Chapter Nineteen
Tera
I try to leave the apartment the following day without my brand-new shadow, but he’s relentless. He wants to go everywhere that I do. He was standing outside the bathroom door when I got out this morning. I had to go back in for another shower because he scared me so bad I peed a little. I’m pouting as I drive while he stares at the buildings around us.
“Why are you following me everywhere?” I demand through gritted teeth. It’s like he’s a duckling that’s imprinted on me. It’s cute but really frustrating.
“I’m hungry,” he says as if that explains everything.
“There’s food in the fridge,” I glare at his profile.
“I wasn’t in the mood for hotdogs.”
“Ugh, I just can’t with you,” I grumble, and his lips twitch up in a smile. At least he isn’t depressed about his circumstances.
We travel a little farther in silence before he breaks it. “So, how far along is your pregnancy? Four months, I bet.”
“What!?” The wheel jerks, and we hit a curb. Thankfully, it’s early enough that no one is standing around waiting to get hit by a car.
“That’s why you ran. You’re pregnant and hiding it. You haven’t started showing yet, but I get it.” He sounds so calm and reassuring that I want to scream.
“I’m not pregnant! I haven’t had sex in years,” I defend myself and then cringe at how sad my life sounds.
“Then what doctor appointment do you have?” Shade doesn’t seem fazed by the sudden curb hop or my denials.
“I’m seeing my therapist, thank God. She’s really going to earn her money today.”
He turns to face me as I desperately focus on the road. I don’t dare take my attention away after that little mishap.
“You ran away for months like an FBI’s most wanted criminal to get therapy? Why not get a doctor in town like a normal person?”
“I ran away because I’m crazy and then decided to get therapy. Thank you very much.” Dr. Robinson is going to be mad that I called myself crazy again.
“Why didn’t you just talk to Andi?”
I spare a second of my attention to give him a dirty look. In that brief flash, he has the grace to look sad.
“You could have talked to your boss. He seemed really into you-” he cuts himself off as my face falls.
“He wasn’t into me. He wanted me as a toy for his boyfriend.” Why did I say that out loud? To Shade of all people! Am I having another depressive episode? Dr. Robinson said that they could recur.
“Are you fucking kidding me!?” His sudden shout startles me, but thankfully, I keep control of the wheel.
“Stop yelling! I’m sitting right here!” I shout back.
“All that talk about listening to you and knowing you better than we did, treating us all like shit, and he pulls that? He hit you at your lowest point, knowing that we wouldn’t be able to help.”
“Stop it,” my voice comes out wet with unshed tears. I want to believe that isn’t true but seeing it from his limited perspective connects a few dots I didn’t think of.
His voice cuts off again as he studies me while I try to get myself under some semblance of control. I don’t want to walk into Dr. Robinson’s office sobbing again. It’s embarrassing.
The rest of the ride is made in silence. I make it to my appointment with twenty minutes to spare. I use that time to sit next to a silent Shade and twitch uncomfortably.
“Tera,” Dr. Robinson’s voice interrupts my anxiety with comforting warmth. It’s such a relief that I sag back in my chair. “And who is this?”
Before Shade can introduce himself, I frown at her, the comfort taking a backseat for the anger to come forward. “This is Shade. You know, one of the people who couldn’t possibly track me if I used my checking account? Because my paranoia was taking over my life, and that was movie stuff?”
She stares at me with her mouth open in surprise.
“It took less than five seconds after her transaction,” Shade smiles grimly with narrowed eyes. He then goes into great detail on the software he used and how he linked it up through his phone with an app that’s available free of charge. To add insult to injury, he lectures her on how irresponsible she was to advise me to risk my safety for the sake of, and he uses his fingers to emphasize, ‘my progress.’
She looks back and forth between us, unable to utter a word.
“I told you he was a jerk,” I shrug when he snaps that same glare my way. I’m actually relieved he took over that conversation because I’m too busy gloating over being right to get that type of accusation out.
“L-let’s just go inside my office,” Dr. Robinson stutters in confusion.
It was a great session after she looked up the app and verified what he had told her. She apologized for making me feel like my words were getting twisted and struggled valiantly to get us back on the right track.
For some reason, I double-checked to make sure she would call in refills for my medication if I was out of town. She assured me she would with a soft smile, pleased again, and told me that she offered video meetings if I was planning a trip.
When we walk out, she crooks a finger at Shade, who is staring at the secretary as she shifts nervously in her seat.
“Have you verified her references?” He looks at Dr. Robinson as he stands. “She seems really off.”
“It couldn’t possibly be because you’re staring at her with your laser judgy eyes,” I frown at him as I walk up to pay. The secretary seems soothed at my response and gives me a grateful look.
“Cash again, Ms. Evans?”
I glance back at Shade as he disappears into Dr. Robinson’s office. “It’s too late. I might as well use the card.”
Whatever they talk about in there leaves Shade silent and contemplative all the way to the restaurant I decide to take him to. I had to order him a drink because he wasn’t responding to the friendly waitress.
I’m content to leave him stewing in his emotions. My first session with her was rough, too. He needs a little time to sort things out in his own head. Although, he didn’t have to pay. At least he got a freebie, even if he is a jerk.
“Tell me what it takes to be a main character,” he says suddenly, and I glance up from my menu.
“Why do you ask?” I respond suspiciously.
He hesitates and says, “I want that advice, and I feel like I need to move things up a level so it’ll work for me.”
Shade sounds deadpan, but his cheeks are flushed with embarrassment, so I let it go.
“Well,” I frown in contemplation as I drop my menu back to the table. “A main character is always good-looking. You have that going for you. And some people are into the whole grumpy jerk thing, so I guess that’s ok.”
He gives me a glare that I ignore as the waitress returns for our order. Once I’ve secured the cheeseburger I’m going to pretend I can eat, I turn back to him.
“How do you tell the good-looking sidekicks from the good-looking main characters?”
“Oh, it’s obvious,” I wave that away. “Mains are super good-looking. Sides are kind of average, unnoticeable.”
“Uh-huh,” he sounds doubtful as his eyes narrow on me.
“I knew Andi was a main right away, there was just something about her. Then all this stuff started happening, and it was confirmed.”
“To be a ‘main,’ you have to get stalked for months, terrorized, and beaten up,” he tries to verify with no tone to his voice.
“Not necessarily,” I roll my eyes. “Andi was a kind of romantic main with a side of suspense. There are all types out there. Romantic comedy, horror, you name it.”
Shade rubs his stubbled chin thoughtfully as our food arrives. I pretend to eat as he continues thinking and tries to pay when we’re done. I smack his hand and tell him he needs to watch his spending since he’s broke. He and the twins basically deserve each other. I’m wondering if all three share a brain. We’re back in the car when he starts up again.
“Every main character has an arc, right?” He asks as if we never had a lull in the conversation.
“Of course,” I nod.
“In a story, you get introduced to characters, and then something happens to shake things up.”
“You’re getting it,” I smile as I keep nodding.
“There’s a lot of misunderstandings, bad guys, and then everyone gets together to solve the problem. Bam, happy ending.”
“I don’t think there are villains in every story,” I frown as I think about it.
“Maybe not super villains,” he agrees. “Maybe the bad guy is actually an emotion or someone running away from emotions. A bunch of bullies harassing a main character.”
“Yeah, some of Andi’s guys bullied her before they got with the program.”
“Interesting,” he gives me a hard stare that I don’t understand.
“I hope your story is more smooth sailing to the happy ending,” my lips turn up into a grin. “I like the unrequited love thing, but I’m sure if you communicate, things will work out in your favor. Just don’t give in when they do the stupid push-you-away stuff.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh, come on,” I giggle at his flat tone as I think about it. “You know they have red flags stapled all over them. Definitely emotionally unavailable.”
“How does a supposedly average sidekick turn into a main character?” He continues to stare at me grimly without stopping.
He’s really into it now, and I kind of appreciate it. South is the only other person who didn’t treat me like a crazy person when I talked about this. Then again, South and Dr. Robinson are the only two people I’ve spoken to about it.
“Two ways,” I hold one finger up and then the next without taking my eyes off the road. “One, have something really traumatic happen. I hate this one because everybody gets hurt before everything is said and done. Or two, just force yourself into the role by being really pushy and stubborn. You should go route two. Please. I know it’s a lot more work, but it’ll pay off in the end.”
“What happens if the main character runs away from her responsibilities? Like, really hides away and says screw that, not worth it?”
Wow, he’s exploring a lot of options. I didn’t even think of that one. I guess because Andi was never a runner.
“I’d like to think that wouldn’t happen,” I try to think it through. “But I guess it does. Sometimes, it’s about getting distance from a problem so they can solve it or trying to work on a new superpower. Physical training, maybe? Or just moping and feeling sorry for themselves. A main can run and hide, but it will eventually come to a head. Hopefully, a trusted friend or a sidekick would come in and give them advice. Or fate would intervene, and that’s never pretty.”
“Uh-huh.” Why is his tone sarcastic? He’s not taking this seriously anymore.
I shrug and pull into my parking spot. Once the car is turned off, I look at him in concern. “Shade, I don’t think you have to worry about all of that. I can’t really see you running from a problem.”
“Oh, I’m not worried,” he assures me with a frown. “What if the main character ignores all the signs to go home and get her shit together? Can a not-so-trusted friend or sidekick be blunt? Do they have to lie and keep it going until they finally wake up?”
I climb the steps as I think about this new set of in-depth questions. Was I ever blunt with Andi? I lied to her once about wanting to date Alec so she would realize he was perfect for her. Blech, no thanks. He’s totally not my type. She fell for it, though.
I did demand that she let the bodyguards stay for her safety even though she didn’t want them. I’m all about having the numbers to fight back.
There was that time with Damien when I flat-out told her to just have sex with him and get over it.
“I think, as a sidekick, you can do whatever is necessary to help out a main character. Little lies and wake-up calls are normal.” I unlock the apartment and motion him inside before I close and lock the door.
“Awesome,” he claps his hands together with a grin. “Start packing.”
I scoff and give him a bewildered look, “Why?”
“Because you are a main character, and I’m telling you to pack your shit and come home with me.”
I blink at him in surprise, frozen in place as thoughts swish through my head too fast for me to catch.
“It’s ok. As your sidekick, I’ll pack for you,” he gives me a smug smirk and walks into my bedroom.
“What?” I ask faintly.
“By the way, I’m not broke. I lied so you’d let me stay.”
“You fiend. I even bought you lunch,” I gasp out in shock. He doesn’t seem to notice.
“You had a tragic series of events that altered how you view life. You had a redemption arc going for Andi that you walked out on, by the way. One or both of the idiots you have a crush on broke your heart. You took a sabbatical to try and find clarity. I found you to bring you home.” He walks out with an armful of thrift clothes I bought for work and drops them on the couch.
“But I don’t have a weird name,” I protest weakly.
“There’s more rules?” He shakes his head as he goes back into my bedroom. “Where’s your luggage?”
“I only have a duffel.” I stand there stupefied as his words make their way around my head like a dog chasing its tail.
“I don’t care if this is a rom-com, suspense, tear-jerker, or a coming-of-age story, but we’re out of here,” his voice calls to me. “I’m not sleeping next to roaches all night again.”
“But what am I supposed to do?” I wring my hands at the thought of going back there. I don’t want to face everyone I left behind with a “Hey, sorry I went psycho, but I’m back now” excuse. Who does that?
I don’t want to look anyone in the eye as I explain how their actions affected me. I want to hide and pretend everything is ok. I want to be normal again.
Suddenly, Shade is in front of me and places both hands on my shoulders, watching me with concern. “You walk into town like you own the place and tell everyone to kiss your ass.”
“I can’t do that,” I stare back with wide eyes, painfully twisting my fingers.
“Of course you can. You have a sidekick now.”