Chapter 12
12
R AIN
Later
Adrenaline surges through my blood, making my pulse race.
Fear, pleasure, and power ram through me at once.
I grip the steering wheel, my neck tensing as my arms flex and my muscles harden. I get drunk on that insanely powerful feeling.
I put the pedal to the metal, and the shrilling sound of the peeling tires ignites a fire in my blood.
All revved up, the car dashes away like a bullet, the engine roaring under the hood.
There’s no one else here besides us.
The racetrack is empty.
He chases me, and I chase him, and it’s not much different than what we’re doing in real life.
He’s tough as nails, and I’m stubborn as hell, and we’re seemingly the match ‘not’ made in heaven.
He swishes by me, and I catch up with him and slip ahead of him, or perhaps he just lets me win.
We spend about thirty minutes getting high on an adrenaline rush before slowing down and letting the cars roll next to each until we come to a smooth stop.
Flushed, I jump out, my heart pounding ferociously.
He flashes a secret smile as I pull off my helmet, flick my head a few times and let my hair cascade down my back.
Raking my fingers through my locks, I study him.
“Why did you let me win?”
“I didn’t,” he says, his smirk telling me something different.
“Stop doing that,” I say.
“What?”
“Rigging the game.”
He inches closer, his eyes sparkling with mischief.
His hands slide on top of my car on either side of me as he closes in on me.
My focus shatters.
“That’s how you win, baby,” he says softly.
I’m even more warm.
“That’s how you lose, too,” I toss back at him, smiling.
“Not that often, though,” he says, his eyes dipping to my lips.
He opens his race suit at the neckline, exposing his neck and the top of his pecs. His hard chest glistens, and my mouth waters as I can almost feel his salty skin beneath my lips as I imagine licking the trail from his perfect jawline to his neck and the valley between his pecs.
His warm breath fans over my face, and I can almost feel his heartbeat as he inches closer.
He tilts his chin down and observes me, his eyes feeding on something buried in my gaze.
My heart gets frantic, and my head spins as it always does when he comes too close to me.
Sensing my struggle, he wraps an arm around me, and everything turns into a dream.
I part my lips and lower my eyelids as he drapes his other arm around me, and I lock mine around his waist.
Time warps, taking me back to the night we first met.
Everything feels the same.
His scent rolling over my skin.
His breath falling over my lips.
And his hard body pressing into mine.
I sink my fingers into his back, afraid that I might fall, while he lowers his lips to my ear and softly murmurs.
“Breathe baby, breathe....”
A smile tinges his voice as the memory of us from way back also seems alive in him.
But this time, I feel him very close.
A different man.
A tender man.
Someone I never thought he’d turn out to be.
He cups the back of my head and presses my cheek against his shoulder, tenderly stroking my hair.
I feel alive and fearless and, above all, loved.
A few moments pass before I reluctantly tear away from him.
“We have to return to the hotel,” I say quietly.
A smile glints in his eyes.
“Okay,” he says without questioning me, his hands sliding off me.
Later, we enter the hotel suite, grab new clothes, and walk into different bathrooms.
I take a long shower, blow dry my hair, and put on my makeup before I slip into a red beaded dress.
The garment hugs my body and stops above my knees, the beaded fringes catching the light every time I move.
When I stroll back into the living room, he’s already showered and changed into different clothes.
He takes me in.
“You like it?” I ask, doing a little twirl for him.
He nods, his eyes speaking more than his lips.
“Uh-huh.”
Black tailored pants and a dark shirt fit him to perfection, an expensive watch glinting around his wrist.
Threading his fingers through his hair, he combs it all back. His eyes are wild, his face glowing with power.
The unmistakable aura of danger is still there. It’s in his blood, I guess.
A soft grin creases his lips.
“What is it?” he asks.
“Nothing.”
He slides his hands into his pockets, drawing my gaze to his fly.
I cut my gaze at him.
He studies me with smiling eyes.
“Are you doing this on purpose?” I ask. “Teasing me?”
Biting the inside of his cheek, he crushes a grin.
I wag my finger at him.
“You keep playing games with me, James.”
His lips curve into a slow grin as he erases the space between us.
“There is no game,” he says, sliding his fingers over my bare shoulders and brushing my hair back.
“Not this time. Although I don’t think it’s ever been,” he says, studying my face.
“What was it then?”
His smile fades.
“I think we spun waywardly, away from each other. And time and people had gotten between us. Had I known back then what I know now, I would’ve done things differently and found a way to make you stay.”
I tip my gaze down.
He softly grips my chin and makes me look at him again.
“Maybe this was the only way we could’ve done it. Have you thought about that?” I murmur.
He nods.
“Yes, I have. And maybe there was a price we needed to pay, but I wish you didn’t have to pay it, though,” he says.
“I don’t think it was our choice.”
An affectionate smile shines in his eyes.
“Who knows? Maybe it wasn’t. Still, I wish things were different.”
Slowly, he runs his eyes over my body and then up, his hand sliding around my waist before settling at the small of my back, making my skin vibrate with pleasure.
“One thing I know… You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he says softly as we get lost in each other eyes. “And one day, I hope you’ll all be mine,” he murmurs, a sad smile lining his lips this time.
I suck in a short breath.
“What is it?” he asks.
My words are stuck in my throat, so I say nothing.
Smiling, he dips his gaze, examining my cleavage while musing over something.
He grips the zipper pull and plays with it for a few seconds, my skin melting under his touch before he finally slides it down an inch.
“It looks better this way,” he says.
I nod, my eyes rooted to his lips.
“Your cleavage...” he adds.
His words barely register with me.
“Okay,” I murmur.
With that, he gently pulls away from me, leaving me a trembling mess.
* * *
RAIN
The road takes us out of town, past royally lit homes and a dark patch of land and forest before leading us to our destination.
Sexton International, the Casino, and Entertainment Resort.
Once we find ourselves at the top of the hill, the place comes into view, flashing its spellbinding splendor.
Tens of thousands of square feet explode with light, illuminating the land like a cosmic blast.
Sleek, modern buildings made of glass, concrete, and steel rise behind luxurious fountains.
The area looks like a small city with restaurants, shopping centers, spas, and fitness centers––all flashing bright neon signs––next to clubs and hotels, the biggest one bearing the owner’s name.
Cars zoom in and out, the road now wider than I remember. Three years ago, this place was nothing but a block of darkness.
The memory of that night comes back to me with all the emotions––the fear, the pleasure, and the excitement.
Bits and pieces flash in front of my eyes. The night drive. Ed and Lex. And then him. Touching me for the first time. Taunting me for the first time. And also questioning my beliefs for the first time.
Everything that has happened to me since that night has proved him right.
I wasn’t better than anyone else, and not better than them for sure. And, sure as hell, not as good as I thought I was.
But there was one thing that I was right about.
Love is real.
And it does stand up against the passing of time.
And it does have the power to overcome obstacles.
But love, as I learned later on, takes different shapes and forms, and it’s not easy to figure out.
Love is a story that needs to be written.
A co-authored book.
A tale of good and bad, joy and hardship scribbled down with pain and blood.
You can never tell what kind of story yours is until you find the other person, the one you're co-writing it with.
He glances at me as I absorb the view, fascinated by the spinning lights.
Moments later, we drive past the grand hotel entrance and slowly roll into a private parking lot.
Bodyguards patrol the area, two men nodding a discreet greeting as we pull in.
Metallic doors slide open, giving us access to the indoor garage. White and silver walls encase a large space where several cars are parked.
He rolls his red LaFerrari next to his black Bugatti Chiron before smoothly bringing it to a stop.
At least a dozen cars are here, all speaking of opulence and power. I step out of his car and rise, looking around the place.
“You surely know how to collect luxury cars. Am I supposed to be impressed?” I ask, walking next to him.
We enter the glass elevator.
“No. You just need to know what I do,” he says, pressing the only button on the panel, briefly looking at me.
The elevator takes us to the top of the building, where we walk straight into a lavish suite.
A curved glass wall filters the cinematic view of the buildings, the road, the pools, and the helipad.
This looks like a kingdom. His kingdom.
I walk to the window, my eyes moving over the colorful lights.
Ice cubes clink in a glass as he pours himself a drink.
“Do you want something to drink?” he asks.
I glance over my shoulder.
“No. I’m good.”
He pours bourbon over ice.
My gaze shifts away from him.
In a corner, I spot an alcove and a bed dressed in red satin. It looks like a movie set.
“What’s with you and red? It seems to be a constant theme,” I say.
A mysterious smile glints across his lips.
“And you sure are fascinated by it... Red,” he says, testing me, anticipating a retort perhaps.
But I don’t give him one, so he speaks again.
“I love life in general, and red is the color of passion and torment. Sometimes it’s blood. Sometimes it’s roses. And sometimes it’s…”
“Love...” I murmur.
“Yeah… Love.”
He takes a swig of his drink before he sets his glass on a side table and stops next to me in front of the window.
“Are you still a non-believer?” I ask.
A smile twinkles in his eyes.
“Do I have a choice?” he asks.
His eyes are filled with me, his grin fading.
“I don’t know if it passes the test of time, but I know it’s real, and I want to give it a shot,” he says.
“How can you tell if it’s real? After everything that happened…?” I ask
“Love didn’t have much to do with some of the things that happened to us. In the end, what really mattered stayed in our hearts. Everything else was whatever life threw at us. There were good things, and bad things, some mistakes, and definitely some bad decisions. Neither of us could avoid them. But good love can survive all that.”
“Do you think that’s what it was…? Good love?”
“It was both. But the bad made the good part so much better. That’s why we couldn’t pull apart. And that’s why we’re here today.”
“If this thing happens between us...”
He smiles.
“There is no if. This thing will happen,” he says. “We can’t run away from it more than we already have. And we can’t ruin it more than we already did. We have to live through it till the end. Let it consume us and see where it leads us. We have to trust that it’s something good. And even if it isn’t, what do we have to lose?”
“And when it happens–– if it happens––what would it look like?” I ask.
A smile lines his lips.
“When it happens, things will be different.”
“How?” I ask softly.
“There will be no one between us and nothing to hurt you. No lies. No doubt. No guessing. You’ll have no reason not to trust me.”
“Despite all this?” I say, motioning at his place resembling the Devil’s Den.
“Yes. Despite everything. You’ll only get the truth from me.”
“Speaking of which...” I say, glancing at the bed again.
He catches sight of my gaze and smiles.
“Have you brought women up here?”
“I think you know the answer. But that life belongs to the past. The same way your past life does.”
“Why dancers?” I ask.
“They don’t ask questions,” he says.
I laugh softly.
“Are you complaining already?”
“No,” he says, smiling.
“Why two?”
He ponders for a moment.
“So I don’t get attached,” he says, grinning.
“You don’t expect me to believe this, do you?”
He shakes his head slowly.
“No. It was fun… If you want me to be truthful.”
“Yes, I do want you to be truthful. You said they are gone.”
“Yes, they are,” he says in a serious voice.
I pause.
“You know... We both have a wild side,” I say.
A mysterious smile floods his eyes.
“Yes, I know. I always liked that side of you.”
“I feel the same about you, and the thing is… I don’t want you to change for me. I don’t want to change you and make you something that you’re not. I like you the way you are…” I murmur.
“But?”
“The moment you give me pain or lie to me, I’m gone.”
A shadow darkens his eyes.
“I’m not that girl anymore. I know life, and I know how bad it can get and how much it can hurt. And no matter how strong my feelings are, it won’t happen that way. Do you understand?”
He brings his hand to my face and splays his fingers over my cheek. I tilt my head against his touch.
A warm smile reaches his eyes.
“I didn’t expect to hear anything else from you. I won’t let you down... Not this time,” he says, drinking me in.
His thumb sweeps my cheekbone and then my jawline.
I see the wonder in his eyes, his veneration for me I so much missed. It reminds me of our past.
“You know... All the time I’ve spent on my own, I had to toughen up, and sometimes I had to be someone other than I was. That’s how I realized how much I wanted to be the girl you fell in love with, even if only for a moment. Maybe, I still am, but...”
I pause as my voice trembles with emotion.
“But...?”
“It’s been a long time since anyone wanted her or needed her. Not many people liked her in the past. She’s done a lot of things she shouldn’t have, and besides you, nobody gave a damn about her.”
My lips tilt into a bitter smile.
“All this time, I had to hide that part of me and chase that girl away. I quickly learned that none of the men who hired me wanted to pay for her. Most men don’t want to feel your heart, not when they’re in bed with you anyway. Nobody needs that.”
I look down and bite my lip, trying so hard to stop myself from tearing up.
“Rain?”
He calls my name so softly.
I shake my head in response, unable to raise my eyes.
Cupping the back of my hair, he snakes his arm around me and pulls me into his chest, all the power draining out of me as my walls begin to crumble.