet at the same time couldn’t help but feel the renewed ache of loss. If only—
“There’s Bethany,” Lillian said, pointing. “Bethany Sanderson. This is her former home and she runs this place.” She then pointed to another woman emerging from the orphanage. “That’s Sally Meadows. She’s the cook and housekeeper here, and often helps mind the children.”
Chloe said nothing as she eyed the two women. The matron, Bethany, was just beyond middle age. She looked a bit weary, the hair piled atop her head slightly askew and drooping a bit to one side as she came down the steps. Nevertheless she smiled and waved at the approaching buggy.
The cook and housekeeper, Sally, also lifted a hand in greeting but quickly hurried into the yard to pick up one of the smaller children who’d tripped over something and fell, now crying loudly.
Finally, the youngest woman, Melanie, who seemed to be around Lillian and Chloe’s age, approached the buggy.
Chloe glanced at Lillian with dismay. “There’s only the three of them to oversee so many children?”