Chapter 19 Sabrina
SAbrINA
By the time we got back to the hotel room, I was exhausted. Thankfully, Samuel had been a little angel and was so well-behaved at the mall that all I wanted to do was praise and kiss him. My conflicting feelings towards Liam were stressful enough. A cranky baby would have sent me over the edge.
While I put my bags into the bedroom, I could hear Liam and Katie talk in the living room.
Katie was wondering where she was going to sleep, and Liam was confused why she was staying the night.
It was awkward to listen to them go back and forth, so I decided to fix Samuel a bottle in the room and avoid going out there completely.
They must have come to some sort of agreement, but Liam did not look happy about it when he walked into the bedroom and informed me that he was off to find Katie her own room. From the brief glimpse of Katie that I got as she passed by the open door, she wasn’t happy about this arrangement either.
With the two of them gone and Samuel milk drunk on my lap, I reclined against the headboard. I blew out my breath and closed my eyes. I welcomed the silence. Today had been a whirlwind ever since I’d woken up next to Liam on the couch. And I really hadn’t had time to process any of it.
Truth was, I didn’t want to dissect it now. I just wanted to lie here in silence and allow my body to sink into the mattress. I wanted to go back to yesterday, before Katie came back into Liam’s life. Before his daughter’s happiness was on the line.
Back when I thought, with foolish hope, that, maybe, something could happen between Liam and me.
I sighed. I was a fool. Why had I let myself fall for my boss?
I could feel Samuel lose the suction on his bottle and his entire body go limp, so I straightened and slid him off my lap and onto the bed. Then I slipped off the mattress, taking care not to jostle him as I moved.
The siren call of a hot shower was hard to ignore, so I padded over to the bathroom and flipped on the water. I closed the bedroom door before stripping out of my clothes and heading into the bathroom.
I could feel my stress leave my body as I stood under the hot water. The shampoo and conditioner must have had essential oils, because the scent had a calming effect on my body and my mind.
My cheeks were warm from the heat and my head felt hazy, so I turned off the water and grabbed a ridiculously fluffy towel hanging from the bar next to the shower. Once I was dried off, I wrapped it around my head before grabbing the towel that had been next to it and wrapping it around my body.
Wanting to check on Samuel, I padded out of the bathroom and into the bedroom. Samuel was fast asleep on the bed, so I returned to the bathroom to do my makeup.
I did my best to get dressed without waking him. I went with a white button-down shirt and a black floor-length skirt with a slit that ended mid-thigh. It wasn’t quite the punk rock style I’d seen a lot of assistants go with, but it was edgy enough that I wouldn’t stand out.
My hair was damp, and I wanted it to air dry, so I slipped into the living room to wait.
Just as I quietly shut the bedroom door behind me, I glanced over my shoulder and paused.
Liam was sitting on the couch. He had his right ankle resting on his left knee, and his left arm was slung across the back of the couch.
His gaze was focused on the window in front of him.
I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do. He looked so deep in thought, and I didn’t want to interrupt him. But I also didn’t want to go back into the bedroom and risk waking up Samuel.
Maybe I could just hang out on the outskirts of the room and Liam wouldn’t notice. As I moved to step behind the couch, Liam looked over at me.
I stood there, frozen, not sure what to do. Liam shifted his weight so he was sitting straighter.
“Hey,” he said. His familiar cocky smile greeted me. “Feel better?”
For some reason, I felt vulnerable standing there, staring at him, so I folded my arms across my chest. “Yes,” I whispered.
He studied me before he stood. “Little man asleep?” He faced me with his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans.
I nodded.
He stared at me. His eyebrows were knit together as if he were trying to process something. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking.
Needing something to do, I glanced around. “Katie find a room?” I asked as I brought my gaze back to him.
He blew out his breath and nodded. “Yeah. We were able to get her something.” His gaze dropped to the ground before he brought it back up. “Listen, I had no idea—”
“That’s good. I’m glad she’s settled.”
Liam closed his lips. The last thing I wanted to hear was an apology. He had every right to have his ex appear. He had every right to spend the day with her. To have her sleep in his hotel room.
I was his assistant. An apology would give me hope, and the last thing I needed to do was confuse myself with hope.
“Is she joining us tonight?” I smoothed down the front of my skirt as a way to remind him of the gala he was expected to attend.
He paused and then shrugged. “I’m guessing so. I didn’t invite her, but I’m sure she wants to go.” He studied me as if he were assessing my reaction.
I forced a smile and nodded, not wanting to give away how I truly felt about his ex coming back into his life. “Good.” I paused. “I think that’s great.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You do?”
I nodded—a little too vigorously, so I forced myself to slow down.
“Absolutely. If there’s a chance for you and Katie to fix things for your family…
” My voice hushed as my emotions coated my throat.
“For Ana…” Tears brimmed my eyes as I thought about Samuel.
I would sacrifice my own happiness for that little boy, so how could I fault Liam for doing the same for his daughter?
Liam’s jaw muscles flexed at the mention of Ana’s name.
He was staring at me now, silence surrounding us.
I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just stared back at him.
I needed him to know that I understood what he was doing.
Whatever had happened between us was in the past. His future was Ana. His future was Katie.
“Sabrina…” His voice was deep and hushed as he took a step toward me.
I wanted to back away. I wanted to protect my heart. But I was frozen to my spot. It was masochistic, but I wanted to hear what he was going to say.
I knew, at the end of the day, his choice was going to break my heart. But I had hope, a teeny-tiny sliver of hope, that he was about to tell me that he loved me. That I hadn’t misinterpreted everything that had gone between us, and that he wanted to be with me.
When he didn’t move to take another step, I resolved myself to the fact that what I wanted was never going to happen. He was doing the right thing by his daughter, and that only made me fall in love with him even more.
The last thing I wanted was for him to feel bad about rejecting me, so I offered him an understanding smile and then glanced back at the bedroom. There was no way I could just sit in the living room with him and pretend that everything was fine. So I nodded toward the bedroom.
“I’m going to go finish getting ready,” I said, lifting some of my damp hair as proof that I still had things to do.
Liam glanced at me and then over to the bedroom. “Ah,” he said as he nodded. “Don’t let me keep you.”
I didn’t respond as I stepped up to the bedroom door and turned the handle. Once I was inside the room, I quietly shut the door and then took a moment to stand there in the darkness. I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out, closing my eyes.
I’d been a fool. Why had I entertained feelings for Liam? I should have shut them down as quickly as they rose up. I was determined not to be a fool anymore.
By the time I’d blow-dried and curled my hair, Samuel was awake.
Grateful for the distraction, I flipped off the bathroom light and made my way out to get my son.
I changed him, fed him another bottle, and then played with him on the floor until I heard Liam open the hotel room door and a female voice sounded.
Realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to hide away in the room forever, I gathered up all of the supplies I was going to need for Samuel in his diaper bag and headed back out into the living room.
Katie looked breathtaking. Her hair was pulled back into a low bun, which showcased her backless, dark-pink satin dress. Baby weight was clearly not a concern as the dress’s buttery material flowed around her.
I felt extremely underdressed for this event, but then I pushed that thought from my mind. I wasn’t supposed to be seen at this event. I was Liam’s assistant. My job was to remain in the shadows.
And I did just that. As soon as we got to the ballroom of the Waldorf Astoria, I strapped Samuel to my chest and kept behind Katie and Liam as they walked inside.
I kept my focus on Liam, trying to anticipate his needs as he greeted the other guests in attendance.
I was frustrated with myself that I didn’t know who these people were, and I made a mental note to do some research for the next event.
I kept Liam well hydrated with water and the occasional flute of champagne. The few times I dished up some of the hors d'oeuvres and handed them to him, he took the plate but only ate a few. I made a note of the items he ate and the ones he left so, next time, I could get just what he liked.
It was hard not to notice how close Katie was to Liam the whole night.
When she didn’t have her arm linked with his, she had her body pressed next to his with her hand resting on his back.
She was engaged in his conversations, laughing and smiling up at him like they had been a couple this whole time.
It wrecked me, watching them. I thought I could handle it, but with every glance, every look, my heart broke a little more. I cursed myself for being so unprofessional. If I’d just kept my heart locked, I wouldn’t be in this situation.
Two hours into the gala, my back was starting to ache. Thankfully, Samuel was a model baby. I’d faced him out, and he seemed content to watch everyone pass us by as we stood against the far wall. Liam was in my sight, so I relaxed back in an attempt to take the pressure off my feet.
I sighed, wondering what I could do to help Liam. He seemed at ease, but I wanted to provide him with what he needed before he even knew he needed it. I had to prove to myself that I could do this. That I could be the assistant he needed me to be.
That’s when I heard Samuel grunt. Not just any grunt…his poop grunt.
I glanced over at the couple standing next to me and gave them an apologetic smile. Their eyebrows were drawn together as they stared at me and then at Samuel with disgust. Not wanting to subject my baby to their scrutiny, I hurried away to a corner so he could finish.
I’d barely hid myself when the grunt was followed by the sound of a liquid explosion. I braced myself as I anticipated how messy this diaper was going to be. When he was finally finished, I started making my way toward the front where we’d left our bags with the coat check. That’s when I felt it.
Warm liquid seeping through my shirt.
My heart stopped as my stomach sank.
Crap.
I shook my head as I continued on with my task. I wasn’t going to panic until I was in the bathroom and could take Samuel off of me. I was going to pretend everything was fine—even though I knew the truth.
With my diaper bag slung over my shoulder, I weaved between guests and waiters in search of the bathroom. A waitress seemed to understand what I was looking for and pointed toward the back left of the ballroom. I nodded a thank-you from over my shoulder as I headed in that direction.
I picked the far single bathroom and hurried inside. Once the door was locked, I set the diaper bag down on the counter before pulling down the changing table. I undid the clasps on the baby carrier and lifted Samuel out.
One look and I knew I was done for. His entire back and left leg were covered in poop.
I glanced down at my white shirt to see I had a matching stain.
Before I allowed myself to spiral, I laid Samuel down on the table and buckled him in.
Then I took in a deep breath and assessed my situation, tears pricking my eyes as I tried to keep my composure.
I was a mom, which meant that I had a change of clothes for my child in my diaper bag…but nothing for me. I was either going to have to walk around this gala all night with a poop-stained shirt or excuse myself and head back to the hotel, leaving Liam alone.
I felt so useless standing there, staring at the mess in front of me. I was a fool to think that I could do it all. That I could be Liam’s assistant and take care of my son.
None of this was Samuel’s fault. It was solely mine. I’d put him in this situation. Samuel should have been at home, where his nighttime routine was to eat dinner, take a bath, listen to a story, and then get tucked into bed.
He wasn’t supposed to be out at some upscale party where the next youngest person had a goatee and a mortgage.
I was the reason we were in this situation. Me, and me alone.
I sighed as I shifted my focus to Samuel. Taking care of my son was my first priority. I would worry about myself later.
Samuel was all giggles and coos as I striped him out of his clothes and tossed them into the nearby garbage.
There was no washer or dryer back in the hotel room, and the last thing I wanted was for the hotel staff to have to deal with this mess.
It was better to throw them out and remove this memory than try to salvage them.
Just as I tossed the clothes into the garbage, there was a sharp knock on the door. It startled me, but I recovered and called out, “Occupied.”
The knock came again, so I turned my attention toward the door. I frowned as I walked toward it.
I moved to stand right next to the door. “Occupied,” I said, more forceful this time.
“Sabrina?” Liam’s voice sounded from the other side.