Chapter 17
Enzo
Constantine and I just got back to my place after the fight. It’s late, and while I hurt, I’m still pumped from adrenaline and the high of winning another fight.
When we step inside and close the door behind us, I pull him into a hug.
“I’m so sorry I triggered you,” I tell him, and I mean it.
I should’ve thought about that. He’s sensitive to being hit, and if he’s as attached to me as he’s claimed, then I can see how watching me get hit would also be triggering.
He hugs me back, gripping the back of my jacket. “I’m fine now. I’ll be okay.”
He doesn’t seem fine. Ever since I saw him right after the fight, he’s been tense, pale, and withdrawn.
It’s a reminder of how much suffering he’s been through.
What and who he is have already been forgotten—the reason we met in the first place.
All I see is a man who is so desperate to be loved and cared about.
I pull away, but I slide my hands into his.
“I have something for you, but… I’m afraid it will trigger you, too.
It’s just…” It’s not like me to get nervous, but here I am, filled with uncertainty about what I’d done when I had time away from Constantine.
Will this be triggering for him, too? Probably.
I really need to think more before I do shit.
He finally unclenches his body and smiles shyly at me. “You have something for me?”
“Presents… Christmas presents. They’re sitting under the tree.”
He tenses again and frowns.
“You don’t have to open them,” I quickly say. “It’s fine. I can return them. I just thought… Maybe you’d like something nice for once. Something you don’t have to be afraid of.”
His trembling hands grow clammy in mine. He looks away, but he doesn’t pull back from me. “That’s so… nice.”
“No, forget it. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. God, I’m really fucking up a lot tonight.”
Constantine drops my hands, wraps his arms around himself, and walks over to the tree I still have up.
I plan to take it down tomorrow, but I wanted to do this for him first. I thought maybe if he finally received some nice Christmas gifts, he wouldn’t feel the need to resort to killing as a coping mechanism during the holidays.
Does he even realize he’s trying to cope when he does that?
I mean, I’m no fucking therapist. What the hell do I know?
He sits down on his knees, looking at the presents shimmering in red metallic paper with white bows.
“I’ll take the tree down in the morning,” I say.
He cranes his head back toward me. His eyes are glistening with unshed tears, making the guilt consume me. God, I’m such a fucking idiot. I rush to his side, sit down, and pull him onto my lap.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” I whisper and kiss his forehead.
“Are they real gifts? Like real ones, not…”
“I wouldn’t do that to you. They’re very real gifts. But you don’t have to open them. I’ll return them when the stores open.”
His face presses into my throat, so I hold him close to me and rest my head on his. I’m still a bit weirded out that I’m with this little serial killer. But he feels right to hold, to take care of, to protect. None of it was his fault.
“Hey, you know what we didn’t do tonight?”
“What?”
Fuck, his voice sounds so frail and sad. I did that. I made him feel worse when he was just starting to feel good. Even though we’ve only known each other for a week, he’s really blossomed.
“We never gave each other a New Year’s kiss.”
He raises his head and sniffs. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. Can I get that kiss now? I know I’m not as pretty as I usually am with the bruises and all.” I wink at him, pulling out a small smile. “But I sure would like one. It’s bad luck not to.”
He leans forward, and I take his lips in mine, tasting like salt from his tears. The kiss is short. It’s mostly symbolic anyway. I just want to get a smile from him, and it works. “Now, we should have good luck for the rest of the year.”
His body relaxes in my lap, and he’s smiling even more. “I’m sorry for… how I reacted. Lots of thoughts are going on in my head.”
“You don’t need to apologize for feeling shit, Con.”
“I’m kind of a mess, if you haven’t noticed.”
“We’re all messy.”
He says nothing as he stares at the presents under the tree. Then, to my surprise, he reaches for one of the boxes. They’re all small. I got him a few little things I thought he might like. It wasn’t the easiest since we hardly know each other.
Honestly, it’s been a whirlwind of a holiday between losing Enrique and nearly getting killed.
Now, my attempted murderer is in my lap, about to open one of my presents.
I guess I’m as unhinged as he is because I can’t bring myself to care or be bothered by how I’m quickly growing attached to Constantine.
He reaches for the thin, rectangular box first. That one is the most expensive. I think he’ll love it once he gets over his fear. And if he doesn’t, I’ll use it for myself.
His hands visibly shake as he pulls the ribbon away.
“I know in my heart that you wouldn’t put gore into this box, but my brain is screaming at me to throw it and run. I want to believe so badly that there’s something good inside.”
My heart breaks wide open for him again, and I kiss his temple. “You’re being so brave right now.”
He huffs a humorless laugh. “I don’t feel brave. I feel like I’m going to throw up.”
“Just you opening the gift is incredibly brave.”
Once he tosses the ribbon aside, he takes a deep, shuddering breath, then tears open the paper.
He slowly removes the lid of the box and gazes inside.
I don’t know how long he stares at his first real Christmas gift, processing what he’s seeing.
Maybe he got gifts before his mother married that piece of shit, maybe not.
Constantine lifts the slip of paper from the box and reads it. “Is this real?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Y-you got me a gift certificate for a… tattoo? From the same place I always go to?” It was a good thing he told me who the artist was when I asked him, because I want another tattoo, too, and the artist is phenomenal.
“Do you like it?”
He presses the box and gift certificate to his chest as his eyes water again. “I’ve never received anything more precious in my entire life.”
I gently finger back his fallen bangs. “Feel a little better?”
He nods, but doesn’t look at me. “Yeah.”
The guilt from earlier is soon replaced with something else. Warmth? Yeah, warmth. I feel it all over and deep into my soul that I could bring him some happiness, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll have a little less anxiety next year.
“Do you want to open your other gifts?”
“Okay.”
Constantine climbs off my lap and sits on his knees to grab another box.
He opened the second one with more confidence.
No, not confidence. Trust. He trusts me.
That’s a powerful feeling—to have someone’s trust, especially from people like Constantine, who’ve been hurt by the very ones who should’ve protected him.
Right before my very eyes, I swear to fuck, he transformed back into a child. Not the hurt, abused child, but the one he was supposed to be, filled with wonder and bright smiles.
He glances my way before tearing into another gift, but this time with less trepidation. Now I wish I’d gotten him more gifts. Seeing him light up made spending all that money worth it.
“It’s heavy,” he says as he opens the black box. He pulls out the silver item and snorts a laugh. “I love it!”
“The damn thing wasn’t cheap, but I thought you might like it. I mean, it’s sexy like you.”
He smirks at me, and his eyes twinkle as much as the lights on the tree. “You think I’m sexy?”
“Very.”
I thought about getting some new toys anyway when I went to the sex shop, but then I saw that butt plug, locked up behind a glass counter.
It glimmered and begged me to take it home and give it to Constantine.
It isn’t huge, but it sure is pretty. At the base is a carved gold bird.
Yep, that gift is one hundred percent Constantine.
“Thank you. I love it,” he says, placing the plug back into its box and grabbing the last gift.
He quickly opens it to find the necklace Enrique gave me. I thought about keeping it because it’s my last gift from him, but I know without a doubt Constantine would appreciate it more. He would give it the love it deserves.
“It’s y-your necklace.”
I hold out my hand, and he places the chain and cross in my palm. “It is, but I want you to have it.”
“Why?”
“Because you’ll take good care of it. I know you like it. I’m not a believer, Little Bird. Enrique always wanted me to find God again, but I just can’t. Maybe you can find some peace with it.”
I clasp it behind his neck and rest the cross on his upper chest. He touches it gently as his eyes water again. “I’ll always treasure it, Enny.”
I raise a brow and chuckle. “Enny?”
“Oh, do you like Angel better? I thought it’d be okay.”
“It’s more than okay. You can call me Angel, or Enny… doesn’t matter which.”
Constantine suddenly pounces on me and knocks me onto my back. “I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. Thank you for my beautiful gifts. I’ll always love them.”
“You’re welcome. I know it doesn’t make up for all the bad you’ve been through, but I hope I’ve made you feel a bit better.”
“So much. I love you.”
It’s still crazy to hear those words from someone I barely know. While it doesn’t bother me, I can’t say them either. I’ve always needed more time to tell someone how I feel. And definitely not after a week, but I’m not going to make Constantine stop.
He rests his hands on my chest, looking so much better than he had earlier. “I’m sorry that I don’t have anything for you to open.”
“Don’t worry about me. Like you, I didn’t really get Christmas gifts as a kid, but after I left the system, Enrique did his best to give me a good holiday. I don’t need much.”
“Well, I’m going to get you one anyway, and soon. Just you wait.”
I chuckle and run my hands over his jean-clad thighs. “I can’t wait.”
His hands slide underneath my hoodie. They’re warm and smooth. “Can we fool around?” he asks boldly. I like this side of him, and I’d like to think I had a little hand in his growing confidence.
“Honestly, I’m aching and tired. My face hurts… hell, my whole body hurts.”
His eyes bulge, and he jumps off me. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”
A snort escapes me. “I’m fine, but I do need an ice bath and more water. Usually, I do that at the gym, but the parking garage doesn’t exactly have that many perks, no matter how much money Alfonzo throws at it.”
Constantine suddenly frowns at what I’d just said, but he quickly recovers. “Can I help?”
“Sure, I’ll run the bath if you don’t mind grabbing two bags of ice from the freezer in the garage.”
“Done,” he says before rushing off.
I shake my head and smile, feeling pretty fucking good with myself right now.