Chapter 19
19
J AMES
“Oh... Who is this?” the man sitting to my left murmurs, dragging his gaze across the restaurant.
The rest of the guests, men, and women, are engaged in a lively conversation while I, for some reason, follow the direction of my neighbor's gaze.
Next to the entrance, a blonde woman talks to the hostess–– she has her back turned to us and wears a white dress and a beautiful piece of jewelry around her wrist.
She looks like Rain, but she can’t be Rain, so I move my gaze back to my guests while keeping an eye on the man sitting next to me.
He does a double-take that almost makes me swivel my head back to that woman.
I pick up my drink instead and take a swig.
His eyes brighten with a smile that renders me even more curious.
“She’s coming this way,” he murmurs to himself.
Out of reflex, he brings his hand to his neckline and fixes his tie. His head begins to turn, telling me the woman in question is getting closer to our table.
Just when his face tips up, and a grin tugs at his lips, a hand touches my shoulder, and the familiar scent of her perfume floods my nostrils.
Her voice rings in my ears.
“James?”
My name rolls softly off her lips, yet I only feel the tension in my chest.
Something’s not right.
Wrapped in the mother of all bad feelings, I tip my face up and look over my shoulder, the man next to me staring at her, mesmerized.
“Rain?”
A shadow slides over her eyes.
I push to my feet.
She smiles at the people around the table while I make the introductions.
She exchanges a few words with them yet refuses to sit with us. Instead, she tells me she needs to talk to me.
“Is everything okay?”
She slides her hand over my forearm.
“Can we talk for a moment?”
“Can’t it wait? We’ll talk as soon as I finish dinner.”
“I need to go back.”
“Back? What do you mean back? You just got here.”
“I’m flying back tonight,” she says quietly.
I read her eyes but can’t spot anything other than gloom.
This can’t be good.
I excuse myself and pivot away from the table while she steps ahead.
We exit the restaurant in silence and soon enter the hotel lobby.
“Let’s talk upstairs,” I say.
She stops and turns around.
And then she looks at me with downcast eyes.
“Let’s take a few steps outside,” she pleads with me.
I search her eyes.
All I find is more sadness.
“What happened, Rain?”
She takes my hand.
“Please, James. Let’s walk outside,” she says.
We walk out silently, the balmy night greeting us at the entrance.
The doorman closes the door behind us before we turn right and stroll away from the hotel.
Not far from us, I spot my driver. The car is waiting for her. She’s serious about going back.
“I told him to wait for me,” she says as if knowing what’s going through my mind.
We take a few steps, a sweet smell of roses traveling to us.
We go past a nightclub, the music quickly fading.
We soon walk down the esplanade, where soft waves crash against the shore not far from us.
She stops by a handrail, prompting me to halt as well.
“I’m listening,” I say.
“I met your mother,” she says, grinning faintly.
I toss her a puzzled look.
“I’m sure that’s not the reason we are here.”
She gestures softly.
“No. It has nothing to do with her.”
She pauses, tipping her eyes down briefly.
“She’s as beautiful as I imagined her,” she says, lifting her gaze.
I look at her expressionless.
“Before I say anything else...” she continues. “I just want you to know this has nothing to do with the firm, what happened to Tiago, or the fact that you must help your mother find your brother. I understand all that. In fact, I wish we had this conversation at home instead of coming here and making a big deal out of it.”
“Whatever it is, it seems to be a big deal after all,” I retort.
Her soft hand lands on my chest.
“Please don’t get angry.”
“I’m not angry,” I say, trying to sound relaxed, my jaw refusing to unlock.
“Something happened after we spent some time here a few weeks back.”
“I’m hoping something good,” I say, holding her eyes, fully aware something good wouldn’t have brought her here.
“It wasn’t good.”
“Why am I hearing about this only now?”
“Because I couldn’t decide whether it was important or not.”
“What tipped the scale?”
She takes a long breath, leaning against the railing.
“What happened made me realize that as much as you want to do it right by me, your life is not entirely in your control. And, and...” she says, raising her hand as I open my mouth to speak. “I know it’s not your fault. And I understand what you are trying to accomplish, and I’m standing by your side.”
“Are you?”
“Yes, I am. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”
I slip my hands into my pockets as I wait for her to continue, not knowing where she’s going with this.
One thing I know, though.
She’s not taking me to a good place.
She searches my eyes.
“I went to another doctor...” she starts and pauses, waiting for my reaction.
My eyebrows lift in surprise.
“What kind of doctor?”
“A specialist in New York. I wasn’t questioning the findings of your doctor here in Monte Carlo. That’s not why I went there. I wanted a second opinion and also to confirm a suspicion of mine.”
“Okay,” I mutter, my eyes locked with hers.
“There’s nothing wrong with me, physically speaking, but there is a problem with me anyway.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Something hampers my chances of getting pregnant.”
“I don’t understand.”
A bitter smile clings to her lips.
“It’s the stress created by the distance between us and the fact that you keep leaving me. It works against me.”
I try to make sense of all this.
“I’m anxious when I’m away from you, James,” she says.
“You could always be here with me if you wanted to.”
“I could, but I’m not sure it would help us. You need to focus on your work, while I need to do more than just wait for you. So, I thought long and hard, and the best thing to do is to give you space and time to finish your work.”
“What are you saying, Rain?”
She weighs her words.
“I want you to bring your plan to fruition as quickly as possible. I also hope you’ll find Tiago. In the meantime, I want to spend some time alone and figure out a few things for myself.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Her eyes fill with a sad smile as she closes the gap between us and quietly speaks.
“You don’t know that, but I'm lost for days every time you come to me, love me, and then leave. And I go through this every single time, only to end up alone.”
“But you’re not alone. Everybody’s home right now. You have so many people around you.”
“Yes, I do. But they are not you. I love them all. They are my friends. But you are my man, and I need you to be with me more than I thought I would,” she says, her voice breaking. “And perhaps, it’s not even about me getting pregnant. That thing will happen at some point… If it’s meant to happen. This is about you and me. That’s why I need to spend some time on my own and find myself. I don’t want you to touch me again until I know that your life and time are in your control. That you don’t have to pull away from me at a moment’s notice. That I don’t have to guess when I’ll see you again. I’ll wait for you, no matter what. You don’t have to worry about me, but I need this space between us to keep my sanity.”
“What do you want to do?”
“For now, I’ll fly back home, and then I’ll pack my stuff and head south at the end of the week.”
“Where?”
She gives me a small smile.
“Where you left me stranded.”
“The island?”
“Yes. It’s been set up for me as a writing retreat. I want to write my next book there. It will perhaps take less time to finish the manuscript this time. I’ll be living there until you’re done. Lex told me it could take up to six months. Whatever it takes, I’ll wait for you. And when you come, if you come, I hope you’ll stay with me for good.”
She looks at me before pushing up on her toes and bringing her hand to my face.
“Goodbye, James,” she says.
He places a soft kiss on my lips and smoothly pulls away.