Chapter 19
Two days later, Chloe sat in the buggy beside Lillian as they headed for the orphanage to pick up Eliza, who again had wanted to stay for the day to play with her friends. Chloe wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
Of course she wanted Eliza to be happy, and she had friends there. As far as she knew there weren’t many children her age that she’d seen around town, and with Chloe staying busy at the boarding house, there wasn’t really much anything for Eliza to do.
At the same time, Chloe couldn’t help but wonder how Eliza would react when she told her daughter that it was time to move on, that they had to find their own place to live, on their own, just the two of them. With every day that passed, Eliza grew more attached to Dalia, Lillian, and Nathaniel.
Though wary at first, the child had blossomed under their compassionate care and affection. They had given her the same, and she knew that she didn’t want to leave either, but she had to. She had found her child and now it was time for her to think about their future.
Unfortunately, the talk about outlaws in the sitting room the other night had filled her with a sense of unease and dread. She tried to tell herself that just because outlaws were mentioned it didn’t mean that it was Everett or Silas and their gang.
But that particular accusation from Lillian had found the truth of the matter. While the panhandle of Texas was a long way from Nebraska and an even longer way from South Dakota, there had been rumors that the outlaw gang had been up there, precipitating her journey south in the first place.
Where could she go and what could she do to hide herself and her daughter from them forever?
Change her name again? How could she explain that to Eliza?
Her child was intelligent and curious and she would ask questions.
How many times would she have to lie to those she cared about in order to protect not only herself, but her daughter?
She didn’t realize that she had groaned out loud until Lillian turned and spoke to her.
“Are you feeling all right, Chloe?”
She turned to her friend. She would miss Lillian deeply, she realized.
Even though they’d known each other for only a short time, she really liked Lillian and Dalia both.
How would they feel about her when they realized that she had only told part of the truth about herself and her search for Eliza?
Dalia and Lillian were wonderful with Eliza, doing their best to help her stay occupied and involved in things at the boarding house. Yesterday, Dalia had showed Eliza how to make biscuits. Her daughter had beamed with pride as she’d brought a plate of them to the supper table last evening.
Lillian had praised her efforts even though the biscuits were a bit on the heavy side.
Chloe had barely managed to stifle a smile as Nathaniel had even gone so far as to eat three of them, much to Eliza’s pleasure, even though he had gone through an entire glass of water to do so.
Her eyes had met Nathaniel’s at one point during his efforts, and he’d winked at her and grinned.
How was it that something so simple had warmed her heart to such a degree that tears filled her eyes. She’d quickly turned away and blinked them back as her heart had filled with warm affection for this man who was trying so hard to make his daughter feel cared for and welcomed.
“Something’s been on your mind lately, Chloe,” Lillian said softly, looking ahead at the trail, the reins held loosely in her hands. “You do know by now, don’t you, that you can talk to me about anything? I’ll keep your confidences.”
Chloe glanced at Lillian with a weak smile. “I believe you, but it’s nothing really. I guess I’m just a bit confused about my future.”
“How so?”
Lillian focused her gaze on the trail and Chloe also turned as the horse slowly plodded over the two track path they followed. “I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to support Eliza when it comes time to leave.”
“Why do you have to leave?”
Chloe glanced at her friend and found her watching her. She quickly looked away. “Because I can’t take your charity forever.”
“Who said it’s charity?” Lillian said, shaking her head. “You work for my mother at the boarding house. Just because we’re all friends doesn’t make it mean any less. You’ve eased her burdens, Chloe, I want you to know that.”
Chloe frowned. “I don’t do that much.”
“You do more than you think.”
Chloe didn’t think so. “I don’t do that much,” she said once more.
“Of course you do,” Lillian disagreed. “Now that you’ve started helping with the day-to-day tasks, I’ve been able to spend more time at the orphanage with the children, teaching.”
That may be so, but Chloe still couldn’t help but feel she was taking advantage of the family’s generosity. She didn’t have to pay to live in the cabin, and Nathaniel had gone out and bought mattresses for the both of them.
All three of the Crosses had welcomed her daughter into their lives without an ounce of hesitance. How could she ever repay them? At the same time, how could she possibly think of putting them in danger in case Everett and Silas might manage to track her here?
She swallowed past a lump in her throat, knowing that soon, she would have to leave. She couldn’t put any of them in danger, and especially—
“I know that you care for Nathaniel,” Lillian said softly.
Chloe stiffened and turned to meet Lillian’s gaze. “What?”
Lillian grinned. “You care for Nathaniel, don’t you?”
Chloe’s face grew hot but she didn’t look away from her friend as she replied, her voice about as soft as a whisper. “Yes, I do, but I care for all of you—”
“Nope,” Lillian said, shaking her head, eyes twinkling. “Admit it, Chloe. You have a special liking for Natty, don’t you?” She laughed. “It’s quite all right if you do, you know.” She hesitated before she turned away, again gazing down road. “I know he likes you too.”
She didn’t know how it was possible, but Chloe’s face felt even hotter. She eyed her friend with a surprised frown. “And how would you know that?”
“Because I know my brother.” She didn’t say anything for several moments. “But believe me when I say I’ve seen a change in him since you’ve arrived.”
“What do you mean?”
Lillian turned to her once more, her expression serious.
“For one, he’s actually grinned and smiled more often in these past weeks than he has in years.
” She started to say something else and then paused, then shook her head and changed her mind.
“I’ve seen a change in him since you’ve been here, Chloe, and it’s a good thing, believe me. ”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
Lillian pulled the horse to a halt in the path, only the slightest of breezes providing some relief from the mid-afternoon sun. A slight aroma of mesquite and sand and low-lying shrubs wafted in the air.
“Would you believe me if I told you that my brother used to be a prankster?”
Chloe’s eyebrows rose. No, she wouldn’t have believed it.
Not Nathaniel. He was always so serious, always watching, not saying much even though she knew without a doubt that inside his head his thoughts were churning about things he saw, trying to figure things out, the kind of things that a lawman was trained to do.
“Since my father … died, I’ve barely seen him smile, let alone laugh.”
Chloe noticed the tears shining in Lillian’s eyes and her heart broke for the young woman while at the same time so did hers, knowing that her husband and her former best friend had been part of that tragedy.
“Since you’ve been here, you and Eliza both, he’s changed. Not much, mind you, at least not so much that someone who didn’t know him would notice, but I have, and so has Mama.”
Chloe didn’t know what to say so she said nothing.
“You and Eliza have been good for him,” Lillian continued with a quick sideways glance.
“I also see the way that you watch him sometimes.” She reached out a hand and placed it on Chloe’s arm.
“I’m not spying on you or anything, it’s just something that I’ve noticed and it’s all right. I’m glad of it. Natty needs …”
Chloe waited for Lillian to finish, but she didn’t.
“Yes, Lillian, I like your brother,” she said softly, not sure how to explain.
“I … I wasn’t looking for anything like that, and haven’t.
But according to the law, I’m still a married woman.
I can’t have feelings for your brother and he can’t have feelings for me, and that’s all there is to it. ”
Lillian gave her a small smile. “Unfortunately, a person’s heart isn’t always dictated by the laws of Texas or anywhere else. The heart knows what it wants, whether people realize it or not.”
Chloe wasn’t sure she was understanding what Lillian was trying to say. What did she expect to come of any confession? That she liked Nathaniel or that Nathaniel liked her? It didn’t change anything, not the law and not what they could do about it even if they wanted to.
“I’m not saying these things to make you feel uncomfortable,” Lillian said.
“I’m just letting you know that you’re not as alone as you seem to think you are.
You don’t have to go anywhere. I know that my mother has grown very fond of you and Eliza.
She smiles and laughs more than I’ve seen or heard in years, and it’s because of you and your daughter. ”
Chloe felt the lump growing in her throat and swallowed past it, then looked away.
What was she supposed to say? Besides, it would all be ruined when the truth came out.
The truth would come out. It always did, didn’t it?
And something like this? Not to mention her lies?
Or more specifically her half-truths? What would Nathaniel think about her then?
How would Dalia feel about her when she learned the truth?
She turned to Lillian, who seemed to be focused once more on simply guiding the horse.
What would her new friend think of her then?