Chapter 12 #2
But somehow, I felt like Austin got me. Maybe it was because he’d lost his mom too. Maybe it was because I was a lot more myself around Austin than I had been around Neil. Maybe it was simply because Austin wasn’t a rich selfish prick.
Whatever the reason, I felt the loss of his friendship even though it had barely begun.
I started to think about maybe trying to go see Morgan while the kids were gone, if I could scrape the money together to get there.
Then while I was in the city, maybe I could see about a job and a living situation for the fall.
On Friday morning, after I’d dropped the kids at camp, I called her.
“Speak of the devil!” she said when she picked up. “I was just talking about you.”
The familiarity of her voice made me smile. “You were?”
“Yes. I might have solved your employment issues! Jake went to a meeting yesterday about a new show that’s opening this fall. Scott Blackstone is the choreographer, and apparently, he’s looking for a new assistant.”
I gasped. I’d taken Scott’s musical theater dance class for years when I lived in the city, and I loved both his choreography and his teaching style.
He’d asked me to assist him in the past during my off-season whenever he’d do college workshops or festivals, and we worked really well together.
But I hadn’t been in touch with him since I left New York. “Oh my god, that would be perfect!”
“I know! I told Jake to float your name. Okay to give Scott your new number? He adored you. I bet you’d get the gig.”
“Of course! Thank you—I’m so anxious to get back to New York.”
“The job isn’t going well?”
“No, it is, I just . . .” I didn’t feel like explaining the whole Austin situation to her. “I guess it just doesn’t feel like home here yet. I was thinking maybe I’d come visit you while the kids go to visit their mom in California.”
“Yes!” she shrieked. “Do it!”
I laughed at her excitement. “I’ll check ticket prices. I don’t want to blow all my earnings. I’m going to need them this fall.”
“Let me know,” she said. “I cannot wait to see you!”
We hung up, and I felt a little better.
Then I got a message from Austin.
The kids leave tomorrow for California.
I know. It’s on the calendar.
I’ll help them pack when I get home tonight. Could you make sure all their laundry is done?
Yes.
Then I took a deep breath and asked my question.
Are you still planning to take me to Chicago while they are gone to get my things?
I said I would.
I frowned.
It’s okay if you don’t have time. I know how busy you are.
I said I would, and I will. We’ll go Sunday.
Annoyed, I tossed my phone aside and stomped upstairs to get the kids’ laundry.
On Friday evening, Xander showed up with burgers and hot dogs, and he and Austin grilled while I stuck frozen French fries in the oven and tossed a salad together. Austin sat across the table from me, but never seemed to look up from his plate, much as he’d done all week.
After dinner, the kids begged their dad to take them into town for ice cream.
“Not tonight,” he said firmly. “We need to get you guys packed.”
“All their laundry is done,” I said before he could ask. Then I got up and began clearing the table. “I just have to bring up the last load from the basement. The rest is already folded and put away.”
Austin didn’t look at me, but I could sense Xander’s eyes moving back and forth between me and his brother.
“Tell you what.” Xander spoke up. “I’ll take the kids for ice cream right now, and you guys can get their bags packed without interruption.”
“Yay! Can we, Daddy?” Adelaide asked.
“I guess.” Austin didn’t sound too happy about the plan, and I wondered if it was because it meant being alone in the house with me.
“Let’s go.” Xander stood up and shook his keys. “Last one to the car is a rotten egg.”
As soon as they were gone, Austin brought his dishes to the sink. “I’ll clean up in here. Can you bring those last loads of laundry up to their rooms? Then you can be done for the night. I can pack their bags myself.”
“Fine.” Wiping my hands on the towel, I glanced sideways at him. “Everything okay?”
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. You haven’t been talking to me much this week.”
He was silent for a moment. “I’m just doing what I said I’d do.”
“Right. Okay.” I left him standing there and went down to the basement, where I emptied the clothing from the dryer into the basket, then carried it all the way up to the second floor.
On the landing, I glanced into Austin’s bedroom.
The bed was made, although the comforter was wrinkled on one side, like maybe he’d sat there to put on his socks and shoes.
I wondered if he’d ever had a woman in that bed, or if he’d slept alone every single night for the last seven years.
He said he never got lonely. But how could that be? Wasn’t he human?
I went into Adelaide’s room and dumped the clothes out onto the bed, separating them into piles of his and hers, then folding them neatly. I was placing things into Addie’s dresser drawers when I heard Austin’s voice behind me.
“Thanks,” he said. “I’ll take over.”
I closed the drawer and turned around, leaning back against the dresser. “You don’t want help?”
“No, thanks.” He went over to the bed, knelt down, and pulled a small purple suitcase from under it. Rising to his feet, he opened it on the bed.
“Are you just going to ignore me like this for the rest of the summer, Austin? Because I’m not sure I can stand it.”
“I’m not ignoring you.” He went to the closet and took out a couple pairs of shoes. “I’m treating you like I’m supposed to. Like an employee.”
“I thought we were going to be friends.”
He placed the shoes at the bottom of the suitcase. “I thought we could, but I don’t think that’s possible anymore.”
“Why not?”
“You know why not.” He went to the closet again and took a couple sundresses off their hangers.
“Because we like each other?”
“It’s more than that.” Laying the dresses on the bed, he came over to the dresser where I was standing. “Excuse me. I have to open this drawer.”
I wouldn’t budge. “Answer the question, Austin. Why can’t we be friends?”
His eyes were focused on the dresser top.
“Is this about the thing in the window the other night? I’m sorry, okay? I was trying to get under your skin the way you’d gotten under mine. I won’t do that again.”
He swallowed. His jaw twitched.
I pivoted so I could see his expression in the mirror over the dresser. It was hard and unrelenting. “So that’s it? We can’t be friends because we’re attracted to each other?”
Lifting his head, his eyes found mine in the glass. “We can’t be friends because I spend every minute of the day thinking about fucking you.”
I sucked in my breath. “That’s—that’s not what I thought you’d say.”
“It’s the truth.”
My core muscles clenched. “Maybe we could—”
“No.” He opened the drawer and took out the items he wanted. “It’s out of the question.”
“Even if I told you I think about it too?”
“Don’t tell me that.” He went back to the bed and began placing socks and underwear inside the suitcase.
“But we’re two consenting adults.”
“It’s more complicated than that. You work for me. I pay you.”
“What if I quit?”
But I couldn’t quit, and he knew it.
Downstairs, the front door opened, and we heard the kids’ voices. A moment later, they came running up the steps and appeared in Adelaide’s bedroom doorway holding the drippy remains of their ice cream.
“Uncle Xander let us get double scoops!” Owen shouted.
I plastered a smile on my face. “Looks delicious, but let’s go outside with those cones. You can each tell me what flavors you had.”
They followed me down the stairs and out to the front porch, where I sat and listened to them chatter on about their desserts and who they saw in town and how excited they were about their trip on an airplane by themselves.
“Last year was the first time Daddy let us fly alone, and the pilot let us go in the cockpit and see all the buttons and steering things,” Adelaide said. “We got to get on the plane first, and we got snacks and drinks before anyone else.”
“Wow.” I smiled. “It’s like you guys travel like movie stars.”
But my mind was stuck on a loop.
I spend every minute of the day thinking about fucking you.