Chapter 34
In The Car
Cliff
Adam has been biting his nails since we left the Montclare pharmacy.
His elbow is propped against the passenger window with his knuckles pressed to his mouth. His eyes are fixed on the road ahead, but his mind is somewhere else entirely.
I noticed how quiet he was about ten minutes into the drive, but I haven’t said anything. I honestly don’t know what to say.
The truth is I'm scared too. I fucking hate that I can't fix this. That I can’t take all his pain away, and carry it for him.
I feel completely and utterly useless.
"Talk to me," I say, unable to take the silence for a second longer. “What are you thinking?” I turn the wheel, and the shop comes into view at the end of the road.
Adam drops his hand from his mouth like he's been caught doing something embarrassing. "I'm fine,” he says way too quickly.
"You've bitten off half your thumbnail.” I glance at his hand. “You’re about to hit bone.”
He looks at his thumb, then out the window. "I didn’t realize I was out of refills," he says, his voice already rising with panic.
But I stay calm, keeping my voice steady and even. "I know, baby.” I place my hand on his knee, rubbing slow circles.
I understand his fear.
Without his meds, Adam will be forced to suffer fever, dizziness, and joint pain so severe he’ll barely be able to walk.
And I hate how fucking useless I am to stop it.
"I get not having Verenthicin on hand, but the pharmacist had never even heard of it.
" He shakes his head slightly as he tries to talk himself out of a full-blown panic attack.
"It makes sense, I guess. I mean, it's not exactly a common prescription but still.
" He sucks in a long breath through his nose.
"I can’t believe Dr. Ellison is out of the office for a full two weeks. "
"It’s going to be okay, Adam."
"Two freaking weeks." He looks at me with those big brown eyes.
"That's not a long time under normal circumstances, but I'm already out and I've only missed one pill.” He pauses, then tilts his head, thinking.
“Maybe two.” He shakes his head. “It doesn't matter. I just don’t want to think how bad things will get if I go that long without my meds.”
I pull into the lot next to the shop and kill the engine.
Through the bay doors, I see Raff leaning against the Camaro, and Perrin is chatting with Elowen, who's perched on the workbench with her legs dangling over one side. The office light is on in the far corner, which means Odette is here too.
Good.
I unbuckle then turn to face Adam.
He's already back to chewing on his nails, his brow furrowed. I’m sure he’s running through worst-case scenarios in his head.
"Hey." I reach over and take his hand, pulling it from his mouth. "Look at me."
He does.
"You've missed doses before," I say.
"Not this many."
"Adam."
"A day here and there is different from running out completely with no refill available and a doctor who won't be back for two fucking weeks." His words come out faster and faster, his voice climbing with each one. "Those are not the same, Cliff. They aren’t the same at all.”
"You're right," I say, trying to calm him. "They're not." I hold his gaze. "But we are going to fix this. I promise you."
He searches my face for a moment, before asking, "How?" And the single word is so devastating leaving his lips, that I have no fucking clue how to answer.
"I don't know yet," I say honestly. "But there are other doctors. Other pharmacies. We’ll figure this out, even if I have to fucking steal those meds." I squeeze his leg. "I am not going to let you suffer.”
Adam looks at me for a long moment.
Then he looks back at the shop, at the warm light spilling out through the open bay doors, at Elowen saying something that's making Perrin smile.
"Okay," he says quietly.
"Okay," I say, patting his leg before opening my door.
Elowen’s giggling when she looks up and finds me across the shop. Her expression shifts slightly, and she gives me the softest, prettiest smile I've seen all day.
And that's when it hits me.
I round the hood, and grab Adam’s hand.
"Hey."
He turns, then immediately starts rambling. “I’m sorry, I’m just worried. My joints already hurt, and my skin is tight, and it feels like there’s no one that can actually help me. It’s like I’m screaming into a void.”
"Elowen is a pharmacist," I say, before he can get another word out.
Adam blinks, staring at me for a full three seconds.
"She makes drugs for a living…I think." I frown slightly, realizing I have absolutely no idea what pharmacists actually do beyond stand behind a counter. “She’ll be able to help,” I say with complete confidence.
Something bright moves through Adam’s eyes, like a light being switched on. His brows lift and his mouth falls open. He looks genuinely stunned that this didn't occur to him sooner, and honestly, so am I.
"She's a pharmacist," he repeats softly.
"Yeah. And she spent six months working at the Morder," I say. "If anyone knows how to manage weird symptoms with very few resources, it's her."
Adam turns and looks through the bay doors at Elowen, her legs swinging, completely unaware of what I volunteered her for.
But if anyone can figure out how to help Adam, it's a woman who's been hiding her own biology for three years using stolen medications and sheer willpower.
“Elowen,” Adam whispers her name like she's the north fucking star. "Well, shit.” He snorts before looking up at me. “I take back every complicated feeling I've ever had about her," he says, then he starts walking into the shop like his ass is on fire.
I follow him through the bay door, and the smell of my pack and warm metal immediately settles around me.
Raff clocks us, his gray eyes move from me to Adam. He frowns slightly as he watches the beta rush right toward Elle.
Perrin looks up from the tool chest and grins. "Hey. How was Montclare?”
“Did you learn anything?” Elowen asks as her eyes zero in on the intense look on Adam’s face.
"Not really," I say, which is true and covers enough ground for now.
“Hey.” Adam stops right in front of our omega, so close her eyes go wide. His hands are already moving at his sides, fingers flexing open and closed the way they do when he's trying not to freak out.
My chest tightens watching him manage all that frantic energy.
"I need your help," Adam says.
Elowen is already nodding. "Okay.” She sounds so eager already. "With what?"
"My medication," he says. "I'm out of refills, and my doctor is on vacation for two weeks, and the pharmacy didn't have it and I'm…" He stops to inhale slowly. "I need your help.”
Something in Elowen’s expression shifts.
The softness of the afternoon drops away from her face, replaced by intense focus. "What's the medication?" she asks as she slides off the workbench.
"Verenthicin," he says. "Forty milligrams, twice daily."
A pulse of something sharp cuts from Elowen through our bond. It feels like something between recognition and unease, and it flickers through my chest like a cold draft.
"Verenthicin?" she repeats, making sure.
"Yeah." Adam shifts his weight slightly. "It's for my autoimmune condition. I have Varenthis Syndrome.”
Elowen nods slowly, her eyes moving over his face. "How long have you been off it?"
"I took the last one yesterday morning," he says.
“Okay,” she says. “So a full day.”
"Yeah."
"Are you symptomatic yet?" she asks. "I know it’s a little fast, but any joint pain, fatigue, any fever?"
Adam blinks, clearly not expecting so many questions. "My joints have been a little achy lately," he admits. "I thought it was from my run this morning. And maybe stress.” His voice drops, like he feels bad admitting it.
"It might be," she says. "Or it might be the beginning of a flare.
" She looks at me briefly, then back to Adam.
"Verenthicin has a half-life of about thirty-six hours, which means it's still partially in your system right now.
You have a window before your levels drop low enough to cause significant symptoms." Her brow furrows.
"We will need to find a supply before that window closes. "
Adam stares at her.
"What?" she asks.
"Nothing.” He shakes his head slightly. "You just….you really know your stuff."
The corner of her mouth lifts. "They don't give you a pharmacy degree for fun. I've had this stuff drilled into my skull since undergrad. Now," her little smile drops, and her back straightens. "How long have you been on Verenthicin?"
"Since I was eleven," Adam says. "So,” he rolls his eyes up, thinking, “about fifteen years."
Elowen's mouth falls open. "Fifteen years?" she says, clearly shocked.
"Is that not good?" Adam asks.
Elowen takes a breath, then shakes her head.
"Verenthicin isn't meant for long term use," she says.
I can feel through our bond that she doesn't want to alarm anyone, but isn't willing to soften the truth either.
"It was designed for short-term hormone regulation.
Six months, maybe a year at most." She holds Adam’s gaze.
"Fifteen years of continuous use can cause a lot of complications.” She pauses. “You need a new doctor. A specialist.”
“Wait.” Perrin moves without a word, drifting closer until he's standing right behind Adam's shoulder, close enough that their arms are almost touching. "What do you mean by complications?"
“Hormonal imbalances, organ stress, suppressed biological function." Elowen's mouth pulls into a firm line, telling me this isn’t everything on the list. "It's a serious medication."
My hands curl into fists as I take everything in.
Fifteen fucking years of a dangerous medication, and that useless piece of shit Ellison never once thought to read the label on what he was prescribing to a child.
It takes everything in me not to drive straight to his office and burn the fucking place to the ground.