Chapter 23 A fragile start
Dean
Something reaches me through the darkness… a hum, a call I can never ignore. It pulls at my awareness before I even open my eyes. Like my body knows something’s wrong before my mind catches up.
Hazel.
Even in sleep, I know it’s her. I’d know my mate’s call anywhere.
The low hum settles in my chest, tugging at my Divine. I’ve never heard anything like this before. Usually, Hazel’s tunes are soft, content, peaceful enough to wrap around my heart and tell me she’s happy without words. But this… this is the saddest tune I’ve ever heard.
It sounds like a cry of pain.
It prickles against my skin like needles. A strange pain crawls up my legs as I sit up on the mattress, trying to make sense of what I’m hearing.
I reach for Hazel, but only tangled sheets meet my hands. I quickly sit up, flipping on the lamp to find her bed empty.
Where is she?
There’s no sound coming from the bathroom, nothing from downstairs either, which means she’s not in the castle anymore.
I glance at the clock. 2 a.m.
I link the warriors on shift, but no one has seen Hazel since her last check-in. She’s always working, so if she’s not there, then where the fuck is my mate?
A cold edge of panic slips under skin.
I need to find her. Now.
Her hum cuts through my panic, reminding me I have a way to find her right here. The thread that binds us together.
I don’t waste another second. I bolt out of the room, chasing the sound down the stairs and through the back of the castle.
Her tune feels alive inside me, guiding me to where she is. But when it leads me to the waterfall out back, doubt creeps in.
What would she be doing out here in the middle of the night?
Before I can turn around and think of another way to find her, I see a shadow move in the water. Is that…?
No. It can’t be.
She’s in the water. What the hell is she doing there at this hour? It’s fucking freezing.
I move closer until the moonlight exposes her figure drifting in the water. My foot nudges something, and when I look down, I find a pile of clothes and a towel on the ground.
I pick up the soft white top, Hazel’s scent still clinging to it. She was wearing this when she went to sleep.
Does that mean she’s… naked in there? I know she’s a siren, but the wind’s picked up, and it’s the middle of winter. This cannot be safe.
I really hope this isn’t her idea of fun because nothing about this feels right.
Hazel jerks, and I catch a better glimpse of her bare back facing me, smooth shoulders slick with damp hair. The water around her shimmers, like it’s come alive under her touch.
It’s beautiful but wrong in a way I don’t understand, but it makes my chest tighten.
She looks peaceful, and I feel like a jerk for intruding on a private moment, but before I can slip away quietly, a metallic scent hits me.
I drop Hazel’s top and step closer until I see it. Blood. So much blood.
Dread clamps around my heart, twisting until I can’t breathe.
There’s no thought. Just instinct. I’m running to my mate before I even realize I’ve moved.
“Hazel!”
Her head snaps toward my voice, eyes widening as she sees me racing toward her.
She tries to cover herself with her arms, but it’s useless. I can’t see past the red water surrounding her anyway.
I dive into the water without thinking about my clothes, cutting through it toward her faster than I thought possible.
The second I reach her, I grab her face and pull her closer. The cuts on her shoulders and arms stand out brutally under the moonlight.
“You’re bleeding. That’s—shit, baby, that’s a lot of blood.”
Her blood spreads through the water, staining everything red. Everywhere I look…red.
“Hold on to me. I’m getting you out, okay?” I don’t give her a chance to argue before I sweep her into my arms.
She gasps, her voice tinged with pain, “Dean, put me down!”
I drag us to the edge and sprint out of the water, grabbing the towel, wrapping it around her shoulders, pressing down hard to stop the bleeding.
My hands are already slick with her blood.
I barely catch my breath before I see the cuts on her stomach and thighs.
No, no, no. This is worse than I thought.
Every inch of my mate’s skin below her chest is torn open with deep cuts that won’t stop bleeding. I grab her clothes, pressing them against the wounds, anything to slow it down, but it’s too much. Too much blood. Too many cuts.
I can’t fix this. I don’t know how to fix this.
I’m hyperventilating, struggling to drag a full breath, but I need to keep it together. I need to help her first.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. Nothing inside my kingdom is supposed to hurt her. I failed. I was supposed to keep her safe, but look what happened.
Her thighs and feet are shredded, worse than the rest of her.
Blood. She’s bleeding. My mate is bleeding.
I thought nothing could hurt worse than imagining my daughter in that dungeon… but blood on my mate might actually kill me.
“Don’t worry, okay? You’re going to be fine. I’ll call the healer. We’re going to get you fixed up.”
And then I’m going to kill whoever did this.
I scream through the link for Nevaeh and Khatri to clear Hazel’s room before locking down every portal. No one gets in or out.
I need to know she’s safe before I rip the head off whoever dared to touch her. They don’t get to breathe after this.
Hazel cries out when I lift her again. I try to keep my hold gentle, but every instinct in me screams to grip her tighter, to keep her safe.
With one hand braced behind her neck, I pull her face into the crook of my neck, shielding her from anyone who might still be there.
Hazel loops her arms around my shoulder, tugging at me to let her back down.
Not happening.
I don’t understand why she’s fighting me. Even if she dropped something, it’s not worth more than her life.
I press a quick kiss to her shoulder, tightening my hold as my gaze snaps in every direction, searching for movement.
If he’s still here, he’s dead.
My shadows surge to life, coiling around us aggressively until I can barely see two feet ahead, but nothing’s getting through.
We can’t stay out here. It’s too exposed.
As I run toward her room, her teeth chatter against my neck, sending another spike of panic through me. I need to watch her temperature. I need to stop the bleeding.
I don’t stop until we reach her bathroom. I carefully set her on the counter, pulling the towel tighter around her shoulders.
I step back to assess the damage and curse under my breath. The cuts cover her. Everywhere. But I’m more worried about how they haven’t healed by now.
Hazel isn’t healing as she should, and suddenly, I can’t breathe.
The door bangs open as Khatri storms in, his panic and confusion mirroring my own.
“Don’t move.” I tighten the towel around my mate before turning, shielding her from view.
The second I see my Warriorhead, something inside me snaps. “Where the fuck were you and your warriors? Someone just attacked my mate in my own fucking backyard!”
The color drains out of his face. “That’s impossible.”
A growl tears out of me, ready to rip his throat out, but before I can step forward, Hazel grabs my arm.
She opens her mouth, but whatever she sees on my face makes her hesitate. She swallows, glances at Khatri, then whispers, “It wasn’t someone else. I did this to myself.”
What?
I swear I hear my heart hit the floor and shatter at the sight of a single tear slipping down her cheek. Without looking away from her, I kick the bathroom door shut and link Khatri to leave. I’ll explain later.
Why would she do this to herself?
How can someone tear themselves open like this and not make a sound?
I grab hand towels from under the sink, blinking away the spots in my vision as I crouch in front of her and carefully wrap her feet and calves.
It’s not working. She’s still bleeding.
Why isn’t it stopping?
Hazel whimpers, the sound going straight to my heart.
“I’m sorry. How bad is the pain?”
“It’s fine. I’ll live.”
“Not what I asked.” I snap before I can stop myself. I force a breath, trying to calm the fury clawing its way out, and start cleaning the cuts. After a while, the wounds begin to close, and I finally breathe out a sigh of relief.
“Dean, please stop.” Hazel reaches for me, but I pull my hand away. “It looks worse than it is. I’ll be fine in a couple of hours.”
Why is she trying to act like this isn’t a big deal? Why does she have to be so stubborn all the time? Why can’t she, for once, let me fucking help?
“I’m not buying the act anymore, Hazel. I can see you’re hurting, and I’m not just talking about the blood you’re covered in right now.”
Her eyes harden, but I don’t regret it.
I know pushing her never works, but I can’t ignore this anymore. She can’t keep doing this alone. She was literally bleeding out under a fucking waterfall and somehow still expects me to just be okay with it.
“It’s been a long night, Dean.” Her eyes fall shut, her head falling against the mirror. “I just need a minute alone. Please.”
She’s shutting me out. Again. I’m not letting that happen again.
“I’m not leaving you alone. Not after that.”
Hazel opens her mouth, probably to snap at me, but I bulldoze over her because apparently that’s the only way she listens.
“If you want space, I’ll take you to your bed, and you can take a fucking nap, but I’m not going anywhere.
And you know what? I’m getting in that bed with you.
I’m going to hold you until I believe you’re actually fine, and I don’t want to hear you complain about it or glare at me.
I’m done pretending. I’m done keeping my distance. Deal with it.”
She squeezes her eyes like it’ll block me out.
“Hazel, I’m not giving you a choice this time. I’m. not. leaving. And you will tell me what the fuck happened in that waterfall for you to hurt yourself like this.”
She grits her teeth, blinking rapidly. When I don’t let up, she turns away to hide the tears clinging to her lashes.
“Timor was right. No matter where I am now, I’m still her. Scared. Weak. Harmless. I’m still… Flaw.”
“Don’t call yourself that. You’re not weak or harmless. You’re my hellfire. The most dangerous woman I know.”
“No, I’m not. I was slicing open my legs ten minutes ago just to feel even a fraction of my power. How can you look at me right now and still think I’m strong? You’re the fucking Grim Reaper, Dean. And I’m nothing. I’m no one.”
Before I can shut that down, she shakes her head, knocking my hands off her.
“Why are you even here? No one with half a brain comes near me, and you’re always around. Why don’t you just give up? Is it because we’re mates? That’s it, isn’t it? You can’t escape me, so might as well tolerate me.”
“Stop it. Stop pretending you don’t know this is more than us being mates.” My voice hardens.
I can see it—the rage choking her, pushing her to lash out, to shove me away. Because if she lets me in, she’s stuck with me… and that terrifies her for reasons she won’t say.
But I’m not letting her push me away. She can build the highest walls, and I’ll tear them all down. I’d choose her. Every time.
“Then what is it? Tell me one thing you like about me.” I open my mouth, but she cuts me off. “And if you say something sappy like my eyes or my smile, I will actually kill you.”
Silly girl. She thinks I’ll pick something shallow.
“Your anger.”
“What?” she blinks.
That’s not what she expected.
I smile, and the sudden shift disarms her. Anticipation winning over the fear drowning her. Good. Now she’s listening.
“I love the way you put me in my place. The way you snort and roll your eyes every time I say something cheesy. The way your eyes light up when you spar. The way you take rounds in the middle of the night—which I hate—just to make sure our family is safe. I love how headstrong you are. How ridiculously sassy you are. How you don’t let fear lead you.
I could keep going until the sun comes up and still have more to say. ”
I cup her face, kissing the corner of her mouth. “And none of it is because you’re my mate. It’s because you’re you.”
Hazel is stunned. I expected that. If she weren’t angry, she wouldn’t have let me get this far without bursting out laughing, or turning uncomfortably red and running away.
I don’t know why it’s so hard for her to believe that she’s it for me. She’s become the most important person in my life. Someone I can’t go a day without. Someone I need close just to breathe.
Hazel shakes her head, sniffing. “I don’t know how to do this.” She gestures between us. “I feel like I’m failing you. Failing at the most important thing in my life. Like I’ve lost before we’ve even begun.”
Fear and vulnerability crack through her steel exterior, and I pull her closer without thinking. Tears spill down her cheeks, and no matter how fast I wipe them, they keep coming.
“I know it’s hard to believe because woman usually can’t keep their eyes off me, but I’m pretty new to this relationship stuff too.” Hazel snorts, and I feign offense. “Wow. That was so rude.”
I gently rub my hands down her healing calves. “We’ll figure it out together. You’re not doing this alone anymore.”
Her bottom lip poked out. “My head is all kinds of fucked up.”
“Oh, I know.”
“Asshole.” She swats my chest, a hint of her beautiful smile finally breaking through. “So… I can have this? I can have you? All of you?”
“Weird way to propose, but the answer is still yes. Let’s get married.”
“Dean…” She groans.
“Oh, baby, you can have all of me. Everything. My lips, my tongue—” She slaps her hand over my mouth.
“You’re such a creep.” I press a kiss to her palm. And she doesn’t pull away.
I’m in love, my hellfire. That’s what I am.
No way around it. It’s bad. Fatal. And everything I ever dreamed of.