Chapter Ten
Tera
I tried to go out into the main room for a breather, but seeing the chaos it was in reminded me of Joe. Instead, I went into the office to hide and work out my sadness on some innocent pieces of paper.
I’m trying to clean up the filing and feeling a little lost. Both emotionally and intellectually. This filing system makes no sense.
A gentle knock on the open door finally pulls words out of my throat, coated in my confusion.
“Um, why is a 2017 bill with the current paperwork? I’m sure you have a method, but I’m not seeing it. Would you mind explaining so I can do this your way instead of mine? I don’t want to mess anything up.”
It isn’t until I turn with the offending page and folder in each hand that I realize I’m not talking to Trevor. Felix and Blaze stand in the doorway, watching me flounder. My eyes drop to their shoes, but my hand reaches for my phone, finger posed over the volume button just in case. There’s something freeing in knowing I’ll have backup and shame for feeling like I can’t take care of this myself.
One of them clears their throat, as if I’m not paying attention to every move they make in my hyperawareness, my shoulders rising a little more.
“We’re supposed to be cleaning the bathrooms now,” Blaze says, and his tone is confused. “But we have no idea where the cleaning supplies are.”
“Apparently, needing to piss is a crime here, so we got saddled with the punishment,” Felix says. I could swear he sounds just as amused as frustrated over the statement. It feels weird for him to be talking to me in that voice. It’s reserved for people he can tolerate, and I’m not on that list.
I hesitate, looking at the phone. Do I take it with me or leave it behind? Trevor didn’t tell me the protocol here, and I’m even more confused. It’s like I’ve never made my own decisions, which irritates me.
I leave it behind as proof that I can handle this, even when my gut twists with foreboding. I’m being dramatic. They would never physically hurt me. I’m fine.
“This way,” I mutter and slip between them, careful not to touch them with their rude germs.
“You could just tell us where it is,” Blaze says in a disgruntled tone.
I shrug, not bothering to explain that it’s easier for me to show them than try and guide them in the right direction. They won’t listen.
We stop at a hidden door built into the stairs to the second floor, and I open it. I love this tiny room. The walls are close enough that it feels like they’re hugging me as I walk in. Seeing how small it is, Blaze waits in the doorway for me.
I grab a box of gloves, some rags, and cleaner from the built-in shelf, relaxing into the embrace of the walls. It’s like a free hot yoga box in here with no other people. Standing poses only, though.
“…never seen him that angry before,” Pat’s voice drifts from the break room through the wall, barely reaching me.
“Hot,” Diana replies.
“You think he’s sleeping with her?”
“He’s turned all of us down. Maybe he prefers them sweet? Who knows?” Diana comments, and I hear the fridge open and close.
“You’re just pissed that she might win the sweep,” Pat replies, her voice coming closer.
“You told her about that?” Diana’s voice gets louder with surprise, piercing the wall with her intensity. “Why would you do that? She’ll tell everyone.”
“By everyone, you mean the boss man?”
“It’s so obvious she’s obsessed with him. He could ask her to sit out in the snow for four days, and I’m convinced she’d do it.”
Depends. Would I have a jacket?
She’s right. I’m sick in the head. If he asked, I would do it. How embarrassing is that?
“She has no idea about the bet. She just likes him,” Pat objects. “We all do, so what?”
“We should get her to go up there,” Diana laughs.
“She wouldn’t do that,” Pat seems irritated now. “I purposely told her to stay away from the second floor.”
“Why?”
“She’s just so sweet. You know exactly how they both are when one of us goes up there, and I didn’t want her to go through that.”
“You’re such a soft touch for a sourpuss,” Diana’s tone turns teasing.
“I don’t think she even realizes they live up there,” Pat’s tone is disapproving now. “That girl needs to be taken out of her bubble and into reality.”
“So, get her to go up there.”
“No way.”
“Afraid she’s going to snag one of them?”
“Let it go, Diana. Don’t be like Sal and Emily and obsess over this shit. It isn’t pretty. They want to stay single, and they don’t want any of us. Deal with it.”
“Let’s get back to work. I want to watch those twins bend over some more.”
Their voices fade out as they walk away, and I stand frozen. Pat just got elevated in my eyes, no matter how sour she looks.
I turn back around with the supplies in my thoughtful daze and almost run into Blaze. He stepped into the room at some point, probably to pull me out of the way and get the supplies himself. He doesn’t step back at the motion as he stares down at me, and I feel a dread build up in my stomach.
“Are you?” He asks quietly, and I shrink back from him in discomfort.
“Am I what?” I say loudly, not bothering to maintain the intimate scenario I find myself in. He’s being a creeper, and I’m not having it today. I’ve been through the wringer the last few days, and my temper is getting the best of me.
Felix’s head peeks around the doorway with a familiar frown. It’s like he got stuck that way as a child, and no amount of surgery can take it off.
“Are you sleeping with him?” Blaze’s head tilts to the side as he studies me.
As if that’s any of his business. What a complete jerk!
I stand there stupidly as my brain tries to comprehend that he actually said that out loud and expects an answer. I don’t answer to any of these people. We aren’t friends. He’s just hoping for gossip, like the two I eavesdropped on. And why did I eavesdrop on their conversation anyway?
“Is that a no?” He asks with a smirk that makes me cringe even farther from him. What a creep. Why am I helping him again?
“Here’s your supplies,” I shove them towards him, pushing him back a little with the motion, and he grabs them, stumbling back in surprise.
Once he’s out of the way, I slide out the door and close it behind me, ready to walk away and forget this happened. Felix is standing in my way, so I slink around him, hugging the wall so we don’t touch.
“Everything ok?”
I was so focused on not touching either of them I didn’t see Max walk over.
Did I touch Blaze? I feel the sudden urge to wash my hands.
“Everything is fine,” Felix replies, back to his normal, uncaring tone.
“Tera?” Max stares at me intently, like he’s willing me to start crying.
“They needed help to find the cleaning stuff, and I decided to show them instead of trying to explain so they wouldn’t get lost and mad about it,” I explain in a rush with my hands held up as if I’m surrendering. The pose makes a cold chill rack my spine. I held them up just like this during the robbery. I drop them at my sides quickly.
He blinks at me, expression morphing from mischievous glee to concern. “You sure you’re ok?”
“Yeah,” I lie, my voice gaining a squeakier pitch. “I just really want to wash my hands. I think I touched him, and it’s grossing me out. Do you think being a jerk is carried through germs? There should be a scientific study. I should look it up.”
Max’s grin returns as he looks over my shoulder at the twins. “You’re saying shit you’ll regret later, and as much as I’m loving it, I don’t want to deal with the guilt. Let’s go.”
My eyes narrow on him as he steps forward, reaching out to me. “No way am I touching you, Max. You’re probably a carrier. Maybe you’re patient zero and don’t know it. Stay away.”
He bursts into laughter that draws attention that I don’t want. I slide away from them and pray they’re cleaning the boy’s bathroom first. I lock the door behind me just in case and thoroughly scrub my hands.
I shouldn’t have said all of that. What would it cost me to admit they made me uncomfortable, and I wanted to get away? My pride? Do I even have any of that left by now?
Ugh! I hate Max for being right about the guilt trip I’m giving myself. I will not apologize, even though it was rude, and they would say something like that to me. Oh, that makes me feel worse. I’m sinking to their level. I rewash my hands, just in case.
By the time I get out, Max is leaning on the wall, waiting for me.
“The guilt has hit,” he shakes his head at whatever look I have on my face.
“That was really rude,” I tell him as if he doesn’t already know.
“Yeah, it was,” he replies with a smile, not caring that he’s driving the guilt into my heart even harder. “I loved it, and you are not apologizing to those assholes.”
“I don’t want to be like them,” I glare at him.
“You aren’t like them. Do you think they feel guilty when they say shit like that? Welcome to your villain era. Embrace it.”
My jaw drops as he wraps an arm over my shoulders and draws me back towards the office.
“I don’t want a villain era, Max. I want to just be me and not be treated like crap for it. So what if I’m not funny? Who cares if I don’t curse. Those are the dumbest reasons to hate someone.”
He leads me towards the office as I quietly vent, drawing Trevor’s frowning attention. He looks at Max, who gives a head nod that guys everywhere understand. Trevor returns it and goes back to scrubbing the bar. Once we’re in the office, Max shuts the door behind us and throws himself onto the couch to lie down.
“I’m not supposed to shut that,” I eye the door, debating on opening it back up.
I don’t feel uncomfortable with Max. Quite the opposite, in fact. His arms are crossed behind his head, and his shirt has ridden up, exposing his lower stomach and the V of his Adonis belt. His hip bones are prominent, and the urge to make him eat something rears up in me, but I bite it back to enjoy the view.
“Says who?” Max’s eyebrow quirks up as he watches me.
“Trevor,” I meet his eyes, forcing myself to not let them lower again. I’m sure it’s weird that I’m staring at him so intently, but he did this to himself, really. Stupid main characters and their hotness, as if they’re oblivious to the effect they have on their hapless victims. So unfair.
“You bad girl,” Max’s grin stretches wider. “Live a little. It’s just me. It’ll be fine.”
He’s so relaxed that I take a couple of steps away from the door, nodding. Then I stop as another thought occurs to me.
“What if he thinks I’m trying to seduce you like everyone else?” I whisper with wide, horrified eyes. “I don’t want him thinking I’m in here getting naked and throwing myself at you.”
I quickly turn and open the door as Max groans as if he’s in pain. Too bad if he thinks I’m going to ignore his relationship status and jeopardize it.
“Deal with it,” I shrug haughtily, returning to the frustrating filing cabinet.
He mutters something I don’t catch as I open the first drawer, determined to get back to work.
He doesn’t say anything for a while, and I get into a groove with the music playing softly behind me. As I sing and sway along, I start making a pile of all the misfiled pages I find.
When I glance over, I find him fast asleep with his face turned towards me, and I’m a little tempted to drop something and wake him, but I bite back the urge. I end up lowering my voice so I don’t disturb him instead. Who knows how long he was up last night cleaning? He probably wanted the door shut so Trevor wouldn’t catch him sleeping instead of working.
Which is what I should be doing instead of standing here drooling like a creeper.
By the time I’m done with the horrible filing cabinet, it’s getting late, and people are starting to grumble about being done for the night. I leave the office to see who is left.
Andi spots me and gives me a hesitant smile. “We’re about to head out and eat. Would you like to come?”
“No, thanks,” the words come out before I’ve made a conscious decision, and I immediately want to take them back as her face falls. It isn’t that I’m not willing to go. It’s the fact that the restaurants they go to are expensive, and I don’t have the money right now. I would never say that, though. When we started hanging out, I made it a point to pay for my meals. I’m not going back on that now.
“Oh, um, I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Her voice trembles, and I frown as I study her.
I glance at Trevor to find him staring at me with a raised brow. “Do you need them to help again?”
I’m hoping he says no because this is awkward and painful. I feel like I’ve done something wrong. It isn’t like she’s been super mean to me or anything. She’s just cut me out of her life and returned for some unknown reason. I can’t help looking to Trevor for guidance because I don’t know how to proceed.
“We do have some things to get done before we open back up,” he rubs his jaw as his eyes narrow on me.
“Then yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow,” I give her an awkward smile and a tiny hand wave.
I turn without acknowledging anyone else and hurry back to the office. If everyone is leaving, I need to wake Max up before Trevor finds out he’s been sleeping.
He’s still in the same position with his mouth open. He looks like a kid without all of the grumpiness. I snatch up my phone and take a quick picture before gently shaking his shoulder.
“Max, wake up. Everyone is leaving,” I lean close to whisper in his ear.
“Good,” he grumbles and turns his head away from me.
“Yes, so get up now.”
He doesn’t move.
“Max!” My voice gets a little louder, and I shake his shoulder again. “Trevor is going to catch you!”
He suddenly turns towards me with a grin, sliding an arm from under his head to around my waist, and pulls me over him. It’s an awkward position, one arm trapped underneath me as my feet slip in my stupid shoes. I end up scrambling to try and get off of him as he laughs.
“Max!” I yell in frustration and struggle without purchase. I knew these shoes were a bad idea.
He puts the other arm around me and twists, trapping me between his body and the back of the couch.
“What are you doing?” I shove his shoulder, but he hardly budges. My legs are over his hip, and I curl them in defensively. I doubt Max would pass up a chance at tickling me.
Being pressed against him isn’t as bad as it should be. He’s warm, and his cologne is nice and subtle. Not to mention, he’s rocking a serious body underneath his loose clothes. I have to remind myself that he’s in a relationship and is just playing around. I should not snuggle close and bask in his attention. Unwell people do that, and I’m trying not to put another foot over that thin line. One is enough.
“Good morning,” he smiles and rubs his nose against mine while my eyes cross.
“It’s evening now,” I try to pull my head back, but the couch cushions only have so much give. This is one of the hardest couches. How could he be comfortable here?
“True. I guess we should get some sleep then.” He promptly closes his eyes and pretends to snore.
“Let me up, you giant toddler,” I start giggling at his antics. It’s so hard to see him as a grump like this. I don’t know why he cracked out of his shell for me, but I like the results.
“No, we’re sleeping,” he says in a not asleep-at-all voice, and I give in, just a little because I’m weak to funny Max.
My laughter is interrupted by a throat clearing in the doorway, and I tense, expecting Felix and Blaze to be there again. When I see Trevor leaning on the doorframe, watching us, all the blood drains from my face.
“It’s not what it looks like,” I babble. Isn’t that what every guilty person says? This is off to a bad start. “I just came in to wake him up, and he grabbed me. He’s going to tickle me. I know it.”
They start laughing as if I’ve told them my best joke, and I look back and forth in confusion. How is this not awkward for them? They’re probably used to it with all the women throwing themselves at them.
I start struggling again, and Max finally lets me go. I flip my legs over his hip and grip the back of the couch to slide over him and onto the floor. I hop up before Trevor can finish taking a single step to help me and brush myself off like I do embarrassing stuff all the time, and this is nothing.
I do, just not in front of two drool-worthy men laughing at me.
“I’m going to grab my purse,” I try to tough it out as I walk past Trevor with all the dignity of a cat who missed the landing.
“You should spend the night,” Max calls, and I hurry my steps.
“Max,” Trevor’s stern voice fades out as I get farther away, and I’m thankful. I hate to be that person, but he needs to get his boyfriend in check. It’s hard enough to resist the temptation now that he’s all flirty.
I don’t want to be the butt of the joke when he says just kidding, you’re a loser.
Purse in hand, I hesitate in the bar, looking at all the depressing changes that feel wrong. It’s like someone came into my apartment and moved all my furniture around while I was sleeping.
The counter is scrubbed clean and has a fresh coat of paint over the side, and bar stools are stacked out of the way. There’s no evidence of holes or the scratch Sal left from falling last year. Everything is clean and ready to be used, all of the trash is taken out, and the floor is spotless.
My eyes find where Joe was shot, and my breath gets tight in my lungs. They moved a table over the spot, and I want to throw it as if he’s still lying there being crushed under the weight. I drop my purse and move it, messing up the clean area. Several tables and chairs protest as they get forced away. Once I’m done, I stand there, confused about what I’m doing, as tears roll down my face.
“Tera?”
Trevor’s voice calling from the office snaps me out of my stunned state, and I scramble to grab my purse as I call out a squeaky, “See you tomorrow!”
I run to my car, grateful he didn’t lock the door, so my escape was easy. I don’t hesitate to rush out of the parking lot as Trevor and Max come outside to watch. I pretend I don’t see them as I drive past, determined to get home before I break down again.