Chapter Thirty-Five Amunet
THIRTY-FIVE AMUNET
I huddled underneath the single candle, my frame racked with shivers as I tried to focus on prayer.
Every time I shut my eyes, all I saw was darkness.
Suffocating, horrible darkness. At least with my eyes open, there was the slight flicker of the candle.
But then I was all too aware of the complete lack of air in here.
Baba, please help me, I implored. I tried to fix whatever I did to wrong you. I tried to get to your temple. I failed. I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. But please don’t make me stay here.
Do you know what the definition of insanity is? King Zaid asked.
My breath stuttered on a whimper. My nails reopened the scabs on the back of my neck.
Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.
There were no mirrors in here, but I could feel the bags under my eyes, the crustiness on my lashes, the dry skin peeling on my lips.
Meals were brought, but I had no appetite.
In fact, I felt ill. Bile was a consistent burn in the back of my throat, and a corner of the room reeked where I’d vomited a few hours ago.
I bent my whole self into my prayers, the only option left to me. All my attention was focused on them so that I wouldn’t miss the brush of my father’s breath when it finally came. So I wouldn’t have to think about Jasim or the horrible emptiness in my chest.
But it was no use. There wasn’t even the weakest stirring from Shaya.
It’s a fitting punishment, King Zaid pointed out. For all the pain you’ve caused others. That maid you sent to the Kaldfolk, Jasim, Nasir.
I winced at the mention of Jasim. “I didn’t do anything to Nasir.”
Of course you did. He’s a prisoner now, just like you. All because he wanted to get his people back home. He tsked.
I squeezed my eyes shut, the pain of Shaya’s absence ripping through my abdomen.
Darkness. Suffocating darkness. So much worse with my eyes closed. Can’t breathe, can’t see, can’t—
My eyes popped back open and searched for the light of the candle. Some of its wax dripped off the sconce and landed on my shoulder. I hissed at the burn but let the pain center me.
You are all I have, Shaya. You are my entire family. I know you remember how it felt to be abandoned. How it broke your heart when Ketet locked you away. I will never leave you, Shaya. So please, please don’t leave me.
I hated to remind him of that time. Ketet and Shaya had been family before she decided to create a new one without him and sought to humiliate and denigrate him at every turn, resulting in the War of the Ancients.
A war that was so violent, so hate-filled, it spilled from the After Realm into this one and necessitated Cilene, Goddess of War, sending a son as Gods-Chosen to save us mortals.
And then Ketet—the woman Shaya had loved, his wife, the mother of his child—locked him away for eternity.
That was the story of the family that created our world, tragic, heartbreaking. It hurt my father. But if I couldn’t reach him through my love, maybe I could reach him through his rage.
I prayed reminders of Ketet’s betrayal toward him and received not even a whisper in return. King Zaid snickered.
The hours—days?—since I’d been locked away dragged by at a snail’s pace, and my mind flipped between terror and despair.
Not for the first time, I wondered why I should be bothered with saving any of these people. Why, when they were so spiteful to me, when they made their hatred so obvious, was I meant to do anything to help them?
The candle went out with a hiss as loud as a death knell.
King Zaid’s taunting laugh surrounded me just like the darkness, wrapping around my throat. A snake’s vise. I couldn’t breathe. All I could see was that inky blackness from my nightmares, crawling over a pile of bodies, bringing awful cold with it. Reaching for me, getting rid of me—
Blindly, I staggered to the door and banged on it. “Hello! Hello, please! The candle—I can’t—someone—”
The door opened, letting light flood the room in a solid, miraculous beam.
I blinked as my eyes worked to adjust.
A guard stood there. He wore Haisab’s colors of blue and gold. “What is it?”
I drank in the sight of the hallway behind him. Countless torches burned along the walls, bathing the space in light. Unintentionally, my feet shuffled closer.
The guard drew his scimitar and leveled it at me. “Don’t.”
I retreated and worked to swallow past the dryness in my throat. “I need a new candle.”
The man looked past me to the dark room and nodded. “Back up. Forehead against the wall.”
Though all my instincts urged me to run, I turned and pressed my forehead to the scratchy wall on the opposite side of the room. The guard’s sandaled feet padded toward the sconce. There was some fiddling as he replaced the old candle and then the hiss of a match. Dim light bloomed.
My body trembled with the desire to fight. My knuckles yearned to drive themselves into the guard’s nose and dash madly past him to freedom. But I wouldn’t make it even an inch before his blade stopped me.
I drew several deep breaths, shoring myself up.
There were three takes on Shaya’s Gods-Chosen. When in doubt, the third never failed.
I hesitated a moment, remembering the way Jasim had spat the words at me when he thought I’d seduce Nasir.
Should I ask you nicely not to fuck him?
Should I bother? We both know you’ll do what you want anyway.
My stomach knotted, so disgusted with myself for a moment that I tasted bile at the back of my throat.
But Jasim was dead. He wasn’t here to care.
So I did my best to ignore the chattering in my head, the burn in my skin, as I smoothed a hand across the wall. I only dared a brush of my fingertips against his wrist. He tensed.
I turned my head, all my movements slow and nonthreatening. “Thank you,” I breathed.
The guard’s face was plain. It was hard to make out anything concrete in the pathetic flicker of the candle, but I thought he might be older than me by a half dozen years or so. He kept his expression stoic, but he didn’t pull his hand away.
I offered a flimsy laugh. “I’m afraid of the dark, if you can believe it.”
His lips pressed together while he debated whether to engage. He’d probably been given strict instructions not to. But I kept my face open, head tilted just enough for the candle to catch the brightness of my green eyes. The guard said, “I’ll make sure to check the candle more regularly.”
My smile was smooth as honey. “What’s your name?”
Another moment of hesitation. “Malik.”
I turned fully. Malik’s muscles locked up, scimitar held aloft. But it was no longer aimed at my heart, just hovered in the space between us. “You have kind eyes, Malik.”
He blinked. His eyes were actually relatively bland and brown, but I gazed into them as if they held the secrets of the After Realm in their depths.
Hesitantly, I lifted a hand. He tracked my every move but did not flinch away as I cupped his cheek.
“Beautiful,” I murmured, like he wasn’t meant to hear it.
Malik’s throat bobbed.
I shuffled a half step closer. “Very few people treat me with kindness. Did you know that, Malik? Oh,” I said with an embarrassed laugh, “I suppose you do.”
“Gods-Chosen, you… you should get some rest.” His voice was hoarse.
“It’s so dark in here, Malik,” I whispered, pressing closer, molding the front of my body to his, and his breath caught. He was already hard. Normally, I would have rolled my eyes at how easy it was, but now I thanked the gods.
I smoothed my hands up his chest, over his shoulders, working my way inch by inch down to his brandished right arm.
If I could get the scimitar out of his hand, I could get out of here.
But I kept my eyes trained on his. Tilted my face up so that my lips were a hairsbreadth from his as I breathed, “Help me, Malik.”
“I…”
“Please,” I murmured as my hand slid down his forearm. Nearly to the wrist. Almost—
“No!” He shoved me so hard, I slammed into the wall with a gasp. The sharp end of a blade scraped my throat yet again. A habit that was getting on my last fucking nerve. Malik glared at me with those unexceptional eyes. “Get away from me, demon.”
Demon. King Zaid snorted. Humiliated yourself for nothing.
I swallowed, cheeks searing. “Malik—”
“Stop.” He backed away, scimitar still brandished. “I will not betray my prince.”
“That wasn’t—”
The door slammed, and I flinched. My hope crashed like a bird felled mid-flight. I stared blankly, stunned, as the dead bolt slid into place, locking me back in this tomb.
I stared at the candle until my eyes burned, until I saw it on the backs of my lids with every blink, and I prayed hard. Every dribble of wax that melted down its side, every millimeter of wick that burned away, I offered up to Shaya. And still I felt nothing.
My leg bounced anxiously, and I dug my nails into the skin of my arms. My fear had turned to rage. White, blinding rage.
A cage. Shaya was imprisoned in the Underworld, and I was imprisoned in an ugly, magic-proof iron cage.
It was shameful that the two of us should be brought so low.
He and I were the most powerful of our kind, yet he was left to while away his eternity and I was sitting here staring at a melting candle.
If it weren’t for the meals that came like clockwork, I’d have no way to tell the time. I was due for supper soon, which was how I knew it had been three days since Anwar had captured me.
Captured. Like an animal.
I scratched harder and turned to look over my shoulder.
The door was still closed. Just like it had been every time I looked back there.
Knots curled in the wood. They almost looked like eyes. Watching me. Anwar was watching me—or maybe someone else. These eyes were brown, the same shade as the door, not gold-flecked. But then whose were they? And why wouldn’t they look away—
I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes and forced myself to draw deep breaths. They weren’t eyes. It was just a gods-damn door. That’s all.
You’re going mad, said the king.
No, I wasn’t mad. I just needed to talk to Shaya.
A click sounded. It might as well have been a cannon for how hard I jumped.
Malik appeared with my supper in hand—a plate of unseasoned chicken and a cup of olive juice. I was instantly on my feet.
He brandished his scimitar. “Get back against the wall, Khada.”
My hands curled into fists so tight, my palms ached. But good behavior was important. I obediently turned and pressed my back against the wall under the sconce with the melting candle, several feet away from the door.
He didn’t take his eyes off me or lower his blade as he slowly crouched and set the plate on the floor at his feet.
“Could I speak to the prince?” I asked. For good measure, I added, “Please.”
“He’s busy,” he answered brusquely, and turned for the door.
“Wait! I’ll make a bargain with Anwar,” I rushed to say. “A real one. Tell him that.” A jinni bargain was something that couldn’t be broken. I’d swear to whatever he wanted, if he would let me out of here.
Malik shook his head as he backed out of the room. “Why would Prince Anwar make a deal with you when he’s already won?”
Another failure. King Zaid clicked his tongue. Add it to the list.
I stood in the center of the room, chest heaving.
Whatever magic Anwar had used to tamp my fury had vanished long ago and now it rose like a tidal wave.
I let out a scream that was part shriek and part roar.
If there had been anything in the room, I would’ve broken it, shattered it, sent my fist sailing straight through it.
I kicked the plate of food and watched the olive juice splatter against the wall. But it wasn’t enough.
I threw my body at the door. Each impact against the metal beam sent pain smarting through me, but I didn’t care. I did it again and again, taking a small amount of pleasure in the pain, in the resounding boom I made each time.
When the right side of my body throbbed and ached, I stopped. Bruises were already forming along my arm and hip.
I backed away from the door and stared at the knots in the wood that looked like eyes, at the wrinkle beneath them that curled like lips around a smirk.
Just as fast as the rage came over me, it receded back into its fiery depths, and I grew very quiet. Deathly quiet. A predator’s silence. Barely even breathed.
I was Gods-Chosen. I was Queen Amunet Khada, daughter of Shaya, heir to Conqueror Zaid. I would not be caged.
I looked at the smirking door and smiled right back.