Chapter 25 #4
For the seconds, minutes she’s gone, it feels like hours as the pitch black strokes me with shadowed hands.
There is nothing in my world, not without her.
The bond pulsing in my arm doesn’t quiet in her absence—it writhes, restless and raw, screaming her name into every corner of me like a desperate venom.
I thought it was only capable of soothing, but I now realize it was never meant for that.
The bond is not a balm, but a tether, tight and merciless, pulling taut with every step she takes from me.
I feel her distance like a fire under my skin, like the air has thinned, like I am being unraveled thread by thread.
A curse. Surely Ether knew about this before, and that is why her apprehension had been so clear when our bond was etched into our arms.
Despair fills me. My heart hollows in my chest, growing heavier as the darkness attempts to soothe me, but all I feel is the iciness of her absence. It’s all I can think about.
Now that she’s gone, even for a breath, I realize with horror that I cannot bear existing in a space where she is not.
Not when every part of me is screaming to be near her.
It’s not a choice. It’s her. Only her . She is the ache and the cure, the silence and the song.
I am helpless against it, against her . The bond has claimed me, but it is she who owns me.
I find myself yearning for the voice I’d heard before, the unfamiliar ancient wisdom that encouraged me to remove my ring. But will it answer my pleas for company?
Are you there? I try. My thoughts sound so small, so weak.
When there’s no response, my heart goes cold. My limbs begin to shake.
The moment she reenters the room, my body thaws like a brick of ice in summer heat. Before I see her floating magical presence, I know she’s there.
Right on cue, my eluviam whirs to life again, that second heart buried near my ribs thudding with everything it can give. For her .
The door scrapes open, and I rise to meet her.
Her gasp rattles me.
“Cursed bond,” she mutters. And then her hand is in mine.
My entire body relaxes as though under a powerful sedative.
“What—”
“Shh,” she breathes. I hear the lute touch the ground. I already forgot she’d left to retrieve it.
“Tell me how you’re feeling,” she says.
I blow out a breath. Now? Perfect. Nothing is amiss. Her presence is comfort incarnate. But I know she’s not asking about how I feel now . She wants me to recount the horror of her absence.
“Much better.” I swallow. I can’t bring myself to relive the feeling of absolute hopelessness, even in memory.
Ether pulls me close to her and nestles her head into the space between my neck and shoulder. I’m shocked into a stillness as she breathes deeply. My body fills with heat.
“This is not something you have to go through alone,” she says, her voice now shaky.
Somehow, I feel like she speaks words meant for another.
Or maybe it’s the bond controlling her as well.
“You feel the effects much stronger than I do, probably because your magic has just awakened in you. You have yet to harness it, so it is beyond your control, reactive.” Her hands ball together behind my neck.
I shiver, cursing the way every part of her that touches me makes me feel.
I lift my arms and wrap them around her, but I dare not succumb to the urge to pull her closer and breathe in her scent. My hands drop to her lower back, and my fingers interlock. I lean my cheek against her temple.
We sit like this for a moment, sharing our warmth.
I shut my eyes and listen to my heartbeat, its pace steady for the first time since our bond was formed.
Traitorous heart.
“Will it ever get better?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
She nods, then pulls her head away. One of her hands leaves my neck only to gently slide against my cheek. I try not to lean into it. The feeling of utter ecstasy at the intimate gesture.
“It will. Especially as time passes. We will get through it. Neither of us has to feel forced to be in love. It’s cruel. It’s wrong.” Her thumb brushes over my skin. “After everything you went through, you don’t deserve this fate. I will find a way to break the bond.”
Her hand returns to my neck, and her head nestles into my neck. I take a deep breath.
“You’d do that for me?”
“For us,” she corrects quickly. With a sigh, she says, “I’d do this for anyone. But I guess sharing my past with you and hearing about yours makes me see you in a new light. You’re not who I thought you were.”
I laugh softly at that. Already it seems like we’ve known each other for much longer, and yet barely a week ago, she thought I was my brother. Now we are magically bound to each other, and she is all I can see in my world of nothingness.
“You know, it’s terribly sad and funny.” She sighs. “For my entire life, I’ve been raised to be wary of humans, especially royalty. But I can’t shake the feeling that you and I aren’t as different as the world says we are.”
I consider telling her I’m nothing like the version of royalty she envisions, but I hold my tongue and instead grin dumbly into her hair, succumbing to the overwhelming warmth at her prolonged touch.
“No, we aren’t.”