Chapter Thirty-Two #2
I grabbed him by the neck of that NO CRUISE CONTROL T-shirt and pulled him down into a kiss. And he kissed me right back. Like crazy.
Of course, minutes later, when we’d had just enough time to get thoroughly entangled in each other’s arms … that’s when the power came back, and the ballroom lights blared on—and lit up the two of us through the open doors like a spotlight.
And before we realized what was happening, the whole room full of wedding guests had turned to notice us snogging like teenagers—and erupted into cheers.
Cooper and I turned, still a little dazed, and took in the sight of them all: Ashley jumping up and down with her arms up in a victory V and Brody beside her, shaking his head.
My mom and dad smiling and clapping, shoulder to shoulder.
Pete and Bridesmaid Two … nowhere to be found.
Plus the whole wedding party, and all our childhood neighbors and long-lost friends, together again, at least for a little while.
Somebody uncorked a bottle of champagne. The DJ fired up the turntables. The disco ball started spinning, sprinkling little stars of light all over the room.
And then Cooper pulled me out of the spotlight and into a moonlit corner at the ship’s railing. Where we could have some privacy.
And then we kissed again like mad—breathless, and blissed-out, and lost in it all.
Like we’d been waiting all our lives to belong to each other.
It really did feel like destiny. And I guess Cooper must have felt it, too.
Because right about the time I thought he might be about to suggest we make our way back home to our cabin to dispense, at last, with that useless pillow wall …
Cooper tightened his arms around me, rested his forehead against mine, closed his eyes, and said, “Why don’t you put us both out of our misery and just marry me? ”
And … the moment screeched to a halt.
I froze.
And I coughed out a “What?!”
And then I stepped back.
His hair was all mussed, and his eyes were glassy, and his mouth was flushed. And he looked—let’s face it—even more devastating than usual.
Heartbreaking, even.
“Did you just ask me to marry you?”
Cooper nodded.
“Cooper, we’ve been together for five minutes.”
He nodded, like Oh. “Too soon?”
“Way too soon, man!”
He nodded. “That’s fair. I retract that.”
But now reality had broken through the fantasy, and reality was crashing back in.
What was I doing? What was I thinking? There was no way this could work.
This was me we were talking about. I’d dumped every guy who’d ever tried to be with me.
Just look at what I’d done to Brody! Not to mention the humiliation Pearce’s mother had to face with her mah-jongg group.
I was a fountain of misery! A love ruiner!
A chronic dumper! I couldn’t just fall in love and be happy. Who the hell did I think I was?
“We can’t do this,” I said, taking another step back.
“Can’t do what?” Cooper asked, glancing around.
“I can’t kiss you! What was I thinking? We can’t kiss!”
“Too late.”
“I take it back. Erase it from your mind.”
I started to turn.
But Cooper stopped me. “Erase it? I’m not erasing it. How could I?”
“Figure it out.”
“I don’t want to! What are you talking about?”
“We can’t—be together.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because—” How to sum it all up? “Because I’m terrible at love.”
Now Cooper gave me a look like I was being adorable. “That’s not news.”
“This is not a joke, Cooper. Haven’t you been paying attention? This”—I gestured between us—“is doomed. My entire love life is a catch-22. If you like me back, I won’t want you anymore.”
But Cooper shook his head and said, “Nah. We’re good.”
“Cooper—for real. I’m cursed.”
“Are you being serious?”
I knocked on Cooper’s forehead. “Haven’t you been listening? We’ve been talking about this all week.”
“But we were joking.”
“I wasn’t.”
“You can’t really think you are actually cursed.”
“Sure, I can. Why not?”
“You’re saying you can’t kiss me because of black magic?”
“I’m saying I can’t kiss you because I’ve dumped every guy I’ve ever dated!”
“But that was different. All those guys were different.”
I shook my head. “Why?”
Cooper looked straight into my eyes. “Because none of those guys were me.”
At those words, I could feel myself starting to lose this argument.
I mean, come on—right?
But I still had momentum. “You know what that is?” I demanded. “That’s wishful thinking! Let’s be practical.”
“I am being practical.”
“Not unless practical and wrong are the same thing.”
I didn’t want him to be wrong. I wanted him to be right.
But I’d known myself too long.
Cooper looked into my eyes, like You’ve got this. Then he said, “When Finn kissed you after all these years—and then you didn’t like it, even though you thought he was your destiny … Why was that?”
Easy. Simple. “Because the only person I wanted to kiss was you.”
“Guess what? The only person I want to do anything with is you.”
“I don’t want to break your heart,” I said.
“I’m not scared of that,” Cooper said. “You break my heart all the time.”
But now I had tears in my eyes.
Cooper cupped his hand against my jaw. “Did you forget? I was your first kiss. I’m the guy you imprinted on. You’re good to go.”
“That’s just a theory.”
“Yeah,” he said, his voice soft with affection. “A theory you planned a whole cockamamie scheme around.”
“Okay—but I never really thought it would work!”
“This is going to work,” Cooper said.
“Nothing has ever worked before. Not for me.”
“This time it’s different.”
“Why?”
“Because…” Cooper said. “I’m your loophole.”
I paused at that.
“Look,” Cooper said, “I lied to you before when I said, ‘I think I’m in love with you.’”
“You lied about that?”
“I don’t think I’m in love with you. I know.”
I took that in.
“I know,” Cooper went on. “And I’ve always known.”
He took a step closer.
“I’m your loophole,” Cooper said, “because I’ve loved you all along.”
I frowned.
Cooper had loved me all along.
“And the reason nothing ever worked for you with anybody else,” Cooper said, “is because you’ve loved me all along, too.”
I scanned back over all my Cooper memories.
Cooper making me a tiny snowman. Cooper trying to teach me to drive stick shift.
Cooper sleeping out in the backyard in a tent just because I wanted to.
The two of us—over and over, my whole life long.
Climbing up on the roof. Conking out on my bedroom floor. Sending each other new favorite songs.
“You’ve always known I loved you,” Cooper said then, like he’d already won. “And you’ve always loved me back anyway.”
I stared at him in astonishment.
Then he gave me a little wry smile, like he knew this terminology was wrong but he didn’t care. “It’s just algebraic topography,” he said with a shrug. “Can’t argue with math.”
I thought about the duet we’d just sung at the reception—how I’d loved that song since I first heard it. Something about the harmonies, and the shape of the notes, and the twists and turns, and the way it made me feel … the way everything about it came together just never got old.
Maybe Cooper was like that song.
I could’ve tried a hundred more counterarguments. I could’ve explained that wanting a thing doesn’t mean you can handle it. I could’ve quoted statistics and dire predictions. I could’ve insisted that humans are always our own worst enemies.
Not to mention: If we messed up this friendship, we’d never get another one this good as long as we lived.
But I didn’t.
I didn’t argue.
What can I say? I didn’t want to.
I didn’t argue when Cooper kissed me again. And I didn’t argue when he took my hand to lead me back to our cabin. And I didn’t argue when he threw all the pillows across the room and declared, “No walls allowed.”
The only time I argued, in fact, was after he’d kissed me down onto the bed, when he reached back with one hand to grab his T-shirt by the collar and start working it off over his head, and I stopped him and told him we would definitely not be doing anything that might pop his stitches.
“I don’t care about my stitches,” Cooper said.
“I do.”
“I’m fine.”
“You’re definitely not.”
“The doc said I should stay off my feet.”
“That is not what he meant.”
“Are you saying we’re going to finally tear down this ridiculous wall—and then we’re just going to cuddle?”
I nodded.
“I feel like if I try hard enough, I can talk you into it,” Cooper said.
“Knock yourself out, buddy,” I said.
Nothing wrong with trying.
And that’s how our friendship ended—and how the everything else it would turn into began. Except even then I had a feeling like there had never been two sides to us at all—like maybe the way we loved each other was an emotional Mobius strip. And we’d been endless all along.
Maybe I was wrong, and maybe I’d regret it.
Maybe I really was cursed.
But there was only one way to find out.
Because if anyone on earth could break a love curse for me, it was Cooper.
And maybe if you’re going to take the biggest chance of your life—it should be with someone you already know by heart.