Chapter 15 Julian #2
Matteo nodded. "Stefan said something similar when he first got here. He grew up in a world where image was everything. Where vulnerability was weakness. Where showing real emotion was dangerous. This world isn't safer but it's more honest. But, still, do you ever miss your old life?"
The question caught me off guard. "No. Never. My old life was suffocating. Every choice made for me. Every relationship transactional. Every moment about maintaining the family image. This life is dangerous but it's mine. I get to choose. That's worth the danger."
"I understand that." Matteo's expression was knowing. "Stefan did the same thing. Chose danger and honesty over safety and lies. Chose building something real over maintaining something false. It takes courage to walk away from safety even when that safety is a cage."
"Did it scare you? When Stefan chose this?"
"Terrified me. Still terrifies me sometimes. But I wouldn't change it. He makes me better. Makes me want to be better. That's worth the fear."
After Matteo left, Elio and I went back to work. But his words stayed with me.
I was part of this world now. Not despite being an outsider. Because of it. Because my perspective was different. Because I challenged assumptions. Because I saw them as humans first.
That mattered. That was my value beyond financial analysis or information about my father.
I was helping them stay human in a world that rewarded becoming monsters.
Late afternoon I took a break to find Stefan. He was in the financial office reviewing quarterly reports.
"Hey," I said from the doorway. "Got a minute?"
"Always. Come in." He gestured to a chair. "What's up?"
"Nothing specific. Just wanted to talk." I sat down.
"What do you want to know?"
"Are you happy? Really happy? Not just surviving but actually happy?"
Stefan set down his pen. Looked at me directly. "Yes. Extremely happy. Happier than I've ever been. Happier than I thought I could be."
"Even with the danger? The FBI investigations? The constant threat?"
"Even with all of that. Because I'm with Matteo.
Because I'm building something real. Because I matter here beyond just what I can provide or what I represent.
" Stefan's expression softened. "In my old life, I was always performing.
Always being what my family needed me to be.
Here, I get to just be Stefan. Matteo loves me for who I am, not what I can do for him. "
"I feel the same way about Elio. About this life. Like I finally get to be myself instead of performing a role someone else wrote."
"That's because you've chosen this. You're not here because you were trapped or forced or had no other options. You're here because you decided this is where you want to be. That agency matters."
"Do you ever regret it? Choosing Matteo? Choosing this world?"
"Never. Not once. Even during the worst moments—during the RICO trial, during FBI raids, during all of it—I never regretted choosing him.
Choosing this life." Stefan smiled. "Everyone deserves that kind of happiness.
The kind where you know without question that you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
With exactly who you're supposed to be with. "
"I think I have that. With Elio. With all of this."
"Good. Hold onto that. Protect it. Because happiness like this is rare. Worth fighting for."
We talked for another hour. About life here. About navigating this world. About building relationships with dangerous men who were trying to be better.
By the time I left Stefan's office, I felt lighter. More certain.
I'd found my place. My people. My happiness.
That night Elio and I were at his apartment reviewing the Jake Byrne evidence one more time before tomorrow's partners meeting.
"This is solid," I said, looking at the timeline we'd built. "Financial irregularities. Suspicious access patterns. Correlation with FBI actions. We've got enough to justify increased surveillance at minimum."
"Agreed. Tomorrow we present to Sandro, Matteo, and Luca.
Get their input on next steps." Elio closed the laptop.
"We'll move carefully. Jake's been here five years.
If we're wrong, it damages trust with other long-term employees.
If we're right but move too fast, we tip him off and lose the chance to catch him in the act. "
"So we watch and wait."
"We watch and wait."
I set aside my notes and moved closer to him on the couch. "Can I tell you something?"
"Always."
"I'm grateful. For everything. For you. For this life. For the chance to build something real."
He looked at me. Surprised. "What brought that on?"
"Talking to Stefan today. I realized I am happier than I've ever been. And it's because of you. Because you took me in when I had nowhere else to go. Because you saw me as capable instead of fragile. Because you've let me be part of this world instead of just protected from it."
"Julian—"
"Let me finish. I could've ended up anywhere when I ran. Could've been caught by my father. Could've been killed. Could've ended up alone and desperate. Instead I ended up here. With you. That's the best outcome I could've possibly hoped for."
Elio pulled me close. Held me tight. "I'm the lucky one. You walked into my life and changed everything. Made me want things I'd given up on. Made me believe in something beyond duty and survival. Made me feel human again instead of just functional."
"We're both lucky then."
"Yeah. We are." He kissed me softly. "I love you. I'm grateful every day that you chose me. Chose this life. Chose to stay even when it got dangerous."
"I love you too. And I'm not going anywhere. This is my life now. You're my life. Everything else is just details."
We stayed on the couch for a long time. Just holding each other. Both grateful for the choice that had brought us together. Both grateful for the life we were building. Both grateful for the happiness we'd found in unexpected places.
"What are you thinking about?" Elio asked after a while.
"The future. What comes after we identify the mole. What happens when the FBI investigation finally ends. What our life looks like beyond just surviving crises."
"What do you want it to look like?"
"This. Us. Working together. Building something.
Maybe not always at Inferno—maybe we travel sometimes.
Maybe we have a place that's just ours. Maybe we figure out how to balance the danger with actually living.
" I looked up at him. "I don't need safe.
But I want sustainable. I want a future that's more than just crisis management. "
"I want that too. Want to build something lasting with you.
Want to have time to just be together without constantly watching for threats.
" His hand traced patterns on my back. "When this settles—when we've dealt with the mole and the FBI investigation and all the immediate dangers—we'll take time for us.
Go somewhere. Just exist together without agenda. "
"I'd like that."
"Me too."
We eventually moved from the couch to the bedroom. Elio pulled me up gently, our hands linked, leading me through the darkened apartment.
In the bedroom, he turned on just one lamp. Soft light that cast shadows across the space. Made everything feel intimate. Private. Like the world outside didn't exist.
"Come here," he said softly.
I moved into his arms. He kissed me slowly. Not rushed. Not desperate. Just thorough. Like he had all the time in the world to learn my mouth. To taste me. To savor every second.
His hands slid under my shirt. Warm palms against my skin. Mapped my body like he was memorizing every detail. Every scar. Every place that made me gasp. Every sensitive spot he'd discovered over weeks of learning me.
I pulled at his shirt. He let me strip it off. Then let me explore his chest with the same careful attention. Tracing scars with my fingertips. Feeling muscle and heat and the steady beat of his heart.
"I love you," I said against his skin.
"I love you too." His voice was rough. Emotional. "So much. More than I knew how to say until you taught me."
We undressed each other slowly. Taking time with each piece of clothing. Each new expanse of skin revealed. No urgency. No desperation. Just careful attention and growing heat.
When we were both bare, Elio guided me to the bed. Laid me down against the pillows with such tenderness it made my chest tight.
"What do you need?" he asked. Kneeling between my legs. Looking at me with dark eyes full of love and want.
"You. Just you. Slow. I want to feel everything. Want to remember every second."
"Then that's what you'll get."
He started with his mouth. Kissed down my chest. My stomach. My thighs. Avoiding where I wanted him most. Just building sensation. Building anticipation. Making me feel worshipped instead of just desired.
When he finally took me in his mouth, I gasped and arched. The pleasure was intense but not overwhelming. He kept it controlled. Deliberate. Bringing me close but never over the edge.
"Elio—please—"
"Patience. We have time. All the time we need."
He reached for supplies. Slicked his fingers. Pressed one inside me with careful attention.
I'd gotten used to this. To the stretch and fullness. To the pleasure that built slowly as he worked me open. But tonight felt different. More intimate. Like he was taking care of me instead of just preparing me.
"Okay?" he asked. Always checking. Always making sure.
"More. I need more."
He added a second finger. Found the spot inside that made stars burst behind my eyelids. Worked it until I was gasping and clutching the sheets.
"That's it. Let me take care of you. Let me show you how much you mean to me."
Third finger. More stretch. More fullness. More pleasure building in waves.
"Ready?" he asked after what felt like forever.
"Yes. Please. I need you inside me. Need to feel close to you."
He rolled on a condom. Slicked himself. Positioned himself at my entrance.