Chapter 8
Jillian
“It’s not what it looks like,” Frankie panted hastily, shoving Christabelle away. “I can explain.”
But there was another woman’s hand on his dick, and for some reason my eyes lit on her perfect nails, the way the fuchsia pink color looked against the angry throbbing red color of his shift.
Time seemed to slow down, and my blood was a whoosh in my ears.
In one second, everything I knew about my marriage was turned upside down.
Because the rest of it didn’t matter.
The orgasm still tingling between my legs, the hot latte he had on the counter for me, the ten years together.
None of it mattered with his dick down another woman’s throat.
“Cash was right,” I said, turning away.
My husband was cheating on me.
I let the thought expand in my brain, fill every space until it was pressing against my skull.
I had always been the quiet, careful, logical type. I wasn’t quick, I wasn’t rash, I wasn’t easily angered.
But nothing else mattered but this. There was nothing that could be weighed against this.
My life with Frankie was over.
“Cash? What does he have to do with it?”
My eyes roamed over the coffee shop as I slowly pulled my wedding band off.
“The most important thing now is that our marriage be dissolved as quickly as possible.”
“Jillian—god, stop! Please, stop! This was just a mistake.”
He was stumbling over Christabelle and hissing at her to go. Pulling his pants up, but I was at the filing cabinets pulling out our documents.
“I’ll find a lawyer so they can help us split our assets properly. It shouldn’t take very long. I’d prefer to finish out the day at the coffee shop, and then we can work out a schedule so we don’t have to be here for the same shifts.”
Frankie’s eyes were wide now, panic in his face.
“I won’t do it again, I promise! Please, it was just a mistake!”
I said nothing.
“Don’t you love me?” he cried, barreling into the cabinet next to me.
“What does that matter?”
“Please, for god’s sake, give me a chance to explain!”
Suddenly, there was a noise at the window and Mrs. Greenberg was there pounding on the glass with her cane.
“Reprobate! I saw you and that no-good trollop last night through my window! At first I thought you were wrestling a burglar, then I figured out what it was. ADULTERY!”
Her voice was loud enough to carry, and now people were starting to head back into the coffee shop after our lunch break.
Everyone was looking at us with naked fascination, and embarrassment and humiliation washed over me.
“I just—I messed up, please,” Frankie begged. “We did used to date and it was a little—more serious than I might have let on. I got a bit confused but please—please don’t be hasty.”
There was a little smirk on Christabelle’s face as she twirled a long curl around her finger.
“No,” I said.
His face was crimson now, and he was panting so hard I thought he might faint.
“I didn’t—didn’t go all the way.”
“This time?”
“Any time!” he howled. “I know it—looks bad, but I’ll tell you everything. Everything. I promise. Just please promise you won’t leave me!”
“No. We’re through, Frankie.”
“How dare you!” Mrs. Greenberg barked beside me, rapping her cane on the floor, and I’d never thought I’d be grateful for her, but my own throat felt too choked with raw pain to speak.
“This is not a matter for the whole town to hear,” Frankie bluffed, and I felt my heart turn in on itself, and tighten. The whole town was going to know about Frankie cheating on me.
“BLOOD AND BETRAYALS,” Athena squawked into the silence.
“Hush!” Frankie told her, but Athena only tapped her claws back and forth and said it again.
“I’m so sorry,” Christabelle interrupted in a languorous voice, leaning back against the doorframe so her tiny skirt slid up her lovely thighs. “We didn’t want to hurt you. This isn’t how Frankie wanted you to find out.”
We
Find out
There was a collective exhalation in the coffee shop as everyone let out their breaths in a whoosh.
They were all turning toward me, their faces overflowing with sympathy and love.
Oh my god.
It was strange what kind of things you noticed when time was standing still—the way baby blonde waves curled over his ears, the way his Adam’s apple pulsed as he swallowed hard.
“There is—nothing to worry about,” he repeated. “I may have—done a stupid thing, though.”
There was a quiet groan from one of the patrons and their faces swam in front of me. I’d lived in this town for ten years.
I could see it now. The sympathy casseroles. The pity. The worried looks. The silent “what shall we do about poor Jilly” conversations. The way the whole town would rally around me with love and care and hugs.
Instead of being the lucky woman married to the sexy mayor, I’d be the scorned woman. The betrayed one. The one the whole town would work day and night to cheer up and love and encourage.
I wanted to scream and rage, but I refused to let them see my pain.
I could not bear the thought of their sympathy.
I closed my nails into my palms to let that bite of pain stiffen my resolve and I took a deep, careful breath.
“The Perk Up & Read is closed for the day,” I said in a firm voice. “Please, give me a minute to collect myself and then things will be back to normal.
Everyone started to protest, big loving eyes turned toward me, and then suddenly Cash was there, shooing everyone out of the coffee shop.
“You heard the lady. Everyone out.”
“Jilly bean, this doesn’t have to be a big deal. It was one thing. One mistake.”
“One mistake?” I asked numbly. “You went out to see her last night, didn’t you?”
Our patrons were leaving, and with each one, I felt the loss. The life I thought I’d been living. The husband I thought I had. The loss of me being the luckiest girl in the world.
Isn’t that what you were supposed to ask? When you were the betrayed wife? Even though I didn’t need to ask. I could read Frankie like a book and he was guilty.
“Yes, I—got a little caught up in old memories, I guess,” he said, running a hand through his hair and darting his eyes back at Christabelle, who was applying a fresh coat of red lipstick.
“I shouldn’t have. It was wrong. But I absolutely do not want to mess up our marriage! We can work through it!”
“I’ll tell you anything else you want to hear,” he added eagerly, grabbing my hand.
But it was cold as ice.
Everything about Frankie after ten years was familiar to me.
The handsome lines of his strong jaw. That boyish rueful grin, because it always got him out of everything.
He rubbed the back of his head nervously when I didn’t say anything else, and that too was familiar.
If there was one thing he hated over anything else, it was not getting attention.
“I don’t want to hear anything else,” I said, pulling away.
“Jillian. . .Jillian! Come on, don’t be like that! Give me a chance to explain.”
“I suppose it was when you had to go back to the pub last night. Or has this been going on for months?”
He choked in horror. “Months? No, no! There’s nothing between us, I swear. I just—I did go back last night to meet her. But I swear that’s all it was, Jillian. A mistake. I wasn’t trying to screw things up between us!”
My ears were ringing and I felt a strange urge to swallow over and over again. There was a huge lump in my throat that wouldn’t go away.
“Jillian, is he bothering you?”
“Cash, go away! This is none of your business!” Frankie barked.
“It’s the whole town’s business now!” Mrs. Greenberg piped up through the window. “It’s your fault the coffee shop is closed down! Now I can’t get my afternoon cup!”
“It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to screw this up. You did.”
Frankie was still looking imploringly at me, but I felt the last shreds of my hope flee.
Christabelle snapped her gum, and I couldn’t bear to look at her as the awful shame and humiliation washed over me again.
“When did you date?” I asked.
I had a horrible suspicion, an awful suspicion.
Please please please no. Let it not be right before. Let me not be the rebound that he marked time with
But when he readily rattled off the months I felt any remaining confidence shrivel and die inside me.
There was the explanation for why a man like him had thrown himself into a whirlwind romance with his quiet, studious study partner junior year of college.
She was the one who got away. I was the consolation. The backup.
“It’s not as—bad as you think,” Frankie rushed over his words, stumbling in his haste. “It didn’t go—all the way. Just some—some stuff. It was really inappropriate. I know I fucked up. I’m sorry. I swear never again. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Putting your dick down her throat is all the way enough for me,” I said.
“Disgusting pervert,” Mrs. Greenberg snapped. “You and Athena can come stay with me if you want, Jillian.”
“No, thank you,” I told her firmly. “I prefer to stay in my own home.”
“Frankie should leave,” Cash said. He had shooed everybody else out of the coffee shop, and I tried to take a deep breath.
“Please no,” Frankie begged me, his face looking panicked. “Think of all we’ve built together. Are you really going to throw it all away for one mistake?”
“What we had was garbage. And garbage gets thrown away. I want you to go.”
“And you, idiot,” Cash snapped at Christabelle, “get your dirty fingers out of the food and stop shoving them in your piehole. Get out.”
Christabelle looked stunned, like she’d never had anyone talk to her like that in her life.
I turned to leave, but then it seemed like they were all waiting for me on the porch: Frankie wiping his hands on his board shorts, Christabelle with a frown on her face, Cash, and Mrs. Greenberg.
“Space,” I said, feeling my throat close up. “I need some space.”
“Yes, of course,” Frankie gasped. “I’ll go down to my office and work and give you a little space. Maybe we can talk about this in a few hours? I’ll make you dinner tonight. Something extra special. You can take as much time as you want with this. Again, I’m so sorry. It’ll never happen again.”
That was not what I had meant by space, but I said nothing.
“I’m sorry, Jillian. If I can help you with anything,” Cash said, “please let me know.”
As Frankie’s footsteps receded down Main Street, I felt my chest expand, gave myself space to breathe deeper. Frankie was down at his office now, waiting for me to process this, but I had done all the processing I needed to.
“Thank you, that’s a very kind offer. I would like to get all Frankie’s things out on the porch and some of them are very heavy. Could you help me with that?”