Chapter 5
Five
Nolan
The couch was still pulled out from last night, and I lowered Zamir into it, covering him with the blanket he hadn't used. Muffin and Clip were on him the moment I was done, and I stepped back, uncertain in a way I hadn't been in a long time.
Muffin licked Zamir's beard-covered cheek, whining when that didn't wake him, and Clip jumped onto the couch and covered him with her own body.
Then the cats arrived, and before long, all I could see of Zamir was his face, and his feet.
The chickens—or the Murder Triplets, as he'd dubbed them—kept watch from the coffee table, clucking once in a while as they bent their heads this way and that.
I had no idea what was going through their little minds, but it warmed my heart to see all of them surround my mate in this way.
Somehow, they could sense the connection between us.
Either that, or they sensed the goodness in Zamir.
A low groan pulled my gaze back to Zamir's face, and I watched as his eyelids fluttered, his lips moved without sound, and he made a soft sound of confusion.
His eyes opened, and he turned his head, his gaze catching mine. "Oh."
"Hey, Zamir," I murmured, then waited as his eyes went distant, as he recalled what had happened.
"Oh shit. I'm so sorry!" With care and an ease that said he was familiar with cats, he removed Pebble and Dots from his chest, placing them on the floor as Clip jumped off the couch on her own, freeing him to sit up.
He scratched his beard, and his nose wrinkled when he encountered the evidence of Muffin's love. "I didn't mean to..."
"Faint?" I asked with a raised brow, leaving the armchair I'd settled in to perch my ass on the coffee table. The chickens flew up to the couch and stationed themselves on top of the backrest, eyes still firmly set on Zamir. I understood now why he insisted they were planning his murder.
Shooting them a wary look, Zamir shrugged at me, and I hoped he couldn't see the terror sloshing in my belly.
When he'd lost consciousness, a thousand horrible scenarios had flashed through my mind.
They were still there, in the back of my mind, and I knew I wouldn't get rid of them until I knew exactly why Zamir had fainted.
"Can I ask what happened?"
Zamir gazed at me for a long moment, then glanced away, ruffling Clip's fur as she slid between his legs and snuggled into his stomach. Muffin whined, and Zamir smiled as he reached for her with his free hand. "It was nothing."
"It wasn't nothing, Zamir. I can barely sense you're a supe. You're too weak, which means something isn't right. Please tell me. I might be able to help."
Zamir sighed, and for a moment, I thought he might. But then his lips firmed into a thin line, and I knew he was going to be stubborn about this.
Then again, I had no right to ask him, did I? I hadn't told him we were mates, and it was obvious he didn't know. Why would he tell a stranger about his issues, no matter how helpful I'd been? I certainly wouldn't have if our roles were reversed.
If I told him the truth... maybe then he'd tell me. But if I did tell him the truth, that would be it. There would be no going back. If it turned out he had some supe sickness I didn't know about, if it turned out he was dying... I would lose another person I cared about.
I had a choice. I could either stop now, let him stay here until the Sanctuary's door opened up again, and then avoid him for as long as possible.
Or I could tell him the truth, and deal with whatever came after.
Maybe Zamir wanted nothing to do with me.
The thought didn't fill me with relief like I thought it would.
"It's nothing. I'll be fine once I get back to the Sanctuary. I'm sure you have better things to do than worry about me. I'll get out of your hair," he said, and before I could think about it, I reached for him, clasping his wrist before he could get up.
"Zamir, wait."
His brows furrowed, dark brown eyes meeting mine as he settled back into the cushions. "Yeah?"
I didn't let go of his hand. I couldn't. "I don't, actually."
"You don't what?"
"I don't have anything better to do than worrying about you."
If possible, his brows wrinkled even more, forming deep creases on his forehead. "I don't understand."
"Zamir... you're my mate. I should've told you as soon as I knew, but I needed some time to... accept it."
"Because I'm a monster?"
I reared back, losing my grip on his hand. What the... why would he think that? And he'd said it like it was obvious... like it was a fact that he was a monster, when it couldn't be further from the truth.
"No! Hell, no." I shook my head, and promised myself that someday, I'd find out who was responsible for making my mate think this way. And if they were still around, I'd make them pay.
Ah, my dragon had reared up at last.
"You're not a monster, Zamir," I pressed, though I doubted I'd convince him. "I'm old, as I'm sure you can tell, and I've lost people. A lot of people. I'd promised myself I wouldn't open my heart to anyone, not until I felt like I could do it without falling apart."
Zamir's eyes softened, the brown flaring with warmth as he reached for me, as his warm hand wrapped around my wrist. "I can understand that. Why did you tell me now?"
"Because watching you faint terrified me, and I realized I already cared about you. Even if I hadn't told you, I wouldn't have been able to stay away. And I hoped that telling you might make you tell me why you fainted. You still don't have to. I just... I can't lose you."
Zamir was quiet for a moment, and I wondered if he was searching for a way to get out of saying anything.
He squeezed my hand, and I met his warm gaze.
"I'm hungry," he said, one shoulder rising in a half-hearted shrug.
"It's nothing serious, I promise. You don't need to worry.
I'll eat as soon as I get home, and I'll be good as new. "
The cheer in his voice sounded fake, strained, but I ignored it for the moment, focusing on his words instead.
He'd fainted because of hunger? Why had he gone so long without eating in the first place?
I imagined he had an arrangement with some of his friends at the Sanctuary.
They must let him feed on their life forces so he didn't have to feed on humans.
Who knew when the Sanctuary's door would start working again, and I couldn't let Zamir starve until then, not when we had a much simpler solution at hand.
"You can feed on me."
Zamir
"What?" I jerked my hand away and leaned back into the couch, grateful when Muffin slid between us like a buffer.
Feed on Nolan? I'd rather die.
I'd been right. Nolan was my mate. He was my mate, and he hadn't told me. Not because he didn't want me, but because he had his own baggage to contend with. It made me feel a little better, like we were on a more even footing. But this offer...
I'd fantasized about the day I'd find my mate, imagining what I'd say to him, how I'd act. I'd imagined many scenarios, but none where I didn't even recognize them.
But that was what had happened, and instead of showing Nolan my best side, so far I'd done everything wrong.
First, I'd gotten drunk. Then I'd made him take me home when he barely knew me. I'd curled up on the floor with his pets instead of using the very nice couch he'd readied for me. And, the pièce de résistance, I'd fainted in his arms like a dude in distress.
As if that wasn't horrible enough, he now wanted me to feed on him.
I hated feeding from my friends. No way in hell was I going to feed from my mate. No matter how clinical I tried to make it, consuming someone's life force was an intimate experience, and I'd be damned if my first moment of intimacy with my mate involved me consuming his life force.
"You need a life force, right? Well, I have one. A strong one at that," he said, as if it was that easy. As if every time I fed on someone didn't change me deep in my soul, didn't leave the proof of my parasitic nature on my skin.
"No."
"No?"
"I won't feed on you."
"Why not?" Nolan asked, his confusion clear on his face. His green eyes sparkled with an inner glow, and I didn't have to taste it to know his life force would be potent, stronger than any I'd ever tasted. Which was exactly why I could never, ever feed on him.
If I got a taste of him, I was afraid I wouldn't stop until I consumed all of him, proving once and for all that I was what I'd always believed myself to be: a monster.
"I won't, and you can't convince me. Drop it, okay?" I stood up with no destination in mind, then remembered the bathroom he'd pointed out last night.
I left him sitting on the coffee table, and closed myself in the small bathroom as one of the dogs—Muffin, judging by the sound of those whines—scratched at the door and demanded to be let in.
I ignored the dog as I turned to the sink, catching my gaze in the mirror as I reached for the tap.
Tired brown eyes stared back at me, the corners tight and drawn. The hunger was getting to me, and it would be so easy to go back out there and accept Nolan's proposal, to lean closer to him and suck his life force out of his mouth.
It would be strong, his life force, spicy and warm like the drinks he'd made me last night, and it would spread inside me, fill me with warmth, with vitality. I wouldn't have to feed again for months.
I shook my head and pulled down the collar of my turtleneck.
The purple streak coiled around my collarbone was enough of a reminder of why I couldn't. I had to feed on my friends to survive, and I hated it.
I didn't want that type of connection between Nolan and me.
I didn't want to think of his life force when I looked at him.
Cold water spurted out of the tap as I turned it, and I splashed my face, rubbing at my beard when I remembered the dog drool.
My skin felt cold when I finally turned the tap off, and I stood there for a moment as water soaked into my sweater. A single droplet trailed down my chest, and I shivered, then reached for the towel hanging on the back of the door.
Once my face was dry, I went back to the living room, where Nolan still sat on the coffee table, one of the cats seated beside him with her head in his lap.
"You never told me what the cats are called. Or the bunnies," I said as I spotted them hop their way to the kitchen.
Nolan raised a brow at me, but didn't point out my obvious attempt to change the topic. "This one is Pebble. She loves cuddles. And that one," he nodded toward the second cat, who was halfway up the curtain and now stuck there, "is Dots."
I walked over to Dots and freed him from the evil curtain, receiving a headbutt in return before he leaped from my arms and raced off. Pebble gave chase after him, and Clip took her place, resting her head on Nolan's lap as she stood beside the table.
"The bunnies?" I prompted as I returned to the couch, and Nolan smiled, his eyes twinkling with mirth.
"Wooly and Dust," he said, and I groaned and laughed all at once.
"You're a naming prodigy, old man."
"Who are you calling an old man?" he growled, though it was obvious he wasn't offended.
I grinned, and Nolan smiled, his hand moving over Clip's head. "Listen, Zamir—"
My phone blared in my pocket, cutting him off, and I rushed to pull it out. The only people who would call me were in the Sanctuary, which meant...
"Keoni! Thank fucking god!" I answered as I shot to my feet, unable to sit still. "Is everyone okay?"
"We're fine. What about you? You've been out there all night. Are you okay?" Keoni demanded, his voice thick with concern.
"I'm okay," I murmured, unable to keep the smile off my face.
"Oh!" Keoni exclaimed. "You sound better than okay to me."
"Shut up."
Keoni snickered. "Anyway, the door's connected again, so you can come home now. If you want."
"I'll be there in a few minutes, and then you need to tell me everything."
"After you've eaten. I remembered how long it's been since you fed last when I was worrying about you. Are you okay? How's the hunger?"
"It's manageable." I wasn't going to tell him about my fainting spell, or he'd never let me get away with avoiding eating for as long as I did.
"Okay. Come back soon. It's my turn this time, and I'm not letting you out of my sight until you've eaten. I'll be waiting by the door."
"See ya."
When I stopped pacing and turned to look at Nolan, I found him watching me.
"Your friend seems to care about you a lot," he said, and I smiled.
"Keoni cares about everyone. He's a sweetheart. Anyway, I should get going."
"You're sure it's safe?"
"Keoni says it is, so yeah."
Nolan nodded, then walked me to the door. Stepping over the threshold, I hesitated, then shook my head and walked down the porch steps.
"Zamir?" Nolan called, and I turned to look at him. The sun was on top of us, and its rays filtered through his orange-tipped hair, setting his head aflame. He was beautiful. "May I take you out on a date?"
A smile burst across my face, and butterflies fluttered in my belly. I had the sudden urge to pinch myself to make sure this was real. I'd found my mate, and he wanted to take me out on a date.
"Yeah," I whispered, and Nolan's green eyes lit up as he beamed at me.
My walk home was slow as I went over every moment I'd spent with Nolan, carefully tucking away each memory into my mind so I'd never forget.