Chapter Twenty-One
Max
I notice the stiffness in her body and dismiss it. I can understand being a little hesitant at my blatant assault of affection. Jesus, I’ve missed her so much I don’t want to let go. The relief of having her in front of me, held against me where she belongs, overrides my rage, fear, and worries in one fell swoop. The lack of those three emotions leaves me a little light-headed as I shamelessly smell her neck and hair. I don’t care if it’s creepy. I’m starving for anything of her I can snatch up.
When her hands pat at my ribs, I inhale shakily again. She’s changed her soap to something plain instead of the sweet honeysuckle I’m used to. I need to get her some and fix that immediately.
It isn’t until I notice that she isn’t hugging me back that I draw away, leaving my arms tight around her waist so I can see her face.
The solemn look is nothing like I’ve ever seen on her before and a shiver of unease rolls down my spine. There’s no mischievous grin, not that I should have expected that, but there’s also a lack of some of the sparkle she’s maintained throughout everything she’s gone through. It’s sobering to stare into her soft blue eyes and see only sorrow and guilt.
I pull farther back and take her face in my hands as gently as I can, even though they’re shaking so hard it makes the move clumsy instead of comforting. She’s gotten so thin. Dangerously thin. She looks like she hasn’t slept in weeks. What the fuck has been happening to her?
“Bebé,” I choke out, but I can’t continue as her eyes snap away from mine, and she steps back, out of my reach. It’s like watching a shield of ice appear, blocking my way to her physically and emotionally.
My breath puffs out as if she gut-punched me, and a sharp stabbing sensation pierces my chest. She’s never refused to let me touch her before, even when I was a total dick to her. The stark contrast of the Tera I knew and the person standing before me hits me in the face like a slap. I’m in unknown territory here, and I’m not sure what to do.
My first instinct is to call Trevor in a panic. I stomp that down forcefully. He’s part of the reason she’s like this. Fuck his advice. It’s always shaded with his wants when it comes to her, and I’m not listening again. I’ll have to feel this one out on my own.
“I’m sorry, Max.” She breaks the silence, her eyes filling with tears that don’t fall down her cheeks as she fights against them. The old Tera would have let them flow without fear. “I left without saying anything or … I’m just sorry.”
Somehow, the words I’ve practiced saying in my head over and over since she left deserts me at that moment. Yeah, I’m pissed she ran, and I want nothing more than to yell at her for it. She doesn’t seem to realize that she just gave me a gift by coming back, giving me the chance to rant at her for leaving. That anger isn’t going away any time soon.
It isn’t her that deserves it, though, is it?
That’s it, I’m killing him. The man I love has walked himself straight to the gallows, and he has no idea yet.
When Trevor finally broke down and confessed what he said to her, I lost my shit on him. I spent the first month seething in rage as we tried desperately to find her. When we couldn’t, and she didn’t contact either of us, I was ready to walk away from him. Fuck him and his stupid emotions at that moment. He was wrong to lie to her, and he knew it. The fucker knew it and still did it.
Trevor may have control of himself in his interactions with me, but I was wrong to trust him to know how to handle Tera’s emotions. He pushes people away when they get too close for his comfort level. She inadvertently triggered memories of his bitch ex when she tried to take care of him. I learned the hard way about that when we first got together, but Tera knows nothing about it. Not that it would have mattered. His rejection was the final nail in the coffin of her confidence when she was barely holding on as it was.
While we’ve been hoping that someday she might return, she’s been building armor so she won’t get hurt again.
Telling her that Trevor is an insensitive dick isn’t going to work for this Tera. He will have to crawl for her forgiveness, and I can’t wait to watch his knees get bloody. It’s wrong for me to feel sick pleasure at the thought. I love him, but he owes her that, at the very least. I just need to make sure she gets it.
“I was just about to get ready for work,” I break the extended silence awkwardly and wince. “You want to come in?”
“Um,” she frowns as she stares at the house, wavering over the politeness of accepting and the need I can see on her face to run away. She takes a deep breath and releases it, muttering, “Sure, what will it hurt.”
I nod and reach to offer her my hand before dropping it back to my side quickly. For once, I don’t want to push something. I’ve been waiting for months to see her again. I can swallow my feelings down until she comes back to me. I refuse to think it will end any other way.
I study her as we quietly walk the half a block to the house. She’s lost a lot of weight, and I choke back the urge to demand she eat something. What curves she has left are covered by large, ill-fitting clothes. Gone are the vibrant colors she loves, replaced by grays and blacks. The tiny shorts and flirty dresses of last summer are now loose jeans that don’t give any hint of her figure beneath. A manifestation of the changes in her point of view that I want to obliterate with no idea how I’ll manage it.
She doesn’t fill the silence with happy chatter or even glance my way as we walk. She focuses on her feet as she trudges beside me without the smile I miss so damn much.
When we get inside, I’m even less sure what to say to her as we awkwardly stand in the living room. We’re suddenly strangers, unsure what’s safe to talk about. I knew I missed her idle talk, but it’s never hit me quite this hard as she stands before me, looking around.
“It’s a nice place.”
I frown at the listless sound of her voice. “I’ve always wanted somewhere away from the bar.”
A smile flirts on her lips before falling back into the solemn look.
Floundering for conversation, I go into the bedroom to change, leaving her in silence. Part of me is hoping she fills the quiet, but she doesn’t. It scares the shit out of me because she used to never be able to keep quiet.
On the off chance she might run, I leave the door open and change quickly. She never leaves the living room and stands right where I left her, looking at the decor without much interest.
When I reenter, she looks at the change of clothes, and I pause as a brief flash of want crosses her face. She looks away quickly, but I catch it. Thank God.
“Want to head with me to work? Things have changed around there that I think you’ll like.” I ask as I reach for the keys to my truck. I never saw the need to own my own vehicle since Trevor drove me wherever I wanted to go. I’m now addicted to the freedom of it.
As a matter of fact, “Who dropped you off? I could swear that was your car that peeled out of here. I thought it was you for a second.”
Her eyes narrow in a look of disgruntlement that I’ve never seen before but find absolutely adorable. Her nose wrinkles up as she utters one flat word, “Shade.”
“Andi’s Shade?” I ask in surprise.
“Yes,” her eyes narrow further as she stares at the keys in my hand. “The guy who’s going to buy me new tires.”
I stop again in surprise. New Tera isn’t afraid to demand things or be in a bad mood. Duly noted and very fucking exciting. I’m practically salivating at the ideas running through my head. A Tera that argues? Really argues and makes demands? Sign me up.
“You still work at the bar?” She gestures towards my shirt with my name stitched into the pocket, and it unscrambles my brain from the lewd thoughts I was stuck in.
“Yeah,” I clear my throat and watch her reactions closely. “Hard to make Trevor suffer if he’s not seeing me being an asshole to him.”
Her brow lowers as she absorbs the words. “You’re fighting, or are you just teasing him?”
I’m used to comments like that being more giggly with a dash of teasing, and I’m thrown by how serious she sounds. “Can’t it be both?”
Her lips tilt in that tiny smile again, “Yeah, of course.”
“He lied.” I wince as the words blurt out of me desperately. I’m supposed to be patient with her. Maybe woo her or some crap. Not slap her in the face with facts. I need that smile back, though.
She doesn’t say anything, which makes my word vomit even worse.
“He’s a total dick when he’s in pain, and he hates being doted on. But he lied. You aren’t a toy. I should have told you that straight up. That’s on me. I want you, Tera. I don’t care if it’s as a friend or … fuck, that’s a lie too. Don’t run again, please.” I can feel the sweat on my palms and brow as I will my mouth to seal shut. Fucking Asher and his ‘talk it out’ advice is going to ruin this.
“I’m not running anymore,” she assures me quietly. She seems lost in thought and a little dazed at my weird confession.
“Come with me,” I beg shamelessly. I already threw my pride on the floor. I might as well make a complete ass of myself. “Even if it’s just for a little bit. The waitresses miss you a lot.”
She gives me a flat, skeptical look, but I’m serious. They had no idea how good they had it while Tera was working there. Now they have no bubble of happiness to keep their spirits up when people get shitty, and they have to pull their weight instead of slacking. Tera did a lot more at work than I ever knew. I don’t pity them, but if I can use that to get her to stay with me even the slightest bit longer, I will.
After a thoughtful silence, she ends up shrugging as if she’s been defeated in a fight and says resignedly, “Why not?”
I grin at her, relieved despite her reluctance, and usher her to the vehicle before opening the door for her.
The entire drive is made in complete silence. I swallow back a million questions while she looks out the window as if she’s relearning the scenery. She doesn’t ask anything either, and it ratchets up my nerves until I’m stewing in my sweat. Being interrogated or yelled at would be more comfortable at this point.
When we pull up, the parking lot is mostly full, everything in full swing by now, and I’m running late with no regrets. She takes in all the vehicles with a slight frown, and I grin. It’s a full house tonight, so she will get a good shock for once. Instead of trying to sneak past Trevor’s office, I walk her to the front doors and open one for her.
She doesn”t hesitate as she steps past the threshold and looks around at the changes.
Trevor wasn’t in any shape to tell Andi no when she gave him the offer to buy the bar from us to keep it from shutting down. She told us that Tera wouldn’t want us to lose our home, and that was that. We’re now rich fuckers, and no one knows because we’re still on the staff rosters as a busboy and the boss.
Andi added new booths and bar seats. A couple of pool tables are in the back, beside a small dance floor and an upgraded jukebox that people can control themselves. The entire space looks and feels different. We even have a limited food menu that Andi has been working on. The upswing in popularity has made hiring new people easy and keeps the regular full-time employees well-paid. Trevor doesn’t even need to be on the floor straining his leg all the time anymore, even though he keeps his presence known.
“Tera?” A squeal sounds from our right, and Diana rushes past me to almost knock her down with a hug.
“Oh, I’ve missed you, missed you, missed you!” She releases a shocked Tera and bounces on her toes. “Please tell me you moved back and you’re looking for your old job. I bet the boss man would kiss your feet if you asked. He’s missed you so much. Please?”
Tera gives her a tight half-smile and says, “That wouldn’t be very good for me.”
My stomach sinks as Diana’s face falls.
“At least promise you’ll stop in sometimes. Like, all the time. We all miss you. I’m so glad you’re ok.”
She takes Tera’s arm as if they’re reunited best friends and pulls her away. I want to protest and keep her at my side, but I want Tera to see she was missed more. To let her know that the old Tera wasn’t the horrible person she might have convinced herself of.
I slide into the kitchen, where Pat is frowning over an order ticket, and slip my apron on.
“What’s got you all smiles,” she asks without taking her eyes off the paper.
“Tera,” I shrug and grab my towel and spray to get to work.
Her eyes skip up to mine. “What memory do you have now?”
We’ve all been living off fond memories of Tera as if she had died beside Joe. Sharing little Teraisms every day. Even Trevor has done it, even if I glare at him the entire time he’s talking.
“Of Diana kidnapping her from me and taking her order at the bar just now,” I grin at her and leave as she gapes in surprise.
Before long, Diana and Pat hover around a confused Tera, shouting about their lives since she’s been gone over the loud music.
I watch her and the hallway to the office, where I know Trevor is sitting, utterly oblivious to what’s happening. If I were anyone else, I would have told him. Too bad he chose me to love and not someone nice.
The newer employees are starting to get disgruntled that the two women are no longer pulling their weight, not knowing who Tera is, or simply not caring. I watch as one of the more bitchy girls twitches her ass into Trevor’s office and can’t help the malicious grin that spreads over my lips.
Here we go.
Sure enough, she hurries back out of the office, face pale and eyes wide as she hurries over to me.
“Boss man wants to see you in his office.”
I give her a flat look, my smile hidden away again.
“He wants you to bring that chick with you,” her eyes narrow on Tera, where she sits, nodding at whatever Diana is so excited about telling her. “Who is that, anyway?”
When my answer is to remain silent and continue glaring at her, she huffs, the color returning to her cheeks as she eyes me with disgust. “Whatever, I’ll tell her myself.”
I follow her quickly with a scowl. If she upsets Tera, I will give in to the urge to kick this girl’s scrawny ass out the door. By the time we reach the group, she has worked herself up into an egotistical zone she definitely hasn’t earned.
“The boss man wants to see you,” she breaks into whatever Pat was telling her without apology and flips her long hair over her shoulder. Pat and Diana puff up like momma hens protecting their chick, which I would find hilarious at any other time. Right now, I’m so pissed I’m already reaching for the girl’s shoulder, my foot itching to kick.
“I don’t work here. Unless he has a complaint and wants me to leave, he can kiss my butt,” Tera’s chin lifts, and she dismisses the waitress by turning her head back towards Pat. “I’m sorry, I missed that last part. Can you repeat it?”
Our frozen surprise breaks when Diana squeals again and wraps her arms around Tera for another bouncing hug. “I’m loving the new Tera so much!”
“You’re Tera?” The girl props a hand on her hip as she thrusts it out and looks her up and down, unimpressed with what she sees.
When she turns back to her, Diana has her chin resting on Tera’s shoulder with a taunting grin. Her voice is strangely calm as the ice coating her emotions gets thicker. “Yes. Now you can kiss my butt too.”
She scoffs and turns on her heel to sashay away as if anyone wants to look at that.
“Please come back,” Diana breathes with wide eyes.
“You guys are doing great without me,” Tera shakes her head and gives her a stiff smile.
Pat frowns, and her eyes slide to mine, noticing the negative differences and just as concerned about it as I am.
“I’m going to go see what he wants, ok?” I check in with Tera, and she nods, although I see the flash of tension that goes through her. I want to hug her and tell her it will be alright. Instead, I force myself away to face the asshole that helped make her feel like trash.