Chapter 12
Lily
Why?
That was what I’d been asking myself since the Daltons and Spades had boarded the plane over three hours ago. I wanted nothing more than to dissolve into the expensive carpet beneath my feet. It wasn’t that the guys were giving me looks as though they knew I’d spent the night with Brady and the embarrassment was eating at me. There was none of that. It was having Brady so close for the entire leg of this trip.
All I could smell was his scent.
All I could feel was the touch of his hands.
All I could see was his stare.
And all of it … was way too much.
There was a little comfort in the fact that once he’d left my room, he never came back. He didn’t surprise me the next evening with a knock at my door, and I never ran into him at the hotel. Based on what he’d said to me—that he’d gotten my message when I delivered his clothes to the bed—I hadn’t expected to see him until now.
That didn’t mean, deep down, I wasn’t secretly disappointed.
That I wasn’t asking myself why things couldn’t be different.
Why I couldn’t be different.
Why my life couldn’t have taken a different direction.
Maybe then, every time I passed Brady in the aisle, our eyes locking, I wouldn’t immediately look away. I wouldn’t worry that if he showed up again, that could result in a second knock on my door.
A knock that would put us both in jeopardy.
As I gazed at him from the back of the plane, sitting inside the galley, where I could see hints of his profile, all I could think about was the two evenings we’d spent together. How after this plane landed, I would never get to experience Brady Spade ever again.
That thought, that dread, sent waves of emotion through my throat. I had to push it away as the phone against the wall began to ring.
I grabbed the receiver and said, “Hi, pilot. What can I do for you?”
“We’re approximately twenty-five minutes from the airport. Please get everything prepared for landing.”
“Right away,” I told him and hung up.
I sucked in as much air as I could hold, and I made a final walk down the aisle, asking each of the guys if they needed anything. I got a few requests for water, one for a refill of scotch. When I reached Brady’s seat, he took his time looking up at me.
But once those beautiful, piercing light-blue eyes connected with mine, a wave of tingles passed through me.
That was power.
That was emotion.
Because any of these men could give me the same look and nothing would happen inside my body.
Yet Brady only gave me a glance, and all the air I’d been holding was gone.
I was empty.
And there was no chance of me breathing anytime soon.
“What do you think I want?” His voice was low so only I could hear. Gritty. Controlling to the point where there was no possibility I could look away.
“Scotch?”
“Your phone number.”
My phone number?
But I wasn’t sure if my phone was safe. Part of me thought it was being tracked, that the calls were listened to, the texts were read. I’d been stupid enough to have a conversation with Aubrey about Brady the other night and immediately regretted it once we hung up, especially since we’d been interrupted by the banging on my door.
Talks like that needed to happen in person.
It didn’t even matter if I got a new phone; I’d done that multiple times already, and the new number was always found. So, it definitely wasn’t safe to give Brady those digits.
Besides, what would be the point?
After this flight, I only had four more weeks until I vanished from this job.
From LA.
From Brady’s stomping grounds, where there was a chance our paths could cross again.
“Brady—”
“I’ll get it from you when we land,” he said, and his focus then returned to his laptop as though he was done with our conversation.
What the hell am I going to do?
I rushed toward the galley, gathering the water and refills, and delivered them to the appropriate guys. When I went to the back, I completed all the necessary tasks for the pilot. After I strapped myself into my seat, I took my phone out of my apron.
What do I do?
What do I do?
What do I?—
An idea came to me. But first, I needed to confirm things with Aubrey, so I pulled up the last text I’d sent her and began to type.
Me
So, question. I’m planning things out in my head, and I want to just confirm that you’re definitely coming back to work in a month? And you won’t be extending your maternity leave?
Aubrey
Girl, are you kidding? I’m starving for some adult interaction. I’d do anything to have a conversation with someone who actually talked back rather than just spit up all over me. Yes, I’m coming back. I’m counting down the days.
Me
Ha! That’s what I thought—the return, I mean.
Aubrey
Are you back from LA?
Me
Landing soon.
Aubrey
Do you want to come over tonight for wine? We can gossip about all things Daltons and Spades. ;)
Even though I trusted Aubrey—knowing whatever I told her, she would never speak about it to anyone—I didn’t know if I would open up about Brady. There was really nothing to say about him. The two of us could never lead to anything. So, what would be the point in discussing a past that would only reinforce all the why?
Still, the only thing I had to return to in LA was a hotel room. On the eighth floor. With an AC that kept the space so cold, despite what temperature I set it to, that all I did was shiver all night. Conversation and company were things I welcomed when it was dark, late, and extremely lonely in there.
Me
I’ll see you at 7.
Aubrey
Stocking up on red and white—don’t bring a thing. I CANNOT wait.
Me
Same!
I placed my phone back in my apron and watched Brady as he spoke to Dominick, the two in their own world. A conversation that continued as the plane landed.
I unstrapped my belt and made my way down the aisle, feeling Brady’s eyes on my back as I passed his seat. I checked in with the pilots, making sure everything was all right up front, and waited until it was time to open the cabin door. Airport personnel was waiting for us on the tarmac, placing the steps on the ground, and I rushed down them to position the red carpet. Two SUVs were parked nearby, the gentlemen’s transportation, and the drivers were standing outside the doors to the backseat.
Just a few more minutes, and this would be over.
When I entered the plane, the passengers were getting up from their seats, gathering their personal items, and I thanked each one before they made their way down the steps. I wasn’t surprised that Brady was the last in line. I’d expected him to lag. But what that did was give me a chance to get my thoughts straight, to prepare the words I needed to say.
So, when he approached, I was ready.
Except I wasn’t.
Because as we stood face-to-face, we were alone on the plane—the pilots at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for Brady to disembark—and the privacy made the moment even more intimate.
All I could smell was him.
All I could see was him.
All I could feel … was him.
And what that was doing to my insides was making every part of me tremble.
How could a man I barely knew make me feel this way?
How could he have this much power?
As if on cue, there was a vibration in my apron, notifying me a message had come through my phone.
I didn’t have to look.
I knew who it was from.
And every feeling, every desire I had for the man in front of me, was dissolved, as though acid had been poured over it.
“I want to see you again.”
I swallowed the bitterness down my throat as the whys began to fill my head.
These were different from the ones from earlier.
Why does he want more from me?
Why does he think I can give him that?
His hand landed on my waist, his thumb flicking just above my belt, over my polo, so through the thin material, I could feel the heat from his skin.
It didn’t feel like a touch.
It felt like an explosion.
One that would leave a permanent mark.
“Give me your number, Lily, so I can make that happen.”
I hated myself for the thoughts in my head.
For the war.
For the whys.
I didn’t trust my voice or what could possibly come out of my throat, so I rattled off the digits, watching him plug the number into his phone, saying not a word more, and when he read it back to me, I smiled.
A grin that hurt.
One that felt so ungenuine.
“I’ll be in touch.” His fingers squeezed me, and then he was gone.