Chapter 22
Nathaniel eyed his sister for several moments, hesitating before he finally lifted the note Chloe had written from his desk.
Wordlessly, he handed it to his sister, trying to tamp down a number of emotions struggling to burst from him all at once; anger at Chloe for not trusting him; worry for her safety; the urge to go after her, now, at this moment, but he knew that would be foolish and could end in disaster, both for himself and Chloe.
He needed a plan and more men. He watched his sister as she scanned Chloe’s note for a second or two and then looked at him, her face drained of color.
“What is it?” Thomas asked, gazing at Lillian’s pale cheeks before turning to Nathaniel. “What does it say?”
Nathaniel gestured. Eyes filled with tears, Lillian handed him the note. “I … I can’t … go ahead and read it.”
Thomas glanced at the letter, cleared his throat, and received another nod from Nathaniel as he began to read aloud.
Dear Nathaniel,
There is no easy way for me to confess the truth to you face-to-face. Not only am I ashamed of that, of my cowardice, but of the truth that I have been hiding from all of you.
Thomas paused in his reading and glanced at Nathaniel his own cheeks looking rather gray.
“I don’t think this is meant for my eyes.”
Nathaniel offered a small shrug. “Doesn’t matter. Go ahead.”
Thomas looked down at the note once more, heaved a heavy sigh, and continued.
“For what I am about to confess I am not expecting understanding, let alone forgiveness. I want you to know that I truly appreciate everything that you and your family have done for me and Eliza. You took me in, fed me, gave me a job, and then helped me to find my daughter and for that I will be forever grateful and humbled. However, I cannot keep this to myself any longer, as I am now in fear not only for that of myself and my child, but for you and your family.”
Thomas paused once more. Nathaniel glanced out the window, his mind racing while a small sound escaped his sister’s throat.
“I don’t understand,” Lillian murmured. “What did she do? What is it that she thinks she’s done wrong?”
“Finish the letter, Thomas,” Nathaniel said softly.
Thomas cleared his throat again, glancing uncertainly not only at Nathaniel, but at Lillian before he continued.
“I know that Eliza has great affection for you, as do I. However, I can no longer keep my secret, as I fear I have been found, that they have discovered my whereabouts and are watching me, so I must go, and not put you or yours in any danger. I fear by confessing my secret, my reason for leaving, that your feelings and your family’s feelings toward me will change forever, but for that I would cast no blame.
You see, I was telling the truth when I said that I was terribly afraid of my husband, that he is a bad man. I am the one who reported him to the sheriff and it was my doing that he and another young man who used to be my best childhood friend were sent to prison.
They threatened revenge and I knew that their fury against me would never ebb.
It was only then that I learned I was with child.
I was frightened and alone. When I discovered they had escaped prison, my years of running scared began.
I knew without a doubt that they would never stop looking for me. Ever.
I had nothing to my name and nowhere to go, and so it was to my great shame that I gave up my daughter to an orphanage in the hopes that she would at least be fed, sheltered, and cared for, but most of all safe from my husband’s wrath.
I spent years hiding, running, always afraid that they would find me. I have no doubt he will kill me if he ever finds me. And then I met you and your wonderful family, only to learn that my shame had become your tragedy.”
Again, Thomas paused as he glanced uncertainly at Lillian, watching him with tears shining in her eyes. Nathaniel leaned forward and took the letter from Thomas’s hand and finished reading it himself, his voice soft but harsh at the same time as he finished it.
“I was born Chloe Carson, but when I turned eighteen, I married and took my husband’s name.
I thought I loved him. I was wrong. I learned the truth of who and what he really was.
After he went to jail, I changed my name to Whitfield.
And I have recently learned that those two are responsible for your father’s horrible death.
You see, Nathaniel, my husband’s name is Everett Kane, the outlaw, the leader of the Blackwell gang.
Silas Crowe was my childhood friend who grew up with me in the orphanage. ”
Lillian moaned, covering her mouth with her hand. Thomas wrapped his arm around her waist. Nathaniel understood how she felt. Doing his best to hide his own shock and dismay, he took a deep breath, exhaled, and then continued to read.
“I have to leave. I fear that Everett and Silas have found me somehow.
I often get the feeling I am being watched.
I have no proof of course, just a feeling that I have grown to pay attention to over the years.
I want you to know that I am terribly sorry for what happened to your father and your family.
If I could go back into the past and change things, I would.
Maybe I could have been braver. Maybe if I had been stronger I would somehow have been able to change things.
Perhaps if I hadn’t run away, Everett and Silas wouldn’t have spent years trying to find me and they wouldn’t have been in Texas where their paths crossed with your father’s and Everett killed him.
Much to my sorrow, I can’t go back into the past and change any of it.
I fear they are in the area, and I don’t want to bring any more tragedy and heartbreak to your family.
I am taking Eliza and we are leaving in the hopes that the gang also travels elsewhere seeking my whereabouts but leaving your family safe.
I have already brought enough trouble down on your family as it is.
I wish … I wish things were different, but I want you to know that I will never forget you, Nathaniel, nor will my daughter. We will never forget Dalia and Lillian either, and I pray that someday you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Chloe.”
He put the letter down on the desk, his jaw tightly clenched as he shook his head, anger and disappointment threatening to get the better of him.
Chloe hadn’t trusted him. She didn’t trust in his feelings for her and hadn’t believed that he would understand that she had nothing to do with her husband’s actions.
He glanced at his sister, watching him, her eyes shining with tears.
“She thought we would blame her for what her husband did?” Lillian managed, her voice cracking with pain.
“Apparently so.”
Thomas groaned. Nathaniel turned to find the young man’s eyes on the floor. He frowned. “Thomas? What is it?” Thomas eyed him. “We need to put together a posse, Thomas. So if you have something to say, best say it now.”
Thomas glanced down at his boots.
“Thomas?” Lillian asked, her voice filled with concern. “What’s wrong?”
When Thomas looked up, Nathaniel noticed that his face looked pale and pinched. His back stiffened while his heart sank. “Now what?”
“It’s …” Thomas turned to Lillian once more, his lips pressed together. “Oh dear Lord,” he whispered.
Nathaniel’s eyes narrowed on the man. “Thomas!”
Finally, Thomas looked at Nathaniel, his Adam’s apple bobbing once before he began to speak.
“I … I used to know him,” he said softly.
Nathaniel frowned with confusion. “Who?”
“I didn’t know who they were then … only that one was named Silas,” Thomas mumbled, his voice choked with emotion. “And … he called the other one Kane but I didn’t make the connection until just now—”
A growl erupted from Nathaniel’s throat as he slammed his fist down on his desk, an unbidden sense of betrayal rising quickly. He’d already been deceived by Chloe. Now Thomas? His friend?
Lillian turned to Thomas, eyes wide before turning to her brother. “Nathaniel,” Lillian said firmly, holding tightly to Thomas’s hand. “Let’s not jump to conclusions—”
Nathaniel glanced at his sister, heart pounding as he turned back to Thomas. “You knew?” he demanded as he stood, hands fisted at his side and fury simmering . “And you said nothing?”
Thomas raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t know about your father,” he stammered. He glanced down at Lillian. “I didn’t know, Lillian, honest I didn’t!”
Nathaniel turned to his sister. “You haven’t told him about what happened to Father?” He felt sure she would have. Everyone in town knew about it. Then again, it wasn’t a subject that came up any too often anymore in town.
“It was a long time ago that I met them, Nathaniel,” Thomas blurted, his voice shaky. “’Bout four years ago. I didn’t know who the others were, only Silas, and I rode with them less than a week. They said they were traveling and I figured there was more safety in numbers.”
He paused, his eyes narrowed as if he were in pain. “But after … after I learned that they were up to no good, that they were planning on robbing a bank in Oklahoma Territory, I left.”
Thomas shifted from one foot to the other, his features filled with concern, almost as pale as his sister.
Nathaniel glowered at both of them. Thomas had ridden with the outlaws he’d been searching for.
“Why didn’t you tell me when we first met?
” he nearly shouted. “When I brought you on to work with me here, to train as a potential deputy?”
“I didn’t—” Thomas stammered.
“Don’t you think that would’ve been something I’d want to know? That you’d ridden with an outlaw gang—”
“I said I didn’t know that when I first met up with them!” Thomas defended himself.
Nathaniel shook his head. First Chloe, and now Thomas.
Thomas shook his head, taking a step forward. “Nathaniel, I didn’t even know how they were involved with your family.” He glanced at Lillian, standing next to him, her grip so tight on Thomas’s hand that her knuckles were white and her eyes filled with tears.