Chapter 49
Chapter Forty-Nine
ZANE
I pull the arrow out of the sofa and a paper flutters from the edge of a wicked point. The message has only four words.
Destroy it or die.
Horror snaps through me.
My entire freaking chest feels like it’s being sawed open. I look at the window as my mind sharpens to a point.
And suddenly, everything becomes clear.
The guard stationed outside meant nothing. Neither did any of the security alerts I put in place. Death was practically breathing down Grey’s neck and I wouldn’t have been able to stop it. To save her. To be there.
This warning is a courtesy to Finn. To our family.
Nothing more. Nothing less.
Grey could have died.
The truth of it reverberates in my head, banging on my skull with desperate fists, a terrifying echo that spears my soul.
My entire world came this close to ending.
My legs are moving and I’m snatching the flash drive from the laptop in one smooth motion. The computer makes a warning error beep.
“Zane.”
I dig the flash drive into my palm as I spin to face her.
Grey’s hair is wet and dripping down on a towel. The curls are bouncy, shiny and beautiful as they frame her face. Big brown eyes look at me and then carve a slashing line from the laptop to the butt of the drive in my hand.
“Why do you have that?” Her voice warbles.
At the sound, my ribs lock up, each one fitting into place like a game of Tetris, leaving no room for my heart to beat, for my lungs to breathe.
A long time ago, before I learned how to drink, dad’s buddies took me out to a strip club. I was maybe twelve, thirteen at the time. Dazzled by the lights and the women and the lap dances, I felt like a man. Like a king.
So when the band members tried to stop me from drinking, I insisted on buying the rounds. It didn’t take long for me to regret that choice.
I don’t know if I was roofied or if it was just the effect of alcohol on an adolescent body, but I remember that the world started feeling weird. Everything was moving slowly. The lights became globs of colors and textures. The naked women looked like mannequins.
I was moving. Or maybe I wasn’t moving, but the world was morphing around me in such a terrifying way that it made my head spin.
I feel like that now.
Like my body is cutting through air and space, but my feet are rooted into the ground.
“Give it to me,” Grey says, approaching me cautiously. “Give me the flash drive, Zane.”
“I was going to wait for it to rain,” I tell her honestly. Have I ever been as honest with a woman as I’ve been with Grey?
No, never.
“Zane… what are you doing? Put the flash drive down.”
“I wanted you to lay your head in my lap while you read,” I tell her hoarsely. “I wanted to learn how to do your hair for you.”
“Zane.” She takes a step forward.
I lift the flash drive and she freezes, her eyes locked on my hand.
“I wanted to watch you fall asleep at night.”
“We can still do that.” Her eyes well with tears. “If you give me that flash drive, we can still do all of that.”
“You’re different, Grey.” My eyes meet hers with desperation. “You’re everything to me.”
A tear spills down her cheek. “Zane, please. Please don’t do this. Please. ”
I harden myself against her pleas and toss the flash drive down.
She takes a giant step forward but stops when I lift my boot.
“If you do this,” her nostrils flare and her face twists in anger, “it’s over for us. I will never forgive you. I will hate you for the rest of my life.”
I hope so. I hope her hair is grey and she’s losing teeth and she’s sitting on a rocking chair wishing for my death. I hope she’s watching her great grand kids play at her feet and listening to the laughter of her children and loathing me. Because that would mean she lives. That would mean she survives.
I swing my foot down like a guillotine, using all the impact that I would on the kick drums during a concert. The force is substantial. I’ve been playing drums since before I could walk properly.
The flash drive snaps in two.
“No!” Grey dives for it.
I kick it away from her and keep stomping, smashing, destroying everything she’s built beneath my feet. I trample it and I leave nothing but shattered chips and the fragments of a memory board.
It’s gone.
There’s no getting the evidence back.
Grey is on her knees, arms extended to the drive. Her heart-wrenching sobs send a rip-force of sorrow through my skin.
Pain consumes me and I curl my fingers into fists.
Her cries are like knives to my ears.
I can’t take it anymore.
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I cradle her face. “I had to. I had to or you were going to die.”
She lets out a shuddering breath.
“I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me. I just?—”
“Get out.” The words rip from the bottom of her soul, from the darkness. Like an imp crawling out of sludge.
A thick, slimy panic presses into my skin. No, don’t leave. You’ll never be able to see her again once you go.
“Out!” Grey explodes to her feet and yanks me up. With a surprising strength, she pushes me through the door. “Get out!”
I whirl around, taking one last look at her. Her chest heaves like she ran up five flights of stairs. Her eyes are wild with pain and fury.
“Grey…”
“I never want to see you again. We’re over.”
My bones, my limbs, my veins spasm with anguish. I don’t know where the agony stops and I begin. All I know is, I’ll spend the rest of my life as this pained, broken creature.
The door slams shut.
In the silence, I feel a stinging pain against my leg. Slipping my hand into my pocket, I emerge with the arrow head and the note. I must have put them there during my daze.
I look at the note and then at the door.
She’s safe.
The evidence is gone.
I try to find the joy in that.
Impossible.
Saving the woman I love just cost me everything.