Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
JOSH
Trusting myself isn’t going so well so far. I stayed up late, supposedly catching up on work, but in actuality checking my phone every few minutes—only to discover each time that Avery wasn’t replying to my messages. I can’t stop going over every little moment from the weekend, either. From Avery laughing hysterically while hanging upside down on the ropes course to the way she chanted my name when she came all over my face.
The only thing I can’t remember is what happened after I heard my mom say Mabel was missing. Everything from those words to the moment I held my daughter in my arms again is a total blank.
After falling into bed sometime in the wee hours only to toss and turn, I must’ve fallen asleep at some point because I wake up to screams from Mabel. When I burst into her room, I’m both relieved and worried to see her having a meltdown over what to wear to school. Somehow, my mom gets Mabel and me out the door, but we’re late enough to school that I have to endure the flirty chat from the school secretary while she writes Mabel a late slip. Then talk my child down from her worry that she’ll get in trouble.
When I finally make it to work, I spend the day catching up on emails and calls, attend three useless meetings, and stare at my computer, trying to figure out what I’m supposed to be doing. In between checking my phone for messages from Avery.
On the drive home, I fantasize about sneaking up to my room and passing out instead of showing up for my family but when I pull up in front of the house to find my in-laws’ car in the driveway, it truly takes everything I’ve got to get out of the car.
If I run away, they can’t take my kids from me.
Wrong, Josh. That just gives them more proof that you can’t do this on your own.
But when I walk inside, instead of finding scowling faces sitting stiffly around the living room—what usually happens when the Kingstons visit—my in-laws are on the floor actually playing with my children.
I should be happy to see it, but instead I’m stuck in a mix of feelings. Sad that Lisa never saw this. Angry that they never acted like this before. Worried that this is just a tactic to get the kids to like them so when they swoop in with their expensive New York lawyers to take them away, the kids won’t freak out.
And what do I know? Maybe the kids would be better off with them. Instead of a father who can’t seem to get anything right, they’d have nannies to take care of their every need, the best schools, all the opportunities wealth affords.
But then I remember: that’s how Lisa was raised. And she wasn’t happy.
I have an urge to barge into the room and demand to know what’s going on, but instead, I take a deep breath and count to five before saying, “Daddy’s home!”
Usually when Jack and Tilly Kingston want to talk to me, they summon me to the family’s corporate offices in midtown Manhattan on the top floor of a property I think they’ve owned since the beginning of time, or at least since New York was still a colony ruled by a king.
Until this week, they’ve never visited Climax.
They’ve never sat down to dinner with Mabel and Percy. Or supervised bathtime or read them stories. But they do all these things today. They’re not quite sure what to make of Percy’s need to run naked up and down the hall after his bath, but to be honest, this habit might be mystifying to anyone. I’m sure I look like a madman as I pretend to chase him, growling like an ogre, but my son’s shrieks of laughter when I catch him push those thoughts to the side. He loves our little ritual, and he loves when we snuggle in bed afterward while he tells me stories about his stuffies that make no sense until he falls asleep.
I don’t know what they’re here for, so I gird myself for the worst when I head back downstairs to face the music. I find them in the living room, laughing about something with my parents. When I enter, the laughter fades, and my dad stands. “I need to, uh, check some emails.”
Tilly clears her throat. “I apologize for keeping you up. We truly appreciate your hospitality.”
“We just wanted to discuss a few things with Josh,” Jack says. When my mom stands too, he holds out a hand. “You’re welcome to stay and hear what we have to say.”
My mom catches my eye, a question in hers, and I give her a quick nod. I can handle this. “I’ve got to check on a couple things too. But it was lovely to see you. Please come back anytime.”
The moment my parents leave the room, the Kingstons turn as one to face me, and I hold up a hand. “Look, I know I screwed up. Losing Mabel is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Realizing what I just said, I add, “Except for losing Lisa, of course.”
Jack clasps Tilly’s hand. “That’s why we’re here.”
My heart drops to my gut and then ricochets back up to my skull to pound in my ears so loud that I can’t hear what he says next. When they continue to stare at me expectantly, I make myself ask, “I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“We want to apologize,” Tilly says. “We can’t tell Lisa how sorry we are for not being the parents she needed us to be. But we don’t want to make that mistake again with her children.”
Blinking, I try to make sense of what she’s saying as I sink onto the couch across from them. “Okay?”
Tilly looks at Jack like she’s asking for permission, and when he nods, she turns back to me. “Jack had a bit of a health scare last month.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I say automatically.
He nods. “I’ll be fine. It was a cardiac event and I’m making some lifestyle changes.”
“And taking his medication,” Tilly says, her expression equal parts affection and reprimand.
“The reason we’re telling you this, is that the experience, on top of Lisa’s passing, led us to some…”
Jack looks to Tilly, who picks up his sentence. “Soul-searching. About our priorities. And after some counseling, we’ve realized that we need to make some changes.”
“Top of the list is prioritizing our relationships with our grandchildren. The only connections we have to our daughter.”
“I found her journals when we cleaned out her old room in our apartment. Reading them—” Tilly breaks off, obviously overcome with emotion.
Jack pats her hand. “She was suffering, and we never knew.”
Feeling like I’m about to jump off a building, I make myself say what I need to. “I’m so sorry to hear all this. The health issue, and what sounds like losing Lisa all over again. But you can’t take my children. They’re finally getting settled here. I know you can give them more than I can but I’m their father.”
Tilly’s brows come all the way together. “Take them? Is that why you think we’re here?”
“Well, yeah. Last time I was in New York, your lawyers said?—”
Jack waves a hand in the air. “I fired that firm. I apologize if they said anything that had you concerned. They were not acting with our priorities in mind.”
“It’s obvious you and your parents are doing a wonderful job raising them,” Tilly adds. “And that you took care of Lisa the best you could.”
“So, what is it you want?” I ask, truly confused.
“Just to know our grandchildren, dear.” Tilly looks down at her hands clasped in her lap. “We just hope it’s not too late.”
“I, uh, well…” I’m struggling for words. This conversation is so unlike any I’ve had with Lisa’s parents before, it takes several beats before I can settle on what to say. “That sounds like a great idea, and I’m happy to help make it happen.”
Tilly’s parents look so relieved I almost burst out laughing, because it’s exactly what I’m feeling. Here I was worried that they hated me, that they thought I wasn’t good enough for their daughter, but the real situation is the exact opposite of what I’d assumed.
Which makes me wonder: are my assumptions about what Avery’s thinking and feeling wrong too? And if so, what is the truth? Does she hate me for pushing her away when I panicked? Or was the weekend away just a fling for her? If it’s the latter, my perceptions are totally out of whack. She said she wanted to take things public, didn’t she? Or was she just humoring me?
And how do I learn the truth if she won’t speak to me?
A few days later, I still haven’t heard from Avery, but I do wake up at dawn with an idea. On its surface, it doesn’t really seem to have anything to do with Avery or our relationship or apologizing, but I have a sense that if I can make it happen, it’ll help convince her to give me a second chance.
Maybe this is what my mom meant when she told me to trust myself?
But when I get to Trede, proposal for my new idea in hand, Eli’s not in his office. I ask his assistant to let him know that I’d like to meet with him and then head to my own office, where I find Eli scowling at me. “I thought I was supposed to stay out of things at the rec center.”
“How did you get here before me?”
He looks at his watch. “Looks like you’re late.”
“But I was just in your office. Asking to meet with you.”
“Guess I beat you to it,” he says. “Now, can you answer my question?”
He didn’t really ask a question, but I don’t want to make him mad when I need to get him on my side, so I say, “I have an idea that will make Leia Blake happy.”
“Is it the aftercare program? Because I already know about that.”
“Aftercare?”
“Did you not just spend the weekend at a conference with that blond woman from CPR? What’s her name? Starts with an A ?”
Not sure where this is going, hoping I’m not in trouble for either sleeping with her or making her mad, I say, “Avery Mills and I did attend the conference, but we split up to cover as many sessions as possible.”
“And now you’ve split up with her romantically too?”
Eli’s in my desk chair. I seem to have lost all control of this conversation, so I give up, dropping in the guest chair. “I’m confused.”
“Imagine how I feel. You’re the one who’s supposed to be in charge of community relations, but yesterday both this Avery woman and the mayor hunted me down. Avery has this after-school program idea where kids get bussed to the rec center and the big ones get paid to babysit the little ones. The mayor is in favor of that, but she’s upset because you and Avery broke up.”
He points a finger at me. “She said I have to get you two back together because, and I quote, ‘I can’t have a clock that misfires.’ Now who has a reason to be confused?”
Since I’ve obviously failed, yet again, I stand to take my punishment. “I’m doing the best I can here, Eli. If that’s not good enough, then maybe you should put us both out of our misery and fire me.”
“What? Is that what you want?”
“No, of course not. I’m just… I feel like I’m doing a bad job. Here, at home… everywhere.”
“Well, I’m not going to fire you because you’ve had an off week. This isn’t Wall Street.”
While I’m ripping off Band-aids, I decide to go for them all. “Did you give me the job in the first place because of Lisa?”
To his credit, he doesn’t seem thrown by the topic change. “If I’m being honest, yeah. I felt guilty because I wasn’t a good friend to her when she needed me.”
“So you knew she was unhappy?”
He nods and lets out a heavy sigh. “But I didn’t know how to help.”
“Welcome to the club.”
“But that’s not why I want you to stay. You’re good with people, at least when you don’t have your head up your ass. And I like having you around.”
I believe him. And I think he’s right. I am good with people. My mom is right too. I can trust that I know what to do. I’m going to fuck up on occasion, my kids will probably still need therapy, but I’m not quitting any of it.
“Okay then. Tell me why you moved Trede to Climax.”
“This is connected how?”
“Just trust me, it is.”
He hesitates a beat before spitting out, “I moved here for a year and a half in high school and it’s the only place I’ve ever really been happy.”
“How did your parents end up in Climax?” I seem to remember them being diplomats or something.
“They didn’t. When my parents were stationed in Suriname, I got kicked out of boarding school, so they sent me to live in Climax with my aunt Greta. My mother’s sister. She was an artist and was one of the founding members of the co-op in the old foundry.” Eli gets up and moves to the window. “You can just see it from here.”
I get up to stand next to him and he points at a building near the clock tower.
“It’s the one that’s made of stone instead of brick.” Shoving his hands in his pockets, he walks back into the room. “Anyway, she had a boyfriend who was a carpenter, and they worked on her house together. I learned a lot from both of them. About all kinds of stuff. And I was happy. But my parents didn’t think I’d get into a good school if I stayed for senior year, so they shipped me off to a prep school.”
“Did you ever visit after that?”
“I didn’t. But I kept in touch with my aunt. We wrote letters. And when she passed away, she left me her house.” He frowns, staring off into the middle distance. “I was planning to sell it but when I came back to see it one more time, I couldn’t. I took a walk up the river, saw the brickworks, and decided to move everything here.”
“So, not for business reasons? Not because property taxes were low or you scored incentives from the state?”
“Well, those things were true too.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Are you going to tell me why you needed to know this?”
“There was a session at the conference on the issue of workforce housing.” Grabbing my briefcase, I pull out my proposal. “I want to turn the abandoned mall into a complex that provides homes that teachers, firefighters, and small business owners can afford.” Handing him the printout, I add, “This is just an outline.”
Eli looks it over briefly before handing it back to me. “This is really outside of our scope. Trede can’t take on this big of a development project.”
I cross behind my desk, refusing to take the papers. “It would serve your interests.”
“How?”
“It would make Leia happy.”
He frowns again but says, “Go on.”
Summarizing what Avery told me a few weeks ago, leaving out a few details about Leia’s relationship with Travis, I explain how Trede’s relocation has exacerbated spiking home prices in Climax.
Eli shrugs. “I’ll just buy her a house.”
“I don’t think that’s really the point. Yes, Leia is worried that she’s getting priced out, but she’s also concerned about her friends and employees. Buying her a house doesn’t help—wait a minute.” My heart skips a beat. “That-that’s it.”
I’m on my feet and halfway out the door by the time Eli calls, “What’s it?”
“Sorry, I just figured something out. I’ll put together something more detailed, get some quotes, and circle back… um, later.”
“You’d better fix things with that Avery person,” he yells as I exit my office. “I need to stay on the mayor’s good side.”
“That’s exactly what I’m going to do,” I call over my shoulder as I sprint to the elevators.