Chapter 14 Elio
I SPENT THE two days apart from Julian drowning in work and regret in equal measure.
Work was easier to process. I could review security footage. Analyze patterns in the moles' reports. Track financial transactions. Find answers to concrete questions.
Regret was messier. Harder to compartmentalize. Impossible to file away in neat categories.
I'd hurt him. Said terrible things. Compared his risk-taking to not loving me when the truth was I was terrified of losing him. Responded to his "I love you" by essentially saying he was reckless and stupid.
I'd texted him at 2 AM on the first night unable to sleep. I love you. I should have said it back.
No response. His phone was off.
By day two I'd accepted that I'd destroyed something I couldn't fix. That I'd pushed away the best thing that had happened to me in years because I couldn't handle my own fear.
Then Stefan came to my office looking grim.
"You and Julian need to talk. Actually talk. Not fight. Can you do that?"
"I don't know if he wants to talk to me."
"He does. He's hurt and angry but he loves you.
Which means there's still a chance to fix this.
Don't waste it." Stefan's expression was serious.
"But Elio? You need to actually listen. Not just defend yourself.
Not just explain why you were scared. Actually hear what he's saying about needing agency. Can you do that?"
"Yes."
"Good. Because if you fuck this up again, I'm going to let Matteo kick your ass."
Stefan left. Twenty minutes later, my phone buzzed with a text from Julian.
I'm ready to talk. But not like before. Really talk. Can you do that?
Relief flooded through me so intense it made my hands shake.
Yes. Where?
Our apartment. Tonight. 8 PM.
I'll be there.
I left work at 6 PM. Went home. Cleaned everything even though it was already clean. Made dinner—pasta with the sauce Julian liked. Set the table. Changed clothes three times before settling on jeans and a dark sweater. Casual. Approachable. Not the armor I usually wore.
At 7:45 I was pacing. Rehearsing what I'd say. How I'd apologize. How I'd make this right.
At 7:58 there was a knock on the door.
I opened it. Julian stood there in jeans and a hoodie. He looked tired. Hurt. Beautiful.
"Hi," he said quietly.
"Hi. Come in."
He stepped inside. We stood in the entryway for a moment. The distance between us felt massive even though it was only a few feet.
"I made dinner," I said. "Your favorite pasta. If you're hungry."
"Maybe later. Can we just—can we talk first?"
"Yes. Of course. Living room?"
We moved to the couch. Sat on opposite ends. The space between us hurt.
"I'm sorry," I said before he could speak. "For everything. For the things I said. For trying to control you. For comparing your love to recklessness. For not saying I love you back when you deserved to hear it. For all of it."
Julian looked at me. Waited. Like he knew there was more.
"I need you to understand why I reacted that way.
Not as an excuse. Just—so you know where it was coming from.
" I took a breath. "When my stepfather hurt my sister and I retaliated, my family covered it up and sent me away.
I spent years believing the only way to protect people was to control everything around them.
To see threats before they materialized.
To eliminate vulnerabilities before they could be exploited. "
I leaned forward. Hands clasped between my knees. Not looking at him because this was hard enough without seeing his reaction.
"When you wrote those articles and exposed yourself, it triggered every fear I have about losing people I love.
My sister was hurt because I didn't control her environment well enough.
Didn't see the threat until it was too late.
And with you—God, Julian, the thought of something happening to you because I didn't protect you properly, because I let you take risks I couldn't control—it made me panic. "
"Elio—"
"Let me finish. Please." I finally looked at him. "You were right. What I did wasn't protection. It was control. I treated you like you couldn't make your own decisions. Like your safety was more important than your agency."
Julian's eyes were bright. Emotional. But he didn't interrupt.
"You're not fragile. You've never been fragile.
You've survived things that would've broken most people.
You destroyed your father's empire. Influenced national media coverage.
Took risks that actually helped us when I was too scared to let you try.
You're brave and brilliant and capable of making your own choices about your safety and your life. "
I moved closer. Not touching yet. Just closing the distance.
"I should have trusted you. Should have talked to you about the risks instead of trying to shut you down completely.
Should have treated you like the partner you've been instead of something that needed protecting.
" My voice cracked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I love you. I should have said it back immediately.
Should have said it every day since. I love you and I'm terrified of losing you and I let that fear hurt you. I'm sorry."
Julian was quiet for a long moment. Then he moved closer. Until we were sitting right next to each other.
"Thank you for that. For the specific apology. For understanding what you did wrong." His voice was soft but firm. "I understand you were scared. I get that. Fear makes us do stupid things. But Elio—I need you to understand something too."
"Okay."
"I spent twenty-one years being controlled by my father.
Being told what to do, who to be, who to marry.
My entire life was about what other people needed from me.
My safety, my happiness, my choices—none of it mattered as much as maintaining the family image and alliances.
" He turned to face me fully. "When I ran, when I came here, it was the first time I got to make real choices about my life.
And yes, some of those choices were risky.
But they were mine. That matters to me more than you might understand. "
"I do understand—"
"Let me finish," he said gently. "When you tried to shut down my choices, even for good reasons, it felt like being back in that cage.
Like losing the freedom I'd fought so hard for.
That's why I compared you to my father. Not because you're like him—you're not.
You care about me in ways he never did. But the feeling of being controlled was the same. "
"I never want to make you feel that way again."
"Then we need to find a different way to handle this.
Because you're right too—I did take risks.
Real risks. My exposure puts me in danger.
Puts us in danger. I should have talked to you before launching that media campaign.
Should have at least told you what I was planning. That was wrong of me too."
"You were trying to help—"
"I was going behind your back because I knew you'd say no. That's not partnership. That's not trust. We both fucked up, Elio. You tried to control me. I went behind your back. Neither of those things is okay."
I reached for his hand. He let me take it. His fingers intertwined with mine.
"How do we fix this?" I asked.
"We talk. We trust each other. We make decisions together when they affect both of us. You get to voice your concerns about risks I want to take. I get to make the final call about my own safety. And we both trust that the other person has good judgment and good intentions."
"I can do that. I want to do that." I squeezed his hand.
"I love you. Not because you need protecting.
Because you're brave and brilliant and you see me completely and choose me anyway.
I love you because you're dangerous and capable and you challenge me to be better.
I love you because when I'm with you I feel less alone than I've felt in years. "
Julian's breath caught. "I love you too.
I said it in the middle of a fight but I mean it.
I love you because you see me as strong instead of fragile.
Because you've given me freedom to be myself.
Because you protect people you love even when it costs you something.
Because underneath all that control, you're just someone who's afraid of losing people. And I understand that."
"I'm still scared," I admitted. "Of losing you. Of something happening that I can't stop. Of not being enough to keep you safe."
"Fear's okay. Fear keeps us smart. But it can't stop us from living. Can't stop us from taking risks that matter. Can't stop us from being partners instead of protector and protected."
"I'm learning that. It's hard but I'm learning."
Julian moved closer. Until there was no space between us. "Say it again. The way you should have said it the first time."
"I love you, Julian Bianchi. Completely. Terrifyingly. More than I thought I could love anyone. You walked into my life and destroyed every wall I'd built and I'm grateful for it. I love you."
"I love you too." He kissed me softly. "And I forgive you. For the things you said. For trying to control me. For not saying it back. I forgive you."
"I forgive you too. For going behind my back. For taking risks without telling me. For comparing me to your father even though I deserved it."
We sat there for a moment. Foreheads pressed together. Just breathing. Just being together after two days apart.
"We're okay?" Julian asked quietly.
"We're better than okay. We're going to be better. Learn from this. Do better next time."
"There's going to be a next time?"
"Probably. We're both stubborn. But we'll fight through it." I pulled back to look at him. "I'm not letting you go, Julian. Not because of a fight. Not because we hurt each other. We're going to figure this out together."