CHAPTER 3
Bath
The last day of term arrived and Annabel was at work in the university history department, making a coffee in the little kitchen near her office.
She had a busy day ahead, preparing for her lecture on Roman architecture and going through her tutor group’s essays on the Greco-Persian wars.
She yawned and ran a hand through her hair, wishing she’d got more sleep.
‘Morning!’ came the cheerful Yorkshire accent of her colleague, Jenny. ‘Happy almost end of term!’
Annabel turned and mustered a smile for her friend. ‘Hallelujah! We’re nearly there!’
Jenny’s eyes widened as she stared at her friend. ‘You alright? You look terrible!’
‘Thanks a bunch!’ Annabel scoffed. ‘I’m definitely ready for a holiday! Too much marking and not enough sleep. And things with Luke aren’t exactly helping either. Fancy a coffee?’
‘Go on then,’ Jenny replied. She sat down at the little bistro table and her brow furrowed in concern. ‘Still being a dick, is he?’
Annabel sighed as she spooned instant coffee into two mugs, added the water and stirred. ‘Yep, sure is.’
‘How did he take the news of you heading down to your granny’s for the holidays?’ Jenny asked.
Annabel put the coffee mugs on the table and sat down opposite her friend.
‘He was remarkably unfazed by it. I was only going to go for a week, then try to book a couple of days for us to go away together. But he told me that he’s going to be so busy with work that he can’t do that, and suggested I spend the whole holiday at Dotty’s.’
‘Oh!’ Jenny said, surprised. ‘That’s a bit rubbish!’
‘It certainly is.’ Annabel gave a helpless shrug. ‘They’re working on their proposal for that Ashton House project, you know that old Victorian place near Bristol?’
Jenny rolled her eyes as she recalled the project. ‘It’s a crying shame that that beautiful stately home is being converted into flats!’
Annabel nodded. ‘My sentiments exactly! Where’s the National Trust when you need them?’
‘Exactly!’ Jenny agreed, shaking her head.
‘Don’t get me wrong,’ Annabel continued, ‘I love my independence. And I’d hate for him to tell me that I couldn’t go to Dotty’s, but part of me wanted him not to be OK about us spending so much time apart.
Part of me wanted him to actually want me to be around.
’ She sighed and leaned her elbows on the table and rested her chin in her upturned palms. ‘Pathetic, hey?’
Jenny’s brow furrowed. ‘Not at all!’ She thought for a moment, choosing her next words carefully. ‘Don’t hate me for putting this out there, but . . . ’ She paused. ‘Is there any chance he’s seeing someone else?’
‘It crossed my mind, but I’ve never ever worried about his loyalty. His dad cheated on his mum when he was little and he has always been so completely and utterly against guys who do that. But he’s been funny for a couple of months now.’ She sighed.
‘But we’re going out for dinner tonight, before I head to Cornwall, so that’s something. Hopefully we can have a chat and I can figure out what’s going on.’
‘Well that’s good,’ Jenny said, rubbing her friend’s arm affectionately. ‘Don’t lose heart just yet. Maybe a bit of time apart will do you both good, have a bit of a space and see where you are. And all that lovely Cornish sea air is just what you need to recharge the batteries!’
‘Yes, exactly. Let’s hope it’s a case of absence making the heart grow fonder, rather than being out of sight and out of mind!’ Annabel quipped as she spooned sugar into her coffee. ‘Plus, it’ll be good to spend some time with Dotty and I can make a start on my writing.’
‘Sounds like a plan! What’s happening with the book?’
‘Not much!’ Annabel sighed. ‘Hence the need to make some time for it.’
She glanced at her watch then glugged down the hot, sweet coffee. ‘Time to get cracking, this lecture isn’t going to write itself!’
Several hours later, Annabel was all dressed up and ready for her dinner date with Luke, but there was no sign of him.
She had been pleased when he’d suggested going out for dinner tonight; not to mention a little relieved.
He had booked a table at Salvatore’s, their favourite restaurant in the early days when they had first got together. They hadn’t been there for ages.
Wanting to make an effort, Annabel had spent longer than her usual ten minutes getting ready.
She’d had a long, relaxing bubble bath, spent time on her make-up and deliberated over her outfit.
Sensible little black dress or flirty red strapless number?
Annabel had held them up against herself alternately as she looked in the mirror and opted for the latter.
She rummaged in the back of her underwear drawer and dug out the matching red lingerie set Luke had bought her for Valentine’s Day a couple of years ago.
It was time to inject a bit more passion into the relationship, she had decided; she wanted to give him something to remember while she was away.
But now there was nothing to do but wait for him.
She had tried calling his mobile but he hadn’t answered.
She had texted, asking where he was, but no reply.
She tried to stay calm and not worry, but her mind was taking her in all sorts of directions.
In the end, she switched on the television and tried to distract herself with a mindless reality show.
‘Annie, I’m so sorry!’ he called, when the front door finally opened at half past eight. ‘My phone died and I’d lent the stupid charger to Phil and he’d taken it home! Work was crazy today.’
He stopped talking as he reached the open doorway and saw her, sitting on the sofa.
‘Wow! Look at you, you look gorgeous!’ He dropped to his knees on the carpet in front of her and took her hands in his.
‘And I’m a complete shit. I’m sorry.’ He brushed her lips with his and Annabel caught a slight waft of alcohol.
She rolled her eyes dramatically but managed a smile. ‘Yes, you are,’ she said teasingly, but only half joking. ‘But I’m starving and spent ages getting ready, so go and get changed, let’s go!’
He got back up to his feet and looked at his watch doubtfully. ‘You still want to go?’
‘Of course! I’m starving and there’s nothing in the fridge. I rang Salvatore’s and managed to push the table back an hour.’ She stood up. ‘Go and get ready and I’ll book a cab. We should just make it.’ She smiled up at him, determined to try to make the best of this evening despite his lateness.
He gave a long sigh. ‘To be honest, babe, I’m knackered. Can we just get a takeaway?’
Annabel’s heart sank. She had been looking forward to an evening out together before she went to Cornwall, but she didn’t want to risk rocking the boat by pushing back.
‘Sure,’ she said, forcing a smile. She went upstairs and changed back into her jeans and sweater, then dialled the number for the local pizza place.
‘You OK?’ she asked later, as they settled in front of the television. She opened the pizza box as he poured them each a glass of red wine.
‘Just tired,’ he replied with a sigh. ‘It’s been a long week. And I guess I felt a bit pressured that you wanted to go out tonight.’
Annabel screamed inside. ‘But it was your idea? I just thought it would be nice to have a date night before I went away,’ she said quietly. ‘But I’m sorry for pushing it when you weren’t in the mood.’
‘No, don’t apologise, it’s not you,’ he said, instantly backing down. He took a long swig of red wine. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just tired.’
He put on an action movie that he’d been wanting to watch. An uneasy silence filled the room as they ate.
‘Luke, is everything OK?’ she tried again, as the movie credits began to roll a couple of hours later.
‘I’m worried about you; I’m worried about us.
What’s going on?’ she asked, her eyes filling with tears.
‘And please don’t tell me it’s nothing, or that I’m imagining it,’ she added gently.
‘Things have felt different for a while and I don’t think you’re happy. Is it me?’
His eyes shot up to meet hers. ‘God, no! Annie, please don’t think that!’ He sighed and reached across to hold her hand. Then he reached for his wine glass again.
‘I don’t know,’ he continued. ‘I’m just feeling under pressure.
’ He paused again, struggling to find the words.
‘Like there’s this weight of expectation hanging over me.
’ He ran his hand through his wavy brown hair.
‘It’s been almost five years and I love being with you.
But with every birthday, Christmas or Valentine’s Day that passes, I feel this pressure from everyone around us that I should propose.
My parents drop hints, your parents drop hints, our friends, neighbours, everyone! ’
‘But not me!’ she countered, her brow furrowing. ‘I’m not dropping hints!’
‘No, babe, you’re not.’ He paused. ‘But it’s there, below the surface.
This feeling that I’m disappointing you the more time that passes.
But I don’t feel ready for it. And, to be honest, I’m not sure if I’ll ever feel ready for it.
I suppose I’m feeling a bit . . . ’ he paused, looking uncomfortable, ‘trapped.’
‘Trapped?’ she repeated, stunned.
He sighed. ‘Stuff like you wanting to know where I am all the time; who I’m with, what I’m doing. I guess I’m not ready to give up my freedom and settle down.’ He used his fingers to make air quotes on the last two words.
There was a long pause while they both considered his words. Annabel could hear her pulse start to thump in her ears.
‘I just don’t know if I’m cut out for the whole marriage-and-kids thing,’ he eventually managed. ‘I’m sorry, babe, I know that’s not what you want to hear. You’ve always wanted the white wedding and the two point four kids, but I don’t know if that’s what I want.’
‘So where does that leave us?’ she asked quietly.
He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Maybe we should use this time apart to think about what we both really want. I don’t want to hurt you, Annie, I love you.’
‘And I love you too.’ She smiled through unshed tears. ‘And that’s enough, Luke. All that other stuff, the wedding, the kids – none of it matters, I just want to be with you.’
He smiled back sadly. ‘Oh, but it will matter, Annie, one day. You’ll end up resenting me for stopping you from having all of that. And that’s not fair, on me or on you.’
She cleared away the pizza boxes and washed the wine glasses.
Then she went upstairs, telling Luke that she was tired.
He said he’d follow her up shortly, but as she reached the landing, she heard the clink of the whisky bottle.
She got undressed and dropped the red lingerie into the laundry bin. So much for a night of passion.
When he finally came to bed later, he rolled over to her side and spooned himself around her. He kissed the back of her neck and whispered, ‘I do love you, Annie.’
She let the silent tears trickle down her cheek and onto the pillow and pretended to be asleep. Tomorrow, she was heading to Dotty’s and she couldn’t wait. She was sure that things would feel better after a good dose of fresh air, bracing beach walks and Cornish cream teas with her dear granny.
*
Luke was up before her the next morning and on his best behaviour, it seemed. He busied around the kitchen, making fresh coffee and her favourite bacon and poached eggs on toast. Annabel did her best to match his cheerfulness, fighting the dull ache that she felt inside.
‘Send Dotty my love, won’t you,’ he said when it was time for her to leave. Annabel managed a smile and a nod, then gave him a brief kiss on the lips.
‘Good luck with work,’ she told him. ‘I hope you get it all finished on time.’ Her eyes suddenly filled with tears now that the moment of parting was upon them.
‘Oh, you soppy thing!’ he teased. ‘Come here!’ With that, he pulled her into his arms and enveloped her in a bear hug. She breathed in his scent and enjoyed the feeling of fitting perfectly against his body, his chin resting on the top of her head. He rubbed her back, kissing her hair.
‘It’s only Cornwall, Annie, not Antarctica!’ he joked, making her laugh. ‘And it’s only three weeks; you’ll be back before you know it. And don’t worry, we’ll figure everything out.’
Unlike the previous trip, the roads were quiet this morning and Annabel made good progress.
She let herself cry as she left the city and headed up through Lansdown towards the M4, and it felt good to get it out of her system.
Despite trying to carry on as normal this morning, she was still feeling crushed by Luke’s news last night.
Did they have a future together, or was this the beginning of the end?
She felt like he was pulling the rug from under their safe, happy life and it made her feel anxious.
The journey passed quickly, with a couple of stops for coffee near Taunton and fuel near Exeter.
Soon, she found herself turning into the familiar driveway to Penrose Farm.
Annabel smiled and felt the usual, soothing sense of calm.
She had made the right decision to come here.
A bit of time apart from Luke was exactly what they both needed to re-evaluate things.
Part of her hoped that she would return from this trip to his loving, open arms and his declaration that he had missed her so much that he couldn’t imagine a future without her.
But the other, more pragmatic part of her knew that ignoring the fact that they wanted different things out of life would just prolong the inevitable.
As soon as she opened the car door, she heard a dog barking; an urgent, frantic sound. Annabel knew instantly that something was wrong. She took out her keys and let herself in through the front door. Monty bounded up to her, clearly upset and agitated.
‘Dotty?’ Annabel called, a sense of panic rising in her. She waited a moment for a response, but there was none. Quickly, she checked the hallway and sitting room before making her way into the kitchen.
There, on the tiled floor, was the crumpled figure of her dear grandmother.