Chapter 18
Lily
“You’re worth it.”
Was this a dream?
It couldn’t be because as he looked me in the eyes, I felt the truth in every word he’d voiced.
“You want to know something else?” He got up from where he had been sitting on the bed and walked around to the other side, climbing onto the mattress, positioned in a similar way that I was, lying with his back against the headboard and his legs extended out. “I’m staying right here tonight and tomorrow I’m going to walk out of this hotel with you, and ride with you to the airport, and fly back to LA, where I’m then going to take you home. To my home.”
Was this another dream?
The man I’d grown to care about was willing to put up with all the emotional baggage I came with.
The flip side of that was, despite my warnings, he didn’t really know what he was facing, and in no way was any of this going to be easy.
Yet not a single thing I’d admitted had fazed him.
And that was where another fear came in. Would things become too much for him to handle? Would he end up running, like he probably should?
Because if I grabbed my phone from the other side of the room, the screen would show several messages waiting for me to read and listen to. Texts and voice mails, where words would be screamed and threats would be made.
The darkness …
To the light who was lying beside me.
I looked at Brady, whose eyes wouldn’t leave me. His stare alone could make me feel like the most regal, desired, cared-for queen.
“You really think we’re going to figure this all out?” I asked.
“Trust me.”
I wanted to.
But the last person I’d given my trust to had turned me into this.
“You’re fearless—you know that?”
“And relentless when it comes to something I want.” His arm slid around my shoulders. “I won’t give up, Lily.”
So far, he’d proven that.
“About tonight”—I glanced down my body, at my braless chest and cropped shorts; what I couldn’t see was the ache in my chest, but I was consumed by it—“I need you to be easy on me.”
He caressed my cheek. “I’m not even going to touch you. Not because I don’t want to, but because I’d rather hold you instead.”
Another dream.
This one I didn’t want to wake up from.
My mouth opened, my bottom lip caving inward until my teeth were holding it, releasing it to say, “I need that.”
“I know.” He tapped his chest. “Come here.”
I moved in closer, resting my face just below his neck, circling the small buttons on his shirt. I tried to find relief in the quietness, to ease the ache in my heart, to mute the questions, ones that were coming in so fast and hard that they were making it difficult to breathe.
“I can’t shut my brain off. It’s a straight-up war in there right now.”
“How do you normally get your mind off things?”
I let out a small huff. “I don’t. It keeps me up all night, so most of the time, I’m a walking zombie.” I glanced up at him. “I sound like a good time, don’t I?”
He fanned his hand across my face. “Tell me about the Bulldogs. I’m assuming you’re one?”
He was talking about my T-shirt.
“I see what you just did.” I attempted a smile.
“Answer the question, Lily.”
“Yes, I am one.” I closed my eyes, remembering the lighter days. “I was a marketing major. I’m not sure why. I had no real interest in working in that field. I really didn’t know what I wanted to do at that age.”
“Is Georgia where you grew up?”
“Buckhead. A really pretty part of Atlanta. School was about a two-hour drive, so I moved on campus as a freshman and then got an apartment my junior year, moving back to Atlanta once I graduated.” My hand ran lower to the next button on his shirt.
“My parents passed a couple of years later. I could have moved into their house since I was already flying at that point. I just needed a crash pad during the little time I was home, but it didn’t feel right to return to a house that no longer felt like home.”
“Hold on a second.” He sat up a little higher. “They’re gone?”
“A car accident.”
“And it killed them both?” When he saw my reaction, he continued, “Jesus, Lily. What happened? Unless you don’t want to talk about it—don’t feel pressure to.”
My parents were easier to talk about than David, which made absolutely no sense. Maybe it was because I’d spent years working through the grief, where things with David were still so present and raw.
“It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it.” My hand flattened on the middle of his torso. “Have you seen the movie Beetlejuice?”
His eyes widened. “Don’t even fucking tell me …”
“Instead of a dog, it was a guy who had lost control of his motorbike. They were on a two-lane bridge, and the motorist was weaving along the middle, where he shouldn’t have been, and my parents swerved so they wouldn’t hit him.”
He held my cheek with such tenderness. “Fuck me.”
“I found out when I landed in Rome. It had happened shortly after takeoff, and the police had been trying to get ahold of me for all those hours.” My arm dropped, and I scrunched a pillow under my head, rolling onto my stomach. “It was a lot to handle at that age. I’d never dealt with any kind of death before. I didn’t know what to do, how to tackle their finances, how to sell the house. I worked as much as I could just so I wouldn’t be home.”
He swiped my lips with his thumb. “I can’t even imagine.”
“They were all I had.” A knot moved into my throat. I wasn’t sure I had any tears left, not after all the ones I’d shed tonight. “And then, suddenly, I had no one, aside from my roommate and Aubrey—the Daltons’ flight attendant who’s on maternity leave.”
When his lips parted, I put a finger over them, as I sensed what he was about to say. “Don’t tell me you’re sorry. I know it’s horrible. I know you feel awful for me.” I took several deep breaths. “I wish I could say that was where the darkness ended, but it didn’t.”
I was on the other side of it now—at least when it came to my parents. I thought of them every day. I missed them terribly. I wondered what my life would look like if they were still alive. If their support would have protected me in ways that I wasn’t able to protect myself.
He kissed the back of my finger. “Tell me about flying. How did you start?”
“A much happier topic.”
“Which is why I changed the subject.” He ran his hand over the top of my hair. “How does one decide they want a career in the sky?”
I tucked the pillow under my chest, wrapping my arms around the sides of it. “A couple of weeks after graduation, I was sitting in a coffee shop, using their free Wi-Fi to apply to jobs. There were two flight attendants sitting next to me, and I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. I ended up talking to them, found out the airline they worked for, and applied. I was sent to training a week later.”
“And you love it.”
“Yes”—I nodded—“but I love it for different reasons than when I first started. Then, I wanted to see the world. After Mom and Dad died, I didn’t want to be home. Now, I only want to be in the air.”
“To run.”
“And to hide.”
“From the source of the darkness.”
My head fell forward, my chin resting on the pillow. As I swallowed, the spit burned all the way down my throat. “I can’t seem to escape it.”
I’d thought a year would be enough time.
I’d thought my life would slowly return to normal.
I’d thought I would find happiness again.
Even with Brady in my room, who gave off more light than I’d felt in the last twelve months, I couldn’t help but wonder if there would be a knock at the door tonight. Or if the front desk would stop by at some point to deliver a present that had been sent.
If not only text and voice mails would appear on my phone, but pictures too.
I know where you are.
I know what you’re doing.
I know who you’re with.
“What is the darkness, Lily?”
But what I’d learned was that I had no idea what he was capable of.
Because, like Brady, he was fearless.
Relentless.
And when he wanted something, he went after it.
I slowly glanced up at him. “Not what. Who.”