Chapter 4
4
R AIN
“Ed?? Oh, my.”
I dash to the door as Thea and Ed enter my home.
A short cotton dress with bell sleeves highlights her delicate silhouette, and red sandals finish her look.
He wears pants the color of sand and a white linen shirt with a relaxed fit.
A slight tan shimmers across his skin.
“I’m glad to see you back,” I say as he opens his arms and buries me in his embrace.
A moment later, I tear away from him and shift to Thea.
Her eyes sparkle with a smile, her face beaming.
“You finally got your man back, didn’t you?” I say before kissing her cheek.
A grin tilts her lips.
I show them both to the terrace, where food and drinks are set for the guests. Live music drifts from the backyard, blending with the dialogue of the people.
Contently, I glance around.
The evening is perfect for a gathering. The breeze is soothing, and the sky is littered with stars.
“Where’s Lex?” Ed asks, his gaze sweeping the crowd.
“He’s late. Dahlia is here, somewhere,” I say, swinging my eyes to the people again, not spotting her.
Thea breaks away from us, nearing the food table, while Ed scoops up a drink from a server’s plate.
“How are things in Monaco?” I ask, nervous for some reason.
“Good,” he says, bringing his drink to his lips.
He takes a sip, studying me.
“Your man is good too. He’ll be back soon. You’ll see.”
A knowing grin tugs at his lips.
“Next week,” I say, no longer sure.
His smile turns into a ghost.
“Um...” he murmurs, his gaze flicking to the side, evading my eyes for a second.
I wait for him to shift his focus back to me.
He no longer smiles.
“What is it, Ed?” I ask, jittery again.
He looks straight into my eyes, hiding something.
“When did you talk to him last time?” he asks.
“This morning. Why?”
“His schedule has changed from what I know.”
I read his eyes.
“What else do you know?” I ask suspiciously.
A smile softens his features.
He leans to me and kisses my cheek before moving his lips to my ear.
“Stop being so worried,” he murmurs, a grin woven in his voice.
He straightens and looks at me.
“He needs to take care of some business, so you should check with him first,” he adds.
“He didn’t say a word to me.”
“I’m sure he will,” he says, his eyes flying over my shoulder. “Okay. I gotta go now,” he adds as Thea beckons him to her.
“Sure,” I mutter, torn as he pulls away.
My phone starts buzzing.
I slide my finger over the screen.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“At the door.”
I swivel my head and look at the entrance when the door swings open, and Eve walks in.
She glances around, looking for me.
I raise my hand and wave at her. A smile grows on her face as I close the gap between us.
I pull her into my arms.
“Oh, look at you,” I say, breaking away from her.
Her beaded bustier and satin pants make her look like a runway model.
I drag my gaze over her again.
“Way to go,” I murmur, eyeing her sleek heels.
She flashes a playful smile.
“Do you like it?”
“I love it.”
“Good. Because I need to look glamorous in the pictures. I can’t wait to brag about the party when I go back to work on Tuesday morning.”
“Way to go, girlie,” I say, smiling.
“Who’s here?” she asks, swinging her gaze left and right.
“A lot of people that you don’t know. Ed is here,” I say, grabbing her by the elbow. “And Thea,” I add, nudging her toward the patio. “I want you to meet her.”
We cut our way through a few groups of people before walking out and strolling onto the terrace.
“Oh... Look at this. It’s so pretty,” she says enthusiastically, taking in the colorful paper lanterns, strings of lights, and torches in the backyard.
“Champagne?” I ask when a waiter crosses paths with us.
“Yes, please,” she says, grabbing a glass from the tray.
I snatch one too.
“I’m so happy you invited me to Ed’s party,” she says, stepping gingerly on the gravel-covered footpath.
“I wish you could stay longer.”
She pulls to an abrupt halt.
“Wait a minute… Didn’t you say you had plans to fly to Monaco this coming week?” she asks, looking at me, puzzled.
“Well, yeah... But I have to talk to James first,” I say nervously before tipping the glass of champagne against my lips and taking a sip.
I evade her eyes.
She grabs my elbow and tugs me to the side, out of the people’s way.
“What is going on?”
“Nothing,” I say, my eyes meeting hers. “I mean nothing that I know of,” I add sarcastically, pulling my gaze away from her again.
“I’m not talking about him,” she says, her eyebrows knitted into a frown.
I lift my gaze.
“What are you talking about then?”
She searches my eyes for a few moments.
“You’ve never been like that, Rain.”
“Like what?” I blurt, my voice drenched in frustration.
A couple nears us, the man and woman smiling, talking to each other.
Eve pulls me farther away.
We find a bench behind a bunch of trees when she motions me to sit.
Delicately, I run my hand over my red voile skirt and take a seat.
“You’ve never been so needy,” she says without the slightest introduction, giving me a pointed look.
I set my glass next to me on the bench and lean back in my seat. Her eyes don’t leave my face.
I take a long breath before pushing out a sigh.
“Is it obvious?”
“Yeah... Of course, it is. And it’s not how it looks. It’s that you’ve been tormenting yourself since he started to travel.”
“It’s been months and months.”
“It’s the reality.”
“I know. But I hate it as much as I hate everybody trying to comfort me by telling me he’ll be back at some point. I know that. And I’m okay with it. And I hate myself for feeling this way, but I can’t stop it. I don’t know why. I really have no idea. All I know is that I feel horrible every moment I’m away from him. And every piece of news I get from him throws me into a frenzy. I don’t remember being like that if that’s any consolation.”
“No, it’s not.”
“And then, there are the moments like the ones I spent with Thea this week,” I continue, barely noticing her words. “I helped her get used to Ed’s home, and then we went shopping and had lunch at a restaurant downtown. She talked about the baby and Ed. We talked about our homes for the millionth time and how we imagined our lives. She told me how hard it was for her to be away from him and how happy she was now that she was here with him. It made me feel so good to realize I wasn’t the only one who longed for her man. We even browsed a couple of shops, looking for children’s stuff. Toys, clothing, and furniture. Crap like that,” I say, smiling and laughing, my eyes flooded with tears at the same time.
She’s right.
I’ve never been so emotional.
She brings her hand to my shoulder and strokes me softly while I tip my gaze down and brush away a tear.
“I don’t know what to say...” she murmurs. “I’m way behind you in this ‘love and living your life’ thing, and I completely lack the necessary experience or wisdom to help you, but you must be going through one of those soul-searching, emotional journeys that women sometimes go through.”
“That’s what she said.”
“See.”
“But it’s not only that...” I say as I get a flashback of my last weekend with James. “It’s also him,” I murmur, my gaze going back to Eve, although it’s the images of James and me in front of my eyes. “I don’t know how to explain it, but every time I’m with him, the storm dies out. And every time he is away from me, I die inside. And then there is something in how he touches and makes love to me. Kisses me and reads every bit of emotion flickering through my eyes. The way he shifts my mood with a single word, a smile, or a small gesture. Sometimes with a kiss. There are no walls between us, no obstacles, nothing to hold me back. When he wants me, he pulls me into him and breathes me in, and it feels great. It’s sheer magic. I’m happy, optimistic, and start to dream about stuff, and then, when he leaves, it’s like he scoops my heart out and leaves me empty.”
Her eyes glimmer in the dimness as her chin begins to tremble.
A smile creases her lips.
“Oh, how I wish I were in that special place where you are right now,” she says, a pang of humor lining her voice.
We share a chuckle, although we both struggle with mixed emotions.
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to sound sappy,” I say, trying to get a grip.
“No, no... It’s okay. I like how you sound, and I’m serious. I wish I could experience half of what you experienced with him. What am I saying?” she blurts, her hands jerking up. “I’d be happy with way less.”
I muse for a moment.
“It’s good...” I murmur. “But it’s also bad.”
“Good bad,” she says, smiling.
“Yes. Good bad. Anyway... If it makes you feel any better, James says that you shouldn’t lose hope. He believes you’re going to get your man.”
Her eyebrows pull up toward the hairline, her hand flying to her mouth.
“No, no... Please don’t tell me you talked to him about my shitty love life.”
I smile.
Although it’s hard to see in the dimness, I’m sure she blushes.
“Yes, I did. After last Sunday, when we had lunch with David Moore. Later that day, James and I talked about you and your, um, well... difficulties.”
She laughs.
“And now I’m so embarrassed. I can’t believe that everybody knows my business.”
“He is not everybody.”
“Exactly. How am I going to face him from now on?”
I flick my hand dismissively.
“It’s not as bad as you think,” I say, ignoring her comment. “In fact, he said something very sweet.”
She listens to me attentively.
“I asked him about that night when we trespassed the Dark House a few years back. I wanted to know why he sent you home.”
“Uh-huh... Why?” she asks, grinning faintly.
“He wanted to protect you.”
Her smile withers away.
“Seriously?”
“Yes. He didn’t trust Lex and Ed when it came to women, and he didn’t want you to end up having an experience that was less than what he thought you deserved.”
A small smile creeps across her lips.
I raise my hand.
“I know... I know. Any experience with them would’ve been great. But he had a point. He is convinced you need a special man, and that’s why it takes you so long to find him.”
Silently, we stare at each other.
“So, there it is. Coming from the man who knows this kind of stuff.”
“I hope he’s right.”
“I think he is,” I say, rising to my feet and grabbing my champagne glass.
I gesture to her.
“Let’s go. I promised Thea I’d introduce you to her.”
She pushes off the bench, takes a sip of champagne, and smiles.
“I don’t know if I can do this every weekend, flying back and forth to see you and talk to you and party with you, but I have a hell of a good time.”
I laugh.
“I love your optimism, Eve Malone. You’re never gonna change. Maybe you should find a job closer to me.”
She lifts her finger as she soaks her lips in her champagne again.
“That, or maybe I should work from home and be location independent.”
“That’s a good idea too.”
Something catches her eye behind my back.
She does a double-take.
“Mmm... Look who’s here,” she says.
I spin around.
“What is he doing here?” Eve asks as Lex and David Moore leave the house and head to the backyard.
The two men wear slim-fit dress shirts unbuttoned at the neckline and suit pants that fit them perfectly.
Lex’s blue eyes glint with a smile as he gazes at me and slowly nods.
I tip my chin down as well.
His eyes sparkle like two specks of blue sky, lighting up his face.
The other man turns his head to me and mouths a greeting, sending a smile in my direction. His gaze lingers on me a little more until Lex says something to him, and they both turn around and saunter to the tables.
“He’s a partner now,” I murmur.
“And he’s hot as hell,” she says, her eyes still pinned on his back.
“And single,” I add, studying her profile.
“Him and me,” she mumbles, sunk in thought.
“What do you mean?”
“You said that he was single.”
“Yes. That’s what James told me.”
“And I am single too.”
She keeps her gaze trained on the two men.
“Are you going somewhere with this?”
She looks at me, smiling.
“Yeah... I’m in good company. Although I’m sure our reasons for being single are different.”
We move our eyes to the men again.
“Yeah... Perhaps. Or maybe not,” I say on second thought.
“Why do you think he’s single?” she asks.
I shift my eyes to her.
She swings her gaze to me, grinning.
“Asking for a friend,” she says.
A chuckle falls from my lips.
“Are you serious?”
“Yes. I’m curious.”
I empty my glass of champagne and plop it onto a server’s tray before looking at Lex and David again.
“Because he’s bored,” I say.
“Bored?”
I toss her a glance.
She seems puzzled.
“Why would he be bored?”
“The man is jaded. He’s seen everything and had everything–– he had any kind of relationship that he could have. Lost half of his wealth when he divorced. I doubt he still believes in love or anything remotely resembling that. That ship has sailed already. I don’t think he’s interested in getting his life tangled with someone else’s ever again. He wasn’t a happy man when he was married. That much I can tell you.”
She tosses me a skeptical look before I continue.
“I know. I know… They all say the same thing when they cheat on their wives. But he wasn’t happy. I sensed it. I didn’t know he was married until the end of our affair, but I knew he was unhappy. He paid for sex because he wanted escapism more than anything else, even more than convenience. He wanted to forget about his life, and I gave him that in droves, not because I knew what he needed or what I was doing, but because that’s how I was. I think that was part of my appeal, and in a way, I became a necessity for him. I’m sure he could find someone like me, but he’s not interested in that either. With me, it was a genuine thing. An escort wouldn’t normally offer him what I’d given him. Sex? The man knows sex. And everything there is about sex. That’s why I think he’s just bored.”
“So what does he need, if anything? Or what do you think he does to... you know... have a good time?”
I train my gaze on David’s shoulders, observing him as he pivots to face Ed and Thea.
He smiles while talking to them.
“I think he has sex with an escort he has an arrangement with. Or maybe more.”
“You think so?”
“Yes. That way, he frees himself of any obligations.”
“Is he that cold-hearted?”
She tips her gaze at me, intrigued.
“I never knew his entire story for obvious reasons, of course, but he led me to believe something bad had happened when he was very young. I have no idea what it was. Whatever it was, it prompted the choices he had made early in life. One of those choices was his marriage. I figured that one out in retrospect. To him, his marriage was more of a business decision than anything else. Or perhaps it was vengeance, payback for something someone else had done to him. I don’t know. Whatever it was, it had an impact on the way he conducted his life. He was pragmatic and calculated. He planned every move, yet he couldn’t anticipate his marriage would become a burden after a while. Once he had that experience, he was no longer interested in trying it again.”
“How was he with you?”
I smile.
“Aside from the arrangement that we had, he was a perfect gentleman. I don’t know if he had offered that kind of experience to someone who was in his life through other means––not paid, I mean––but he felt safe to me. We didn’t discuss our feelings, although our mutual affection was there. We both knew that our liaison was short-lived, and that thing alone made us very careful about how we behaved with each other. He assumed I expected certain things from him, and he surely delivered. Using money, he had perfect control over me while I, on the other hand, never disappointed him, giving him the experience that he wanted.”
She listens to me breathlessly.
“But that was not reality,” I continue. “I mean, it was for us, but we consumed our relationship––which was partly business and partly pleasure––within a safe perimeter that he had drawn. We knew our roles, and we put in the effort to make it work. I don’t know how he would be with someone who’d drill deep into his heart, learn his secrets, and stir him up. He gave me his affection, and he was a fantastic lover, but the man never showed me his heart. So yeah... He’s going to be someone’s riddle to solve someday.”
“Hmm...”
“Do you really like him?” I ask.
“He’s handsome.”
“And filthy rich.”
“That too,” she says, smiling. “But, I find him intimidating.”
“You find all of them intimidating. You find James intimidating.”
“Because he is. They all are.”
“They are men.”
“They are men who know a lot, have a lot, and don’t need a lot.”
“As opposed to?”
She looks at me.
I tip my head to the side, slowly arching an eyebrow. She chuckles.
“You’re right. They are just like any other man I’ve had in my life,” she says, rolling her eyes.
She loops her arm through mine as we start walking.
“How do you deal with the fact that they can have any woman that they want?” she asks after a moment.
“You don’t think about it.”
With that, we put an end to our conversation and stroll across the lawn where Ed, Thea, Lex, Dahlia, and David wait for us.